When I was 9 years old my aunt's husband tried to molest me. Under the pretense of teaching me how to play Spades, he would take the opportunity of being alone with me in a room while my mother and aunt would be in the next room over talking. It would be subtle, my sitting on his lap and him rubbing up against me making noises and asking me if "I liked that" and touching me.
He used to always bring me something and my family thought he was the nicest guy in the world.
Once I woke up from a nap while my mother and aunt ran to the store with him standing over me masturbating asking me over and over again "You want this, you want this?"
There was never any penetration, nor did it ever take longer than ten minutes.
I always had a very active imagination and stayed to myself a lot reading. And this ended up being my being a bad thing when I finally told because my mother and aunt thought I made it up and was lying. To my mother's credit, even though she accused me of lying, we never went to my aunt's house again, but I knew she didn't believe me and I've always known.
I'm an adult now and I've carried this around all of my life in secret shame. I never talk about it. To this day I have never been able to be asked if "I liked that" during intimacy.
My aunt is still married to this man and she still thinks I lied to her forever ago and it has always shaped our relationship as we have none. When she sees me, she looks at me in disgust and I have heard things she's said about me behind my back as it relates to my being promiscuous when the funny thing is...because of her husband, I wasn't able to bring myself to have intercourse until I was in my mid 20's.
I just wanted to get that off my chest and to be honest I don't have anywhere else I can say it. You said last night that you don't do any good and that you feel you're not contributing to society. Sending this to you to post on your blog and knowing you'll do it and keep my identity a secret so that I can read the stories of maybe others like me who dealt with something like this in their lives makes me feel better already. I identify with the people who read your site as it is, to me, one of the most non-ghetto places on the net whose audience is black. I thank you for giving me a place to be able to voice this.
Am I the only person this happened to as a child?
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This is the only post I will allow anonymous posts. Just put anonymous in the name section if you wish. In the area where it says email...put anon@anon.com. I don't encourage you to do it anonymously because that indicates that you think YOU did something wrong...but if it makes you feel better...please feel free. I have a feeling this is going to end up being a tough topic so let's support each other.
Have you ever been molested or did someone attempt to molest you? How did it affect you? Did you tell? What was the reaction when you did? What happened to the molester? Do you still see him/her? Do you think you have any residual symptoms of it?
Sophia: "Girl child ain't safe in a family full of mens."
