**NOTE: THIS POST SEEMED TO STRIKE SOME NERVES...SO I MOVED IT BACK UP. THE DISCUSSION SEEMS TO BE QUITE INTERESTING.
I'm a good looking chick. Is it okay that I say that?
I'm 37 and I'm shaped nice. Is it okay that I say that?
I don't have any hair issues. Is it okay that I say that?
I have a nice home, nice things. Is it okay that I say that?
I have mad flava and am a good cook. Is it okay that I say that?
I married well. Is it okay that I say that?
I have an awesome support system. Is it okay that I say that?
Just wondering ya know.
Is it okay for me to say something about myself and my life that I'm proud of without someone taking it as a personal attack against them and theirs? Why I gotta play misery + misery = misery with you?
When new chicks meet me in the real world...I get "the look." LOL! The "she thinks she's all that" look. And usually...I DON'T SAY A WORD! Why? Because I don't go off all willy nilly with new folk. I gotta feel em out first...see where their head is. I take my time with em. So basically all you have to go on is my physical appearance and if you look at me and decide you don't like me just from looking at me (cuz let me reiterate I AIN'T SAID MUCH OF NUTTIN YET!) I already know where that comes from.
So...a room full of people and enter me. Attractive women, okay looking women, same as with men. Tall, short. You can't be poor to be at this event...so we're probably all of the same ilk. What do they see when they see me? I know what they see because I have a mirror...I know what I see because I have 20/20 vision.
Let the games begin.
How do you size people up that you don't know or don't know OF you? The head to toe glance? The calculating of how much their ensemble costs? The size of their bling? Earring and watch check? Do you steer clear of the ones who are attractive and dismiss them as the dreaded "B" word without trying to get to know them? What do YOU do?
Me? I talk to the people that don't have that "pearl clutching" look about simple stuff...nice shoes...great bag, etc. I walk into the room like I own it and I immediately try and make people feel at ease around me. Hell...I know I can be intimidating. How do I know? Cuz folks have always told me that.
So...I'm talking. Get a good conversation going with a table full of people of about 10. Before we've parted, I've exchanged contact information with 6 of them. They all want to get together soon...let's do this again and, as always, one of them sidles up to me to say..."You're not at all what I thought you would be. I thought you'd be one of those kinds...you know?" I always laugh and say..."Baaaaaaaaaaaaby...I'm from the country...this is how we roll." Mild annoyance put away for another day. But...duly noted.
I told you guys about my cutting a piece of cake in front of an overweight woman who reacted negatively to the size of my slice turning her nose up at me ("My Mother's Daughter"). Well...more about that chick. She's NEVER liked me. Not from the first time she saw me and I didn't do a dang thing or say a dang thing to her. I remember her being around once when someone asked me if I did pilates and I said yes but not much anymore. I shared that I was undergoing treatment for infertility and just didn't have the energy level I had before so I didn't do much of anything cuz I didn't feel like it. The person I was talking to told me I was lucky. My response was..."Lucky I can't have a baby? Or lucky I don't gain much weight?" The overweight chick focused on the lucky I don't gain much weight and that annoyed me. That glass is half empty for her.
There are different degrees of lucky ya know. Which would I pick? You already know the answer to that.
I know I'm rambling.
People in real life that I don't let get close to me don't know me. My filters are in place so that people who SHOULDN'T be in my world aren't. If you're the type that judges me by what YOU THINK my appearance says about me...you need to stay away.
I find that once people read or hear about my pains in life...it makes it easier to accept me. I call this the "better than factor." LOL. As soon as someone finds out an aspect of someone's life that allows them to empathize with them or feel sorry for them...it easier to be around them considering their own insecurities. They need something to compare to so they can feel they are "better than" per se.
If you didn't know what I looked like. If you only knew of my pain. How would you picture I looked? Would you think I wouldn't be pretty because bad stuff doesn't happen to pretty people? That's what this mentality screams. Bad stuff happens to everyone. I would say bad stuff might happen to pretty people even more often because they encounter more people that try and get to know them more than average looking people. And we all know...the more people you know...the more nutcases you know.
Chick: Unh...you see her over there acting all stuck up?
Chick 2: That's the one whose father killed her mother and then himself.
Chick: No? REALLY? OHMYG!
Chick 2: Yeah, he used to beat all of them. Thank God for my parents.
Chick: Let's go ask her where she got those shoes...they are ROCKING!
Me: (Oh crap...here come the pearl clutchers...and they see me see them...too late to duck into the bathroom. Crap, crap, CRAP!)
People are weird. Is it okay for me to say that?
Be conscious of doing this ish okay? You might not even know you do it...but it happens to me enough that I know more people do it than you think and I've seen it done to other people too. Nobody has a perfect life. Everyone has something. Some of us...more than our fair share. We're all human. Try and remember that please.
