Me: _____ is mad because her hair doesn't look like she thought it would look once she went natural.
Friend: What did she think it would look like?
Me: Tracee Ellis Ross must be. And you KNOW that ain't standard on Black women.
Friend: Here's the test...look at your 5th grade picture before your mama let you get a perm.
Me: Good test. I told her she needs to learn to work with what's she's got and stop being delusional. She's currently mad at me.
Friend: Oh well.
Me: Yup...she needs to embrace the Florida Evans and make it do what it do! Get some of them flowers and stuff.
Friend: Add some color.
Me: Keep it lined up.
Friend: And moisturized.
Me: She'll be aiight.
Your 16 year old son is complaining of issues DOWN.THERE.
You take him to the doctor.
Doctor asks a lot of questions to include how long has son been s-active.
Son says, nervously, for about 3 - 4 years.
Doctor says he has herpes and no telling how long since it can remain dormant.
He asks son if he's had this before and son says no.
He asks son if he always uses protection.
Son says "most of the time."
Doc asks what you want to do...put him on some daily meds to keep outbreaks to a minimum or treat breakouts when they appear.
What do you do?
There is nothing worse than not having your creamer in the morning for your coffee.
I bought another dress but I'm not sharing it with yall.
My neighborhood has been overtaken by rabbits.
My neighbor says they attract snakes.
Rabbit stew anyone?
I love my charcoal grill and wouldn't change it for anything other than a Big Green Egg.
I'm glad Keelah is back.
I was missing her.
WELCOME BACK KEELAH!!!!!
We buy Jaru and Lucy's food from a doggie health food store. Hey...if I'm funny about our food you should already know I'd be funny about their food too.
I went out to pick up a bag the other day and found that their food, Canidae, was off the shelves. I panicked and rushed to the counter. When I told the young lady what was wrong she said, "Oh...you're one of the Canidae people." and proceeded to inform me that Canidae did a voluntary recall of their dry food because the plant they were manufacturing it in had salmonella in it. None was found in their food, however, they didn't want to take a chance and pulled all the food. Since they were already in the process of building their own plant...they're waiting until they can move into it before they start producing more of their food.
What does that mean to me? I.AM.ASSED.OUT.
Boxers are well known to have extremely sensitive tummies and changing their main food source can have disastrous affects. And well...we all know our two are special so yeah...I wasn't trying to have two sick runny poop dogs on our hands for two weeks.
So we had to research other foods on the fly (me in truck on iPad on phone with The Robinator) which were similar to Canidae and decided to go with the Canine Caviar. Of course the bag was damn near half the size of the Canidae bag and more expensive too.
So I'm at the register frown-T up when an extremely knowledgeable young employee tells me that I should get some raw goat's milk and drizzle it on half the amount of food they would get normally for at least three meals so as to ease their digestive system into accepting it well. And I'm standing there looking at her like...WHATEVS! I'M ALREADY SPENDING MORE MONEY THAN I'M USED TO ON THESE PUNK DOGS BECAUSE OF CANIDAE! I'M NOT BUYING NOT NAINH-AINH OTHER THING!
Later that night as I was drizzling the raw goats milk with probiotics over their food...I was hoping their stool was gonna be cool and yup...it was. No funny icky. They were perfectly fine.
Oh...and Jaru has stopped scratching so much so maybe it's good for his allergies too and Lucy has been walking around here all frisky like a pup even though her legs straight give out still and you try not to laugh cuz really it's not supposed to be funny and only evil people would laugh at the look on her face as it registers on her face that she's sliding again when she thinks she's standing perfectly still.
These dogs are lucky man. Cuz I could probably buy 100 pounds of something at Sam's for $5.
Any of you ever had to change your doggie's food? Why? Was the transition difficult? Have you ever heard of the raw goat's milk thingy?
A man and a woman are dating.
The man decides he wants to buy one of those auction houses.
He does and the house needs a LOT of work.
The woman likes to do that kind of work so they decide to move in together cuz hey...they're going to get married eventually anyway.
They merge accounts and start spending money to fix up the house.
They throw themselves into making the house a home.
Ripping up carpet.
Installing new floors.
Changing out the cabinets.
Changing light fixtures, doorknobs, appliances.
They landscape the yard.
The house begins to look lovely and well appointed.
They furnish the house.
Looks like a damn magazine spread.
The man starts showing his azz.
Starts leaving his cell phone in the locked glove compartment and hiding his keys.
They break up.
She moves out while he's out of town.
She takes ALL of the new furniture.
Was she wrong?
A man and a woman live together.
The interest rates drop and they decide they should buy a house together.
So they do.
BOTH NAMES ON HOUSE.
They are NOT married.
