Smooches! I'm working on something with help from some of female friends. Give me a day or so more to process.
In the meantime, either via email or in a comment at the bottom of this post, answer this for me:
Smooches! I'm working on something with help from some of female friends. Give me a day or so more to process.
In the meantime, either via email or in a comment at the bottom of this post, answer this for me:
Is it because I'm super supportive of my friends dreams? Maybe.
Is it because I believe in them? Maybe.
Or... could it possibly be that I'm looking to be the Gayle to their Oprah. Hell, Gayle has the best deal of anyone! You know...all of the perks with none of the responsibility. Yup...you Oprah...me Gayle.
One of my friends who was dealing with an issue the other day wrote me something pretty poignant and I wanted to share it with you:
I read in the Bible last night about dealing with a difficult husband. David was about to kill Nazar (I think that’s his name) who was a real jerk; he refused to help David in the wilderness when David did the same for his slaves. Well David was pissed and he and 400 soldiers were going to come kick booty, when Nazar’s wife Abigail got bread and wine and honey cakes, met him in the wilderness...and begged for his life. She put the blame on herself saying her husband was a fool, telling David not to risk his relationship with our Lord for this putz. David’s temper was quieted and he commended the wife on her quick thinking and compassionate nature.
The moral of the story was, God takes care of his children. God made Nazar paralyzed for many years, then he died. Well, Girl, I did not expect that in the Bible and fell into a fit of giggles. Then David heard that Nazar had died and asked Abigail to marry him. (Now you know I am thinking of King David as this gorgeous dark man on a white horse, here to save the day!)
span face="Arial" style="color: #000080;">To me Monica, it was a message to me, to count my blessing and do not lose my faith!!!
My response: (There was much more to her email of course.)
All I'm saying is that if God doesn't give you more than you can handle...THEN HANDLE IT! I don't like it when people say stuff like...my bills are gonna get paid...God is gonna make sure. God gave your behind the RESOURCES to get it done! GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND STOP WAITING ON HIM TO STOP DOING IMPORTANT STUFF AND USE YOUR HEAD AND FIX IT! Okay...I'm through yelling this morning. Got a migraine. To quote the Sophia in the Color Purple: "Girl you betta bash Mister over the head and think about Heaven later!"
All I'm saying is that if God doesn't give you more than you can handle...THEN HANDLE IT! I don't like it when people say stuff like...my bills are gonna get paid...God is gonna make sure. God gave your behind the RESOURCES to get it done! GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND STOP WAITING ON HIM TO STOP DOING IMPORTANT STUFF AND USE YOUR HEAD AND FIX IT!
Okay...I'm through yelling this morning. Got a migraine.
To quote the Sophia in the Color Purple: "Girl you betta bash Mister over the head and think about Heaven later!"
I just looked at myself in the mirror and really LOOKED. I look like my mother. I see her in me. I see her eyes and her smile and the laugh lines deeply etched where they should be. Wow. Amazing because I get into a panic sometimes because I can't remember what her hands look like or I can't remember a time when she was smiling. I usually pick up the picture of her in my bathroom and remember, calm down and finish doing what I was doing. I also keep a bottle of her favorite perfume just so I can smell her sometimes.
Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever have a weird experience and can't explain why you reacted irrationally?
I remember once, a couple of years ago, walking in D.C. and there was a woman about half a block up that looked like my mommy from the back. Her hair was the same length, she was the same height. She walked like her. I reacted without even thinking. I started walking faster. Bumping into people...just trying to catch up to her. Trying my damnedest not to lose her in the lunch crowd of people on the sidewalks of downtown D.C. Knowing that she couldn't be...but what if? What if it really was just a horrid, horrid nightmare and I'd finally got out of bed? So yes...I damn near chased this poor woman down, my heart racing and palms sweating, I almost reached her and she turned to cross over to the other side of the street...when she did that...I noticed her profile. She wasn't my mother and no...this really hasn't been a dream. *sigh* And yup...I stalked off broken hearted hating the world yet again.
But why do we do that as humans? Why do we react in such a way to things we know could not be reality grasping at dreams long gone? I have cried myself to sleep many a night missing my mommy and I know she's gone and isn't coming back. Neither is my daddy. But...I can look in the mirror and see both of them in me. I guess that's okay. I guess. *sigh*
Good luck going to sleep now. Geez. Why do I do this?
I received some really cool emails lately about people. Just emails telling me about their life and how they found my website, etc. And I gotta say. This world is full of some really wonderful people. So that kinda led me to thinking about online relationships and just how close you can get to people you don't actually "know."
I have friends that I've never met that I talk to probably everyday on the internet who I genuinely care about. Sure I could pass them by on the street and not know who in the world they are but hey...that's my girl..or my boy! LOL! If they have a problem I try to help them figure it out with the help of our therapist Mr. Google. HAHA!
I met one of my new online friends this past Sunday for the first time. She was very nice. I met her much earlier than I do most folks because she, like me, moved here and knew NOONE! She and her fiance and their children pretty much do their own thing because they don't really know anyone else. Well...I couldn't have the child (she's my age..lol) walking around here with NO girlfriends to show her around so we met her and she came over for some tea and we just talked. She's in the process of decorating and you know that's right up my dang alley! WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!
It was funny when she showed up because my girl was dressed to the NINES! Super jazzy shoes and jeans...cute cropped jacket. Movie star shades the whole shabang! She said she didn't want to make a bad first impression. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whohooooo...well..erra...me...not so much. I had on baggy sweats and fleece looking like everyone else at Walmart on a Sunday afternoon. Doody doody do. When she left she said next time she knows how I roll so she'll accommodate. LOL! I might have to chat with her...I was only dressed like that cause I rolled out of the bed late because I had a migraine earlier.
