You're on a group trip with friends from college.
Everyone arrives and gets situated in their rooms.
One of your male friends arrive with a woman who is NOT his wife.
He sends her up to their room and comes down to ask yall not to post any pictures on FB of him and old girl.
How do you respond?
Do you consider it disrespectful to yall that he brought his mistress along on a reunion trip?
How would you interact with her knowing she KNOWS he's married?
Would you go out of your way to make sure old girl isn't in any of your pictures?
My wife and I are having a disagreement over the latest Dear Abby (http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/3/20).
One of the letters is about a woman who moved in with her boyfriend and now the living situation has got to the point where she is calling it abuse. As the letter is printed, I do not see it as abuse but my wife does. I see it as a situation where she is in his house and he has a way of doing things and neither of them have adjusted to each other. I think she needs to sit down and talk to him about her concerns. She is stressed and probably does need to leave, though. What do you and your readers think?
A teenager is pregnant.
She gives birth to a stillborn child.
The doctor, well known as being highly controversial, finds traces of a chemical produced by cocaine in the child's system.
There is little doubt the mother used cocaine while pregnant.
The state of Mississippi charges the young mother with murder.
That was an interesting read.
So...say you're STD free and you meet someone who is awesome in every way and then they disclose that they have an STD.
Would YOU be able to continue dating them?
Or would you bail?
Anonymous comments on this one are cool.
Your 18 year old son has graduated from high school but doesn't have a plan yet.
His grades were simply that which didn't get him into a good college and, if you're honest, he's not ready for college yet and you know he'll screw up until HE'S ready to go to college.
So...he is still home.
Everyone else in your home goes to work and school during the day.
He's been trying to find a job...but hasn't been able to yet.
A neighbor tells you that he has been having company during the day and the young lady leaves before your younger daughter gets home from school.
You don't know anything about this.
You have told your 18 year old that he has to be home by 2:00am.
He's a high school graduate.
He doesn't have a plan yet.
You have told this man child on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION TO NOT COME IN YOUR HOME PAST 2:00AM.
It's past 2:00am. He's not home. You put the deadbolt on. He comes home at 3:15am. It's 20 degrees outside. He doesn't have a car.
Do you let him in?
A 40-some year old single man is hit on BIG.TIME by a 21 year old woman who makes it clear she is digging him.
He is flattered but keeps it moving.
She tries to get is attention again on another occasion and you're with him.
He asks your opinion on whether or not he should ask her out.
What would YOU say?
Have you ever dated someone who is divorced? Was it a good experience?
You're at a friend's place when you meet someone.
The someone is annoying as hell.
You're polite because your friend does business with them.
You run into the annoying person a few days later and they are even MORE annoying and...slightly offensive.
How do you react knowing you met them through someone they do business with who is a friend of yours?
Does respect for your friend cause you to be as polite as possible or, since you're somewhere else and the friend isn't around, are you comfortable tagging that azz?
Your son tries to ask a girl to a dance three times.
Each time she cuts him off before he can ask.
He tells you this.
How do you advise him?
It's Valentine's Day and you're in a new relationship which is going along amazingly.
You're extremely happy.
Your best girlfriend is single and you decide to send her some flowers to her office for Valentine's Day.
You share this with your guy before you do it and he tells you to make sure she won't be offended first.
You question him and he says that well...it might come across as your feeling sorry for her or something because she doesn't have a boyfriend.
You never thought of that before.
What do you do?
You ignore your crazy sister and attend your niece's wedding.
When your niece sees you as she's walking down the aisle she looks SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!
You ignore your sister and look past her whenever she is in your eye line.
You arrive at the reception and you and your husband don't have a seat at a table.
Your children do.
How do you handle?
Your niece is getting married.
You ADORE your niece.
You have been estranged from your sister, her mother, for a few years.
You're completely okay with this as you've decided the less time you spend together...the better.
You received an invitation and RSVP'd for you, your husband and your two children.
The morning of the wedding you get a call from your sister.
Your sister tells you that she doesn't want you and your husband at the wedding but that your two children (early 20s) can attend.
How do you handle?
A friend asks you to pick them up from the airport.
The friend's flight is delayed because of the weather where they are flying from.
They let you know via text that their flight is delayed by 3 hours RIGHT BEFORE THEY TAKE OFF.
You immediately call to let them know you won't be available to pick them up and the call goes straight to voicemail suggesting they've turned their phone off.
How do you proceed?
