Your child is an only child.
He is hanging out with two of his friends.
He pulls out a pack of gum and puts a piece in his mouth.
One of his friends asks for a piece and your child tells him no...he only has a few pieces left.
You look over and note he has 4 pieces of gum in the pack.
How do you handle?
I know a 12 year old little girl who isn't allowed to wear nail polish because her father told her she can't until she turns 15. she begs and pleads with her mother but her mommy is like...nope...buffing only.
I remember a Facebook conversation recently initiated by a friend about her toddler daughter's nails. She was asking how young was too young to get polish on her nails. The responses ran the spectrum.
This morning I watched GMA and saw a woman do a full face of makeup on her 4 year old little girl.
So...what do YOU think?
Do/did you put polish on your toddler daughter's nails?
Do you allow your tween to? If not...have you given her an age when she can? Are some colors off limits?
What about makeup? How young, in your opinion, is too young for makeup? What about lipgloss?
How does her father feel about it?
You have a six year old son.
He's cute as hell.
He's well known to be a charmer and manipulates people to get what he wants already.
You're at work.
Your phone rings and it's your son calling from the school office asking you to bring him some McDonalds for lunch because he's hungry and the food today is nasty.
What do you do?
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM CRAZIER THAN A DAMN BESSIE BUG AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS WILL BE!
This damn video oneblackman sent us today has got to be the funniest ish my sick azz has seen all year. I laughed sooooooooo hard that I start laughing just THINKING about it. This one minute thirty eight second video is the funniest thing in the WORLD to my crazy, sick, demented azz. Yup...what yall already knew. Monica Mingo IS crazy and always will be. Yes indeed.
Now...we shouldn't have even STARTED watching once we saw the beginning shot of dude with the biggest damn bandaids we've ever seen on his face. But click we did.
"This ain't no regular night."
That was the second indication that we should'nt have watched. When the name Martez rolled through...we should've collectively stopped the video and logged off of the COMPRUTER or put it away if you were on a LABTOP. Martez gave his entire interview with his bluetooth earpiece in. Yerp. Yet ANOTHER indication.
Martez: Men tryna look like wymen.
Bandaider: Drag queens.
Martez: Drag queens. Transeshua. Whut dey were.
And things started getting a little strange.
Martez: Dey come to da winda...tap, tap, tap...I'm still ignorin...talking noiz to em. So I git deyr just pissed em off even worser.
Now at this point you know something strange went down with some gay guys dressed like women. Cuz really...we don't know if they are transsexuals right? I mean...I don't think anyone got nekkid...I guess we can call them Drag Queens...but let's move on shall we?
Cuz when old girl breaks in and says the following in her VERY proper and VERY idiomatically correct lingo AFTER listening to Martez? This is when I FALL THE FUG OUT ON THE DAMN SOFA KEELING OVER LIKE I JUST CAN'T GO NO MO!
Reporter: Three drag queens jumped out of the car, ran into the restaurant armed with a tire iron and started swinging at employees. But not before they disrobed.
OKAY...THAT RIGHT THERE? THAT RIGHT THERE? D.E.A.D. DAMMIT! DEAD! Kill me now! I wonder how many times she had to do that damn voiceover? I mean really! I'd have to repeat that shit like fifty-lleven times to say it with a straight face and a solo alto voice. SERIOUSLY!
Me trying to say it in a reporterish voice here: Download when_transvestites_attack.mp3
And what makes it even FUNNIER? At 0:43 when you see a boot on the floor with two big azz hoop earrings lying next to the CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.
Dammit...somebody come get me please! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!
Since I can't stop laughing I don't know what in the HELL the policeman is saying...but when we get back to Martez...I stifle my laugh cuz I just GOTTA hear what's next. Why? Cuz you just KNOW Martez bout to TELL IT!
Martez: He swung. Hit my manaja. My manaja swung hit back. So den win-whee star comin up. So dey step back. Git to taking off dey shoes. Boots.
***INSERT SIP COMMENTATION HERE*** Yall see how he ackin like he taking off shoes and boots????? See how his shoulders dipping and shit? Okay...that's all I wanna say right now.
Martez (continued): No-whu-I'm-sayin. Wha-eva-else they had do doo to feel satisfied to fight. (I ain't gonna say nuttin here. Imma just point out the satisfaction MUST have been reached cuz it started going DOWN!)
So lawd...then Po Albert get mauled. That's not my words. Those are the words of the reporter. MAULED. And baaaaaaby...old boy got the bandaids to prove it! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I.CAN'T.BREEEEEEEEEETTTTHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!
Albert get to damn near shadow boxing trying to tell his story.
