Rantings of a Creole Princess

Married Friends

You know how you have different "groups" of friends?  Like...you have your book club friends, your ladies who lunch friends, your college friends, etc?

Well...I have a group of friends who bring me JOY.  I'm talking...the kinda joy you can't make up if you tried.  They're younger than I am and none of them are married and they have some very interesting ideas of what they think married life is like.

And it always makes me laugh.

For instance...they think only old people are married so I have to remind them I was about their age when I knew my guy was the one.  They also think marriage is boring.  Like we sit around burping and farting all day saying nothing to each other.  Now...there is burping and farting mind you...but it's okay cuz ain't nobody trying to get air bubbles in their chest and stomach trying to pretend they don't have to burp or fart.

Dear Married Women:

Tell us about your last date with your hubby.

Where'd you go on the date?

How often do you guys go out together?

Is it hard to make it a priority?

No Fun Hun

My husband golfs every chance he gets.  He's pretty serious about his game too.  He gets up before goodness in the morning because he usually has a tee time around 7ish in the morning.  He kisses me goodbye (I seldom remember) after he's had his breakfast, fed and walked the doggies and made coffee.

And then...he's off!

A golf game takes him about 5 hours so I pretty much know what time he's going to be back home.  I do what I wanna do and then WE do what we wanna do for the rest of the day.

No harm...no foul.

Seems there are a lot of women who would have a problem with this.  Some men have to sneak and play golf during the week when their wives think they are at the office and then learn to lie well when questioned as to why they didn't answer the phone...yada...yada.  Once it gets easy to lie about stuff that shouldn't matter...well...

Some women don't like their men to have outside interests.  Some women seriously think that any time a man has outside of work should be spent with them.  Some women feel like their man really should enjoy being drug around town doing a bunch of nothing with you when all they wanted to do was watch the game.  And some women would have known this had they not been all wrapped up in what THEY wanted to do and ignored old boy wearing his team's jersey and fluffing pillows and whatnot on the sofa where they intended on watching the game.

Don't make your man start lying to you about silly ish.  Don't make him have to pretend to not enjoy anything more than being with you.  A happy man will LOVE being with the woman he loves more than anything and the time spent together will be that much more meaningful.

It's been told if you have a happy wife...you'll have a happy life.

Anybody knows what happens if your husband is happy too?

Beef at 13700: The Lion, the Tiger and the TOWEL????????????

A couple of Saturdays ago I got up and wanted to wear my thin light gray sweats to the gym.  They were dirty and since I wasn't going to the gym for a couple of hours, I decided to wash a load of clothes so I could wear them.

When I took the lid off the hamper I noticed this:

My Version of The Good Wife - Clear Away the Clutter

• From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955:  Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.

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I don't see much wrong with this one.  In fact, if you're ever at 13700 you'll be surprised at the flurry of events that go down twenty minutes before Robby comes home from the office.  Ya girl be MOVING!  I've always been in awe of how much I can get done in twenty minutes when I've had all day to do it in a leisurely manner if I wanted it done.  I guess I just perform better under pressure.  LOL.  I learned this early on from my mother but the reason behind her doing it and the reason I do it are entirely different.  She did it out of fear I believe because my father was dumb as hell and any little thing would set him off so she wasn't trying to give him anything to feed off of.

Me?  I do it because I like our home to look nice and I like Robby having a long day at the office and driving home with a smile on his face anxious to get to his haven.  I love that ish.  I love it when he walks through the door and everything is pleasing to his direct senses of scent and sight.

Now I'm not saying I do this every day because that simply is not the case.  Sometimes I just don't FEEL like doing something and then I don't do it.  Granted those times are far and few between since I'm anal as hell but if I don't feel like messing with something then I'm just not going to do it.  And that...is the difference between my mother and I.  There have been a few times when Robby has come home and asked me why I didn't do A, B or C and the discussion immediately after could all be summed up by my simply saying...cuz I didn't want to.

Simple.

