I was talking to some framily the other day, catching up. As always, we were going back and forth catching up on all the important things which have happened in our lives since the last time we had a catch up conversation. The discussion turned to something about Christmas and their significant other walked into the room. They put me on speaker phone to ask my opinion about a disagreement they were having about Christmas. I listened feeling a bit nervous because suddenly...the light mood of the conversation changed.
And we found ourselves, all three of us, having a super deep conversation about how to get over ish that may happen in your relationship which upsets you.
So I listened and the disagreement was kinda silly but the tones were so careful that I knew something BIG was simmering in the background.
I want to describe the framily member to you. They are a lovely, LOVELY person. Kind, sweet, smart, good looking, fun and funny. They had a hard start at life and had to deal with something VERY HEAVY at an early age that changed the course of their lfe and affected their family BIG TIME. It took them a while to find a way to accomplish the things they wanted to accomplish. To even get STARTED in the direction they needed to go.
But they did it. They persevered. They put in the work and only recently attained that major goal they were striving for. Getting their Master's degree in the field they'd always wanted to work in.
The problem? Their significant other is successful and confident in their position in life and has been since they met. They'd meet for dinner, early on in their relationship, with the significant other's colleagues and my framily member would feel embarrassed about their lack of a successful story to tell about what they do for a living. They internalized this and chipped away at their confidence and they started feeling like their significant other was dating down and deserved something much more accomplished.
And this started causing a MAJOR problem.
The significant other started internalizing this because they wondered if they were doing something which caused the other to feel this way and it upset them so much because the most important thing they had in common was the most powerful thing...
They both loved each other like crazy.
Love is all you need right?
Insecurity can poison love and kill it off if you don't nip that ish in the bud. Insecurity can make you look like someone you probably aren't. Insecurity can make you behave in ways you probably wouldn't ever.
So...I'm listening to this and I'm kinda bothered, big time, because I've known this framily member practically all of our adult lives. I've always known them to be confident and classy. Strong and well...just...awesome. And I've always known of the deep, HEAVY ish they had to work through so as to not straight up lose it daily.
I asked a few questions and answered a few questions. My main piece of advice? Go talk to someone with some initials behind their name because this is a very real problem you need to overcome. Not feeling "good enough" can be a very, very debilitating condition and honestly...it can become tiring to those who love you and who already know you're "GOOD ENOUGH."
I've honestly never suffered from the "AM I GOOD ENOUGH" malady in a personal way. Creatively...yes. But only because I know that you can only get better at certain things with practice. But never am I good enough as a person so that puzzles me. I've never attached my success in life to thigns I can't control, knowing that I will work as hard as necessary given the opportunity. I know my drive. I know my struggles. I know my past. I'm aware of my issues. I always consider the whole of who I am and I'm KIND to myself. And when I'm not kind to myself...I'm aware that I need to be.
So...we got off the phone with my telling my framily, whom I love, to be KIND to their self. To be CONSIDERATE to their self. To show who they are the same compassion they would to someone else with a similar story.
Because baby...ain't nothing new under the sun. For every tragic story...someone else has something bigger.
I love you so much. I think you are amazing, wonderful and a lovely, lovely person. You are a hero to me and I look up to your accomplishments as inspiration. I'm proud of you. I'm proud to KNOW you. I'm super blessed to consider you family. If you could take this to the bank...they'd write you a check for millions.
YOU ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH.
Monnie...Always and Forever
Are you KIND to yourself?
Are you CONSIDERATE to yourself?
Do you show yourself the same COMPASSION you would show a stranger?
Do you realize that your story is probably remarkeable to others?
Have you ever allowed insecurity to hurt a relationship you valued? Did you recognize it? How did YOU overcome it? What could they have done differently? What did they DO?