But anyway...I guess I just wanted to point out another way the internet changed my life. I have such a beautiful variety of friends out there that I'm never bored!
As you know…Robby and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. (Insert fireworks here.) Now it’s not like we’ve been together just a year. We dated long distance for a year, lived together for a year, were engaged for a year and are married for a year now. So…we pretty much know each other in and out.
My mother, and my surrogate mothers always told me that you never know someone until you’ve been on a trip with them and both of you have been sick while together. Ms. Carolyn (my New Orleans mother) told me you need to be with a person for all four seasons before you know. My Grandmother has given me her own version of relationship advice and we have taken all of it into consideration. Well…we’ve done everything the "experts" in our life have told us and we feel we truly know the good and the bad about each other and life is pretty dang great. (I know you wanted to hear some dirt huh? LOL! Nope...it's pretty good!)
I have friends who are married, good lifelong friends as well as good online friends and I have heard lots of different stories as it relates to their marriage. All I can say is that I’m pretty much shocked at how bad a marriage can be if it’s a bad marriage.
Most of the people I know in the marriages are the women…the men I know who are married don’t really talk much about their marriages.
Yeah…I’m leading up to something.
I got an email today from a good online friend who shared with me just how miserable she was in her verbally abusive marriage and I, who ALWAYS has something to say, was pretty much silent. I had nothing to contribute to her. I offered my support but I felt just AWFUL for her. I hope she knows I am here for her...but I'm just not equipped to deal with that level of dysfunction. It just hits a little too close to home for me as it reminded me of my parents all over again.
People very close to me separated last year after being married longer than I’ve been alive. Everyone thought they had the perfect marriage and one day he just decided he wanted someone else. He’d check out of the marriage a long time ago so he was emotionally prepared. She was hit with a bomb that threatened to shatter her. She’s smart…he’s smart.
My parents union was definitely not a happy one. Sure it seemed happy to the outside looking in…and no…it wasn’t bad all the time…but that just made it even worse. Because we knew how it COULD be and wished it was that way all the time. *sigh* (Demons knocking on my door..let me whip out my Ninja sword and deal with this.)
I often wonder how it is that people allow themselves to get into situations wherein they are miserable. My home is my sanctity. When I am here…all is well in my world. How would it be for someone to go home day after day to a life the antithesis of mine? I lived with someone briefly once who I ended up hating. He could probably tell you some pretty awful things I did to him because of the hurt he caused me and yes…I did it…every single thing. I behaved like a mad woman. Truly. (Everyone has that one person in their life who made them act a donkey's butt...some...more than one. Hell...if every relationship had you acting crazy...it's probably you though....lol!)
I used to get off the interstate and start praying to God that he wasn’t home…that I would be able to walk in, power down and go to sleep without seeing him. I was miserable. I would never, EVER have been able to do that for the rest of my life. NEVER!
But…my question is this…WHEN DO YOU KNOW?
When is it that you are okay with your husband not coming home? When do you get to the point that you actually welcome it if he doesn’t? How do you get to the point where your man can tell you not to question his whereabouts before it’s evident you made a mistake? Why continue taking shit that just makes you ill on the inside? WHERE IS THE BREAKDOWN HERE?
I think a lot of people have a misconception of marriage. Lot’s of people confuse lust for love as well as people who think love is all hot and bothered like in the movies (a preview for “Basic Instinct 2” just came on….we think it looks stoopit…lol). ANYWAY. Marriage to me isn’t like that.
I think the most important thing in a relationship is to have mutual respect for one another. Respect that person and that persons contributions to your life and to society and you have the firmest of foundations for a successful marriage. With respect comes admiration. With admiration, love is sustained indefinitely. Give and take.
I watch people have the kinds of problems that I hope I won’t have. I truly think I’ve found the magic combination but hey…we really just started. Where will we be 10 years down the road, 20 years or 30? What can I do now and continually to make sure that the respect, admiration and love I feel for my husband never dwindles into something much less desirable?
I tell Robby I love him whenever we leave each other or end a phone call. He does as well. I would just die if something happened and my last words to him weren’t assurances that I loved him. I touch basis with him when I’m away from home regularly and he does as well. There is never a time when either of us are wondering where the other is. It’s not keeping a tight reign on each other…it’s more like….hell…what’s the big deal with him knowing where I’m going and when to expect me back? I can pick up the phone and find my husband anytime unless something is wrong with his phone. I would never think he’s anywhere other than where he’s told me he is. My motto...IF I HAVE TO ASK...YOU'RE ALREADY WRONG! Shit! (That's for emphasis.)
So…that leads me back to where I started (I know I’m rambling.) What has to happen to you that you think you deserve and accept being treated like shit? Really? We’ve all been in bad relationships….but a bad marriage…man…that’s my worst nightmare. Worse than being attacked by five Ninjas. *sigh* I have no solution to this…I was just wondering out loud on paper.
Amy and I powerwalked today. About twenty minutes into our walk we decided to walk a block then run a block. Walk a block then run a block. *sigh* Needless to say my butt burns (because Monnie runs from nothing but danger!) and now my calves are aching. I hate running! I'd rather kickbox. Why did I run then you ask? Because Amy started running and I consider her a wussy punk chick (she's gonna kill me for saying that) and wasn't about to let her run and my not run and beat her. Good reason huh? *sigh* (I need help.)
Maybe I should make friends with an Olympic Sprinter and then have a friendly "run" with him. Wonder if I'd win just on guts, glory and hoohah alone?
I'm a sad, sad, soul.
By the way...tomorrow between 2 and 4 I'm going out in the world and fighting crime. If you know of any crime being committed...make sure you send me an email or text message. Text message is prolly best since I'll be out saving the world.
