Rantings of a Creole Princess

From My Inbox:

Good morning Monica.  I have a dilemma that I'd like you to post on 
your site.  I have two girlfriends in the area who I get together with 
occasionally.  We're all married with kids so we might get together 
every few months.  One friends lives closer to me than the other so I 
see her a bit more often since we go to the same hairstylist and 
usually end up in the same places with the kids because they go to the 
same schools.  I talk to both of them on the phone quite frequently 
while we're driving to and from work.  Last week I was on the phone 
with the girlfriend who doesn't stay near me and she said something 
about thinking it was cool that the other friend's child had won an 
award at school.  I was puzzled because my son goes to school with her 
daughter and I was pondering out loud that I didn't know that and how 
could I not know that because I read the weekly newsletter they send 
us and I felt awful that I missed that my friend's child had won this 
award.  I told my friend that I guess I must have missed that and 
immediately called the other friend to offer congratulations and ended 
up leaving her a message saying that.  When I got home I asked my son 
why he didn't tell me and he shared that no...she didn't win the award 
and reminded me who did and I was really puzzled about it.  The friend 
never called me back and a couple of days later I realized I hadn't 
heard from her and called her back again and got her voicemail again.  
So now I'm thinking that maybe the friend who told me this got it 
wrong even though I don't call her and ask her anything else about 
it.  I'm still not thinking anything was wrong other than a 
miscommunication when my son tells me that her daughter has stopped 
speaking to him at school because he has a "messy ass mama."  And now 
I'm really upset.  If she indeed told our mutual friend that her 
daughter won this award then she lied to her.  I didn't know anything 
about this and was simply making conversation when the subject came up 
and now it has turned into me being messy and her daughter saying 
something like this to my son at school.  I truly don't know how to 
handle this and I'm hurt and shocked.  What should I do?

Scenario...

You and your baby's father are broken up.

Your baby is only 8 months old.

Yall have been broken up for 3 months now.

You don't have anyone else in the area who could help you with childcare.

Your baby's father is an azz...but he loves his child.

You're in school part-time at night after work.

Your baby's father takes care of your baby while you're in class and when you have to work on the weekends.

Last weekend your baby's father let you know that his new woman has moved in with him.

You don't think you know this woman.

You can't believe this fool didn't want to be in a relationship 3 months ago but now...he's shacking.

You're feeling some kinda way because, truth be known, you're not over him yet.

You meet this woman and find out that yes...you DO know her and she never liked you.  EVER.

What do you do?

From My Inbox:

Good morning, Monica!  Reading your blog today gave me a thought. I'd 
like to pose this question because it's a problem between my S/O and I.

His daughter is 16 this year. Spoiled rotten, and has terrible grades. 
Well, terrible is really an understatement.  Let's just say that she 
thinks school is really just an undercover fashion show.  Last year at 
Christmas, she got $550 in cash and cashcards, JUST from my S/O and her 
mom. They allowed her to go shopping, and she spent it all in the mall 
the next day.  This year, same story.  Her mom is going to give her 
$400 in cash, and my S/O is probably going to give her about $200.

At her age, I think this is entirely too much money for her to be 
allowed to spend in a one day shopping spree, especially when her
grades reflect that she's headed nowhere fast. He doesn't see a 
problem with it. This year he asked me if I would take her shopping 
the day after Christmas since her mom has to work.  I told him no, 
because I just really can't get with her spending $600 in a couple 
hours.  I'm just morally opposed to it.  I was just wondering if I'm 
being unreasonable.

Can you ask for me?  I'd like to know what others think.

Thanks!

Scenario...

Your great-Aunt dies.

She leaves her favorite nephew, your 15 year old son, $15,000 in her will.

You have two other children.

The will sets no stipulations about when he can have the money so it's his NOW.

How do you handle?

Scenario...

You're new to an area.

A friend from college lives there that you haven't seen since college.

The friend invites you to dinner and out dancing.

