Back when I was dating I went through cycles. There would be times when I'd have a date a weekend, four dates a weekend, no dates a weekend. It was pretty much hit or miss according to how much I was focused on meeting someone.
The key here are the words DATING and DATES.
When I wasn't exclusive with someone...I WASN'T. Period. I kept my options open and I was me with everyone. There were some dudes who thought I was fly and some dudes who knew right off the bat they couldn't deal with my brand of me. And vice-versa...except...in my world...the only thing that mattered was what I THOUGHT. Period.
I've always thought I was the shit.
I believe in love. I believe in soul mates. I believe with all of me that there is someone for everyone. With all my heart I believe this. If they find each other however? Well...that's a whole nudder story.
I sit and listen to girlfriends and guy friends talk about the dating scene as well as read about it on blogs and whatnot. It seems to be more difficult for some than I would have thought it would be and it seems that there are a lot of folks who have stopped actually DATING even though they are going out on dates.
Cuz what they are doing damn sure ain't dating if you ask me.
(Don't keep doing the same shit. It's foolish. Learn from your lessons please and from others around you.)
One thing I will never be mad at is a woman who falls off the bike, dusts herself off and tries again. As women, we know ourselves and we know what we want and I know every single woman I know would love to have someone who compliments their life who loves them unconditionally.
I can't knock that. I WON'T knock that. Ain't no way in hell anyone SHOULD knock that, especially someone who knows how good REAL love can be.
When you have real love you want it for everyone. I promise. (Unless it's YOUR husband talking bout some damn soul mate that AIN'T you. Whatever for you playa.) That feeling of being loved and in love is so powerful that it creates the most beautiful space within you to want it for EVERYONE knowing that only good would come out of as many people as possible feeling that kind of love.
I never thought I would be able to say that I appreciated my parent's relationship as much as I find I do today. I know that sounds odd since you know how they ended up but it's true. I believe the dysfunction of their relationship gave me an advantage in the dating department cuz I had time to think about what I would NEVER, EVER, EVER deal with and...it kinda made me a bit evil when it came to dating. Because of this, the kid wasn't into all that crazy shit and riffraff picked up on that really quick. Oh yeah...I'm crazy. Trust. And I have every reason to be.
But everyone doesn't have that edge. (That might be a good thing I know.)
I always tell folks to remember that they are the common denominator in constant crazy ish. If you find you're always dealing with crazy dudes...I need you to do an honest evaluation of yourself and your dating style and figure out why.
Is it HOW and WHERE you're meeting them?
Is it your conversation?
Is it what you tell them about yourself right off the bat?
Is it that you accepted some disrespect and gave him the benefit of doubt when he didn't deserve that yet CUZ YOU DON'T FUGGIN KNOW HIM?
Is it that you answered the phone too late? Allowed him in your home too soon? Had sans ropas thinking it meant something instead of KNOWING it did?
Is it that you were cool with that texting shit? (This ish AIN'T appropriate when getting to know someone okay? STOP DOING THAT SHIT!)
So yeah...the only person who can answer these questions is you, you and you.
And the only person who can fix this about you is...(DRUMROLL PLEASE)...you.
Again...I ain't gonna ever knock a woman for getting back up and trying. I ain't gonna call her stoopit, nor am I going to let anyone else do so around me. I'm going to continue to remind people that you can't blame a woman for continuing to try if her goal is that she wants to be in a loving, lasting relationship. There is not a woman alive that doesn't hope, pray and believe that THIS first date will be the LAST first date.
And ain't nothing wrong with believing.
Keep hope alive and keep getting back up on that bike until you no longer need your helmet and pads.