As a couple they both make very good money and can afford the home they purchased.
They couldn't afford the house if they were single.
Things get messed up and they break up.
The man says he's not moving even though he KNOWS he can't afford the house on his own.
He says he's going to "make some things happen."
The woman can't afford to keep paying her half the mortgage AND rent on an apartment.
What should the woman do?
The man says he's NOT moving.
A person finds a dog.
The dog has a collar but no tags.
It's obvious the dog belongs to someone because of how well taken care of he is.
The person puts flyers up all over the neighborhood and faxes one to all of the animal shelters and vets in the area.
It's three months later and well...the person decides to keep the dog and takes him to the vet.
The vet suggests that the dog be fixed and the person agrees to it to the tune of $200.
Later that week, someone shows up with one of the person's flyers claiming the dog.
They are really happy to be reunited with their dog.
They are very thankful that the dog has been so well taken care of but then notice the dog's been "fixed" and they throw a FIT because the dog is a stud dog.
They DEMAND the person pay them for what they did to their dog.
Do YOU think the person should have to pay?
You know I'm a good person right? I have this issue with this friend and I'm about I cuss her out. I'm too nice and feel obligated but I am either going I tell her off or go silent. I need someone else's perspective. See scenario can you post the question for advice to the tribe (anonymously)? Thank you. I really do have some decent friends and I do not agree with any of this. I hold marriage as a very sacred union.
I have this friend who I have know for about 10 years. She's married, has two kids and her husband is a nice guy who takes very good care of his children but this friend is cheating with a man who is also married and has grown children I don't agree with it the relationship but she is my friend and I try my best to support her. Honestly she is having "issues" with this side guy and I really don't want to be any part of it. Like it is pathetic and morally it's wrong. How do I tell her to leave me alone with this shit. I've been through some major crap with her but this I cannot deal. Advice?
It was one of those days you know. The kind where it's all still and muggy but with a breeze that was cool...moving the leaves in one direction all at once and then still. The rain started in a light mist and it felt good against my skin so I didn't move. I just sat there and when it started raining harder, I still sat there, glued it seemed...to the spot. Trapped in my memories of what could have been. Of what should have been. It wasn't until the rain stopped that I started thinking about moving and even then the wind still blew rain on me. A welcoming cool mist in the mugginess of it all.
I got up and went into the house, which was eerily quiet because I liked it like that. I hardly ever turn on the television anymore because I don't like the sounds. I like to hear it all. Feel it all. Be in the moment to deal with whatever comes my way because I'm not distracted.
And all I seem to think about is you.
So I called you.
And it went straight to voicemail.
And I didn't leave a message.
And then went to the computer and checked to see if I had an email from you or a message or even to see if you'd written a status message and that's when I saw you'd been tagged in a picture and the location said...Castro de Barona.
And I was confused so I clicked straight through the pictures of the person who'd posted 59 pictures, 6 of them featuring you but who had a name that wasn't really a name and a picture of a landscape. And on their info page was their email address which I put into Mr. Google and learned the person had a profile on Cafe Moms so yeah...I kinda knew it was a woman.
And I joined Cafe Moms and checked the comment history and still didn't find any pictures or names or anything that told me anything other than she was intelligent and a mother.
And that she was fascinated with ancient ruins.
Of which I knew Castro de Barona was.
And the tears pooled up in my eyes just as my breath ran hot and I sat on the floor so I didn't wet the sofa and I cried in the quiet darkness.
A neighbor's home was broken into.
You're not all that crazy about the neighbor.
You have a security camera set up which may or may not have captured the break-in.
The neighbor, who has complained on more than one occassion about your security camera, knocks on your door and asks to see footage of the day their home was broken into.
A) Say sure and let them review the footage immediately.
B) Tell them you'll think about it.
C) Tell them they can send a policeman over to look at it.
So last night, Tiffany In Houston posted this article on FB:
I read the comments not having formed my own opinion yet and then read oneblackman's comment:
"Yes he should keep it. However, there's a poor kid that ball somewhere tat could really use that scholarship or had to take a scholarship from another school simply because UCLA didn't have anymore. Schools are given a certain amount of scholarships each year. If the Combs boy would give his up, that would give them an extra scholarship thus giving his team an advantage."
And that REALLY made me think about what I would do in a similiar situation.
What say you? What do YOU think?
You suspect your guy is cheating but you don't have proof per se.
Yall are having MAJOR problems.
His mother calls you to discuss because she claims to love you and don't want yall to break up.
She says, "Honey...a man is going to be a man. As long as he comes back home...yall can work it out."
What do you say? How do you react?
I totally hate when I hear women justifying men cheating by saying ignant ish like..."A man is going to be a man. All men cheat. Real women know this."
