I hate New Year's resolutions. Mainly because it mostly means that for about two solid weeks there won't be any treadmills available at the gym when I'm immediately ready. o_0
N E WAY...
New Year's resolutions are kinda like just stuff to say ya know? You think about what your best case scenario in life would be and then you set these lofty azz goals talkin' bout you're gonna do this and this and this.
I don't think that's realistic.
Sure...I set goals for myself but I do that on a regular basis and, at age 41, I'm probably not really changing up too, too much if I'm honest with myself.
But...at 41...I do recognize that there are some things that I could probably do better. Why? Because I've lived with myself for 41 years and I know myself...WELL.
I have an anger problem but I'm pretty good at keeping it under wraps most times in public. I just stop talking. If you're around me and know me well...you know when I'm pissed off but if you're random person...it seems as if nothing is wrong because I'm simply sitting there with a blah look on my face saying NOTHING. You might think it's odd if you don't know me and everyone is laughing I don't even CHUCKLE...but seriously...you'd just think I was odd.
At home however? With the people who really know me? I'M REAL AND RAW.
Sometimes too real and too raw.
I need to do better.
One extreme to the other like that isn't really good I think. I need to find a happy medium.
I also have a problem with being so annoyed that I get lightheaded when things don't go the way I want them to go. Now...this isn't as bad as it sounds because I'm a VERY thoughtful person. That said...when I've decided on the best case scenario...I've taken everyone involved into consideration. I've weighed the pros and cons and I've adjusted what I'd do if it was solely dependent upon me and my exacting standards and factored in couldas, wouldas and shouldas.
So I figure that with all that proper, well thought out planning...things should go a certain way.
Well...when they don't I can get downright medieval.
And I know that's something I need to work on as well.
Let it be a film project and I can follow it from beginning to end and finish it without a single problem or hiccup because it excites me. No...wait...it excites the HELL outta me!
BUT LET IT BE A PROJECT AT HOME. *sigh* I will start something and not finish it and leave all that ish right there without a second glance at it even though I have to step over it to move freely around my home.
And this flaw drives my husband BAT.SHAT.CRAZY.
I need to do better about that because I love him and I do believe I've seen him clutch his chest a few times this year when I've done that. I can't have my love stroking out trying not to blast me into Kingdom Come because he's sick of the mop bucket leaned up against the wall for three days in a row because I'm not finished using it yet.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've almost run out of gas this year. Not because I didn't pass a gas station mind you. Not because I didn't have the money mind you. But seriously because I just wanted to make it home without stopping.
So I did.
And then...the very next time I'm rushing out of the house for something important...YOU GUESSED IT! I need to stop and get gas throwing me way off schedule and causing me to have to speed to get to where I'm going on time because I HATE being late and probably getting one of those lovely traffic camera tickets as well.
And THAT drives Robby batty too. Opening the mail to see yet another one of my "driving fees" (as he calls them now) is akin to balling up money and throwing it out the door and yeah...he's right.
Imma do better.
I could probably do better with some family stuff as well but I'm seriously just so gotdamn stubborn and I have no patience so I might need to focus on THAT nonsense when I'm 75 and trying harder to get into heaven. I mean...I seriously would rather NOT than make an attempt in a whole lot of situations because I know the process is going to piss me the hell off and I will seriously start throwing shit.
Throwing shit. *sigh*
That's something else I need to work on.
I need to work on keeping my corner of the sofa neater too. I'm sitting here now and there are stacks of things that don't even need to be here. I mean...why is my Christmas grocery store list still there? Why do I need it again? Why isn't it thrown away? And do I REALLY need to have 6 hairbands in reaching distance at any given time???????
Prolly not since I have stacks of them on my nightstand, on the side of the tub and in TWO really lovely glass and silver containers in the bathroom. Plus in my purse, the arm rest of my truck, the door of my truck...hell...the FLOOR of my truck.
I think yall see where I'm going with this.
I'm going to really focus on some of the things I KNOW I can do better without much changing who I really am. Who I kinda like because yeah...I like me. Hell...I LURVE me.
But I don't live in this world alone and the majority of the things I could do better affect those I truly love.
And that's another thing. I could be better about showing affection. I'm not really all that touchy feely and a lot of folks are. Now I'm not saying that random folks can touch me mind you but yeah...when my sister reaches to hug or kiss me I could prolly do better than ducking and running talking bout..."EW PUNKIN MOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!" It's really odd but it seems I'm only really naturally affectionate with Robby and the kids I love because when my Golden Boy reaches to hug or kiss me I get all mushy inside and be all grin-T up. And Robby...well...he's my love. I couldn't imagine not having munchy kisses from him all the time. LOL!
I said all this to say...maybe you should try this too. Instead of all these major lofty "resolutions" that you know you prolly won't keep...maybe you should simply focus on areas you know you could do better and start with being conscious about them in the moment.
Then...maybe REAL change will come about your life that you can see evidence of DAILY.
What say you? Whatchu got? I know I'm not the ONLY person who needs to work on some ish.
