I was just over at Brutha Code's spot and, as usual, he has a post up that is the PERFECT blend of lesson and laughter. That dude is a TRUE soothslayer folks. Truly.
So I came back over here thinking of a lesson and laughter piece and whether I had anything in me to give right quick. And I guess...I don't. Not really. Then...the phone rings and it's Dr. Punkin and we get to talking about something and ended up bringin up old ish, of which it seems...I'm always the foolyway of the duo.
Dr. Punkin has always been a man magnet. I mean hey...my sister is beautiful and jazzy as hell. I have seen men almost get hit by cars trying to holla at her cuz she was what they call in the South...MILK LEG FINE. Seriously.
When I lived in Dallas, she was working on her Master's and would visit every weekend she could. The summer she decided not to take any classes...she stayed for the summer. Now THAT was a STELLAR summer. The stuff legends were made of folks. Two good looking chicks in the land of tall tales and 10 gallon heads...erra...hats.
Life.Was.Good.
Cept for the fact that I got bored going out (SHUT UP WEEZY!) every time we went out. And since we were always on "the list"... seems like we were always, ALWAYS going out that summer.
This particular night we'd gone to some party and, as always, this dude latched onto my sister. See...they always did cuz she'd actually TALK to them. They never latched onto me cuz I knew I wouldn't be meeting the future Mr. Me in a club and therefore didn't really engage in convo when approached. Yes...I was the cold witch with a B looking bored. :) But you knew that didn't you. LOL!
Well this dude had latched onto Dr. Punkin and was hell bent on trying to IMPRESS her. Difficult to do in a loud azz environment when the chicks you're trying to impress don't drink (I didn't start drinking until Robby and I were engaged...yup...he corrupted me...humph!) so ya boy tried to take us to breakfast. Me...I was like HELL NO...I'M READY FOR BED YO AZZ ON SUMMER BREAK BUT I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING! I put my damn foot down. I MEANT I wasn't going DAMMIT! And I wasn't BUDGING on my position!
So we were at the restaurant for breakfast right (say bruh...she's older than me...and besides...she was driving) and this was the typical breakfast spot for after the club. (For the life of me...I can't even remember the name of the place.)
We're sitting in the front on cushioned benches waiting on a table to become available when I look up towards a door and a dang policeman is RUNNING HIS AZZ OFF TOWARDS THE DOOR! I'm like...WHAT THE HELL?????????????????? And then I hear shots...and so does everyone else. Folks started screaming and whatnot and skrait PANIC ensued. I got the hell up and ran. FLO JO BABY! TRUST!
I don't stop till I'm in the kitchen and I'm telling the cooks that somebody out there shooting at police when I realized my damn sister wasn't behind me. I'm like...what the hell! So I grabbed a couple of slices of bacon (yes...I did. Ask Dr. Punkin...she tells this story OFTEN!) and just as I'm turning toward the way I came I hear Dr. Punkin screaming...
WHERE'S MY SISTER? WHERE'S MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MF (to the dude who was enamored with her)...YOU SEEN MY SISTER?????????????????
And I E-MERGE from the kitchen with my bacon and hold out a piece to her. She hit me talking bout...I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOUR AZZ WAS! I WAS SO SCARED! And I'm like...I was in the kitchen hell I thought you were right behind me! And she grabbed the piece of bacon and was like...Don't do that shit no mo. And I was like...look...when I move...you move and all will be well. (Note she took the bacon. Hee-hee.)
Moving on...
Some years ago the Robinator and I were in Sun Valley and we were enjoying a lovely evening. Just LOVELY. We'd had a 5 star meal with a FABULOUS bottle of wine and we were lounging on the patio together watching shooting stars. Summers in Sun Valley are ones such that it feels like Summer during the day...but Fall at night so we had a blanket on the chaise lounger with us so we could keep warm while we watched the stars and talked. You know...sweet ish.
Now I have to describe this house. It's LOVERLY and the back patio has a view of mountains all around and the back yard has it's own pond and wilderness thats not really wilderness because it's carefully planned by Le Gardener. Seriously. Planned wilderness with zones and whatnot. The end of the property line walked right up to the river and it was a good piece away from the patio. WILDERNESS. NO.FENCE. MOUNTAINS. NATURE. SUN VALLEY. IDAHO. They got black bears, moose, elk, ERRYTHING!
Got it? Got it.
So we loving life. Marveling at it actually when we heard it. Something HUGE moving in the wilderness part of the landscaping. Like...IT MOVED A DANG TREE! Not a rustle mind you...but some PURPOSEFUL STALKING STRIDES MOVING TREES OUT ITS WAY!
Two seconds later...I was in the house with the patio door closed. Robby...my dear, sweet, FABULOUS husband was standing on the edge of the patio talking bout...
"Gee...I wish I had a flashlight."
To which I yanked open the door and hissed..."BOY...YOU BETTER GET YOUR AZZ IN THIS HOUSE HELL! THIS IS WHY ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE GET KILLED IN THE MOVIES! WHEN I MOVE YOU MOVE!
Moving on...
About two years ago Robby was training for one of the marathons he's run. He was serious about getting conditioned so he'd be able to pace himself to get a good finish time. It was a BEAUTIFUL day and we were taking the doggies for a walk. Robby had run a 15 mile run the day before. He was CONDITIONED.
Well, we got to the part where the neighborhood splits and we saw a television news van. We're walking and talking looking like TRUE suburbanites when we see a man step out in full police stance like he was pointing a gun at the driver of the news van.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbyyyyyyyy Monnie took off. PFFTH! Just call me ROADRUNNER! By the time Robby made it home...I'd called the police and made him a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.
Conditioned my foot. All that running you do and you got DUSTED by lil ole sedentary me. Humph. Listen...WHEN I MOVE YOU MOVE AND KEEP UP!
All this rambling I forgot the point of the post. Oh yeah...a lesson. I'm sure yall got it by now. Yall know Monnie don't run from nuttin but danger so when you see me run...don't say ish...JUST RUN. AND KEEP UP!
When I move...you move. Seriously bruh. Keep up. We'll talk once we get there. I always said I could have been Olympic Gold. All they had to do was get some big azz dude with a bat to chase me.
When I move you move. Don't forget.
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