Rantings of a Creole Princess

Why you MIGHT not have a man...

"Men are cheating dogs!"(insert neck rolling)

"I don't trust men!"(insert neck rolling)

"My ex was the worst man EVER!"(insert neck rolling)

"I don't date men with kids!"(insert neck rolling)

"I don't date divorced men!"(insert neck rolling)

"He sounds like a mama's boy!"(insert neck rolling)

"I ain't the one!"  (insert neck rolling)

"He doesn't make any money!"(insert neck rolling)

"He dresses like a clown!"(insert neck rolling)

"He goes to church too much!"(insert neck rolling)

"He doesn't go to church!"(insert neck rolling)

"He's blue collar!"(insert neck rolling)

"He's out of shape!"(insert neck rolling)

"He works out too much!"(insert neck rolling)

"He prolly want me to pay half the bill!"(insert neck rolling)

YADA, YADA, YADA....and a million and one other reasons....

Ladies...I'm going to be honest when I say you'll never find love if you don't believe it can be found. If you keep doubting it and not trusting it...then you'll never, ever find it. You have to have faith and believe. Sure there are knuckleheads out there...but not all of them are. And the ones that aren't are so dang SICK of women who don't trust them...they move on. TRUST ME ON THIS!

Folks...hating men ain't gonna help you. So many women do. You gotta believe in love and believe in a man's ability to be a man. A REAL man who knows his worth is not about to put up with all that mistrustful ish going on. Who has time for that?

Nobody.

Let it go and start believing again. Yall are good women...don't lead with mistrust...it shows when you do. Have fun. Seriously...go out and have fun and it won't matter if you meet a guy or not cuz you're having fun. BUT...if you DO meet a man...he'll already have seen the fun you and that will set an EXCELLENT tone for your relationship. I promise.

Just let it flow and stop being so dang angry and mistrustful.  Have a good time...be true to yourself...and don't do ANYTHING that doesn't make you feel FABULOUS according to YOUR.FABULOUS.RULES.

This has been a CreoleInDC Public Service Announcement.  *DING*...you are free to move about the country!

You can get mad if you wanna...but if I ain't care...I wouldn't say ish.  Cuz hell...I'm happy with my man.

Music in my head:  "Chante's Got A Man!"

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Tired of Dating

One of my guests yesterday is a girlfriend who is tired of dating.  When she said it...she LOOKED tired.

She's a pretty woman.  VERY smart.  VERY successful.  She's well traveled and exposed.  She's a homeowner twice over and is cool as a white box fan.  Nothing is "wrong" with her. 

I never know what to say to women like her who are dealing with this.  I mean hey...there is no obvious reason as to why she hasn't found someone to enhance her already really good life.  And it's making her tired.

Usually very outgoing...she spends more time at home asleep or on her sofa recently.  Nothing wrong with that except the reason she's doing it.  Cuz she's tired of meeting men and it not going anywhere.

You see...she's not lacking in MEETING men cuz her looks draw them to her...but the men who seem to be a good match seem to always have some ish with them and don't have their ducks in a row...and to a woman whose ducks are IN a row...she ain't trying to go backwards.

I get this.

I spoke to a friend of mine about a month ago who told me about her experience on eHarmony.  She said she filled out their loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong azz questionaire and when she finished...THERE WERE NO MATCHES FOR HER.  NONE.  NOT ONE.

The next day she unclicked the box chosing the ethnicity of her mate from "BLACK" to "ANY" and instantly found over a hundred matches.

Wow.

She's  not willing to date outside of her race and I'm cool with that as it's her life, her decision.

A lot of folks think I'm an advocate for dating outside of your race and ask me bunches of questions about what it's like being married to a white guy.  I tell them being married to ROBBY is wonderful and all that I ever dreamed of when I dreamed of being married.  It's not the fact that he's a WHITE guy that makes him so different...it's him being ROBBY that's different.  And that's something I had to LEARN being raised as I was.