You say sure and meet the friend at the restaurant.

The friend is there with one of their friends.

The other friend is not your kinda people.

Yall have dinner and then head out to the club for dancing.

You're feeling blah...but go.

You're driving your own car.

The other friend is tipsy already.

You get in the club and the other friend is tossing em back hard.

The friend is kinda tipsy.

It is very obvious they do this kinda thing often even though they are grown azz people.

The other friend is being super loud and obnoxious.  The friend is getting loud too...and drunk.

The other friend just yelled at someone "What the F are you looking at?"

What do you do?

From My Inbox:

Monica and Tribe:

I read your love randoms and they made me sad.  What happens when the words run out?  After 11 years of marriage the only things my husband and I talk about are the kids and bills.  We don't go to bed at the same time and we never spend time alone just talking. 

Scenario...

Your brother is gay.

You're engaged to be married to a guy that treats you well and loves you.

Your brother is getting married.

The invitation to the wedding arrives and you tell your fiance the date so he knows the date for his schedule.

Your fiance tells you that he will not be attending your brother's wedding because he does not support gay marriage.

What do you do?

From My Inbox:

Hi Monica,

My god sister is getting married  and she needs to do a complete
intimate overhaul but doesn't know where to start.  I don't either
because I'm a  t-shirt and sweatpants kind of girl when it comes to
lounging around the house and even sleeping in the bed.  I've decided to
makeover my unmentionables too after realizing I have not one pair of
"real" pajamas - just a drawer full of stretched out t-shirts, sweat
pants, yoga pants and shorts.

Where can we get some cute sets and separates from, including robes and
slippers?  Vicky Secrets is everyone's first thought, but I feel like a
pole dancer just from walking around in there ... at least the ones in
my area.  It's like men just stare at you when you walk out trying to
figure out what's in the bag!  We want comfortable but cute.... her for
her soon to be husband... and me because I'm just worth it.  I've seen
you mention Gap Body in the past but have never checked it out.

Thanks for any help!

From My Inbox:

I really appreciate all you do to encourage us to be vain! I've really taken a lot of it to heart, including losing nearly 25 pounds and eating better. I'm single and looking, so I know I must do better for myself and whoever I meet.

My problem is this, I wear my hair with a curly texturizer, but sometimes I want to press my hair straight. I need tips from the ladies because my hair reverts so EASY. I'll spend an hour and a half on it, then walk outside to find myself with a big pouf ball on my head! It's long, so I look really wild when it happens. I can't relax it straight (I'm really sensitive and my hair falls out) and I like the curly option for my workouts. I just want variety. My question for the ladies is:

1. Is it true that hair has to be "trained" to respond to the pressing comb? Is there a special comb that you'd recommend?
2. Any products you use that prevent reverting?

3. Do you have any tips/or old folks wisdom on pressing hair? Seems like they knew something I don't.

Thank you beautiful women.

Scenario...

Your mother-in-law lives in the same city as you.

She helps you out a lot by taking care of your children after school, when they are sick and you and your husband are at work, and whenever you have something going on where you need childcare.

She very rarely comes to your home to take care of the children.

All three of your kids are sick and you have been home with them for two days.  You have a big presentation so you go to the office.  You guys decide that your mother-in-law would come to your house and watch them because you don't want to take all of them out.

She stays with the kids.  No problem.

You need her to do the same thing the next day.

She arrives the next day pulling her vacuum cleaner behind her.

You ask her why she has her vacuum and she says "I brought my vacuum cleaner because yours is obviously broken."

What do you do? 

From My Inbox:

Hi Monica,

One of my closest friends is the single mother of a soon-to-be seven year old. Unfortunately, on Friday at school, he was caught cheating on the bonus words during a spelling test, and, when confronted, growled at the teacher and upended his desk.