I met a young lady today who shared me her recipe for baked beans that sounds WONDERFUL! I do believe I will be trying these soon. THANK YOU DEANNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOHOOOOO! I'm going to do some ribs and I can't WAIT! (Robby says he can't wait either...lol!)
In case you're going to do some ribs as well...here is a FABULOUS dry rub to season the ribs with as well as a GREAT barbeque sauce and baked beans that will make you slap whomever is sitting next to you.
I'll let you guys know how the food turns out. It's a dang shame I'm planning Saturday's meal Sunday night huh? ROFL!
|The rib seasoning is a dry rub that should be applied 15 minutes before grilling; the barbecue sauce, warmed up in a saucepan, is an ideal accompaniment to the finished ribs:|
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup salt
2 tablespoons paprika
2 tablespoons red pepper
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground celery
In a medium bowl, mix together all ingredients. Store in a tightly sealed jar.
2 - large cans Bush's baked beans (Maple bacon kind)
1 cup of barbeque sauce
1/2 cup of honey
3 lbs. ground beef
Creole Seasoning (I always add cayenne, black pepper, and garlic powder as well.)
Brown the ground beef with the onion and bell pepper. Season well. Add the rest of the ingredients then bring to boil. Cover and let simmer on low heat for about 25 minutes.
Well, I buy our table wine from Trader Joe's and it's been on my list for a couple of weeks to restock. So Amy and I decided to do that first since it's in Virginia. I bought my usual mixed case of wine and Amy picked up about six bottles. She's not a drinker...but when she has dinner parties...she likes to have a variety available. We go to Trader Joe's in Virgina because they have lots of import wines that are cheap, cheap, cheap. I'm talking $3.99 (Purple Moon Merlot) and $4.99 (Charles Shaw Shiraz) wines that taste really good. Well...at least good enough for daily dinner (hence the term table wine). We buy nice stuff when we are entertaining, unless it's for a group of 20+ because Trader Joe's is perfect for a group that size.
ANYWAY...we bought our wine and left...then we hit the Marshall's on Leesburg Pike. PAYDIRT! We spent about two hours in this store. WE WERE OVERSTIMULATED BY ALL OF THE REALLY GREAT STUFF! AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME! Needless to say...we did well on the shopping end of the spectrum.
When we left we were hungry. Neither Amy nor I are fast food people...but we were hungry. There was a Wendy's in the parking lot so we went through the drive thru. I asked for nuggets, fries and buffalo sauce. Amy wanted a junior cheeseburger deluxe with extra something or the other. *sigh*
I'm on the phone with Shelly and Amy passes me my food. I immediately pop two fries in my mouth (I never have fries so I was gonna gobble em down QUICK!) Amy opens her burger to take off the pickles and....A ROACH CRAWLS OUT! A NASTY AZZ ROACH! YES....I AM TELLING THE TRUTH. A ROACH CRAWLED OUT OF HER BURGER FROM THE WENDY'S ON LEESBURG PIKE IN VIRGINIA. She screams and tells me what she saw. Lawd...now why did she do that?
I have a confession to make. Even though I can probably kick the butt of the average man...even though I'm in great shape and am not scared of a dang thing....even though I have been TRAINED in hand-to-hand combat...even though I'm an EXCELLENT kickboxer....I'm a straight PUNK when it comes to stomach stuff (or eye stuff). A STRAIGHT PUNK!
I jumped out of the truck and slung my food immediately retching gagging to Shelly that I had to go. I threw up five times in the parking lot. (AND I HAD NO FOOD IN MY STOMACH SINCE I HADN'T EATEN SINCE BREAKFAST!!!!!) Amy is trying to steer the truck to a parking spot with the door open trying not to hit me as I'm straight tossing my cookies repeatedly as my mind is telling my body that I could have eaten a roach or the roach could have crawled on the fries I'd eaten...UGH! HOLD ON...FEEL A RETCH COMING ON JUST TYPING THIS! UGH! BLECH, BLECH, BLECH!
So...after I throw up everything left in my stomach...I get pissed. Tall, black woman pissed. Tall ARROGANT black woman pissed! Tall ARROGANT BLACK WOMAN WHO KNOWS SHE COULD KICK SOME AZZ PISSED! I marched to the front door of Wendy's with Amy scrambling to catch up to me and I slung open the door so hard it banged against the rail getting everyone's attention. Everyone sitting stopped eating watching my VERY FURIOUS size eight frame march to the front counter where I demanded the manager.
Me: I NEED THE MANAGER NOW. RIGHT NOW. THERE WAS A ROACH IN OUR FOOD!
Clerk Chick: Uh...uh. (She walks over to get the manager.)
Old Ugly Lonely Stranger Dude: How did it taste? (Chuckle, chuckle!)
Me: (pointing at Old Ugly Lonley Stranger Dude) THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
Old Ugly Lonely Stranger Dude: It is to me.
Me: THEN YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR ASS HOME AND LAUGH TO YOURSELF BECAUSE I DID NOT FIND IT FUNNY!
(Keep in mind there are people in the place EATING!)
Manager: May I help you?
Me: (saying nothing...deciding to let Amy handle because I don't wanna choke anybody and end up in jail)
Amy: (polite but still hostile voice) I was just in the drive-thru and there was a roach in my food. (she shows him the roach)
Me: (seeing Amy show him the roach walks away and retches again in the hallway.)
Manager: I'm very sorry about that.
Amy: I want my money back.
Me: (RETCH!) Amy give me the keys...I'm going back to the car.
Patrons Leaving: (holding the door for me)
Man: God...I heard what you said and....
Me: (holding up THE hand) please...I can't talk about it anymore (feel a retch coming on).