I'm not going to tell anyone to date outside of their race cuz if, prior to Robby, someone had suggested such to me...I'dda cussed them out properly.  Only YOU can make that decision.

I told my girlfriend that it seems to be a numbers game these days and that the more guys you meet the more likely you are that  you will find someone for  you.  She said yeah...I guess and then we discussed that the majority of available guys she sees at functions she attends are the same guys that will be at the same function next month.  That made me sad.

I look at women like my sister, Dr. Punkin.  Yall have seen her pic.  She's beautiful.  She's smart, well-educated and just all around FABULOUS.  She's only been in one relationship since my nephew's father.  Sure...she meets lots of guys because of her physical appearance...but she is quick to get rid of men who are not coming correct cuz she does NOT play any damn games.  NONE. 

I'd like to ask yall...do you know of any single men with their ducks in a row and their house in order that I could introduce either of these women to?  No games...no disrespect.  Someone who is just looking for the opportunity to meet someone with whom a relationship really CAN be a possibility because neither one is a fooleywag and/or playing games?  Just two regular, normal people...meeting one another and deciding if they'd like to get to know one another.  PEOPLE COMING CORRECT.

Do you think it's best to have no matches and hold out waiting for the perfect (INSERT ETHNICITY HERE) GUY to come along or should women unclick the box and look for that perfect GUY?

Hope Floats

I can't argue with her.

She's right.

There comes a time in all relationships when it's time to have THAT TALK. You know the one. The serious talk. Where are we headed, where are we going. How long are we going to be in a committed relationship without marriage? Where do you see US.

Inevitably, it's usually the woman that brings this up. Why? Because it's something women talk about.

"Girl...is it serious? How yall dang near living together for two years and it hasn't come up yet?"

That's what women do. We talk about our relationships. We love celebrating our love.

Sometimes it's the man that brings this up too...but for the most part...in my experience...it's been the woman.

How do you know it's time to have that talk? Is it based on time spent together or is it just based on that feeling? You know the one...where you feel it's time to piss or get off the pot. And how do you decide, based on that feeling, how to go about asking? And...is it possible to have this conversation in a non-emotional manner if you don't get the answer you were looking for.

I'm just not ready.

Don't rock the boat.

I always fantasized what love would be like. Yes I had some Mark Twain moments where I imagined being in a boat on a lazy lake with a hat and a flowery dress and the love of my life manuvering the oars at a steady pace. Strong and sensible he'd be. Giggly and girly I'd be.

Never mind...I'm not a giggly girl.

Women think too damn much in my opinion. They OVER THINK stuff when it comes to relationships and this is where it gets tough to be able to figure out should you piss or get off the pot. You probably know you should get off the pot...but are you ready for what's on the other side of it?

When I met my guy he lived in Texas and he had a very good job. I lived in DC and I had a very good job. We knew someone was going to have to do something soon because both of us were hot commodities where we were and the distance was going to end up messing that good feeling we had up. We even broke up once. Sure it was for less than 24 hours. But we still had the HARD coversation and the answers didn't add up to what either of us needed at the time. We continued on...but it was strictly on faith and defied all the pros and cons. All the textbook answers.

For us...the decision was taken out of our hand and it all just worked out as we now feel it was meant to. But had the decision not been taken out of our hands...no telling if we would have continued not coming to the conclusion that didn't add up in favor of us continuing on.

We all have our breaking point. We all know what we want. Can love transcend the facts? Can love exist in a sea of continued compromises on BOTH parts? CAN LOVE SURVIVE IF EVERYTHING IS NOT PERFECT? And hey...how do we recognize perfection anyway since we don't have it in ANYTHING?

You can use us as a case study if you'd like to as the odds were definitely stacked against us. It wasn't all pretty, nor was it easy for a long time. We've been together since 2001. We just got our stride in 2004. We became the Monnie and Robby YOU know in 2005.

What changed us? Love and respect changed us. We stopped thinking so damn much and started LIVING IN THE PRESENT.