After much thought and consulting with others, the child will be suspended from tv, computer, play dates and toys for a month. This includes trick-or-treating. It could possibly include his birthday, but his mom is willing to give time off for good behavior. She has posed these questions to me, and I thought it would be interesting to see what the Tribe would come with. Here goes:

1. What is an appropriate punishment for cheating?
2. What is an appropriate punishment for growling at a teacher and upending a desk?
3. Have you ever had to cancel a holiday because of a child's behavior?

Thanks for posting if you have the time. She would appreciate the feedback.

Question from My Inbox:

How long should you be in a relationship before you start wondering if he is going to ask me to marry him?  I've been dating a man who I would love to marry for about two and a half years now and he knows that I want to be married and have children one day but he hasn't taken any steps to make me feel like it is something he is thinking about too.  We are 35 and 36.  How does a woman even start this conversation with a man without running him off?

From My Inbox:

Monnie:

Reading the comments has made me question what it truly means to cherish someone. I'm starting to think that I'm not being cherished--at this point, can I demand it, or have I let the ball drop in not demanding it previously?

From My Inbox:

Dear Monica:

Would you ask the Tribe if any of them have dated a man just because they weren't dating anyone else even though they didn't really like the man all that much? 

Scenario...

You have a male "friend" on Facebook.

You don't know him in real life and became "friends" with him after he sent you a request and you saw yall had "friends" in common.

He sends you a message.

Seems he has been perusing your pics and sees a woman who he thinks is beautiful and asks for an introduction.

He's single (so he says but you have no way of knowing for sure since you don't know him).

She's single (and you know she's about business and NOT bullshit).

What do you do?

Scenario...

Ring, ring...

Someone:  I'm trying to lose weight.  What do you think?

Someone else:  Do you think you need to lose weight?

Someone:  Yes.  What do you think?

Someone else:  I think if you think you need to lose weight...then you should lose weight.

Someone:  So you're saying you don't think I need to lose weight.

Someone else:  It doesn't matter what I think.

Someone:  Sounds like you're just trying to be nice and not tell me you think I'm fat.

Someone else:  *sigh*  Where is this going.  Are you trying to pick a fight?

Someone:  Just answer the question!  Do you think I need to lose weight?

Someone else:  *sigh*  You could stand to lose a few.

Someone:  I KNEW IT!  YOU THINK I'M FAT!

____________________________________

Now...would YOU have gotten pissed?  Would YOU have hung up?  Would YOU have been able to NOT cuss?  Do YOU think the person was just LOOKING for a fight?

Scenario...Bestie?

You've met a guy that you really, really like.

He really likes you and treats you really well.

He is of a different skin color than you are.

This is a first for you.

Your bestie comes to visit and meets your guy.

She doesn't approve and tells you so in private.

When she leaves you call to make sure she arrived safe.

No answer.

A week has gone by.

No answer.

What do you do?

From My Inbox Question...

You have a middle school aged child.

Your child has been having behavioral problems at school.

Your child doesn't have these problems anywhere else BUT at school and is showing their ENTIRE azz.

You've punished, threatened and even spanked.

Nothing seems to help.

What do you do next?

Scenario...

A family member asks you for money.

You tell them no because there is no dire need.

You don't tell your spouse cuz it wasn't anything worth telling.

They call your spouse and asks your spouse for the money.

Your spouse calls you and tells you they are about to send them some money.

What do you do?

WTF Scenario...

You're dating a guy.

Just met him.

You receive a package in the mail from his ex of over a year ago.

Inside is a DETAILED report that shows she has followed him, invaded his privacy AND YOURS TOO along with 34 other women that he's attempted to date since they broke up.

The letter starts off like this:

Scenario...(Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!)

You're dating a guy.

Yall have been exclusive for about a month.

He left a pair of underwear at your home.

You washed them.

He only wears silk underwear.

You washed them AND dried them.

Dude flips his lid because you dried his underwear in the dryer and that you didn't hang them to dry.  Like...he's REALLY pissed with you.

What would you do?