Woman: (pained look on her face) Honey...leave her alone.
Well, end of story. We got our money back and drove home in silence sucking on Jolly Ranchers to get the taste of almost eaten roaches out of our mouth. WHY ME LORD? WHY ME?
Shelly called and it turns out I hadn't hung up the phone so she'd heard everything. This heffa was laughing...LAUGHING! HOW DARE SHE???? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! She said all she heard was...Shelly I gotta go, BLECH, BLECH, BLECH, BLECH, stomping, slamming, yelling, yelling, yelling, slamming and then quiet. I hate her. I hate Wendy's.
Amy: Well...where do you want to get something to eat?
Me: Monnie's Kitchen. I KNOW there aren't any roaches there. *sigh*
(I am soooooooooooooooooo hating life right now. I bet Dave's rolling around in his grave. *sigh*)
P.S. Shelly...I hate you.
P.S.S. Larry the Cable Guy (on Comedy Central) just said a woman was so ugly she would've made Ray Charles flinch. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Robby, Amy and I went to see Denzel's new movie, "Inside Man," today. Wonder why I didn't say Spike Lee's new movie? Cause I'm not a Spike Lee fan. His first two films were entertaining to me...but after that, they all went downhill in my humble opinion with the exception of "Malcolm X (just watched this for the gazzillionth time last weekend...how can the same man make Girl 6 and Malcolm X? *sigh*).
I'm not going to tell you what happened in the movie because it was one of those movies that keeps you wondering if you know what's going on. I'll just say that I found it entertaining and I'd recommend it to anyone wanting to spend two hours away from home.
The script was EXCELLENT! Made me wonder why in the heck don't I write a script. Maybe if I sold a script and then another one...then my Robinator could retire and play golf every single day of his life. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Maybe that should be my plan. (Note to self..isn't this like your..."What if I win the lottery dream? *sigh*)
ANYWAY...the movie was good. I really, really enjoyed it.
I looked outside today and saw a neighbor parking his truck next to mine. I didn't pay much attention to him until I saw him look inside of the back of my truck. I'm not talking about "glancing"....I mean really LOOKED! He actually stopped and took a good looooooooooooooooooooong look inside of my truck like he was expecting to see some drugs or, better yet, a body. *sigh*
I guess it makes more sense that he'd be checking me out if I gave you some background huh? Well...they stopped speaking to me right after Katrina hit. Why you ask? Oh well...guess I might as well tell you.
I know you know about Robby going down to the Gulf Coast area immediately after Katrina to take supplies etc. Well when we were loading up the truck we had 8 - 10 gallon gas cans lined up to go in the truck. His wife (we call her STOOPIT NOSEY LADY) came over with her icky dog that looks like a cat and asked if we'd run out of gas.
Me: (With a Whadafug look on my face.) Uh...no. Robby is taking this down to the Gulf Coast to help out since Katrina hit.
Super Nosey Lady: Oh yes...I've been watching that on the news. It's such a shame all the looting they are doing.
Me: WHAT? WHAT? (YES I'M YELLING!) YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING THE DAMN NEWS AND THAT, THAT IS WHAT YOU CAME AWAY WITH? THAT THE PEOPLE ARE LOOTING? ARE YOU CRAZY? PEOPLE ARE DYING, OUR GOVERNMENT ISN'T HELPING THEM, THEY HAVE NOTHING TO EAT AND HAVE LOST EVERYTHING AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THE LOOTING?????????
Robby: (comes out in the middle of this and turns around and goes right back inside saying nothing to stoopit lady.)
Stoopit Nosey Lady: Uh...uh.
Me: Go home. (turn around and walk in the house)
So...yeah...he's probably looking to find me with some drugs or some bodies or something so they can call the police and have me carted out of here with my crazy, yelling behind.
As I'm sure you know, she's written a book called "Fabulosity." Someone told me this week that I should write a book like hers (OH GOODY!) since I'm always talking about being fabulous. Uh yeah. *sigh* I'll get right on it.
Me: "It's easy being fabulous when you have millions of dollars...try being fabulous and regular like us."
As my girl Shelly says..."What's so fabulous about her besides the fact she married a millionaire? She's hoochy to me." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Me too Shelly...me too.
Geez. Gimme a break. Remember this? http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/kimoraleemug1.html
Next time you think to ask me a dumb question do me a favor and DON'T!
I don't handle death well. Truly I don't. I hate funerals and everything associated with dying because of what I dealt with during my parents death. Someone else's death inevitably always brings me right back in time to December 13, 1990. My own private hell.
Last weekend a wonderful friend of the family, Ms. Rebecca, went to the hospital not feeling well. It had been noted by people close to her that she'd been losing weight and seemed tired. Well, Ms. Rebecca would be tired. This woman has worked her entire life. She was good with her money and bought property in her home country, the Dominican Republic, as well as here. She took care of her kids and made sure they had every opportunity available to them and she took care of us. And by us I mean every person she came in contact with. She was sooooooooooooooooo wonderful.
The doctors at the hospital found she had cancer. And apparently the cancer had been in her body for 10+ years and was now attacking her kidney. By Thursday they'd moved her to hospice care because they didn't expect her to live through the weekend. They were right.
Ms. Rebecca, a truly beautiful, wonderful spirit, left this world this morning and everyone who knew her is absolutely heartbroken. I feel bereft and guilty since I'd been saying for a long time that I needed to invite her for dinner.
When they moved her to hospice, I decided I didn't want to see her. She was in a coma and wouldn't know I was there anyway. I thought it best for me if I remembered her the way she looked the last time I saw her. With a smile that reached her eyes. Laughing at me and telling me how to take care of Robby. "He's a good man, Monica. He has kind eyes."