An old acquaintance was in town recently and called to ask me for some restaurant recommendations. I obliged and shared that she and her husband would love the ones I suggested. She sent me an email shortly after asking if I knew of any OTHER restaurants because the ones I'd suggested seemed a bit "uppity."
The restaurants in questions were two restaurants Robby and I adore and two restaurants introduced to me by dining with The Usual Suspects.
So I asked the old acquaintance what was more of her steelo based on what she's used to and well...I then shared with her that all of her favorite restaurants were here as well, as far as I knew, and she should just stick to what she knew.
Her: But I wanted to try some of the DC restaurants.
When I recommend something to folks I always consider the source. She and her husband seem to be regular middle class folks like Robby and I so telling her about Founding Fathers didn't really seem like an "uppity" stretch. The price point there is extremely reasonable, in my opinion, and the food is pretty darn delish.
I got tired of the email back and forth and told her to call me and she did...an hour later...when I was shopping.
Her: Hey girl!
SIP: The hell is "uppity" about the restaurants I suggested?
Her: Girl...you know we looked at the menu and well it just doesn't seem like something we'd eat.
Me: Oh...so it wasn't the price you were worried about?
Her: What? Girl no! They said something about vegan. You know we don't do no vegan stuff.
Me: Um...they have a vegan MENU...not all vegan foods.
Her: Well you know my husband isn't going to like it.
Me: Why wouldn't he like it? The food is good.
Her: Do you know of any good seafood restaurants?
Me: You live in Louisiana! You have DAILY access to seafood restaurants!
Her: Well when we go out that's what we like!
Me: *sigh* Yes...there are seafood restaurants.
Her: With FRIED seafood platters? You know we don't eat like you. *laugh.laugh.giggle.giggle*
I kid you not..I am BLOWN AWAY that this dude is STILL out there, with the SAME story, playing the SAME games. See I met "Brian" back at the end of 2004/2005. Back then, he was a FBI agent and lived in Birmingham. He found me on BPM as well (I'm starting to think he works for them). I figured out a way to get into his email account and sent an email to EVERY SINGLE FEMALE in his address book. Yup..sure did. I filed a police report here, and was given the contact information for a detective in Douglasville, GA. I called the detective with my information and he said this dude is up and down the east coast and it's not considered a "bad enough crime" but he would add my case number to what he had.
At first I said you know...her blog is from 2009, we're about to go into 2011. Do I just let it go and continue or should I let her know this information? You can see which I chose.
I admire your strength for entering that post on your blog and if there's any information I can provide you with, let me know (not sure if you filed a police report as well, or if the person who was victimized was.
Peace and Blessings, M
My response: Hi M!
The young lady this happened to is a friend of mine and she has moved on. I’m so sorry to hear that women are continuing to allow this fool to dupe them. I’m glad the post comes up when folks actually Google that fool and hope that it will help deter others from falling too soon for some ish that appears too good to be true.
SIP: This dude is good. I bet he has millions squirreled away somewhere.
There are some people in this world who are extremely complicated people. I'm talking...you gotta be a dang cryptologist to figure out what they actually mean when they say something. Every single move? It means something. If they scratch their left eye with their ring finger it means something different than if they scratch their right eye with the pinky finger of their left hand.
Some folks wear their I-hate-the-world t-shirt that doesn't really say I-hate-the-world. In fact...it's green with no writing on it but they expect folks to know when they are in a bad mood because they are wearing their I-hate-the-world t-shirt.
To those complicated people I say...good luck with that. Go 'head on and continue not saying anything when folks are straight up pissing you off. Go 'head and keep your hurt feelings to yourself so folks don't even know when to apologize for something that ended up hurting your feelings that they didn't know they even did. Go 'head on and keep all that stuff bottled up inside until the stress of it all kills you.
Me? Imma keep speaking my mind and tagging folks when need be. In my mind's eye...it's better OUT than IN. Stress kills.
Are YOU a complicated person? Or do you make it easy to know where folks stand with you? Do YOU know any complicated people? How do you deal with them?
As a writer/director/producer I deal with actors on a regular basis. One of the very first actors I dealt with was Ms. Dionne Audain and I have to say she spoiled me for all others for the rest of my filmmaking career.
I emailed Ms. Audain after reviewing her Stonehenge audition and she responded. In her signature was her website which included her reel, headshots, voice work, print work, etc.
She answered my email with a phone call and we chatted for a minute.
Then...I sent her a PDF of the script via email.
She called back and was like...I'll do it.
And she did.
Ms. Audain starred in our first short film, "sisters." and rocked the heck outta her performance of 'CHARLIE.'
She was a joy to work with and continues to be a resource to me. I hope, wish and pray I get to work with her again soon.
The thing she DID do for me however that wasn't good? She ruined my experiences with most other actors. See...I didn't have to ASK for Dionne's reel. It was attached to her email and included on her website. I didn't have to ask for anything from her. It was there because she's a professional as well as a hustler. Surprisingly...you don't find that a lot in actors for some odd reason. Everyone doesn't have a reel readily available it seems nor a website and that confuses me because they are in such a VISUAL field that you'd think they knew first hand that this was a necessary tool in their repertoire.