When I hear that I feel SO.DAMN.SORRY for the poor woman saying it because it's obvious she's convinced herself this is the norm for all so she doesn't have to focus on what SHE'S doing wrong in her relationships if every man she's been with cheated on her. And no...I'm not saying it's her fault he cheated but it IS her fault that she didn't recognize signs early on which would have given her an indication that this dude doesn't want the same things she wants out of a relationship.
I mean...it's a CHOICE right? You can CHOOSE if you will accept this kind of behavior or not right? And...if you accept men cheating as a part of the reality YOU have to put up with...sure...it will always make you a real woman (cuz ya azz ain't a fake woman...o_0) just as it makes me "keeping it real" in my world when I know good and damn well I will NOT be dealing with some ish like that.
Trust me...if my husband cheats on me it's going to go DOWN-T! It will take a mad minute before we could work that shit out. Yes...I'd probably agree to going to counseling, etc. in order to see if we can work past it...but I know me...and I know that shit won't be easy.
I KNOW ME...AND I KNOW THAT SHIT WON'T BE EASY cuz in my world...my expectations are that he'd be FAITHFUL to our vows. I am NOT going to be over here convincing myself he's probably going to cheat in order to lessen the damn blow if he does. When you believe that way...you have no idea how many silent signals you're giving out that you'd put up with that shit. It starts with PRETENDING to turn a blind eye on little things. I say pretending cuz you know damn good and well you saw that ish and you CHOSE to ignore it just as I would CHOOSE to swinging a damn 9 iron in this camp.
SIP: "I luvs Harpo...God knows I do..."
Your S/O is packing to go to his college homecoming.
He packs condoms too.
You ask him why he's packing condoms and he says, "I don't want to cheat but if I slip up, because I'm a man...I want to make sure I protect you."
"A married woman says that she packs condoms in her husband's suitcase when he travels for work. Her reasoning is that if he's going to cheat, she hopes that he at least uses a condom and doesn't bring anything home. What say you? Good idea? Or free pass for foolishness?"
Sent from my iPad
I totally think yall should let me wear something like what was wearing today though cuz I think I look the best in the basics. Although my friend says the way I dress is basic with an EDGE.
I'm still thinking on that one. Whatchall say?
Oh...and be nice to me or Imma cry. Yall were VERY mean about the red dress. Punks and punkettes.
A woman I know stopped talking to me after I was really blunt with her about something. Like...there wasn't a fallout or anything...she just stopped talking to me. She didn't call, didn't write, nothing. Just radio silence.
I understand radio silence.
Since I was so busy I wasn't even keeping up well with family and FRAMILY...I didn't really even notice she'd stopped talking to me.
She called me recently and I was driving so I answered the phone. I was all like...heeeeeeey! I've been meaning to check in with you! How's it going?
And she was like...um...I wasn't talking to you.
And I was like...DA HELL? Why weren't you talking to me?
And she was all like...cuz the last time we spoke...you hurt my feelings.
News to me.
Are your kids going to college?
Are they on scholarship?
Did you consider them going to community college to get their basic courses out the way cheaper first?
Do you find it's a struggle figuring out how to pay for it?
Did you get a loan in your name or did they get a loan in their name?
Do you still feel that college is worth it financially?
You and your guy have been dating for about a year.
You decide to go on your first vacation together.
To the beach.
You get to your destination and yall decide to go hit the beach up right quick as soon as you get there.
Yall change into your bathing suits.
You come out of the bathroom and your guy, who is kinda teddy bear-ish in shape is wearing this:
Your 14 year old son is very preppy.
Clean cut with weekly haircuts, non-saggy pants, etc.
He goes to spend the summer with his father.
He returns rocking a straight up goth-ish look complete with black nail polish, black ish around his eyes and black lipstick.
What do you do?
50 years old.
Lives in a really nice house.
Drives a $100,000 car.
Always wears the hottest ish ever.
You haven't the slightest idea WHAT he does for a living and when asked directly he's very vague.
Has 6 kids with 3 different women and 3 grandchildren.
Says he's ready to settle down but doesn't want more children.
Aunt: I don't think you've found it yet. Keep looking. In fact...I think you should go to New York and find something there.
Me: New York?
Aunt: Absolutely. In fact...maybe I should meet you there.
Me: In New York?
Aunt: Yes...why are you repeating everything I say?
Me: Um...sorry. But you want to meet me in New York to help me find an outfit when you know I've purchased 4 dresses, 2 jumpsuits, a suit, a couple of blouses and 3 pair of shoes so far to choose from.
Aunt: Exactly. I don't think you've found it yet. When should we go? And don't side eye me over this phone. I know how you and SIP get down.
SIP: (mid-o_0) *GULP*