I talked a lot today to people who didn't know Ms. Rebecca so I could think of anything but her not being here anymore. I know she's in a better place and that she's in no pain...I know. There is going to be a memorial service for her here in D.C. and then they are going to take her home to the Dominican Republic to be laid to rest.
Well...I, of course, cooked something really good to make me feel better.
A couple of weeks ago Robby and I had gone to bed. He was asleep and I was watching Grey's Anatomy (GO SHONDA!).
During the commercial break a news anchor gave a brief synopsis of breaking news:
Anchor: Breaking news! Eight teenagers stabbed at an area party. Suspect on the loose.
Me: (scooby doo voice) rrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuu?
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Loud thump as I fall out the bed.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I couldn't BELIEVE this boy was dead sleep and answering me with a Ninja conspiracy. *sigh* He's funny even in his sleep.
Needless to say...I had to call Cojoe and tell him. Since he is the only person who truly "gets" my sense of humor...he busted out laughing too.
Cojoe: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Girl...you and Robby are too stoopit!
I can't BELIEVE one person was able to stab eight people. What in the hell were they doing????? I mean come on...Nobody starting running once the first person was stabbed and the intent of the knife wielder was made known? Did they line up to get stabbed or was it really a Ninja with a sword and some of those cool stars leaping through the air flying from sofa to table, to counter...crouching on the ceiling fan?
That said, I have been thinking alot about Ninja's in this past month. I often picture myself dressed as a Ninja doing everyday things such as go to Walmart.
Stranger Customer: WHAT THE HELL? IS THAT A NINJA BUYING FURNITURE POLISH?
Just think of me doing all my household errands wearing a Ninja suit. Mask and all. Not on Halloween...but on a regular day...say a Tuesday.
To me...this is hysterical. Almost as funny as when I wish I had Superhero powers. I'd be a cool Superhero with an awesome costume. None of that hiding who I am. I'd want everyone to know.
Passerby: That's Superhero Monica's house!
Passerby 2: Where, where?
Thank God for my husband and the constant laughter that surrounds him. Thank God!
Smooches! To sleep perchance to dream!
P.S. How funny is THIS? http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm
Shelly and Cole were in town for a long weekend with us. And yes...we had a BLAST! Shelly has a gentleman friend here as well as attended a Jack and Jill function to benefit Katrina victims with Amykins. This is how GORGEOUS my girls looked:
Robby and I got to babysit Cole. Thirteen months and too cute for words.
Now...Robby and I don't know much about kids. My nephew and Goddaughter are the only ones we've ever been left alone with. LOL.
We asked a million questions prior to her leaving the house and wanted to do the right thing. He needed to eat, take a bath, put on his pj's and go to bed all by 8:30 our time (7:30 in Louisiana where he lives). Good plan. Yeah right.
So Cole is a man's boy. He's big and solid and he makes a lot of noise. Not yelling, screaming noise but more like banging on nice furniture with hard objects kinda noise. He's fast. And I mean FAST! And smart as heck. The kid is so cute you just crack up looking at him and he knows he has all the adults wrapped around his beautiful little fat fingers. LOL!
He ate and rushed me when he thought I was taking too long to put food in his mouth. And then...back down on the floor to terrorize Jaru and Lucy. LOL!
His "Uncle Robby" took him downstairs while I fixed dinner. Next thing you know...he's asleep. HE HASN'T TAKEN HIS BATH YET! I'm a bad "Aunty." *sigh* So Robby and I decide to not try to bathe him since he was already asleep and we took him upstairs to bed. Shelly told us to put two pillows on each side of him. Dillema...two pillows STACKED? Or one in front of the other? GEEZ!
WAIT! HIS DIAPER NEEDS CHANGING AND HIS PJ'S NEED TO BE PUT ON. *sigh* Needless to say...after trying to gently change him...he awoke pissed off because I woke him. Pissed off and hollain. Loudly. I only got his diaper changed and his shirt. No pj bottoms. *sigh*
So back downstairs we go where Uncle Robby is eating. Uncle Robby is RUSHED to finish eating since he seems to have the magic touch when it comes to Cole going to sleep. So back downstairs they go into Robby's big comfortable recliner that I hate. And shortly thereafter I hear nothing. No Cole...no Robby. I'm kinda scared...so I tip down and this is what I see:
An hour or two later...Robby brings Cole upstairs and we put him in bed again. I've learned my lesson so I'm not touching him. We put him in the middle of the pillows and since we both didn't know if he could sleep with covers on him...I pulled the covers up over the pillows on side of him and kinda made a bridge. We didn't know if he could sleep on his stomach so we called Shelly to ask. Turns out thats only something to worry about when they are infants and not strong enough to turn over. Uh...no problen here as Cole's nickname is "Bam Bam" from the Flintstones.
Of COURSE neither of us can sleep and we are in our room with all the doors open and no television on so we could hear if he makes a sound. Shelly calls shortly thereafter to say they are on their way home and would be here in 10 minutes. THANK GOD because we were so afraid of all the stuff we didn't know...that our nerves were shot! I was so scared. How in the world do you learn all of this stuff? AND WHO CAN KEEP UP WITH A TODDLER? Lawd...our kids are going to need some help right from the start. Can you say "Mother's Helper?"
I explained to Shelly why he hadn't taken a bath because I felt sooooooooooooooo bad that I didn't get it exactly right and she assured me it wasn't a big deal, he'd just be bathed in the morning. I felt a little better...but not much. If we couldn't get it right for just 4 hours....HOW IN THE WORLD WERE WE GOING TO GET IT RIGHT ALWAYS? Responsibility for another life? Heck...I can't even keep Jaru and Lucy on the right track. They always do something cute and get treats when they have just had one and goodness knows I can't keep them from sleeping on top of me when I'm trying to take a nap on the sofa. *sigh*
I'm scurred. No really...I'm scurred. I asked Robby if he thinks we could do this if God blesses us with a child and he said sure. He sounds confident. Me...uh..notsomuch. *sigh*
I learned this weekend that I have a cute shoe fetish. Yup. Me...a fetish.