Yeah...it's gotten loud a few times but the thing here is that Robby knows I like things just so and if they aren't just so and I haven't done it for a couple of days...to him that's a sign that something is wrong and my husband is one for getting to the nitty gritty of things and working them out.

Little signs like my wearing the same clothes two days in a row or keeping the blinds closed would alarm him because he knows sometimes I can go to a dark place inside my head where all my hurts live.

Hey...I'm human.

So again...twenty minutes before Robby gets home I can get a lot done.  I'm talking loading dishwasher, clearing the bench at the entrance, making the bed, using Lysol wipes on the counter tops, swishing the brush in the toilet, vacuuming the rug in the front room and spraying something lovely.  My husband works very, very hard to provide a lovely life for us so I love doing whatever I can to make sure he knows I appreciate our life because I do.  Men and women perform better when they know their efforts are appreciated and it makes it easy to continue on in that vein.

This morning Robby got up to do work.  We are in a suite so he closed off the bedroom and bathroom so he didn't disturb my sleep as he worked.  He didn't turn on the television in the "living room."  When he heard me stirring he came in and hugged and kissed me and he told me how much he appreciated all I do for him when we're traveling.  I didn't do anything mind ya except make sure we had breakfast bars in the room so he could have with his coffee before we went to breakfast.  I keep the room organized and make sure he drinks water.  He didn't turn on the television because he wanted me to rest since I was so tired.

It's the little things man.  The little things. 

So yeah...twenty minutes should be easy.  If you have kids...get them in on it too.  Make them help de-toy whatever room you guys are going to hang out in as a family after dinner.

Don't you just LOVE being a grown up and doing grown up things?  :)  Do what you can when you can.  It shouldn't be a mandate.  It should simply be a part of the process you do to make sure your family has a lovely QUALITY of life.  Clutter should not happen in your family's living areas.  Those areas should be pleasing to your eye so that free thought and expression flow easily. (That's some old feng shui ish.  LOL!)

What do YOU think about this one?

My Version of The Good Wife - Be Emotionally Honest

• From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955:  Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

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Now here is where I'm going to start having fundamental differences with the 50s version of being a good wife.  See...I don't believe you should EVER pretend with your husband.  I feel like out of all the people who you have known in your life be it family or friend...your husband should be the person you are truly closest to.  You should be able to talk to him about ANYTHING.  Sure...there are lots of things you probably wouldn't talk to him about...but you should be able to if you wanted to.

Confusing huh?

Take bags.  I'm addicted.  Lawd knows I'm addicted to a hot bag.  Now when I run across a bag that is fiya hot I will pick up the phone and take a pic and send to one of my girls for an opinion on the bag.  I wouldn't ever send it to Robby.  I COULD send it to Robby but he'll be like...why in the hell you asking me?  I think all your bags look the same.

Or some other asinine thing that would drive me insane.  HOWEVER...I COULD tell him all about my beautiful bag.  He might not be listening to me fully and engagingly...but yeah...I could tell him.

Get it?

Prolly not.  I know it's weird.  LOL! 

N E WAY...

If I'm having a fugged up day, my husband knows.  If I'm having an awesome day, my husband knows.  If I'm hurting way, way deep down inside, sometimes ONLY he knows.  I can truly say he's the only person I truly HAVE to speak to every.single.day.

I need him.

Robby can take one look at me and figure out if something is wrong with me and, fortunately, I can do the same with him.  This is because we never, ever, ever lie to each other about our feelings.  We are emotionally honest and sometimes loud about it too.  LOL!  I just don't believe in being able to talk to someone else about something I couldn't talk to my husband about.  I feel like I should be able to go to him with anything.  That I could trust him with my deepest and darkest just as I can trust him with my hopes, dreams and desires.

That said...if Robby comes home and I've had a fugged up day...yeah...he's gonna know about it and because he's him and I'm me I know he's going to sit down and talk to me.  Hug me and kiss me and help me in whatever way he can and because of this...I'll feel better.

