I was talking to some people recently who are the parents of a 4 year old girl. The daughter wasn't around as we were having this conversation:
Mother: She's a born leader.
Father: Cuz she's a stubborn little bully.
Mother: She's just very determined to get her way.
Father: Cuz she bullies and uses manipulative tactics until she gets her way.
Mother: Well we're working on being kinder and sharing.
The father goes off to get a drink.
The mother sits there and continues to support her belief that her daughter is a leader.
I didn't say much cuz well...it was obvious this was a source of contention between them and well...we should all change the subject so they didn't get into it.
Word on the curb is that the little girl is bad as FUG!
I was sharing this with The Robinator and he basically said the following:
The Robinator: See...that's what Sheryl Sandburg is trying to say. That dad shouldn't say that about his daughter. Would he say that about his son? Or would he describe his SON as a born leader? The whole conversation women business leaders are having now is that little girls shouldn't be labeled as bullies just for being strong minded and knowing what they want.
I thought about that.
Then we started talking about the female developer who got fired recently for posting a picture of two male colleagues on Twitter and posting a joke she overheard them saying. I've felt that she didn't handle that right. I would have tagged the dudes right then and there and let them know that wasn't cool and THEN...I would have escalated my response depending on their response. I wouldn't have straight blasted them like that without giving them an opportunity to rectify their behavior.
We discussed this too and he had some pretty good points about the fact that men should automatically know not to say ish like that in mixed company. I agreed, of course, I just didn't think she should have put them on blast like that for all the world to see without giving them a chance to make amends cuz hey...they didn't know each other and how else would she know if that was just a silly "dongle" moment between two dudes who still laugh at fart jokes or whether they were straight up jerks.
Deal with jerks accordingly.
The conversation escalated and I shared that I've honestly never, ever, ever had to deal with some ish like that in the workplace. I've never even had to check someone. That kinda stuff just doesn't happen to me. I pretty much work with ALL guys now and they've never, ever, ever crossed the line with me personally and if they've said something inappropriate around me...I IMMEDIATELY check it.
Cuz that's what you're supposed to do.
Me: Do you think this is something that onefromphilly has ever dealt with?
Me: What about Shelly?
Robby: Probably not.
Me: So...what do you think either of them would have done in that situation?
Robby: They would have checked them.
Me: Exactly. We wouldn't have taken some punk azz passive aggressive move like posting a picture of dudes on the internet and saying what we wished we had the guts to say TO THEM.
And he still had some major points that we didn't agree on but we kept it moving.
At dinner yesterday we were discussing this with our guests and it was queried that women have to carry themselves like men in order to get respect. I argued that no...you carry yourself like a confident woman who doesn't take any bullcrap and that everyone knows who they can try that ish with and who they CAN'T try that ish with. If they run into strangers who are colleagues, then checking them would have signaled EXACTLY that you aren't the one for that silly ish and they won't cross that line again.
Should you HAVE to check someone in the workplace about some nonsense like that? ABSOLUTELY NOT...but should you find yourself in the presence of some idjit...I would hope you'd be able to stick up for yourself and know how to shut that ish down.
What do YOU think? Would YOU be capable of shutting that ish down immediately? Would you have posted the picture without saying something? Or would you just move without saying anything even though you were offended?
What about the difference with boy/girl bullies/leaders?