A.) Leave them a message telling them that they are going to have to arrange transportation once they arrive.
B.) Call a mutual friend to see if they are available to pick the friend up.
C.) Change your plans to accomodate the friend.
You just found out that your husband's best friend is a serial cheater from a pretty reliable source.
Turns out he messed with the wrong woman and she's a better detective than the FBI.
Are you disturbed by this information?
Do you have a problem with your husband spending time with him after finding this out?
Do you have a problem with him being in your home after finding this out?
Your husband goes to a club.
He's enjoying himself people watching by the bar.
An attractive woman comes up and orders drinks.
Your husband jokingly looks at her wedding ring finger and asks her why she isn't married looking the way she looks.
She says something random about not having found the right one yet, etc. while looking at his wedding ring finger.
Your husband doesn't wear a ring.
He told you from the beginning of your relationship that he wasn't going to.
He buys the woman's drinks and gives her his card before he leaves.
The woman he gave his card to sends him an email thanking him for being a gentleman.
He responds back by saying she should text him because it's quicker for him to respond that way.
She's not the TEXTING A DUDE RIGHT OFF THE BAT TYPE so she responds via email and straight off the bat asks if he's married so she could get that out of the way.
Ain't nobody trying to be Mary Jane'd.
He responds by saying yes he's married blah, blah, blah.
The woman ceases all communication with him because, again, she ain't a Mary Jane.
Now...if YOU were the dude's wife...did he do anything wrong? Are you pissed if you find out about this? Or was he simply being a nice guy? Would you have a problem with your husband buying a woman YALL don't know and he's not trying to do some type of legitimate business with drinks?
You spend a lot of time with your family weekly.
You've been invited to spend Christmas with your best friend's family in sunny California.
You'd like a trip because life has been a bit mundane lately.
You tell your mother and she's upset but it seems to be okay.
The closer it gets to the time you're supposed to leave...the saltier she gets.
Your sister tells you that she's hurt and LIVID that you won't be home for Christmas.
I'm sorry to tell you this because it seems as if many people think that once you fall in love and take your relationship to the next level...everything is going to be perfect. Disney birds are going to start flying around your house, magical music notes will float up from the floor under your every step. Love will make it all perfect and you will be in seventh heaven.
Your home will always be lovely. You'll have amazing meals seated at a table every.single.night with matching place settings and healthy, heart happy meals.
You will always, ALWAYS, want to be right up under the one you love just breathing in yall's perfection as a couple knowing you're doing it all right.
And then one day you'll wake up from that damn dream and see what it's REALLY like and you'll start to have problems because your crazy azz has been living in never-never land and Michael Jackson put the key inside a big azz tiger or some shit.
Cuz yeah...that shit is a fantasy.
Ladies...gentlemen...please help us out here. I have a young newlywed who is finding out that the hazy, bubble she was living in inside of her head was all a dream. Please let her know that WE ALL know good and well that it's not always Disney birds and shit even though it's good most of the time. Tell her about how you can ask your spouse to do something a hundred GAMILLION TIMES and it doesn't get done until you snap and jump all the way cray-cray-crazy. Tell her about how, even though they KNOW, Christmas is coming, they will still complain about picking up the tree knowing GOOD AND DAMN WELL THEY LOVE IT WHEN THE TREE IS UP AND EVERYTHING IS ALL CHRISTMASY PERFECT! Tell her about how you can love your spouse to the ends of the earth and beyond but sometimes...SOMETIMES...you just need some down time without ANY TALKING until you can talk again.
These younguns need advice on how to handle the non-blissful stuff. Please advise.
You're out shopping with your mother-in-law and you're not feeling good.
She takes one look at you, asks a few questions and tells you that you are pregnant.
You freak out, stop to get a test and IMMEDIATELY take it!
You're sooooooooooooo happy! You start planning how you're going to surprise your husband with the news and your phone rings.
Your MIL has already texted him with the news.
Our daughter "Amanda" lives in another state and has been married to "Jacob" for several years. Theirs is an open relationship, and I have always known that. My husband, however has kept his head in the sand regarding this. My daughter has a boyfriend, "Tom,” whom Jacob knows about and has a great friendship with. They are all planning to come to our home this Christmas, but my husband insists that Tom (who has visited us previously) is not welcome. Do I tell our daughter, son-in-law, and daughter's boyfriend to make other holiday plans? My opinion is that they are all consenting adults, there are no children involved, and always behave appropriately in public.