From My Inbox:

Monica:

My guy wants to have *sans ropas in the car. I'm an attorney and I'm always thinking of my future and I'm also a home owner and am too old to have *sans ropas outside.  I told him we could utilize my garage but he says that would take away from the experience.  I keep telling him no and he keeps asking and at this point it's getting to be really annoying.  I'm curious as to how you and the tribe would handle?  With all the cameras people have and YouTube I'm really not interested in being an exhibitionist and yet he thinks I'm being a prude.

Scenario...

**DEAR YOU...IMMA NEED YOU TO LISTEN UP REALLY HARD TO THE RESPONSES.  Thank you.

You go through a VERY difficult breakup with the father of your two children.

During the breakup he once told you that he would kill you AND your babies.

You have stayed away from him since then and kept your children away from him.

It's 6 months later and you still haven't filed for child support because you just don't want to anger him and you have been struggling financially.

He has apologized and has said that both of you said things you'd never do during the breakup and that you know he'd NEVER do something to his children.

What do you do?

Newly Separated

What advice would you have for someone newly separated and having a really hard time with it?

From My Inbox:

I'm a recently divorced mother of three.  My ex is currently living with and engaged with the woman he cheated on me with.  Our divorce was very messy and ugly and my ex pulled some really shady tactics during our divorce.  My oldest daughter refuses to have anything to do with him and the woman he is living with but the two youngest are with them every weekend.  My ex mother-in-law and I have never had any problems but now she is trying to get me to make my oldest daughter spend time with my ex and his woman.  I don't say anything bad about them but my children aren't dumb either.  They know what happened.  I know there are reasons why my daughter should get over this but I'm not over it yet so there really isn't much positive I feel like saying right now.  If my daughter wants to spend time with her father I'm not going to stand in her way but I don't feel I need to force it right now either.  What do you and the tribe think?  He did me really wrong, broke my heart and tore our family apart in the most disrespectful of ways possible. Is it wrong that I just can't be the bigger person right now? 

Scenario...

You're a single woman.

You look for a roommate in the big city you live in and find a place that you think is great with a roommate that seems really cool.

Your parents come to town (they live THOUSANDS of miles away) to help you move and you're at work.  They come to your office and you give them the key you had made for them.

You told your roommate that your parents are coming to town and she even helped you decide on the best hotel they should use while in town.

Cool.

From My Inbox:

Monnie,

Would you mind asking the tribe for ways they have found to live cheaper?

From My Inbox:

I have a girlfriend who has a new man every few months and then something drama filled always happens to end it.  I tend to stay out of it and just listen because I have seen her decide that other people are hating on her if they express concern that she might need to start taking her time before she decides that this next man is "the one"  and starts sleeping with him.

I don't know what to do but I feel like I should say something even though I have a feeling it will put  a problem in our friendship.  I was hoping the tribe would have some advice for me as to if I should say anything and if I do, how do I approach it and what do I say?  I love my friend and I want the best for her but I am really getting tired of this with her and find myself avoiding her just so I don't have to hear about all of this.

From My Inbox:

I have finally decided that it is okay for me to not have anything to do with my mother and sister and limit being raound them only for family stuff where I know they are going to be.  It took me a long time but I have had to come to the place where they hurt me one time too many.  They are constantly calling me bourgie in a sneering way because I choose to live my life different.  I never say anything to them about their choices but they seem to always want to have an opinion about mine and then as soon they need money for basics when they had the money they just misused it they call me.  All of my life they have only been nice to me when they wanted something.  Sometimes I feel like Cinderella with them.  My question is would it be too drastic of a move if I transfered jobs to another state and get a complete fresh start?  I'm 32 years old and I would be moving to a place where I don't know anybody.  Is this too drastic of a move just because I want to put distance between me and my mom and sister?

