I did a lot of unfriending on FB since Saturday. I was slicing folks left and right.
No tears for thugs? DELETE.
Using that word I DESPISE? DELETE.
Talking about rioting and the revolution? DELETE.
I didn't want to hear shit.
One young man used the word I despise twice. All caps. He was mad and calling for folks to rise up and get mad.
I didn't leave my house and puttered around here all day. Robby didn't either. The Sunday funny news shows all said the same thing. It was the law, the law had to be upheld. Whenever there is reasonable doubt...it's not guilty.
I was just so...HURT and resigned to feeling a bit helpless where this case was involved. A 17 year old child was killed and the man who killed him was not guilty of killing him.
And he gets his gun back.
That shit hurt me to my core.
But yes...it was the law. It was the right verdict given the case and the facts.
Doesn't make it easier to swallow. In fact...that makes it even harder.
I talked to people about it that it would be safe to talk about with. People I knew felt the same as I did. We talked quietly...the hurt in our voices palpable. The sighs which filled the silence coming from a place we couldn't fill.
I cooked dinner and called a friend and told her not to cook. Another friend didn't want to be alone so she called to say she was coming over. We had dinner, drank wine, and moved a bit slower than usual.
It was a lazy Sunday. A day we will never forget kinda like 9/11.
Late last night, I got a message from the one young man I'd deleted who'd used that word I hate twice. He sent it to my fanpage so I'd get it. He told me that he checks my wall daily because I always post great articles and I'm funny. He says he's learned a lot from things I've posted and that I'm an inspiration to him as he's had a difficult childhood and it helps to see someone else who had the same and yet...who had a good life as an adult.
I didn't remember right off the bat why I'd deleted him because I was deleting idiots back-to-back so I clicked on his profile to see if I could remember. And then I remembered and told him why. Told him that he was a part of the problem if he was advocating for violence and for someone to roll up on that murderer and murder him. (I refuse to say that dude's name again. He is dead to me.)
He responded almost immediately. Like he'd been typing it up already. Called me Ms. Monica and told me that he's just so angry and I let him know we all are. And he told me basically the following: (I had to put it in my own words because well...nothing...the reason is counterproductive to this post.)
"I know you're mad Ms. Monica but it's different for you because you have money. For those of us who don't have money it's hard day in and day out. We are constantly forced to see the differences and constantly being made to feel like we don't deserve as much as some people give their dogs. We go to work at these places where your supervisor makes barely more than you do but is White and mad at the world because he's not one of the rich White people so they go out of their way to make us feel like we are still some sort of slaves knowing we need that job if only to just be able to pay our phone bill and give the dude who is giving us a ride to work gas money. And we deal with that struggle daily and do what we can do to live and try to have some good times somewhere and then this happens and everything you've been feeling about being less than a dog in the eyes of so many is there. Right there. As proof. Ms. Monica...you don't know. You just really don't know."
I countered, of course, and let him know about voting these people out of office who make these ridiculous laws and about education and working hard and my not being rich, yada, yada, yada.
And I admitted to myself after I'd sent it, that it all sounded hollow even to my ears in the wake of such a confidence stripping verdict and in the wake of what life is actually like for so many. Day in and day out within a system set up to keep them down.
And I sent him a friend request so we could be friends again.
Many of my friends were asking what do you teach your children after this? Do you teach them to cower down to non-law personnel so they don't get killed? Do you teach them to back away bowing and shit saying yes sir, no sir just so they can get back home safe and alive? Do you teach them that White people value them less? That they don't matter?
No. You don't. You teach them the law. You remain aware of the laws in your city and state and you teach them what that means. Same as the murderer knew all about the stand your ground law...Trayvon should have known it too AND KNEW HOW TO BEHAVE IN SUCH A MANNER WHERE HIS ACTIONS ARE PROTECTED BY THAT LAW. You step up and realize that political action doesn't just happen every 4 years during a presidential election. And that's pretty much all I've got. I'm not telling a child I love to be a punk. I'm going to make sure a child I love is informed and knows that when he's right...we will fight for them. As always.
And when he's wrong...there will be consequences but they will live another day to do better, be better.
When you hear rhetoric about how all White people think and feel in a negative, racist manner...think of The Robinator and think of this picture:
Not only Black folks are mad and straight up HURT behind this.
To those talking about the riots...you have full permission to strike their azzes down cold with the information that peaceful protests are NOT riots. Nobody is rolling up on your azz to get revenge and...seriously...just shut up if you're part of the problem. They know protests can't change the laws, but they can change the mindset of the next set of lawmakers because that's the only thing that will change this atmosphere. Getting the old lawmakers out and get new ones in.
Oh...and stay away from idiots. I'm done trying to appeal to their sense of whatdafugever...they are not worthy to be around me and mine.
Are you okay today? Better than Saturday night? Did you take part in a peaceful demonstration? What did you tell your kids? What did YOU do yesterday in the aftermath?
Oh...and if you went to church...I'm curious as to if your priest/pastor/rabbi/reverend addressed it and how.