It started out simply and it's all Amy's fault.
Amy, Shelly and I (and Coley-Pole!) went to DSW after Amy showed me these cute walking sneakers she'd bought there this week. Walking shoes are on my list of "things Monnie needs" so we detoured there on our way to do a bit of shopping for things we actually NEEDED like food.
OF COURSE I don't go to the walking shoe section because there is this table full of CUTE shoes as soon as you walk in. Beautiful wedges. Sexy, breathtaking strappy heals. Spring shoes that make you ITCH for a pedicure. So I start on the RIGHT side of the store...where all the cute shoes are. And yup...ended up buying some cute shoes and not the walking shoes I really needed.
Amy...as always...was no help. "Oooooooooooh girl...those are maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad jazzy!"
Me: RING EM UP!
Tonight I was looking through my closet trying to find where to put the new cute shoes. And low and behold...I have more cute shoes than one woman needs. Cute shoes I really only get to wear on Friday night date night with hubby. So I'm looking at the amount of cute shoes I have versus the amount of comfortable, reasonable to wear shoes I have...and I came up short. *sigh* Oh well.
*sigh*...Me like cute shoes. Imma start wearing them around the house to clean up. LOL!
...And Other Things Your Mother Tried To Teach You When You Weren't Listening!
IT'S SPRING CLEANING TIME!! WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!
As a cook from the South, we use our kitchen sink for food prep regularly. Because of this, I have to disinfect my sink all the time. I was talking to a girlfriend today while disinfecting my sink and she asked me how I do it. I know her pretty well so I know she was ignoring her mother during the time when her mother was trying to show her how to do it so I decided to post how it's done.
1. Fill both sides of sink with hot water and one cup of bleach (in each side). Let soak for 1 hour.
2. Using long gloves or kitchen tongs, take out the drain stoppers and drain water.
5. Rinse well.
6. Dry with paper towels.
7. Spray with windex and dry with paper towels.
Voila...fully disinfected shiny like new sink! Whoooooooohoooooooo!
I have two boxer doggies. People are always amazed when they come to my home to find that I don't have a "dog smell" in my home. Number one...that's just nasty. If you have clean dogs and a clean home your house won't smell like dogs. But here is a secret I'm sure your mother tried to tell you. Arm & Hammer Baking Soda.
Also, this is what I did when Lucy would have an accident in the house on carpet. (Thank goodness those days are over!)
Take a towel and fold it, place on top of urine stain. Put a phone book in a grocery bag and place on top of towel and stand on it for a minute or so to allow the towel to absorb the urine. Slide phone book out of bag using bag inside out to pick up towel. Put white vinegar on top of stain and allow to dry. Once dry, sprinkle with baking soda, let sit for 20 minutes and vacuum. No more stain...no more smell.
Arm & Hammer can help you do a lot of your spring cleaning. I use it for all kinds of stuff. I have it in a pan with dried grease stains soaking now. For other uses...check out their website: http://www.armhammer.com/
Oh yeah...to disinfect your jacuzzi tub, fill with hot water and put a good bit of bleach in it. Turn on jets for first 20 minutes of an hour long soak. Drain and rinse. No bacteria in your tub to worry about!
Okay. You knew it was gonna happen. You KNEW it was coming...but were you prepared?
You might have been a little thrown off by how dignified Ludicris looked and spoke during his introduction and then....
Three Six Mafia performed at the Oscars.
Lemme say it again.
THREE SIX MAFIA PERFORMED AT THE OSCARS! There was actually a dude named CRUNCHY BLACK (from now on officially known as OSCAR WINNING CRUNCHY BLACK!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) performing on stage at the Oscars with Taraji Henson.
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OHMYGOSH THAT WAS HYSTERICAL! Lawd knows I was laughing my butt off the entire time. Maaaaaaaaaaaan...priceless...simply priceless! I LOVE IT WHEN STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS!
Of COURSE John Stewart was too stoopit for words saying how "it just got easier being a pimp."
I'm done. I'm going to bed on a high note. I don't care who wins anything else. This show, for me, has been truly, TRULY, Oscar worthy. Peace out.
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp!"
WAIT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY STOMACH IS HURTING NOW!
Martin Scorsese-0...Three Six Mafia-1
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAZE MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!
Whoo! This has been pure comedy at it's finest. Now I can't go to bed knowing John is going to say something else.
Lawd I just thought of something. OSCAR WINNING CRUNCHY BLACK IS GONNA PRESENT NEXT YEAR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Video of them receiving the award is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUTVKX4KpEw
I have always been the person in my network of family and friends who would let you stay with her while you got yourself on track again. It's the way I was raised, to make sure you help people and not make them feel "grateful" that you're helping them. I'm also not an idiot, so people know they won't be allowed to take advantage of my being supportive. You get what you need and then you leave. Simple. I don't need any money or ultra thanks etc. Just abide by my rules while you are in my home and VOILA! You get what you need without being made to feel as if something is wrong with your needing a helping hand. Several of our friends has a key so even if we are out of town...they have a place to go to if something happens. Or...to check and make sure our dog sitter is taking care of our babies right. LOL! If they don't have a key, our neighbor/girlfriend can let them in.
When I met Robby he was pretty much a recluse. He went to work, played golf, went on dates, but for the most part stayed home alone. He didn't have many friends and the ones he did lived elsewhere so he didn't have to be social all the time. He liked it that way until I came bursting onto his scene. LOL!
