1. one upper ~ An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.
Person: I got to meet James Hetfield before the concert and I got his autograph.
One Upper: Yeah, well my cousin knows the head of security for Metallica, and he got us front row tickets to the show and then we went backstage and met the whole group. Then they invited us back to their hotel room and we partied with them all night.
Person: I have a a dislocated knee.
One Upper: Yeah, well last summer I broke my leg in four places and had to have a steel pin inserted. I also had to have surgery done on my knee to repair the torn ligaments. I was on crutches for almost two months.
2. one upper
A one upper is one who feels like they need to be better than everyone else, so they constantly "one-up" anything that anyone says.
Chad: Dude, I got a V-6 Mustang today, its Lime Green!
Todd: Oh, but I just got a Roush 'Stang with a supercharger thats laying down 400 to the wheels dawg.
Chad: -_- (gee what a one upper)
3. one upper
A person that "knows" about everything. This person has done everything you wish you had. If you saw it on television last night, he did it for a family vacation 2 years ago.
JON: I had the best BBQ Chicken last night.
ONE UPPER: Ya, I have the best bbq sauce recipe ever. I won an award for it at the fair a couple of years ago.
The One-Upper is a rare form of bird. Unfortunately the season in which this bird will be sighted is year round. Yup...the one-upper can fly down at ANY.TIME.
Recently I encountered such a bird and it pissed.me.off.
This particular one-upper was dating one of our friends. The friend had shared with us that they were scaling back Christmas gift giving because of some financial responsibilities they'd recently taken on. Being friends for as long as we all have...we understood and complied. Scaled back our gifts to him to reflect his wishes.
We decided to send him the delux version of Scrabble for Christmas. You know...family friendly fun and well within scaled-back rhelmdome. (New word...take note!)
Well...the day before my holiday shipping day....(yes I make a holiday shipping day...so sue me) a gift came to 13700. An ELABORATE damn gift. E-LAB-OR-ATE. Yup...I'm talking blue boxes and ish elaborate.
I stepped back.
Took out the card and read it. (I'm used to getting elaborate gifts from family...so I was thinking it was from a family member, of course.) It was from the one-upper. The gift card said it was from her and our friend.
I saw red. Spots even. I don't take being one-upped well. Why? Because I respect the wishes of my friends and had we WANTED to do the norm...dammit...we would have. But this heffa...THIS HEFFA...was playing games.
She didn't know who she was fuggin with.
I called Robby at the office.
Robby: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE TRYING TO ONE-UP YOU!
I called Dr. Punkin.
Dr. Punkin: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE TRYING TO ONE-UP YOU! YOU KNOW THAT UGLY CHICK CAN'T STAND YOU!
Me: Imma call you back.
I called one of the crew.
Crew Member: Dang...I wonder if she's gonna try to send us a big gift too? You know she just trying to win us over
Me: Humph. If she was on her damn game she'd have done better research. Imma call you back.
I called Noreen.
Noreen: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GET HER MONNIE! GET HER!
I told Shelly.
Shelly: Damn. She on't know you like that!!!!!!
I told Les.
Me: Wow is right.
Shared it with Jen.
Jen: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO! She's DOING TOO MUCH!
Me: Again...confirmation as to why I love you.
I HAD to tag her. As only Monnie can. :)
So I bought an ELABORATE gift for the friend ONLY. Something ONLY he could use. NOT a family gift...NOT a couple gift. A HIM ONLY GIFT.
And I sent it overnight express. FROM LONDON!
The card said:
From Mr. and Mrs. Moss to one of our dearest, most loved friends. We know you asked us to scale down Christmas and we respect your reasons why...but we wanted you to always know your worth to us. Love always and forever.
And I felt INSTANTLY better. In fact...I think I baked a poundcake and listened to some music. Enjoyed life. Whistling and ish...tapping my foot. The one-upper has been ONE.UPPED. Oh happy day.
I slept good that night.
They are no longer together. Surprise...surprise! That chick had ISSUES. Insecurity being a HUGE one. I always want to say to women the following:
Darling...I'm a bad witch and I have never, EVER not gotten a man I wanted. Had I WANTED him...I would have HAD him. TRUST. Don't make your shit about me. You'll get your feelings hurt EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
Yes. I am evil. But ain't that why yall love me? :) (Haters...hold your tongue. SIP is in RARE form tonight. ROFL!)
Question...you know any ONE-UPPERS? You ever tagged one?