I will never forget the day I got my ring. It happened just like everything else in our lives. As just another day. Nothing special about it. No announcement...it just happened. I looked my guy into his eyes and I felt steady. My heart didn't race because it wasn't an irrational feeling. It. Was. Just. Right.

When you decide to have the talk...try not to be so textbook. Try and realize the power of love. DO NOT BECOME SOMEONE'S DOORMAT but...don't become someone's slab of concrete either. You know...concrete that has no bend...no give...unless you use a jackhammer and break it. Then...it's good for nothing but the trash.

When was YOUR talk? Have you had THE TALK? When do you think it's time to have THE TALK? How did you go about TALKING.

To my girlfriend who is going through this now...I can't argue with your facts...you're right...but hey...facts sometimes can get stranger than fiction. Robby says hi!

Love,

Monnie & Robby

The Dating Game - 4

Scenario 4

You guys have been continuing to talk via email and phone.  Even text messaging back and forth.

You suggested doing something on Sunday and he said he wants to watch the game. 

Do you tell him he could come over and watch the game at your place?

The Dating Game - 3

Scenario 3

Well, on Thursday night he called you and you guys had a really good conversation.  You stayed on the phone for like two hours. 

During the conversation he told you he has plans with his boys on Friday  night but would really like to see you on Saturday night. He didn't suggest dinner or a movie, he just said he'd like to see you.

You have plans to go to a girlfriend's birthday dinner on Saturday night that starts at 7:00 pm.  You have no plans for Sunday.

1. Would you not tell him of your plans with your girlfriends and discuss your date? (You see your girlfriend all the time...she'll understand a man was involved.)

2.  Would you tell him you could meet him after your girlfriend's birthday dinner?

3.  Do you suggest Sunday instead?  If you do, what do you suggest?  Brunch, lunch, invite him to church, or suggest he come to your place and watch a movie with you?

4.  If he says he has plans for Sunday (if you suggest it) what do you say?

The Dating Game - 2

Scenario 2

Okay, so last night he didn't call and you didn't call him thinking that if he wanted to talk to you he would have called.

Your girlfriend calls you however, with yet another story of her issues with her boyfriend.  You're up until really, really late talking to her about her issue and men in general.

You get to the office on Thursday and you have an email from him asking how your evening went.  He says he went to the gym and worked out and then fell asleep watching television after dinner.

Questions:

1.  Do you tell him about your late night on the phone with your girlfriend and her man problems?

2.  Do you ever ask why he didn't call you?

3.  Do you email with him ALL day?  Or do you pace it out.  He replies and you wait an hour, etc., etc.

4.  Do you go into detail about what you cooked for dinner?

5.  The weekend is coming up...do you ask him if he has plans?

The Dating Game - 1

Just a what if game to let us see the perspectives of other women in the same situation.  Cool?

Scenario 1

You were introduced to this seemingly nice, single guy by a mutual acquantance.   He gives you his home and cell number as well as his email address.  You do the same.  You met on Tuesday evening.

Wednesday during the day, you receive an email from him.  You guys email back and forth all day having fun, laughing. 

9:00 Wednesday night.  He hasn't called you.  You have his number.  Would you call him?

Got a Ring on Yo Finger???

When I was single...I always thought married women I knew were un-naturally smug.  You know...my husband this or my husband that and all that crap. "Bruh...what's his NAME???? Did his parents name him Husband?????"  I'd want to say. 

To be honest...I STILL find a lot of married women to be smug as if they are saying to single women..."you're not good enough to have a husband and I am."  Flashing their bling to and fro.

In the past couple of days we've been hearing about some single women with some SERIOUS issues regarding relationships.  The kind that make you shake your head from side to side sloooooooooooowly.  And I know some married women were over there reading thinking..."Girlllll...see...I am so glad I'm not single anymore.  Unh uh uh.  I can't BELIEVE some of this stuff single women are going through!"... all smug and shit popping their neck.