Today I reached out to Ms. Audain regarding something that has to do with our next film we're in pre-production for. She responded within thirty minutes and I remembered just how wonderful it was to work with her.
She should give classes to all actors looking to be a "working" actor. Dionne Audain ROCKS and I am SUCH a stan! Why? She's the reason "sisters." received 4 laurels and a WIN! LOL!
I watch people all the time. See...for me it's research. I love looking at people when they don't know they are being watched because it's then...in those moments of privacy...they reveal who they really are.
I was watching a couple recently and the husband stood up and left after saying something softly to his wife. The second he got up she sat up straight and tensed up. Started looking all around her. Rearranged their bags nearer to her feet, pulled her cell phone out of her purse and held it.
When he returned...she settled back into a relaxed position, crossed her legs and put her phone away.
I thought that was very interesting.
He handed her a bag with a magazine, bottle of water and some kinda snack and then sat next to her and patted her on the leg.
I thought that was indicative of their relationship. He's the protector and she trusts him to protect her.
Then there was another couple with a child. The man dressed stylish wearing boots. The baseball hat was way odd initially because dude was SHARP. Prada shoes, pants completely custom fit, perfect collar on his sweater, gorgeous watch, wearing his wedding band.
He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. Smart phone in one hand, coffee in the other. It became evident that he used the lid of the baseball cap to hood his eyes as he checked out every women who passed by.
He seemed to be traveling alone but he wasn't. His very disheveled looking wife was trying to keep their toddler from being too bad. The kid was at that age where she wanted to touch every.single.thing. The wife had on a velour track suit with a vest. Her purse was really large and it was obvious she was carrying all of their important stuff. The kid kept getting on the floor, smiling at strangers, dropping her sippy cup, changing out the toy she wanted to use, pushing her stroller.
She never attempted to touch the man.
He never attempted to touch her.
The woman changed the ponytail in her hair every 10 minutes or so. She took the band off then put it on. Took it off then put it on. The man checked his phone every few minutes.
He didn't move when the child was doing something.
His phone apparently vibrated and he jumped up and walked over to the windows and took his call. The wife looked over once but then she had to go get her daughter who was running her stroller into the side of a row of chairs filled with passengers who'd decided she wasn't all that cute after all.
The man walked up as the child was squirming in her mother's arms and her mother was attempting to pull something out of her bag. He sat down and said, "Stop."
And both the mother and child froze.
He went back to checking women out and ignoring the two next to him.
I swear to goodness if Robby walks past me one more time with something in his hand to eat I'm throwing everything off the deck. I guess he's good since he's still going to the gym everyday. Just seems that all the food and snacks are so RICH to me!
I love the sound of coffee pouring.
I'm so glad we didn't get snow I don't know what to do.
I'm on the other side of my sicky poo thank goodness.
I haven't been outside in FOREVER!
Imma slice up all these pears and make a tort today I think.
I simply can't let pears go bad.
I still have a stack of missing Christmas cards.
I don't believe in putting clothes on dogs.
My dogs don't belive in wearing them either. ROFL!
I'd like to take pictures today but I'm soooooo not leaving my house.
Stress is the number one killer. This is why it's important to ONLY deal with people you WANT to deal with and do as much of what you WANT to do as possible.
I know a whole lotta folks who need to make that a priority in 2011. I've been doing it since 2000.
I need to add more water to the pot on the stove. I'm old school country...I boil water when it's this cold and dry.
I've watched more television this week than I have in the last 6 months.
I usually stick to movies.
I blame Erica B. and that dang "Downsized."
Couldn't believe in episode 106 that Todd's azz finally, FINALLY filled out a job application.
I don't know anything about television on regular channels during prime time but my On Demand be SMOKING!
I still don't understand why the mom doesn't stick to one dang home business though. She goes through ideas like I go through dark chocolate covered pomegranate.
I'm usually in the malls this week. I simply didn't have the energy to leave my home.
I just saw the dumbest Swiffer commercial ever. Two chicks covered in mud waiting to be "picked up" by a mop.
Has prime time television jumped the shark?
I think I could rock some of Victoria Beckham's pieces. *UPDATED...I asked Mr. Google about them and her azz is crazy regarding pricing. Seriously.
Seriously? I LURVE getting Christmas cards! Why? I haven't the slightest idea as to why. I mean...I seriously love getting Christmas cards more than gifts even. They are like instant smiles and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The Robinator even likes looking at them!
How AWESOME is this one????? The outside of the card was personalized just for US! We both started grinning! LOL! AMAZING from Angela B. and family! The most FABU part however? THE INSIDE!
A picture of her most beautiful family in the Big Apple! I hope she recognizes how blessed she is to have this much happiness! I'm so excited her daughter got a new Nikon D3100 for Christmas so I'll get to see many more pics of the family since her mother doesn't DO Facebook. Humph. LOL!
I couldn't wait a second longer! I just HAD to open my gift from my Coley Pole! When Shelly told me he'd used his money to buy family gifts and I was one of the people he considered family...my heart melted! Apparently he knows his T-Monnie LURVES jewelry so he added to my collection with matching necklace and bracelet! LOL! THANK YOU COLEY! BEST.GIFT.EVER!!!!!