Well, once we started dating, he saw how my friends and I interacted with each other. He never said anything but I know it took him aback. My phone rang constantly with friends just calling to check in and, inevitably, someone always showed up around dinner time. LOL! His phone never rang. NEVER! And I don't think his doorbell was ever used either unless it was pizza delivery.
Since we've lived together in 2003, we've had people several times a year have to come and stay with us for whatever reason. Friends who were depressed and didn't want to be alone. Friends who'd just lost their mother and were grieving. Friends who were between homes or cities. Friends who'd fallen down on their luck and needed to regroup. Friends who live in Louisiana and were depressed about the hurricane ravaged area and just needed a change of scenery for a long weekend. Kids of friends who were going away for their first vacation alone in a long time. And even perfect strangers who knew friends of ours who'd suddenly found themselves homeless.
Robby no longer asks questions like; "How long are they gonna be here?" or "How do you know this person?" He doesn't say stuff like..."Where are we gonna put all those people?", when we have multiple guests. He just goes about his life as he would if they weren't here which is a testament to how comfortable he feels with having guests now. They are "family."
Last year we twice had multiple guests. He's learned that our friends and family just get in where they fit it. We have two guest bedrooms three sofas, two air mattresses, four bathrooms and LOTS of blankets, pillows and floor space...lol! Everyone is comfortable and happy. We laugh late into the night and get up to Robby cooking bacon and taking short-order cook orders in the morning. Black people, white people, kids, adults, pre-teens, gay people, straight people, married couples, single friends....FAMILY.
Last night, our girlfriend smelled gas in her home and upon further inspection, realized there wasn't anything we could do then, she spent the night. Tomorrow, we have a friend who is trying to start over and will be staying with us for a month while he searches for a job. I have given him a month as a motivator, but if something happens and he doesn't find a job and I see him trying...I'm probably not going to put the child out on the streets. But I CAN threaten that I'll do that! I AIN'T NO PUNK! LOL! This weekend one of my sister's-in-life is coming with her young son from down South. We probably won't do much...and everyone will be right here. I LOVE IT!
I'm the person who always stocks her linen closet and bathrooms with everything someone might need if they just showed up in need. We have new packs of underwear for men and women as well as pj's and robes in bedroom closets. Toothbrushes, different shampoos and facial cleansers and moisturizers. Just like if you were in your own bathroom at your own home. I mean...you just never know. And the LAST thing you want someone to feel like when they come to you is that they are a burden. If they see I already have something they know that I was prepared to have them and it gives them much less stress.
People get comfortable here and those that never liked dogs before end up curled up with Jaru and Lucy before they leave. LOL! I've actually had a few people argue with each other on just whose "room" or "sofa" it's for.
Friend 1(from the comfort of their own home on the phone): She staying in my room?
Friend 2 (laughing on their way upstairs): That's MY room!
I've always envisioned my life with a houseful of people all warm and comfortable, well-fed. I just thought it would be with kids as that's how I was raised. God has his own way of showing you how your "visions" work out when you interpret them without His approval. LOL!
(My girlfriend just yelled from the top of the stairs to see if I had extra toothbrushes...I didn't skip a beat of typing while I yelled back to say look in the medicine cabinet of her bathroom.)
Next weekend, I'm sure our home will be loud and full of people as we'll have three guests and visitors coming to see the guests and hanging out with us too.
Robby enjoys our interactions with our friends and family now too and I don't think he'd change it for anything in the world...except when he has to share his peach praline cake with friends. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He's playing golf now. I think I'm going to make him some Lemon Cheesecake Bars. He loves them. Recipe to follow.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww life...it's pretty damn sweet and I wouldn't change it for the WORLD!
Lemon Cheesecake Bars
1- 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup finely chopped pecans
2 - 8oz. packs of cream cheese, softened
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup melted butter
1 - 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup lemon juice
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Combine graham cracker crumbs, pecans, sugar and butter in mixing bowl. Mix well. Keep 1/3 cup to the side. Press mixture into 13x9x2 inch pan. Bake 6 minutes. Remove and cool on rack. Beat cream cheese in large mixing bowl until fluffy. Gradually beat in milk. Add eggs, beat until just combined. Stir in lemon juice. Carefully spoon mixture into pan. Spoon rest of crumb mixture on top in diagonal stripes. Bake 30 mnutes or until knife comes out clean. Cool on rack for 1 hour. Cut into 24 bars. Store in fridge. (They taste better cold!)
As you know, I'm from the South but now live in the East. The NORTH East. As in cold as hell.
Well, I've been here for quite some time now and I STILL haven't gotten used to the cold even though idiots have been telling me for years that I'll get used to it soon. NOT!
There are so many reasons why you should limit the use of forced heating in your home. Dry skin and hair leading that list. Anyone who visits my home in the winter knows to expect it to be cold and dresses accordingly. We LIVE in fleece. LOL! So we are pretty comfortable when we are home. The test comes however when it's time to go to bed.
I don't know about you, but there is nothing worse to me than getting into a cold bed. It takes forever to warm up and it's quite torturous until it does. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Last winter I bought one of Robby's and my favorite things. A heated mattress pad. When I tell you there is nothing like this thing in the WORLD...trust me. When we come upstairs for bed, we immediately turn it on. The great thing about ours is that we each have our own control so we can make it as warm as each of us like it. Needless to say...I put mine as high as it can go. LOL! We then go to the bathroom for our bedtime ritual as I'm sure you do. Brush our teeth, wash and moisturize our face, floss and tease each other. (Robby always makes me laugh in the bathroom so I can have more spittle on my side of the mirror than he does! LOL!)