—Stuck in the Middle With Him
What would YOU advise? What would YOU tell your daughter?
How would YOU answer this question posted on my FAVORITE time wasting website, Quora?
Q. Former Mistress' Son: I am currently in marriage counseling with my wife after she discovered my three-year-long relationship with another woman. After a lot of soul-searching, I truly want to make the marriage work and ended my affair with "Sandy" for good. The problem we have is Sandy's son, "John." Sandy has been a single mother most of her life and I am the only father figure he's known. John and I developed a bond over the years and I feel as though it would be cruel to cut him out of my life because I am no longer in a relationship with his mother. My wife is adamant that she won't stay in the marriage if I maintain any ties with either John or Sandy. I feel disappointed in her for not having the compassion to see John is the innocent victim here who needs my ongoing support. I've previously promised John I would always be a part of his life and I don't want to go back on that. Shouldn't my wife be more understanding of a child's needs?
What would YOU advise?
Click here to see how Prudence answered: I Will Be Your Father Figure
A friend loaned a friend $200.
The lender required collateral.
The borrower put up their iPad.
The time has come and gone for the payback.
Should the lender friend feel bad about wiping the iPad clean and considering it payment?
A few months ago at work a young, handsome intern started talking to me. He was flirtatious and would act thrilled to see me. He would do this when other people were around, even other supervisors. I admit that I was flattered, but I’m a divorced woman 20 years his senior and in a relationship, so I didn't take it seriously. All I did to respond to him was smile and exchange small talk. I recently found out that he isn't flirting, he is making a joke of me. I was told by a friend that he was talking about me at an event in front of other employees, including a supervisor, and they were all having a laugh at my expense. This also explains the times when I would walk into the cafeteria and this intern and some co-workers would start smirking at me and cracking up. I am a bit overweight and not all that attractive, so perhaps this makes me a good target. He’s continuing his overtures and I simply respond “Hello” with a flat smile and go on my way. My friend told me to beware because she was afraid that this young man might get me into trouble. I am concerned that he could file a complaint against me and I don't know what to do. How should I handle this situation?
—Not a Sexual Harasser
What advice would YOU give?
Your husband tells you to be home by midnight.
You're out with your girlfriends, having a good time.
You get home after midnight.
He has locked you out.
What do you do?
You walk up on your 13 year old daughter and while she's watching a video on YouTube.
She jumps suspiciously so you tell her to show you what she's looking at.
It's a video of some girls your daughter's age that you know go to school with her dancing super suggestively at a slumber party.
Do you contact their parents or are you just glad it's not a video of YOUR daughter?
You have a blog which isn't connected to your real name in any way.
You write about something totally cute that your child did on your blog.
You're laughing about the same cute thing your child did with a co-worker who is a friend.
Another co-worker walks into the breakroom and overhears the story and laughs saying she'd read the same thing on one of her favorite blogs earlier that week.
You don't write about work at all on your blog.
You don't blog while you're at work.
Do you fess up that you're the owner of that blog or do you keep it moving?
I'm curious as to what YALL have to say about this:
I was in a club the other night and my girl was standing with her back to me talking to a group of people. She was close enough to hear what was being said, but not close enough where you would know we were together. A woman walked up to the bar and began a conversation with me. She then asked if I was single, and my response was yes, but I'm here with my girl. Well my girl went APESHIT on me and asked why did I tell her I was single when I'm not? So my question is, what does single mean? Has the term changed because I thought as long as I wasn't married, I was single. I said I was here with my girl, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Thoughts??
I am furious with another set of parents. My 16-year-old daughter has recently told her mother and me that she is pregnant. It happened at a party that was not well-supervised, and there was alcohol involved. The boy involved and his family are owning up to their share of the responsibility, but the owners of the house are absolutely infuriating me. They need to admit their share of this burden, as it was their booze and their house party that allowed this to happen. My family is going to have a lot of expenses due to this new baby, and I don't know how much the boy's family can help, so it seems that the party's host should help out, again as it was on their watch that this happened. So far, that family has ignored me when I have tried to speak with them about this. I am ready to call a lawyer to press the issue, but my wife thinks I am overreacting. What do you think?
What advice would YOU give?
The teenage son of one of your dear friends is found to be a drug user.
They are getting their son help for his problem.
He comes out of the very expensive rehab program they put him in.
Your friend calls and wants to see if your teenage son wouldn't mind hanging out with him because she wants him to hang out with some good boys instead of his old friends.