Well let's call a spade a spade why don't we?  Many married women are JUST AS MISERABLE!  MORESO EVEN!  TRUST!  They have the same damn issues.  They met them dang men when they were all screwed up, therefore the only men attracted to them were JUST as screwed up and they ended up in a screwed up azz marriage.  Flat out.

I HATE it when I see a woman one way around her friends and all quiet and reserved around her husband.  Tipping around him and shit scared to wake him up.  WHAT?  Or women who can't do a DAMN thing without their husband's permission.  Bruh...You're a grown azz woman.

How many women do you know that hide EVERYTHING from their husband?  I'm not talking about shopping bags in the trunk.  I'm talking about finding out something bad that happened to a family member and she doesn't want her husband to find out about it because she doesn't want to hear him talking bad about her people again. 

I know a woman who gets an ALLOWANCE.  I'm serious.  It's for her to buy her "personal items" as her husband calls them.  I know women who can't and DON'T talk on the phone when their husbands are around. Why?  Either cuz they can't be themselves while their husbands are in the room and they have to have to deal with dirty looks from their husbands or they don't want their husbands to know they talk to you that much.  Crazy huh?

What about husbands that go out?  GROWN AZZ MEN with families and kids and responsibilities who have regular "dates" with the guys.  I'm not talking the occasional football game or bachelor party...I'm talking several times a month.  And you got kids!!!!!!!!!  When are you spending quality time with your kids? 

I know married women with newborn babies whose husbands are cheating.

Wait...by association I know of a woman whose husband told her he had to do overnight inventory and one of her twins became critically ill and had to be rushed to the hospital.  When she called his work they told her he wasn't in and he wasn't answering his cell.  When he finally showed up at the hospital THE NEXT MORNING he told her not to question him as he's a grown azz man.  She's still with that fool.

Women whose husbands haven't worked in years.  Women whose husbands have come home to tell her he just found out some chick is pregnant for him.   Women whose husbands comment on their weight gain like they are not good enough anymore.  "You're just letting yourself go. Why don't you do something with you hair?  You're wearing that again?"

Women whose husbands don't do a DAMN thing to help around the house and expect to be waited on hand and foot just cuz they went to work.  Humph.  Newsflash...your damn wife went to work too punk!

Women who KNOW their husband is the wrong man for them either because they never were...or because the women have evolved into someone FABULOUS and their husband is still a damn bump on a log.

I just said that to keep things fair.  Married women got shit in their closets they are scared off too.  Married women need to work on themselves too.  Moreso...cuz a lot more of them have kids and the cycle will continue with their sons and daughters if they don't get their heads straight.

Get yo mind right girl.  Get yo mind right!

Watch your back.  If you ain't the best you can be AT ALL TIMES...you might find yourself stuck like chuck. 

Now get mad if you want to.  I'd rather tell you here than let someone out in the street who doesn't care about you tell you with malice.  Get yo mind right.  You don't have to put up with that shit.  Humph.

You are NOT going to be happy until YOU work on you.  YOU know your shortcomings and YOU know you don't deserve just any old thing just to say you're married.

P.S.  And I HATE when women compare bling.  Okay...so you might be rocking some serious ice but your husband is an azz...You might be rocking some serious ice but your husband is never home...You might be rocking some serious ice but your husband isn't just YOUR man.  You might be rocking some serious ice but he just slapped spit out yo mouth.  You big dummy.

Get and Keep and Man Huh???

This pic means nothing to this post.  I just felt like looking at it again.  I've had a rough day emotionally and I didn't feel like getting my jazzy on...so might as well just look at me BEING jazzy.

   

Before you continue reading this...please know that the stuff you read here is stuff that I know for sure because it's what worked for me.  Now I know you and I are two different people but I doubt seriously your personal tragedies have been more heartbreaking and spirit crippling than mine.  It's possible, yes...but not probable.  I'm not in ANYway belittling what you've dealt with...I'm just saying that I've been to hell and beyond and I figured out that I needed to take care of ME or I was going to be a shell of what I wanted to be.

