There are new babies all around me and I still don't have one of my own.
I've made peace with it as it is but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt me to the core of every.single.thing I am that I haven't made my husband a father.
Days like today, when it's Midol Week, cold and raining...I feel it.
Days like today when I have a Midol Week migraine...I feel it.
It's really crazy because even as I live with it daily...sometimes it hits me and knocks me down.
But I know myself and I know how to work through it. My grieving process is my own and, fortunately, I have Robby and he takes such amazing care of me.
I was talking to someone a minute ago and she shared something of herself that she was dealing with. I listened and didn't have too, too much to say other than normal words of comfort. I told her that with time she'd make it over to the other side of what she was dealing with but that it would never go away...it will just hurt less over time and, in that way, time was the healer and she needed to allow time the process.
She didn't really feel me because she'd heard it all before and see...the thing about hearing it all before is that you don't have time to discern who you're hearing it FROM. You start thinking that folks got it out of a greeting card or from watching Oprah.
She didn't understand that no...really...I get it.
I received an email from her recently saying she'd found my blog and started reading it. She said she read certain sections like a book and laughed and cried with me. She said that she now knows that yeah...I UNDERSTAND.
She also said that reading certain things on the blog helped her in ways her therapist hasn't been able to connect her with yet because it's human and REAL.
Today...I'm in pain.
Not physical pain...just that same old wound across my heart thudding.
I'm 42 years old and I'm doing all I can to do all I've ever wanted to do. My story is my story and I share it because of people like her. When we start realizing that there are more than just us out there hurting...you start healing by example.
I'm rambling so I'm not a good example right now.
But we all know I'll be better.
You feel me?