Hi Monica!Just wanted to share my update and get your opinion....
My results...According to him, my options are an egg donor and a surrogate. What?!?!? That is NOT what I wanted to hear. I had NO IDEA that an egg donor was even a consideration. Yeah, I know my uterus has some issues but I’m too young to have “bad eggs”. I don’t know of any other woman in my family that has ever had this problem….Then again, they all had children in their 20’s. But still…I want MY DNA in MY child!!! Call me selfish, but that’s what I want.
I’m FINALLY at a point in my life where I want to make this happen and now it seems that I won’t be able to. I’m in a relationship with a man who’s very supportive and wants to have a child with me, as much as I want to have a child with him. We aren’t married, but at my age, I can’t wait much longer. Unfortunately, I hit the snooze button on my biological clock too many times while waiting for the “perfect” situation and my mother’s genetics f’d up my uterus (she had a hysterectomy in her mid 20's as a result of fibroids) so now it looks like I may be S.O.L. in the baby department. I desperately want the opportunity to experience pregnancy, to feel a life grow inside me. I want to nurture and love a child. I want to be, and know I would be a damn good mother…if only given the opportunity.
This is my background:
• 1997-Pregnancy termination.
• 1998-Myomectomy. 5 fibroids removed.
• 2002-Miscarriage, most likely because of fibroids
• 2005-Myomectomy. 7 fibroids removed.
• 2008-Uterine Artery Embolization. SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the blood loss during my menstrual cycle (I was losing so much blood that I had to receive blood transfusions due to the anemia)
• 2009-2010 actively TRYING to get pregnant but NOTHING is happening
• 2010-sought fertility specialist and told that I have “diminishing ovarian reserve” in addition there are uterine problems as a result of all the surgeries as well as the return of multiple fibroids.
Hindsight is 20/20. If I had known that in my late 30’s, I’d still be unmarried and childless, I would have made different decisions. I may have still been unmarried but I wouldn’t be childless.
Every time I had abdominal pain, excessive bleeding, and a surgical procedure, I wondered if that situation would have an effect on my future ability to have a child. I kept referencing the fact that every doctor said “Many women have gone on to have successful pregnancies after this procedure…” I keep hoping that this will be the case with me even though I’ve had to have multiple procedures because of the fibroids. Each time I would regret the decision I made in 1997. Back then, it seemed the best thing to do. I was in a relationship with a man that was a compulsive liar and a habitual cheater. I was an emotional wreck because of my tumultuous relationship with him and I was financially unstable. I was not ready to have a child at that time and I’m not sure I would have been a good parent if I had. I’m almost certain that I wouldn’t have either emotional or financial support I needed from him. In addition, I was living in a city across the country far away from my family…far from my unconditional support system. So I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. It seemed the best thing to do at the time, but in retrospect I wonder if it really was. I believe in karma, and I often wonder if I’m being “punished” as a result of my decision so many years ago.
I’ve been crying off and on for the last couple weeks. Always alone and in the dark because I can’t let anyone know just how this is affecting me. Far be it from me, Ms. Independent- Strong-Black-Woman to be devastated because I’ve received confirmation that I can’t bear my own child. After all, “If you wanted kids and a husband, you would have had them by now….” Right?
Now that I’ve given you some background, I’d like to know what you and your readers would advise me to do. I want to get a 2nd and maybe even a 3rd opinion but my insurance does not cover any type of fertility assessment, diagnosis or treatment. I’ve already spent close to $4000 on tests and evaluation with one doctor. I will definitely have my records forwarded to the next specialist so hopefully I won’t have to repeat tests but I know there will be additional tests and evaluations that will cost. I’m not yet ready to give up hope and want to get another opinion. Am I being unrealistic? Do you think it’s a waste of time and money? I will likely have to obtain a small loan to proceed (and a large loan if the doctor gives me hope of IVF…..).Will you please post this on your site? I’d like to read what some of your other readers have to say but I’d like to remain anonymous. After all, I am Ms. Independent- Strong-Black-Woman…
Sincerely,Ms. Diminished Reserve