I wish you guys could see my email inbox today.  I got 96 emails from women today. Seems my little post last night about how to get and keep a man has stirred some folks up and are making them think about what they think they are looking for and why they may not have found it yet.  LOL.  Good.

I got an email from this one chick that stated she'd gone to a seminar for single women on how to find a relationship.  Now yall...I have never heard of such a thing in all my life so to Google I went.  Do this for me.  go to www.Google.com and type in "relationship seminars."  Imma wait while you do that.

Doody, doody, do.

Finished?  Now...WEREN'T YOU FLOORED????????  WHO KNEW?

So my mouth is wide open and I'm telling a girlfriend about it and she reminded me that Charlotte and Carrie went to one on "Sex and the City."  Ah yes...a "Sex and the City" reference.  Always seems to come up when women are talking about relationships. LOL.

Back to this chick.  So...she paid MONEY so I asked her did she learn anything.

Her:  Well, basically they just kept telling you what you needed to do when you met a man to keep him interested.

Me:  O...kay.  Did they tell you that all you really needed to do was just to work on you?

Her:  No.  They were like how you should dress when you see him, how you should act...how often you should call him and how long to wait before returning his call.

Me:  Oh...so you paid $65 to learn how to play games with menfolk.

Her:  Well...not really.

Me:  Then what did you learn?

Her:  Well...I guess nothing since it didn't work anyway.

So my question to her after that was what did she think was wrong with her and she named about 6 things.  My response?  SO YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PROBLEMS!  And you didn't have to pay anybody a nickel to tell you.  YOU KNOW YOU!  All of us know our shortcomings we just have to decide WHEN we are ready to sit down and actually DEAL with them.  Shit...you have Google.  Google your issues.  You'll find all kinds of information because you are not the only one who has dealt with it.  I promise.

Okay so...I've thought about some new rules to add to the list.

14.  Learn to believe what you see and hear.

When someone tells or shows you the truth about themselves...believe them.  LOL!  Do not think for an instant that just because you're giving it up regularly and rubbing their feet that you can change some skank! YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF! 

Remember this:  GOD SENDS YOU PEBBLES BEFORE HE HITS YOU WITH A BRICK!

15.  STOP TELLING MEN ALL YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

Seriously.  I've said this before.  Stop telling men all of your problems and issues.  They think you are CRAZY! The only people you need to share your ish with are people that love you because then they can listen to it without judging you because they have your best interests at heart.

16.  Don't give up your power.

You know the chick I'm taking about right?  The one who meets a guy today and then having said guy thinking they have no life unless they are spending it with him.  Whatever.  You have PLENTY to do and should always do it unless you have a date scheduled.  Don't be sitting your azz around waiting for him to call.  That's a loser move.  PLEASE.  Sitting around waiting on some man to call.  I bet he wasn't sitting around waiting on the perfect time to CALL you.  Humph.  Get your head out of your butt people.  Puhleeze. 

My Grandmother said once..."If somebody doesn't call you, it's cuz they didn't want to talk to you."  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  How FABULOUS is that tidbit?  LOL!  And in this day and age...it takes no time at all to call someone.  And hell...they probably are calling someone...just not YOU.  Why?  Cuz they don't have to wonder what you're doing.  They know you're sitting there waiting on them to call.  LOL!  Just dumb.

I'm over here laughing now at how crazy it is to sit around and wait on some man to call you.  No indeed.  No.  Indeed.

17.  Keep up with current events. 

Why?  Cuz you need to know what's going on in the world.  And...it shows that you have a brain and can think for yourself.

Okay I'm done for tonight.  You are free to move about the country.  Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

How to Get and KEEP a Man Worth Keeping!

And Build BETTER Self Esteem Along the Way!

Got your attention huh?  LOL!