You're wearing a super awesome all white very expensive suit.
You're on the Metro headed to your office.
A woman gets on the Metro with a cup of coffee.
She bumps into you and spills the coffee all down your super awesome all white very expensive suit.
How do you handle?
Just want to see how you would handle a situation that happened to me. Recently I reconnected with an old friend. I had been told that she was bad off on drugs but decided to give her a chance because it had been a while. Well, she ended up stealing checks from me and cost me 350 dollars before the bank and I caught it. The only way to get reimbursed by the bank is to file a police report. I don't want her to go to jail but I'd never allow her in my house again. Not sure if that was the right thing. We had some fun in the day. Idk, can't bring myself to have her locked up.
What would YOU advise?
We live in a world filled with takers. We all know this and we're all equipped with warnings from family, framily and friends to watch out for takers. I feel like people sometimes can get to the point where they've had enough giving and snap and decide to look out for me and mine only and take back what the world has taken from them.
And then I started thinking about timelines. How much time does it take a GIVER to turn into a TAKER?
How long does it take someone to stop caring about others and what happens to others and ONLY focus on what happens to them?
And is this healthy or does this stunt our spiritual growth as people?
A friend has put on a lot of weight in the past year.
You know she's under a lot of stress.
For her birthday...you decide to give her a gift certificate to a spa in the area near her job.
She's grateful and goes making her OWN appointment.
Turns out the day she attends, the spa is hawking some type of weight loss chef deal.
The friend calls you and quietly and strangely asks you if you knew the spa was doing this now because it seems strange that you'd give her a gift certificate to a place she's never been anyway.
You only gave her the gift certificate there because it was close to her job and you thought it would be nice. Oh...and the YELP reviews were awesome.
You tell her no...you didn't know and she's still acting funny.
You call the spa yourself and they tell you that it was something new they were trying out.
But now...do YOU feel some kinda way that your friend thought you were being cheeky?
You live with your boyfriend in a lovely home with a guest room.
Your mother is coming to visit.
She refuses to stay at your house and books a hotel.
Your boyfriend is offended.
Says your mother is too old fashioned and she needs to get with the program because it's 2013 and yall might not ever get married so is she never going to sleep under the same roof with yall ever?
Being from the South I've heard plenty of harsh advice. A lot of times I was dipped down in a hallway somewhere listening in on grown folks conversation that I didn't have any business listening to. Had I been caught...oh yeah...I would have been called a "fast tailed lil girl."
Which was the worst thing you could have been called in my world. Nobody wanted to be fast tailed. NOBODY!
I remember overhearing once that "too many women out there screwing for free."
Now...to a simple brain...that sounds like the woman speaking was advocating for women to be prostitutes. To someone who knew her...they knew EXACTLY where she was with that. Basically...she was saying that women need to understand the power they have and that there was no reason you should be with a man who can't do anything for you. See...they were quick to peep the lil boys who were sniffing up behind you and, if they didn't have potential...they didn't have nainh problem letting you know this.
Many of these circumstances still exist but I think we've gotten too PC to say them out loud I think. Sure...when you're with people you REALLY care for, you have no reason to not say these type of things because you're not trying to let your loved ones go out like that. I've had this conversation with lil cousins fo' sho. I was on the phone with one of my cousins recently and she reminded me of something I said to her over a decade ago. I'd forgotten it, of course, but she said she always stuck to that simplistic and harsh as hell view when making decisions with matters of the heart and well...it works and worked for her. YOU would probably be shocked to hear what it was I said to her because I'd never say it to anyone OTHER than someone who flat out knows that I love them unconditionally and would do anything for them. PERIOD. I doubt I'd EVER put in print what I told her but I meant it and told her because I love her.
Same as my Elders have done with me. They can say some offensive azz, ratchet azz sounding ish but you can't pretend they aren't right. You might be hurt and mad cuz they DARED say some ish to you like that but trust...if you tried to go at them they'd be like...
"And who the hell are you that I have to watch my mouth before telling you something? I'm YOUR Uncle/Aunt/Grandmother/Mother/Father/Sister/Brother/Cousin. I want the best for you and don't give a damn how you feel if I know you're out there fucking up and you need to do better. Sitcho' lil azz down somewhere and listen. Bruised feelings ain't got shit on having a fucked up life cuz you thought you knew every damn thing. Take stock is what you need to do. Take stock and change some thangs cuz if you don't...shit is going to stay the same. I don't want my blood to be struggling for dumb azz reasons. Now go in there and bring me a cold glass of water and bet not be no Ceily shit floating in it either!"
