By Emily Yoffe|Posted Thursday, Sept. 12, 2013, at 6:15 AM
I'm a 50-year-old professional man. I married my college sweetheart and we've been happily married for almost 30 years. We have two grown children who are doing well. About four years ago, my wife had breast cancer, a mastectomy, and chemotherapy. It was traumatic and after her treatment she told me that she was no longer interested in sex. I figured the experience, understandably, might make her shy away from intimacy for a while. I've said that I still love her more than anyone in the world, and that she's beautiful to me, which is true. From time to time, I've told her that I miss intimacy with her. She's thanked me for the compliment, but it hasn't gone any further than that. One of my hobbies is photography, and sometimes I've been asked to take pictures of rock bands. Three weeks ago I was at a club and a twentysomething man walked up to me. He said, "This band has a large gay following. Are you gay?" I said, “No. I'm married. I'm just here to take photos." He said, “Well, I think you're hot. If you're bi-curious, my apartments is nearby." Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. He was young, and handsome. I thought, "Why the hell not?" We went to his place and had (safe) sex. I'd never had sex with a man before. I found it to be interesting and enjoyable, but not something I'd been longing for all of my life. What I did I find that I longed for was the passion. Three times that night, he said, "You are such a sexy man." No one had ever said to me before and I keep hearing those words in my head. Since then, I've had a bunch of conflicted feelings. I feel sad about betraying my wife. I also keep scanning crowds to see if I can find that guy again. I don't think that it's the sex that I want, so much as the passion and appreciation. I would like to find some way to explain my feelings to my wife, but I can't tell her about the one-night stand. She's not homophobic, but the fact that I've strayed outside of marriage would be painful for her. Your thoughts?