You'll be very surprised to know that getting and keeping a good man has more to do with yourself and less to do with the actual man.  It's really a process by which you need to work on you and your shortcomings.  The optimal result is that you'll find a good man...but...if you don't...you will have the reward of having worked on what may be weaknesses within you.

1.  Housekeeping - Make your home comfortable and beautiful.

I know I love my surroundings to be nice.  My kinda nice isn't the over-the-top nice that you find in catalogs such as www.Horchow.com, etc., but the kind of nice where you can plop down and put your feet up. 

I like to look around me at colors which accent my personality and make me smile.  That said.  If you're sitting in your room or living room right now and when you look up you can't feel good looking at what you see or there is an abundance of clutter or mismatched furniture...you need to work on your space.  If it doesn't make you feel as if you've stepped into a haven when you come home...it won't make a man feel that way either.  Make sure your sofa has a blanket you can toss across your legs if you want to get cozy and pillows to lean back on.  Get candles for a moody night or install a ceiling fan to keep the air fresh and circulating.  Go through your favorite magazines and find pics of decor that make you smile and recreate that feeling within your budget.  Do one room at a time and take your time as this process is called "nesting" and can't be done overnight. 

2.  Re-vamp your energy.

When is the last time you worked out?  This is a source of contention for me because I hate it when people say they are working out to lose weight.  You should focus on BEING HEALTHY first and foremost and all the rest will come along.  If you hate running...don't try running.  You'll stop doing it.  Find an exercise you like to do.  Step out of your comfort zone.  Try yoga or pilates.  Take a dance class at your local recreational center or swimming.  What about golf or a volleyball league?  Tennis, raquetball?  Couple one of these with a nice leisurely walk after work and you should get your engines revving just nicely and not have to think of working out per se as working out.  You're either trying something new or doing something you enjoy.  You'll be amazed at how easy it will become to keep up with instead of running if running is something you hate.

3.  Focus on the food you eat. 

To me this is easy as my mouth is very close to my brain.  LOL!  I'm assuming yours is too.  You should think about every single thing you put in your mouth before you do.  What nutritional value is it providing you?  Is it protein?  A serving of fruit or veggies?  Does it have too much sodium?  Too much sugar?  Does it include that corn syrup stuff that is said to be genetically altered?  Think about what you put in your mouth before you put it in. You know damn good and well that snicker ain't cutting it chica.

Read up on good and bad foods.  Educate yourself.  When you meet a good man, cook what I call "clean" food and tell him why it's better for you to eat.  He'll take note that you eat healthy and therefore he will probably eat healthy too if you guys were to decide to become exclusive.

Drink lots of water.  NO SODAS!  NONE!

4.  Get your money straight.

If it's not straight...make a plan to get it straight.  It's not going to be overnight...but sticking to a plan will show your motivation to have and KEEP a good life. 

Don't put a man into your financial house until you guys have decided to share your life together.  No he may NOT use your credit card.  No he may NOT know exactly how much money you make.  That's YOUR business.  All he needs to know is that you're handling your business.

The most important thing is to keep your credit score right as this will cost you so much money later in life if it isn't.  Get your financial house in order Chicas.  There are PLENTY of books and information on the internet as to how.

5.  Do something creative.

Take an art or cooking class.  What about some of the free do it herself workshops at HomeDepot.  Anything that will get you out of the house and interacting with people while doing something YOU chose to do.  This will continue your socializing growth as you will meet new people who have something in common with you and you're doing or learning something that YOU wanted to do or learn about.

6.  GET YOUR JAZZY ON!

Now...yall know that when ya girl feels poorly...she get's her jazzy on.  When I look in the mirror and see me being jazzy me.  I get a rush...a high.  I feel good.  Do that as often as you want to.  Dress up for no reason...just because.

Friday before last I wore a BEAUTIFUL cocktail dress with some beaded flats to regular Friday dinner with the Robinator.  Why?  Why not?  LOL!  The dress was beautiful on me and I felt like a princess wearing it that's why...and Robby thought I looked pretty.  He even put on a clean shirt. LOLOLOLOL!