From My Inbox:

***My apologies but I haven't been in my inbox for a minute.  This was from a while ago.

_____________________________________

Hi Monica and the tribe,

I've been married now for about six years and in those years I have had two beautiful babies and my husband has gained well over 100 pounds.  In the beginning of our marriage I will admit that neither one of us made health a priority but when I got pregnant, I started wanting to make sure that I ate right and worked out so my baby could have the proper nutrition and so I didn't keep a lot of weight on after I had the baby.  When I changed our diets at home by cooking different my husband started feeding himself outside of the house and started packing on the weight.  I'd say something and attempt to get him to understand it was part of being a good father buthe always got real nonchalant about it basically telling me when he's hungry he eats.  He's a good provider and a good father but I am no longer physically attracted to him and I don't think I ever will be again.  I know we can't live like this for the rest of our lives but there is just no way I'm going to be able to look past his weight and he keeps getting bigger.  I'm at a loss as to what to do and feel like I have to sacrifice feeling like a woman in order to make sure my children have a father in the house.  He won't go to counseling.

From My Inbox:

Good Morning Monica,

I am feeling some kinda odd way this morning.  I am 41 and just started taking birth control pills a month ago.  Can you ask the tribe about their experiences with this.  My emotions are crazy and I am a pretty easy going person.  Crying and anger seems to now be a part of me.  WTH.  I spoke with my doctor and she said that yes the older you are you may experience more intense symptoms.  WTH I am comtemplating just going off the damn things.  I took them in my 20's and did not have all of this drama. Please help me before I end up on the news.

Thank you.

Scenario...

Your brother is gay.

You've always known he's gay because you and he share everything.

You're from a VERY traditional family.

Your parents are in denial about him being gay and it's not something that's EVER discussed.

You think your mother knows.

You're sure your father would stroke out if he knew.

Your brother gets engaged.

To a woman.

Your parents are RIDICULOUSLY happy.

Your brother hasn't returned your calls and avoids being alone with you.

What do you do?

Scenario...

You and your sister have drifted apart in the last few years.

You'll be honest and say that it's in part due to your feeling like you're not where you want to be in life and her being successful.

Your husband doesn't like your sister at all and thinks she thinks she's better than yall because of her success.

Your son is her Godson and he does something very, very stoopit.

Your sister is a top attorney and you call her to help deal with the matter with your son.

He's 16 years old and has been doing stoopit stuff for a while now but nothing like this.

Your sister does what is needed and deals with your son's stoopit ish so he doesn't have a blemish on his record.

A week later...a bill arrives for your son from your sister for her services at a discounted rate.  Inside is also a letter detailing how he may work off the debt in her office after school for three hours a day. 

Your husband flips his lid at what he considers the "audacity" of your sister.

How do YOU feel?

What do YOU do?

The BEST relationship advice I ever received!

Don't start nothing you know you ain't gonna keep up. ~ Grandmother

You have to know someone for all four seasons, travel with them and be in sickness with them before you TRULY know them.  ~ Grandmother

Nobody can stay mad with you after you've cooked them a delicious home cooked meal.  ~ My mommy

Whatchu got?  Who gave it to you?

From My Inbox:

My sister and I have never got along well ever since we were little.  She has always gotten by on her looks and now she is starting to look different because she has gained a lot of weight and was in a very stressful marriage.  I'm not married and she has always thrown it in my face that I wasn't married and now she is getting a divorce.  She wants to move out of our home state and called and asked me could she come and live with me.  I have the room and if she was my best friend or pretty much anyone else in our family I wouldn't even hesitate to say yes but I am hesitating to say yes to my sister.  She always stresses me and I know she is going to bring stress to my home.  I don't know what to do because I guess I feel bad that I don't immediately feel like this is something I should do and I worry that our bad relationship is going to get even worse if I tell her no.  Does the Tribe think I should let her come because she is my sister?

From My Inbox:

Monica,
 
I'm all about telling people about themselves when I see them going down the wrong path because some important mentors in my life have done that for me when I had no clue I might have been doing something detrimental to my reputation, career, schooling, etc.. Ever since then, I've actually resented others who knew I was doing or saying something dumb but didn't try to help me. So I have a chance to do the same for someone else but in the following situation, I don't know this girl.

