HATED IT!

This is one of those inner lessons.  I want all of us to think about it. 

Do you ever think about the stuff you say or THINK about people when you're doing it? Do you ever think that you could be jealous of that person and actually hatin on them?  I know we've all been hated ON...but do you ever think you're hatin too?  I mean hey...all this hatin going on SOMEBODY'S gotta be doing it right?  Why not us?

I'm not talking about obvious hatin...complete with neck rolling etc.  I'm talking about the innocent comment here or the bad thought there or...the comment you make to your friend about someone that you both know and you don't think your friend will say anything so...it's okay.

That's holding you back man.

Friend 1:  X is looking good!

Friend 2:  That ain't her hair and I saw those shoes at the five and dime.

Friend 1:  Girl you a mess!

Now.  Friend one COULD have been being sincere...BUT...she messed all that up by not saying anything and thereby co-signing.  My thought is this...if she paid for that hair it's hers.  If she looks good...she looks good!  What's the problem with celebrating a friend looking good?  It takes nothing away from you that someone else looks good.  When you see my girls and I...hell...ALL of us be DOING-T IT.  Them hookas are FLY! Do I hate?  No ma'am.  I LOVE IT! 

Friend 1:  Y is hiring an interior designer to do her house.

Friend 2:  Why the heck she getting an interior designer?  Doesn't she have good taste?  She doing too much now.

Friend 1:  That's her money...she can do as she wishes with it.

Friend 1 is NOT hatin.  Friend 2...the verdict is out cuz she COULD be hating.  Especially if her place is jacked and she wishes she had better taste.  She could have always wanted to hire an interior designer but her money is funny. 

Friend 1:  Did Z send you the pics of her vacation?

Friend 2:  Yes.  Girl she looks like a BIG OLE HEFFA! 

Flat out hatin.  FLAT OUT HATIN.  Nuff said.

I'm comfortable being hated on.  Really.  I wear it well as I've been hated on for a long, long time.  Usually by perfect strangers who don't know me from Adam.  LOL!  People find it odd that I am really me.  "She so fake.  She be lying."  LOL!  Which is why I don't have a problem sharing pics of EVERYTHING.  Hell...I got banned off a FORUM for being too dang FABULOUS.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  HOW FUNNY IS THAT?  I still shake my head at that one and it makes me crack up knowing how insecure those broads obviously were.  Straight up.

Here is the issue. What is so wrong with YOU that someone ELSE can't have something good happen to them or have a good life without it being a lie?  Why must you question the validity of something good just because it hasn't happened to you?  Why you gotta tear everybody down?

Recently a friend of mine was hated on by a friend of hers.  She didn't see it at first.  I did.  I just sat back at watched.  Yeah...I pointed it out but she wasn't ready to see it.  She didn't want to think that her friend was being spiteful out of jealousy.  When it happened next...I wasn't around. My friend thought about it on the drive home and came to the conclusion that yes...she was being hated on and by a friend no less.

What do you do with that?  Strangers cool.  A friend?  Wow.  That's deep.

None of my friends hate on me.  Friends of friends do...but I see it as it is and move on.  But it always makes me wonder what the conversation is like when they hate on me around my friends.  Do they co-sign or defend I wonder?

I love my friends like crazy and, because I've always been what I call a "dude chick" (definition...a chick more likely to have male friends than female friends) and have severe loyalty to my friends...I'm the one ready to jump on your azz if you go there because I RECOGNIZE hatin and can't stand that ish. 

It all comes back around to self-esteem.

I recently was around this chick who is not too cute.  She's a jazzy azz dresser but man...she's been cracked with an ugly stick.  Now there is nothing wrong with having unfortunate features if you're a good person and have a good personality...but this chick defined everything she was by her $3,000 bags and designer clothes.  Therefore she looked down on others who didn't have the hottest Balenciaga bag.  Unfortunately for her...she looked at me in all my flyness and thought I was of the same ilk.