Now...when the manager threw the hot FRENCH FRY grease at them I lost it A.GAIN! I musta laughed for a good ten damn minutes the first time I watched this video. I laughed so hard I missed the part about the manager being smashed in the head with a CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.
KILL.ME.NOW. Please. No...seriously. Kill me. Cuz my stomach is hurting so bad from laughing I cannot breathe. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Then the drag queens went back out...bashed in the drive thru window and rolled out.
Now...I wanna pernt sumptin out to you. Martez. Po Albert got mauled. Bandaids all over his lil face and ish. The manager got tooken (yes...I said tooken) to the hospital and Martez? NOT A DAMN SCRATCH! Half his collar a bit popped...but that's all. Po Albert already said he was trying to protect him from the drag queens and all this AFTER...it sounded like MARTEZ'S AZZ was the one who initially started fuggin with the drag queens. I mean...he was at the window right? And that's where it started right?
Martez done started some ish and got his Mickey Deez crew jumped, mauled and smacked around that damn wet floor...and his azz still has his bluetooth headset on.
What have we learned here boys and girls? MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT! YEAH I SAID IT! MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT! Oh...and I know there is a drag queen in Memphis mad as HELL bout their jacket and boot. One boot. Oh...and hoop earrings.
From now on...when I'm bout to start some ish with someone...Imma start off by saying..."TAP, TAP, TAP." That is all.
Shelly told me about these so I picked some up: Gilligan & OMalley® Womens 2 Pk Silicone Hipster - Black
She went on and on and on about how the silicon works so well and they do NOT move.
I wore a pair with some skinny jeans today and yup...she's right! They were awesome! They didn't move, they didn't show.
I couldn't keep them on once I got home and put on my lounging clothes cuz I could "feel" them if you know what I mean...but they will straight up be my undie of choice to wear with skinny jeans.
Some folks are pretty pissed with this chick:
Is she really that bad?
E's been on our shit list all week behind some shit he didn't turn in on time for school.
It's been a stressfull week dealing with all of this.
Unca Robby is going over his math review right now and pulled out the answer key that the teacher gave E.
Robby (to me): What's 8 minus -3?
Robby: Exactly...damn teacher has 5 as the answer.
Me: No she doesn't.
Robby: She absolutely does. Shit...for all we know he has been turning in his work on time and she's marking it down wrong. We're giving the kid shit and he might be doing everything right. He's so confused right now and hell...now I'm pissed with the teacher!
Me: Let me see that.
I look and I'll be damned if that isn't the case.
THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT ALLALDO!
Someone told me once that she started having hair loss issues because her father went bald pretty early and her hair and head is mostly like and shaped as her father's.
I thought to myself...thank goodness my hair and head is more shaped like my mommy's.
Is your hair more like your mother's hair or your father's hair? Any validity to her way of thinking in YOUR mind?
By all accounts you're pretty normal as it compares to your family, framily and friends.
Someone tells you that you're NOT normal per se because you've never "for real struggled" in their eyes.
How do you respond to that?
Do YOU know more Black people who've had the media's version of the "traditional Black experience" (Precious, Boys In the Hood, etc.) or do you know Black people who have had what WE consider normal lives as Black people?
As diverse as Black people are...does it frustrate you when folks try and put you in a box?
I got a call the other day from a friend I don't get to speak to often. She's busy, I'm busy, we live clear cross the country from the other. I answered her call with a smile on my face and was promptly yelled at.
Her: If I find out via Facebook that you're dead I would kill you!
Me: Da hell?????
And she went on to tell me how the she found out a relative had died via Facebook and it pissed her off.
My friend isn't very technically savvy and she has kids. She's a mother, a wife, has a job where she deals with people and their problems all day and sometimes nights. She lives a pretty insular life. Protected you know? Like...she gets her news...from watching the evening news and by the time she hears about stuff...it's "old news" by today's standards of data delivery.
So I tell her that she probably wouldn't hear of my death via Facebook because she knows herself that she never gets on Facebook and that one of our friends who DOES use Facebook would probably call her and tell her knowing she wouldn't know.
Her: So, in essence, I'll find out via Facebook.
She felt some kinda way.
Some of us are far more connected than others. We all know this. Some people who aren't on the internet or social media feel they are better than those who are thinking it makes them "deeper" and I wonder about that cuz I think I'm pretty deep and yet...I'm always connected. Via my phone, my iPad, my laptop. I have a hotspot which goes with me everywhere so yeah...I'm always connected and my response time is pretty immediate. I have 'SHARE' tools on my browser so if I'm reading something I can click and share it on Facebook or Pinterest, etc. I sit and I write and when my brain needs a quick break, I pop over to read something and then keep clicking until I'm satiated with procrastinating all the while sharing what I've read with the browser tool thingy.