Don't start keeping feelings away from your husband.  It's not fair.  How in the world will he ever have the chance to be your hero if you don't trust him with your everything?  How in the world will he ever continue being connected to you if you're lying to him about who you really are? 

Be honest with your husband.  Dude is half of you.

Now I will agree with the being interesting part.  But being interesting is simply knowing what is going on in the world and being able to discuss it.  Gossip sites aren't going to cut it so if that's all you're reading...um...*BLINK*  Read the newspapers, check out some OpEds, know what is going on in the world around you.  You shouldn't be doing this for your man...you should be doing this for YOU.  When you understand what's going on you'll have that much more confidence knowing  you are perfectly capable of discussing arts, current events, sports, politics, etc.

Being interesting isn't really that hard when you think about all of the things in the world you know nothing about and can find out about with just a trip to Mr. Google. I wondered today how many species of bees there were.  After a trip to Mr. Google and about an hour of reading I found out there were over 20,000 species of bees.  WHO KNEW?  Did you know that the female bee is the one that stings you?  Did you know that bees are solitary?  Like...each one of those little holes in a hive was dug out by a female bee to live in?  Did you know that bees are found all over the world except at the highest altitudes, in polar regions, and on some small oceanic islands?

And now...I can go on and on about bees.

Interesting huh?

Useless definitely but yeah...interesting.

So again...be interesting.  Try to learn something new every single day. 

Hmmmm...now I wanna know why the damn bees don't go to small oceanic islands.

Bye!  Off to Mr. Google!

My Version of The Good Wife - Prepare Yourself

• From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955:  Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

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I know that I am in the minority here as a stay-at-home-wife without kids.  I know this and recognize my blessings.  I don't expect folks to do as I do so please don't think I'm trying to tell you how to run your household cuz I ain't.  Truth be told I want you to only use one of Monnie's Rules as a mandate.  That rule?  I DO WHAT I WANT.  Seriously.  Please do what you want in life.  Just make sure you know what you want.  Keep in mind that I don't have kids so my way and your way will seriously differ simply because of the babies I wish I had. (This is for the chick in my inbox talking about she wishes she had the time I had yada, yada, whatever.)

N E WAY.

Them dang good wife rules of the 50s need some serious revamping and I decided to revamp them.  The modern woman should definitely recognize that there are some things she can learn from back in the day but, as with most things...evolution is needed.

Take this "rule" from the 50s.  I don't think there is much wrong with it really.  The only thing that needs to be recognized is that in this day and age most married women work so when she gets home...she's tired as hell and if she lays it down for 15 minutes...hell...she's going to be knocked the hell out with the swiftness.

HOWEVER...I'm a firm believer in a woman looking good for her man.

My mother had this saying.  "If you only BUY things that look good on you you'll only HAVE things that look good on you."  Add that to MY saying of "Keep ya stride STANK!" and you have a good motto to live by. 

If you work, when you get home from the office...change out of your work clothes into some comfortable lounging pajamas or athletic pants and t-shirt that look cute on you.  First hit the bathroom up and wash your face.  Get fresh and clean.  You should have a good skin regimen so your face should be a healthy canvas already.  When we're home, our men don't expect us to be made up because, if they are honest, most of them prefer that we don't have all that makeup on anyway.  Moisturize your hair and arrange it so it looks nice.  Not go to work or be out for the day nice but presentable.  Not looking like you've had a crazy day at the office with ya damn hair all over your head.  Hell...if you can't tame it...bun it.  Yup.  That's my hair tip.

Look...men are very visual.  When they met you it was all about how you looked.  They watched you.  The way you moved.  Your style of dress.  A man doesn't lose his sensory skills when he gets married.  He's the same man with the same needs, wants and desires and most men care that their wife looks good.

I know you'll have those times when you just aren't feeling it but if you only have stuff that looks good on you and accentuates your positives it's going to be mighty hard for you to look a hot mess to your husband.  This isn't about keeping his eye from wandering mind ya...cuz yeah...they are going to look hell.  It's in them.  They are going to look.  Usually that doesn't mean anything and if a man is the cheating kind ain't nothing you're going to be able to do N E WAY from keeping him from cheating.  Hell...dudes can cheat on their lunch break and you wouldn't even know it. 