She was at an event where I knew mostly all of the people and one of the people I knew was just doing it regla.  Nothing jazzy about her...just regla.  But she is a beautiful girl and has a beautiful spirit and I ADORE HER.

Well ugly chick had been sticking close to me thinking we were the same "kind" of people I guess right up until she said:

Her:  Oh my goodness...she looks like she bought that at Target.

(LAWD...WHY ME?) 

I turned and looked her head to toe.  I noted the FABULOUS trappings she was in.  Took it all in AGAIN (I had already checked her out and was like...okay...she is DOING-T IT!) and I said with a smirk on my face:  "Pretty girls don't have to work so hard."  And walked the hell off.

She might STILL be over there standing with her jaw on the dang floor.  Dumb butt.

I was in a foul azz mood recently and out and about.  I saw a lady with a baby in a stroller and before I could even stop myself I was thinking something ugly about the woman and how in the world could she come out of the house looking as she did.  Well...thankfully I've been on this journey to complete and utter FABULOUSNESS for a long, long time so I immediately saw it for what it was.  I was hatin on that poor, prolly sleep deprived, woman for having what I so desperately want.  A baby.

We need to watch ourselves cuz this type of thing can get outta hand quickly.  Trust me when I say you don't want to be one of those people.  Remember...you can be just as FABULOUS while others are being FABULOUS too.  There is enough to go around.  LOL!

Love yall! 

Comments

[Latisha]

I am not going to lie I use to hate, when I was younger, TRUST it got me no where. I cut that mess out QUICK. Now I tell other people not to HATE!
You can be just as great as the next person or better.HA!

[tee]

I must admit that I do get a perverse pleasure when people make fun of models...but if we can't make fun of them, who can we make fun of?
I have no problem tell another woman she looks gorgeous. there is enough room in this world for more than one beautiful woman.
I don't like mean people or people that think they are better than anyone else.
As a gross generalization I have found that if I go out my (random) vanilla sisters are more likely to compliment me than are my cocoa sisters. I am not sure why this is. Case and point just a few night ago I was walking down the street and this random chic comes up to me to tell me how fly my boots were (they were fabulous). The girl happened to be caucasian.

I think that there is already enough misery in this world and not enough happiness. If you can add to someone's happiness by telling them they look cute or sometimes just a smile will brighten someone's day, why not do it?

[Kenesha]

I consciously try to monitor my words and thoughts and what is behind them. I am also officially stealing your line, "Pretty girls don't have to work so hard." I know a lot of women who put down other women because they don't have a lot of "things", but if you can do it in Targe, you can do it in anything. LOL!

[Diva (in Demand)]

Okay...I blogged instead of having just a simple commet.

http://divaindemand.blogsome.com/2006/09/13/green-with-envy/

[kisz4tj]

U speakin the TRUF! I'll be sure to closely monitor my hatin tendencies....have never done it with my friends, but I don't need a biscuit for that. Its easy, cuz we're all DIVAS. However, doing it to a complete stranger is not cool. You've been a good example on both sides of the coin.

[crlsweetie912]

EXCELLENT POST! I try to never hate. I always give compliments to people who are looking fly. I have my own insecurities (as we all do) but I try not to be bitter and vindictive and push that off on others.

[Luke Cage]

Hmmm... I think this is a chick thing and I will pass.. -lol- My wife hates it when I use that term! *wavin' atcha miss C!*

[c2a]

I think hatin is about insecurity. That is why when I hate on folks I ask myself why am I even noticing htat thing.

Now there are those folks that just open the door and must be talked about.

[Honest]

I hit post before I could finish my comment. I confess that I too hate sometimes usually quietly to myself and then I shake my head and wonder when I'm going to get my own self together and stop the hatin'. I also find that people with low self esteem hate more then others. Their hate is also bitter and vindictive.

CreoleInDC: You said a mouf full. Bitter and vindictive. Yupper!

[Honest]

I think deep down we all have that "hatin'" gene. I have a so so friend who I now consider a hatter mainly because she's always so negative when she's talking about other people.