Get rid of that ratty old pair of sweats and t-shirt you always put on when you come home.  A cute set of lounging pj's can be just as comfortable.  A quote from my FABULOUS mother, "If you only BUY things that look good on you...you only HAVE things that look good on you."  LOL!

7.  Attitude Adjustment Ladies!!!!!

Now I know you're mad at somebody.  An ex.  Your boss.  People at work.  Family.  Your neighbor.  The dude that cut you off on the interstate.  SOMEBODY.  Shake that shit off.

Say thank you and please... Yes sir and no ma'am to elders.  And sit back and watch people's reaction to you.  Watch how they soften up and open up and treat you with extra special care.  They will look at you and smile.  You may even share a funny or two.  Everyone feels and looks better when they are smiling so smile more often.

Stop a few times a day and say your prayers.  Thank GOD for your survival.  Take deep cleaning breaths several times a day.  Focus on intaking the air and exhaling it (I do both of these all day...it keeps my mind right and the oxygen and blood flowing in my body).  Ever thought of trying meditation? If so...look it up on the internet or buy a book.

If you're a church going person...go to church.  If not...keep your mind right spiritually because no matter what God you choose...your faith resides INSIDE you.

8.  GET YO AZZ OUT THE HOUSE!

Go out to dinner with the girls.  Go to a nice Happy Hour.  Sunday brunch.  Anything.  Just get out of the house.  Stop just going to work and/or school and then home.  A good man is not going to show up on your doorstep and ring your doorbell.  LOL! 

Also...keep this in mind.  Don't go places where people you probably wouldn't be interested in hang out.  For example...if you're not into a man who likes to go to the club...stay the hell outta the club cuz the men you meet there will like to go to clubs.  If you don't like bowling (BLECH!!!!!!!!!) don't meet a man at a bowling alley.  9 times outta 10 he's a bowling guy and you'll be spending time with bowling kinda people.  Now there is nothing wrong with bowling people...but if you're not interested...why?????????

9.  KNOW YOURSELF!

Learn what is a deal breaker for you and stick to it.  If you don't want to date a man with kids...don't waste your time trying.  Don't like smokers?  Don't try dating one.  Find out what YOU want in a man and don't settle for less than in a man.  Seriously.  Ya gotta know what you want when you're shopping.  But ya gotta be realistic too.  If you're looking for a little black dress and some strappy heals you're not going to go to the Gap and you're going to know that you will have to spend good money to get something Princessly.  Ya gotta be realistic chicas!

10.  Clean up your tree of life.

You know those "friends" you have nothing in common with but you still keep around?  They are bringing you down girl.  Move them to the side and get them out of your life.  Shake them bad apples off your tree of life.  Drama free is where you need to be.  Drama free.

Create a support system of people who live their lives in a way you can respect. 

11.  Learn to cook at least basic simple meals.

I'm telling you...that old lady saying is da truf!  A man looooooooooooves a woman who can cook and cook well.  And lay it out.

12.  Learn about things a man needs to know.

Make sure you know how to tie a tie.  Sounds weird I know...but it's not something a woman needs to know so the fact that she went out of her way to learn shows she's not a selfish woman.  At all.

Know the difference in men's clothing such as the proper break needed in his pants or the best brands of suits and where to get them for cheaper than the big named stores. 

Educate a man about the fact that he shouldn't wear a button down collared shirt with a tie.  Not a lot of men, I find, know this unless their father was a upper-middle to upper class.  Show him the little touches a man can add to his wardrobe to step it up a notch.  You know...proper French cuffs with classy cuff links. Handkerchiefs and shoes that are always shined. 

He'll see that you're an asset to his well-being which is a good thing.  My husband and I read recently that executive searches have begun to "interview" the wives of high powered executives as well when they are being considered for a position.  They want to make sure his wife is an asset as they know men bounce work issues off of their wifes regularly.  Interesting huh?

