One of my young friends recently broke up with her boyfriend. She called me with tears in her voice and just puppy dog hurt. Whimpering and ish. I listened without saying much because I never thought the dude was her speed anyway and the sooner she recognized this...the better.
But she was hurt.
Mainly because of the way it all ended and she felt like she didn't have any closure.
I got up and closed the door to my bedroom and she heard the sound on the phone. I got quiet.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
Nothing. I just closed my bedroom door and then I walked downstairs. Nothing is coming out of or going into my room unless the door is opened again.
I CLOSED the door pretty effectively and no one needs to explain to me how the door closed. I KNOW IT'S CLOSED.
NOBODY NEEDS TO EXPLAIN A CLOSED DOOR TO ME.
She said a small "Oh." and I continued talking. Why? Cuz I was mad.
TELL EM WHY YOU MAD SON!
See...I'm not giving anyone an opportunity to dog me and tell me why I don't measure up to THEIR standards. Especially some azz that wasn't my speed. Especially some azz that needs to be slapped with a bit of reality as far as his list stacks up. ESPECIALLY when I know myself and know I'm a good person.
I wish a mofo would.
I wanted her to get mad too. I NEEDED her to get mad. The sooner she gets over this need for closure bullshit...the better.
You need closure when some serious life changing ish happens to you and you get the closure from YOURSELF. A therapist will help you get there and will guide YOUR process. A therapist who cares for you and wants to take you there GENTLY. Not some azz that has PROVEN they don't care about you.
The only person who can give you the type of closure YOU need is YOU. You have to get up and close that door and not worry about what's waiting on the other side. When you're ready, if you know yourself well, you'll know when you're ready to open that door and walk out with your head held high.
Cuz it didn't kill you.
Most of us have had more than one break up and we're still here. Most of us have been devastated in the name of love.
And we're still here.
Redefine what you THINK ish means. Closure ain't got ish to do with anyone but YOU. You need to be honest with yourself about why A, B or C didn't work out. You already know.
You gotta close that door with clear reasons as to why.