When I met my guy he lived in Houston, Texas and I lived in D.C. When we first met it was cool because we saw each other once or twice a month and nobody was in love or anything even though we knew how much we enjoyed each other's company.
He was a consultant and traveled pretty much weekly so he had lots of miles stacked up and once, very early, he was on a project within 3 hours drive time from me so he'd come to see me every weekend while on that project.
When projects like those started drying up...we had to make some significant adjustments to how much we saw each other and by that time we were in lava (deep like almost love) so it got hard. And on me...it was even harder. Remember me...I'm the kind of woman who needs a man to take care of her. I know it doesn't work for lots of women...but that's who I am and I'm comfortable in my skin.
That said, a woman who needs a man to take care of her in a relationship where she's in lava (deep like almost love) and who can't see her man as much as she wants to...NEEDS to...is a woman none too happy. Couple that with the fact that my guy isn't a phone guy and it set things up to be kinda difficult for us.
See...before Robby I wasn't lonely as I have a very active social calendar but once I knew him and knew how it felt to be WITH him...I was lonely when he wasn't around because of the comparison of how I felt when he WAS around. I know...confusing huh?
We dated long distance for 17 months. A loooooooooooooooooooooooooong azz 17 months. And in those 17 months there were periods of time where we didn't see each other for months at a time and yes...it was difficult. Very, very difficult.
Ya girl is a brat. I am. I'm selfish and spoiled rotten and I want what I want when I want it so it was quite the lesson in patience these 17 months.
I remember that the most frustrating fights we had were the ones when we were fighting about when we'd see each other next. Funny huh? Fighting about wanting to see each other. Real funny. Two people who WANT to be together but couldn't because of direct responsibilities. FOR SEVENTEEN MONTHS.
Man...it was ROUGH!
I learned to not put too much pressure on him by making demands and he learned to be gentle with his tone when diffusing yet another time when I was missing him too much and I'd seen another couple holding hands walking knowing I was on my way home to an empty apartment with nothing but the television to keep me company and instant messages with and a phone call with my guy.
I fell in love with Robby on 9/11. Or at least I acknowledged that what it was I'd been feeling all this time was more than lava...it was love. The thought that he could have been on one of those planes turned my lips white with pain. I was hooked...I was in love.
With this knowledge I became more possessive of him and wanted more than anything to be with him every opportunity but career responsibilities always seemed to interfere and my anger at him and the situation stemmed from the thought that he must not love me as much because it didn't seem to be that much of a big deal to him. He calmly, in that way he has with me, explained that it wasn't the case and that I must be dumb as a box of rocks but he wasn't going to get upset over something he had no control over and that would make the time we did spend together that much more sweet.
He was right.
Our weekends and long weekends were crammed full of activity like we were trying to store up memories. We laughed and hugged and kissed freely. Had beautiful dinners and walks. Went to movies and roamed D.C. like tourists knowing that these few hours that made up the weekend would be the only thing we had to hold on to for a minute.
Will I say it got easier? No. It never did. For me...a woman who NEEDS her man...it was the most difficult period in my life. I love hard and solid and I believe in absolutes.
Do I have any advice for others going through this? Sure. Lots. But the main piece being that you're not the only person dealing with this and you won't be the last. Your success at wading through this difficult period in a long distance relationship will be based on how maturely you are able to focus on the facts. Sure get emotional...but just remember that just because he doesn't get the baby voice doesn't mean he's not missing you like crazy either. Men show emotion differently. We are NOT the same.
There were many times during those 17 months where both of us thought we weren't going to be able to make it. Me because I couldn't stand not seeing him and he because he got tired of my whining about it. And I wish I could say that's all I did. But me being me...I showed my ENTIRE azz on several occassions. The end result was always the same. Life happens and gets in the way of what you WANT. Be patient and deal as maturely as you possibly can.
Am I glad we figured out how to make it work? You already know the answer to that. I mean hey...I can't even SLEEP without him. I got it bad.
Love is great once you get to that point where you can recognize how to BE in love. Marriage...hey...when it's good...it's GOOD and I am so blessed to have SUCH a good one.
Seventeen months folks. That was a long azz time.
Any advice for long distance loving?