13.  VALUE YOUR BODY!

You already know what I mean about this.  Stop sleeping with men you're not in a committed relationship with if you WANT to be in a committed relationship with him!!!!!!!!!

Added 8/29/06

14.  Learn to believe what you see and hear.

When someone tells or shows you the truth about themselves...believe them.  LOL!  Do not think for an instant that just because you're giving it up regularly and rubbing their feet that you can change some skank?  YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF! 

Remember this:  GOD SENDS YOU PEBBLES BEFORE HE HITS YOU WITH A BRICK!

15.  STOP TELLING MEN ALL YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

Seriously.  I've said this before.  Stop telling men all of your problems and issues.  They think you are CRAZY! The only people you need to share your ish with are people that love you because then they can listen to it without judging you because they have your best interests at heart.

16.  Don't give up your power.

You know the chick I'm taking about right?  The one who meets a guy today and then having said guy thinking they have no life unless they are spending it with him.  Whatever.  You have PLENTY to do and should always do it unless you have a date scheduled.  Don't be sitting your azz around waiting for him to call.  That's a loser move.  PLEASE.  Sitting around waiting on some man to call.  I bet he wasn't sitting around waiting on the perfect time to CALL you.  Humph.  Get your head out of your butt people.  Puhleeze. 

My Grandmother said once..."If somebody doesn't call you, it's cuz they didn't want to talk to you."  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  How FABULOUS is that tidbit?  LOL!  And in this day and age...it takes no time at all to call someone.  And hell...they probably are calling someone...just not YOU.  Why?  Cuz they don't have to wonder what you're doing.  They know you're sitting there waiting on them to call.  LOL!  Just dumb.

I'm over here laughing now at how crazy it is to sit around and wait on some man to call you.  No indeed.  No.  Indeed.

17.  Keep up with current events. 

Why?  Cuz you need to know what's going on in the world.  And...it shows that you have a brain and can think for yourself.

________________________________________________________________

Now...there is a lot more to this and I hope readers add on to the list.  I just want you to focus on how little I mentioned a man here.  See...you will only attract someone to the YOU you are.  If your "house" is a mess...the only person who will be attracted to you is someone who doesn't mind a mess.  And in this instance your "house" is YOU. 

All of these things will make you realize your worth more and more as you complete each step.  With that knowledge and the knowledge that you did it all for you...you will become confident enough to know what you deserve in a man.  And trust me...skanks will stay away from you because you're going to scare them off because they will know they can't play games with your mind.

Next time we talk about this we should focus on "Dateable vs. Undateable."  LOL!  Now THAT should be a good conversation! 

How Do You Demand Respect From a Man?

This question was posted on a message board that I frequent.

My answer: 

Demanding respect is easy. All you do is carry yourself as a lady and love yourself enough to accept nothing but the utmost of everything a man has to offer. The same man that treated Girl A like crap knows that he could never, EVER treat me that way because I knew my worth and would NOT deal with anything crazy. A man knew not to call my house after 10 and that my time outside of the office was valuable.

Also...women today give men too much power. I see it all the time. They meet a guy and then have the guy thinking they have no life unless they are spending it with the guy. Whatever. You have PLENTY to do and should always do it unless you have a date scheduled with said man. Don't be sitting around waiting on him to call. Go DO something.

Oh...and SHUT THE HELL UP! Stop telling men all of your problems and issues. They think you're CRAZY! The only people you need to share your ish with are people that love you because then they can listen to it without judging you because they have your best interests at heart.

AND START COOKING! There are so many women who CAN'T cook that it will make you stand out. LOL!

Last but not least. STOP HAVING SEX WITH MEN YOU AREN'T IN AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH IF YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. So many women sleep with them when they are just dating that this too will make you stand out. But that shouldn't be the reason. The reason should be that you respect yourself too much to give the most intimate part of you to just any old body.

Also...MAKE YOUR HOUSE A HOME! Somewhere that shows men how well you take care of yourself so they KNOW what they are dealing with.

Sorry...what was the question again?