Okay...I'm putting it all out here now. If you guys didn't think we were close before...after this...we're REALLY gonna be close.
I'm a cancer survivor and I have had a problem with fibroids in my uterous for which I've had surgery and lots and lots of pain.
Imagine being EXTRA careful all your life to not screw up and have a child with someone you couldn't see yourself with for the rest of your life. Imagine FINDING the someone you will spend the rest of your life with and NOT be able to have a baby. Ain't that about a *****?
Okay...so...here I am...doody doody do. Healthy, happy, plenty of money for everything we need and I can't have a child in the normal traditional way. Does it piss me off? YES IT DOES!
I'm tired of people sending me "baby dust." WHAT THE FUG IS THAT ANYWAY? I'm tired of..."When God wants it...it will be." I'm tired of..."You and Robby just go on a trip and drink a bottle of wine...don't stress...it will happen.
WELL DAMMIT! JUST SHUT UP! I MEAN IT....SHUT THE HELL UP! The very next person that comes up to me with some advice as to how to have a baby I'm going to beat the living snot out of them. I'm serious...I will straight SKULL DRAG someone.
And the worst! THE ABSOLUTE WORST! If one more person tells me about someone they knew who tried and tried and when they stopped "trying so hard" it worked. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
And let another person suggest adoption. SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UP! I KNOW IT WORKS FOR SOME...BUT I'M NOT THERE YET!
Listening to stories about unfit azz kids popping babies out left and right makes me want to do a drive-by...seriously.
I am 36 years old and I have had a very good, very successful life. Yes I've had my setbacks. The only thing I want to do is to give my husband, who will be the best father in the world, a healthy, intelligent, beautiful baby. He was MADE to be a father. He'll do it the right way.
So...what are we doing? We are on our second cycle of artificial insemination. And this crap is a mess. You have too dang many doctors appointments to get it done and then...THEN...THE TWO WEEK WAIT FROM HELL! TWO WEEKS OF WONDERING IF THE GRIP OF MONEY YOUR DOCTOR JUST GOT PAID IS GONNA PAY OFF FOR YOU. TWO WEEKS OF RUNNING TO THE INTERNET AFTER EVERY TWINGE AFTER EVERY ANYTHING TO SEE IF IT'S A SIGN OF EARLY PREGNANCY.
Oh...and get this..EVERYTHING IS A SIGN OF EARLY PREGNANCY! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU GET BLOATED! YOU GET PAINFUL CRAMPS (BECAUSE YOUR BODY HAS BEEN ARTIFICIALLY INDUCED TO PRODUCE MORE FOLLICLES) YOU GET THE QUEASIES. YOU GET THE SERIOUS HUNGER PAIN. YOU GET TIRED. YOUR BACK HURTS. YOUR HEAD HURTS. AND THEN...THEN.....YOU GET YOUR DAMN PERIOD! AND THIS TIME IT'S WORSE THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN BEFORE BECAUSE YOU'RE SO EMOTIONALLY DRAINED FROM THE TWO WEEKS OF HELL THAT YOU JUST PRETTY MUCH LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE IT AND TURN INTO PSYCHOHEFFA FROM OUTTA SPACE!
And would you like to know what's next? It all starts over again day 2 after your period starts. *sigh*
Okay...so yeah. For all of you that have been wondering why Monnie doesn't talk much or doesn't return calls as much or is never on instant messenger anymore. Now you know. Monnie is pissed.
My husband is awesome. Thank God for him. He tries to help and knows he can't. He tries to love me extra when I just don't even appreciate it. I know he loves me. I know that he's worried about me. I know this is just all about me and how I feel about me being me. I love him so much. Honey...I know you know this. Completely...I love you.
Yes I'm fabulous. Yes I'm the best thing since sliced bread. There is NOTHING I can't do. But...I can't have a baby. At least without being poked and pried and racking up a whole lot of medical expenses.
So yes. I've been in a foul mood. Yes...I haven't been writing. Yes...I'm not the best I can be right now. TOUGH. Get over it.