And then...sometimes I just want to talk to people without TALKING to people and, on Facebook, it seems someone is always around.
It works exactly the way my brain works.
As I listened to my friend extol the negatives of Facebook I pulled up Facebook. I saw that a friend's daughter had gotten into the school of her dreams, another friend's Grandmother had "gone on to glory," another friend's son took his first step, and another friend's dog was sprawled out sleeping on their bed knowing good and well he wasn't supposed to be on that bed.
I smiled, liked, and offered sympathy and congrats accordingly all the while listening to the tirade against people not being "connected" to each other anymore and I thought about it but said nothing cuz seriously...I could care less if she uses it or not. I don't own it and I'm not trying to put her in a brand new Facebook blue car. Seriously. Social media is about the person and how THEY choose to use it.
I remember a conversation with her once where she called herself and some of our other mutual friends my REAL friends. "Not those weirdo's you met online." And she annoyed the fug outta me and got tagged cuz I know I've made some REAL friends from the people I've met online. FRAMILY even so yeah...don't go there.
When I got off the phone with her I realized that I don't really know much about her other than what I used to know when I lived in the same area she lived in and we saw each other regularly. I know she has kids but, frankly, I forget their ages, grades and sometimes names. I haven't seen or heard her speak of her husband, other than in passing, for about 13 years or more. Nor her parents. I don't know if she's been promoted, is with the same company, what she drives, the kind of food she likes, any of her interests or hobbies outside of what I USED TO KNOW.
But she's my friend and whenever I do talk to her or I do see her we fall right back into that easy, familiar ebb and flow of personality.
And it just made me wonder if I even needed to consider or compare anything she says at all because truthfully...she's not going to change her stance on social media and hell...I DO WHAT I WANT...so there is truly no need to dwell on it any further right?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I feel like people who want to condemn Facebook's usage to it saying something about a disconnection of people makes me wonder exactly where they feel that disconnection is coming from and maybe...just maybe...they should consider that the type of friend they are to someone isn't dependent on HOW they continue to be connected unless it's always negative.
Shit...I prolly just said a bunch of nothing.
Holla if you hear me. I'm being verbose for no reason at all I feel.
So you're thinking that he's planning to propose to your best friend so you agree to meet him.
You tell your husband about it and he thinks the same thing.
You're all giddy and excited for your girl.
You get there and he's kinda looking glum.
He then tells you that he and your best friend are probably going to break up soon but that in the past 3 years he's really come to cherish the friendship he has with you and your husband and really hope yall can stay friends.
How do you handle?
The movie exceeded my expectations. BIG.TIME! I was sitting there grin-T up like nobody's business. There were no ridiculous buffoon characters which made me cringe in my seat, no over-the-top anything really which usually insults my delicate sensibilities. It was a good, well thought out movie.
I thought the first half of it was REALLY good. Like...it flowed REALLY well. You know...when the girls were starting to use the book to get what they wanted out of the guys. Once the guys found the book, however, it slowed down considerably for me and I found myself thinking they needed to get on with it. LOL!
I don't really believe in fairy tales so having everyone have a happy ending all coupled up wasn't really realistic to me and hey...I have an evil streak so I would have left Taraji's character standing in line with some damn egg-foo-young thrown at her azz cuz her character irked the pig shit outta me.
Speaking of Taraji...
WHEW GOODNESS! (I did wonder why her hair wasn't as fly in the promos as it was in the movie. I mean...it was still nice mine you...but it was longer and didn't have that fly azz cut working.)
And...dare I say...she's never looked better...TO ME. She was fly and FABULOUS and LAWD.TO.DAY...That one kiss betwix her and Ealy?
Oh...the only relationship I didn't care for was Gabrielle and Turtle. Seriously. And I didn't understand where they got all the money from to have a full decorator come in and whatnot if his lil azz didn't have a real job.
And yall know I'm a MAJOR fan of Kevin Hart so yall know I loved me some him. LOL!
Yall know I'm not a fan of the book (Do I need to post my favorite greased up pic again?) but I really liked what they did for the movie. Remember...the book was supposed to be non-fiction/self-help and I was certainly not his target audience. A very creative writer took basic concepts from the book and scribed a story from rooter-to-tooter and I'm a HUGE fan of filmmaking.
That's major. It's major.
I liked it but again...for me...it's a bigger picture kinda thing.
And I wish more folks understood that bigger picture.
P.S. And that line Nephew Tommy said about Turtle not buying his house? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PRICELESS!