I can't imagine being in a relationship wherein some man was putting his hands on me and I always wonder how is it that some women find themselves in exactly that situation.
I wonder when was the first time my father hit my mother. I'm sure there were signs prior to that. Maybe he put his fist through a wall, or kicked the dog. Maybe he threw something. Or shook the hell outta her. But something had to happen. You cannot hide the kind of anger which leads to violence...it's impossible and will manifest in some area sooner or later. Right?
I know a couple of women who were in abusive relationships and I can't for the life of me understand how it came to pass. But then again...had you met my mother and didn't KNOW already, you'd have been shocked at just how regularly my father's anger turned violent towards her.
If you're reading this and you're in one of these relationships...please...get some help. Please.
I can remember nights of being asleep for hours only to be awaken to my mother's screams and cries and my father yelling "YOU THINK YOU'RE SLICK! YOU THINK YOU'RE SLICK DON'T YOU!"
To this day that phrase makes me physically ill and angrier than anything. Once you're awaken from sleep as a child to something like that...you don't go back to sleep. Would you like to know what your child is thinking when they hear you screaming and crying? When they are young they fantasize that they are a super hero so they can swoop in and protect you. A little older...they might actually plan how to kill the man hurting you. Older than that...they start thinking you're stoopit and deserve it and then they lose respect for you slowly but surely. Wanna know how I know?
When you allow yourself to be abused and use your children as the reason you don't leave...you. are. killing. them.
What child wants that burden? What child wants to know you're getting your azz kicked for them?
I guess I got to thinking about this because I'm dealing with the anger I feel towards my mother and, upon talking to some girlfriends, found that some of them had been in abusive relationships before. Women who I think have it all together and who seem to have all the answers.
I was in a relationship once where the guy had just had knee surgery and got in my face with some crazy ish and oops...he and his crutches ended up at the bottom of the stairs in a heap. Not saying that I did it...I mean hey...he SLIPPED. I knew then that I was in trouble because my anger had never been that violent before and yes...it was a sign that I needed to get as far away from him as possible.
Why don't women leave? What is it that we who have been around this can tell you to make you pack up your children and get out?
Check this out:
10 Murder-Suicides Occur Each Week in America New Violence Policy Center Study Reveals
May 9, 2006
WASHINGTON, May 2 /PRNewswire/ -- More than 10 murder-suicides, almost all by gun, occur each week in the United States, according to American Roulette: Murder-Suicide in the United States, (http://www.vpc.org/studies/amroul2006.pdf) a new study by the Violence Policy Center (VPC). The study used a national news clipping service and Internet survey tools to collect incidents nationwide from January 1, 2005, through June 30, 2005, and is one of the largest and most comprehensive studies ever conducted on murder-suicide. During this six-month period, at least 591 Americans died in 264 murder-suicides, and almost all murder-suicides (92 percent) involved a firearm. Using these figures, the VPC estimates that nearly 1,200 Americans die each year in murder-suicides. Additional study findings include --
* Six states had more than 10 murder-suicides in the six-month study
period: Pennsylvania (18); Texas (18); California (17); Florida (15);
North Carolina (14); and, Tennessee (11).
* Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.
* Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner (spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.
* Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a "family
annihilator" -- a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide.
Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their
wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well,
before killing themselves.
* Forty-seven children and teens under the age of 18 were murdered in
* Most murderers in murder-suicides are older than their victims.
* Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.
VPC Legislative Director Kristen Rand states, "Murder-suicide wreaks havoc on hundreds of American families each year. Much more needs to be done to understand and prevent murder-suicide. One key aspect of prevention is reducing access to firearms, by far the weapon of choice in murder-suicide."
The Violence Policy Center is a national non-profit educational organization working for a safer America through research, analysis, education, and advocacy. To obtain a copy of the study, visit the VPC's web site at http://www.vpc.org.
If that's not enough to wake you up...I don't know what will. Get help. Send me an email...I'll do all I can to help save you.