Men looking is as normal as them checking out internet porn on the home computer when you're not in the room.  It's what they do.  ROFL!  I was talking to a woman who knew a dude who got fired for watching internet porn at work.  She asked me how I'd react to that if it was my husband.  I told her that I would be mad as HELL!  I told her that I'd kick my husband's azz and told him he'd better be satisfied with watching porn on the puter at home in the basement hell.  It's not like you really need hours of the stuff.  Three minutes should do your azz just fine.

YEAH.I.SAID.IT.

I said all that to say that a man likes his woman to look good so what's wrong with looking good?  I'm thinking nothing.  I can be ugly when we're asleep and TRUST ME...retainer + skully + slob = one ugly chick fo sho.  ROFL!

My mother took this a step further.  Before my father got home (you know...when dude was working) she made all of us clean up and put on a fresh shirt if we were dirty 20 minutes before he came home.  I took this to mean that she knew my father equated dirty kids with something negative so she made sure we looked presentable.  Yup...even to our father.

Me?  I walk through and pick up what needs to be picked up and straighten up before my husband comes home.  This usually takes me about 10 minutes tops.  I'll even go so far as to spray some smell good in our bedroom and turn the ceiling fan on and close the door.  Why?  He's headed up there to change out of his suit so that helps the room be more inviting.  Your HAVEN.  His HAVEN.  OUR HAVEN.

Ain't nothing wrong with your man seeing the best of you more often than not.  When he met you...he wasn't looking at your brain.

Trust me.

Oh...and that damn ribbon shit? 

Miss me.

What you got?

Email me at CreoleInDC@mac.com

My Version of The Good Wife - Dinner and Lunch!

• From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955:  Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

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I don't know much...but I know I'm a good wife.  When it comes to being a good wife I find that it's the simple, back to basics things my husband has come to rely on the most for comfort.

Take dinner. 

He always calls me when he's on his way home from the office.  I know that it usually takes him about 40 minutes to get here so I set up dinner so that it is complete about 25 minutes after he gets home.  That gives us time to catch up while he's changing clothes and for him to open a bottle of wine for us to enjoy with dinner.  Since it's not ready when he gets here, by the time he's wound down a bit dinner is ready and piping hot. 

Dinner is always a well balanced meal focusing mostly on clean, healthy veggies with a side of lean meat or fish.  Except for Mondays of course. Why?  Meatless Mondays playas.  :)

When I fix our plates I pull out the container for his lunch tomorrow and go ahead and fix his lunch then too.  I let it sit on the counter without the top on the container while we eat and by the time we're finished...it's cool enough to put the top on the container and put it in the fridge so he can put in his lunch bag in the morning along with his snacks for the day. (I also go ahead and put the leftovers in containers then too so that when we're straightening up the kitchen after it's quick and easy to do.)

I love knowing he has a healthy, good lunch when he's  not having lunch outside of the office.  And yeah...I take satisfaction in knowing it's a good lunch that I fixed for him.  GO ME!

The evenings and nights at 13700 are all about us.  Talking and laughing it up. We basically get him relaxed and chill.

Why?

He's been at the office working hard all day.  He deserves to come home and relax.

This is our routine now.  When we both used to work, of course it would take longer to have dinner ready.  Back then he used to be my sous chef and chop up stuff while I cooked and we'd talk.  That part has never changed.  When both of us are home after either of us has had a long day...we power down...together.  If we had kids I'm sure this routine would change but never the basics of it.  I believe in being organized being the key in a well run home.

Always have...always will.

Home, in my opinion, should never be about stress.  It should be about sliding into that sweet spot together.  That place where you enjoy the inhabitants of your home.  Where it's all about what's most important. 

FAMILY.

Do YOU have any tips on dinner and lunch that you'd like to share?