By the time we get into bed sans our fleece, it's sooooooooooooooooooooo toasty! NO MORE COLD FEET! AND NO MORE WEARING SOCKS TO BED WHICH GET TOO HOT DURING THE NIGHT! WHOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!
Before we actually go to sleep, we both turn our sides off because it still makes me nervous sleeping with it on. I don't want to be the first person to wake up in a burning bed because of a mattress pad. LOL!
I bought ours from Sears: http://www.sears.com/sr/javasr/product.do?vertical=HSWR&bidsite=&pid=096DM144000&BV_UseBVCookie=Yes And yes...I've noted they are temporarily out of stock. Maybe next winter you can get one too.
Awwwwww life. Too good for words sometimes.
I went to WalMart today to buy ONE THING and, in true WalMart style, ended up spending $90. As I was looking at my receipt, I noted I was overcharged for two things. I showed the cashier who told me that since the transaction was over I needed to go to customer service. *sigh*
So over at customer service, there was a line. I'd just STOOD in a dang line to make my purchase so I asked if I needed to stand there if I was just overcharged.
Response: Yes. *sigh*
I'm in line counting inside my head and biting the inside of my jaw. Doody doody do. My turn.
I show the woman the receipt and the items. She initiated a refund. I told her I thought it was wrong for me to have completed my purchase to find that I was overcharged and then had to stand in line again due to no fault of my own. Not one, but TWO customer service women started arguing with me. I took a step back like...WHADAFUG? I got hot and started seeing red. I looked at both of them like...I KNOW YOU DIDN'T??????????? I'M FROM PO ALLEN! YOU DON'T ROLL UP ON ME LIKE THAT!
Me: You know what...I want to return everything. (Shoving bags onto counter dropping ish all over.) And I think this might be my last trip to WalMart.
To which the cashier shoots me a dirty look. There is a woman with two small children next to me so I bite my tongue because I don't want to curse in front of the kids. The woman returned everything and told me I would have to get cash back because I used a debit card. I said I didn't want cash because I don't carry cash. I'd rather it be put back on my card.
Her (African accent): Okay, we can do that, but the money won't show up on your card for 2-3 days.
Cashier 2 (African accent): No...4-5 days.
Me: AW HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NAW! I want to see the manager.
Cashier 2: I am a manager.
Me: No. Not you. The STORE manager.
Her and Cashier 2: bloobloodoobegedyboo
Me: IN ENGLISH PLEASE! YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I LEAVE!
Long story short. The manager apologized, blah, blah, blah. He agreed with me regarding the two lines I had to stand in. And yes...she's correct you have to take the cash or put it back on your card and it won't show for 3-4 days.
Me stomping out of Walmart: SHIT...I REALLY NEEDED THAT STUFF! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! SAFEWAY CHARGES TOO DANG MUCH FOR RAISIN, DATE, WALNUT OATMEAL!!!!!
So I went to Target to get what I needed. Guess what? I forgot to use my cash. *sigh*
Yesterday I had a little outpatient procedure done. The doctor warned me during a meeting with Robby and I that it would be "extremely painful" and gave me some valium to take an hour before showing up. Shit...WHY TELL ME THAT?
Anyway...the procedure was yesterday and I have to say...doc got it right. *sigh* I was grumpy as HELL afterwards. Just plain EVIL! Life sucked, nothing was pretty, not even music (which ALWAYS helps) helped.
Well...we got home and I stomped in the house, went straight upstairs, put on my pj's and got in the bed with my computer. Hubby followed with his briefcase, took off his suit and put on his pj's and got in the bed with his computer too. I glared at him...he adjusted his pillow. I sighed really loud...he pulled the duvet over his feet.
So silently we both did our computer thing except that every now and then my body would remind me the pain meds were wearing off and I'd grimace a little. Hubby didn't say anything, he just put his hand on my back or arm and let it sit there for a while before my evil state of mind reminded me to shake it off.
The phone kept ringing with friends wanting to check on me. Most I didn't answer. The ones I did answer were only the ones I knew would keep calling until they heard my voice. The shitheads.
The doorbell rang not much before "American Idol" and in walked Amy with dinner for us. She came upstairs and I growled at her when she spoke. Of course, she paid me no mind and sat on the bench at the end of the bed and drank some tea entertaining us with work stories while Robby and I ate our Chick-Fil-A. (Amy doesn't cook....lol!)
This morning I woke and thought about how blessed I am. I have a husband who understands and loves me dearly and friends that do as well. My hubby enjoys spending time with me even when I'm at my MOST evil. He didn't ask about dinner (which he could have rustled up from the fridge) and he didn't do a bunch of that idle chatter crap that drives me nuts when I'm feeling poorly.
It always irks me when you ask fake holy roller types how they are doing and they say "I'm blessed and highly favored!!" because I'm like...if that was the case...you wouldn't have to always SAY IT OUT LOUD! So I just thought it. "Blessed and highly favored." I must be doing something right.
I think I'm gonna bake a cake. Southern Comfort Cake of course.
Thank you God.
Southern Comfort Cake
18-1/2 oz. yellow cake mix
3-1/4 oz. package instant vanilla pudding mix
1/2 cup Southern Comfort
1/2 cup cold water
1/2 cup oil
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
4 T. Butter
1/8 cup water
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup Southern Comfort
Combine cake ingredients in a large bowl and beat at a medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour into a greased and floured 10-inch tube or 12-cup bundt pan. Bake at 325ºF for 1 hour. Cool on rack. Invert on serving plate; prick top and drizzle half of glaze evenly over top and sides. After cake has cooled, reheat remainder of glaze and brush evenly over cake. Sift 1 t. of powdered sugar over cake just before serving.
To make glaze, melt butter in saucepan. Stir in water and sugar. Boil 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in Southern Comfort.