And that's that.
Are we too PC with young adults and adults when it comes to checking their ish these days? Do you often find yourself not getting involved and not saying anything because you don't want to say the wrong thing knowing they will focus on the wrong shit? Or do you say it anyway not giving a damn?
Your adult son returns home to live with you because he can't find a job in the economy and pretty much fell on a difficult time.
Do you have any rules for him before he gets there?
CAN you have rules for an adult child who has already been on his own in the world?
How would you handle sleepovers if he has a girlfriend or fiance?
Your 15 year old son's friend just died from a drug overdose.
You don't believe your son is taking drugs but honestly...you were shocked to find out his friend was.
How do you handle?
A woman REALLY despises the father of her child.
He makes okay money when they went through child support proceedings.
She is doing pretty well for herself.
He loses his job and struggles finding a new job.
He pays her what he can.
She finds out that he's moved in with his new girlfriend.
She stops letting him see his child.
He gets behind in child support pretty quickly but he's still paying what he can.
She tells you that she wants him to go to jail and that she's going to do whatever never needs to be done to put him there.
You ask her why because it sounds like he really can't pay and that he's trying.
She tells you that she doesn't want him in her daughter's life AT.ALL.
You immediately sense that she's bitter because he moved on and she wants him to pay FOR THAT more than she is worried about him paying child support.
Do you say anything?
A friend just posted a picture with her new boyfriend on FB.
You comment on the picture saying something generic like they make a nice couple.
A friend of yours follows your comment and sees the picture of the guy.
She picks up the phone and calls you.
YEARS ago, she was being stalked by this crazy dude she ended up having to get a restraining order on.
You never knew old dude.
Turns out...old dude is the new boyfriend of your other friend.
The friend who called says to warn the other friend that he started off really nice and jumped snap crazy within a couple of months. Says when she filed for her restraining order...turns out other women had complained about him in the past as well.
How do you handle?
A man has an affair with a married woman.
She gets pregnant.
She reconciles with her husband.
She and the husband decide to raise the son as theirs.
The husband requests that the man has no contact with the son.
The man agrees.
The man now finds out his niece is about to marry his secret son.
HER FIRST COUSIN.
He contacts the parents of his "son" and they say they didn't know the bride-to-be was his niece as the woman didn't know his family and the niece has a different last name from him.
Nobody in HIS family knows about the secret son.
The son doesn't know his father isn't his real father and no one in their family knows either.
The wedding is soon and the parents say they aren't going to say a thing to anybody.
How should he handle?
You know a friend's husband has left her.
Yall are the kind of friends who chat up a storm when you see each other but not phone friends, etc.
You run into her while running errands.
Yall decide to grab some lunch.
She is talking about the summer and how she is getting ready for the kids to return to school.
She's talking about her husband like he's still home and all is still well.
You know she's going to find out that you already knew he'd left her later on because of who told you.
Would it be more awkward if you told her now that you knew or do you think it would be more awkward for her if she finds out later that you knew and you let her continue on while yall had lunch?
You're not a meanie and you figure she's just not ready to talk about it but yeah...you're kinda worried about how she'll react when she finds out you already knew.
You are talking to a woman who is very well groomed from head-to-toe.
You don't know her...yall just started talking.
Yall are outside in the sunshine.
You see an inch long gray hair sticking out of her neck kinda on the side.
Would you say something or keep it moving?
This past year, as I near 30 and marriage/kids are nowhere in sight, I've been increasingly anxious. Not for my biological clock/being an old parent, but for my parent's life clock. My mother is 56. With her poor health, constant stress burden, and medical issues, I would put her life expectancy at 75-80. The way I see it, I have 20 years left with her. And counting. I'm being morbid, I know. This is on my mind at least twice a day, ya'll. I've nagged her multiple times about reducing her list of responsibilities and living a healthier life, she listens but doesn't make any changes.
You're well known for being a modestly dressed lady.
You go out of your way to be presentable at church.
You're often used as an example of how to dress at church in your women's group at the church when they are speaking to young ladies.
There is a new male usher.
You've seen him around before but don't really KNOW him.
During services he stops at the end of your pew and sends a draping cloth down the aisle to you.
Draping cloths are for women who are showing too much leg when they sit down. You drape the cloth over your legs so you can be modest.
You're not showing any more leg than normal in your opinion.
How do you handle?
Does your church do this?