One of my father's students added me to Facebook because she recognized my maiden name, talking about, "Oh he's my favorite professor and I was just wondering if you were his daughter and blah blah blah". Normally I don't accept strangers' requests but I didn't want to hurt the child's feelings and she seems really sweet so I accepted. She asked me for advice on navigating undergrad and I told her the usual stuff about not messing up freshman and sophomore year thinking you have time to raise your GPA because even straight A's junior and senior year don't move your GPA up much. After an exchange of about 4 messages we haven't talked since and now I feel I should have given her some advice about social life in general. The reason being that here we are 10 months later and EVERY.SINGLE.STATUS UPDATE is something ho-ish. Things like, "Got some well needed rest last night and woke up with a rejuvinated mind, body, and soul, a new attitude, and a new man! Okay I'm lying about the last part but I'm sure he will be next to me one of these day I wake up...Until then EFFEMNLEAVEM..." or "Even a dog likes meat on his bones, and true enough he might get lost in a back alley but he knows where his home is...". If it's not some raunchy song lyrics or poetry, it's her talking about what she needs a man to do to her and lamenting about how men ain't s***. Today she has a profile picture which is a cartoon of some scantily clad, thong wearing big booty woman that she says represents her.

So my question is, going back to my usual 'each one teach one' attitude, should I say something to her about remembering who is on her friends list and the ramifications of this when she applies for internships or looks for a job after graduation? For example, I could be really shady and tell my father about how crazy his student is but I won't because some day she may need a recommendation written by him. But next time, someone on her friends list of 1,698 (seriously) might not be so respectful of her privacy and mess her up. I know she is young and having fun in undergrad but would suggest she be very careful to block certain people from her status updates and personal things in order for her to continue to speak freely. I just hate to sit and watch young women do stupid things without saying something, but on the other hand it would be unsolicited and I don't usually give that kind of advice. Would you all say something?

From My Inbox:

Good morning,
I know that you get emails all the time but this is a subject I don't think the Tribe can help with. As you may remember, I have dealt with infertility due to endometriosis. In October 2008, after 2 rounds of meds for IVF, I was told that my ovaries just will not produce eggs. I was horrified as you can imagine. I thought, I am healthy and young, what is wrong with my body. Donor egg was the option that my doctor suggested and for some reason, I just couldn't think about doing that. I have a younger sister whose eggs I can use but she has a problem with smoking weed so that is out of the question. So, we thought about adoption. Then I said to myself, why not do donor egg, at least I could have the experience of being pregnant and use my husband's sperm. So, once we save a little more money, we will proceed with that. My question to you is, how do you do it? How do you handle seeing babies and friends getting pregnant? Do you ever get in a little pitty party like me? Do you ever just want to ask God, why me? My husband says I shouldn't question God, but how do you not?

I understand if this topic is too touchy for you but I have no friends that understand. In fact, I have a friend that just found out she was pregnant and I almost think she was mad about it. Anyhow, if you reply, that would be great, but if you don't I understand. Take care and have a great day!

From My Inbox:

Hey Monica,

I need some help. I have an issue where my brother has disappeared and no one knows where he is (this is typical behavior at times) and his children have been placed in foster care. The mother is also no where to be found. My 13 yr old niece and 12 yr old nephew are in foster care with strangers and their maternal grandparents can not financially take care of them.

I have never met these children before and I have (by chance) moved to the same state. They have only been in foster care 1 month. I contacted their case worker to some information about this whole situation.  My husband and I don't have any children and have been married for 5 years. We've spoke of fostering before and he's always been hesitant.
 
My husband and I do well for ourselves. I feel the need to take the children because they are family and my only reason for pause is that these are 2 teenagers. I already send home money to help support my mother's semi-retired state and I'm worried about the financial burden. I did not know that you don't get a stipend for foster children if you are related to them. I know we could handle one child just fine, but it would be very difficult to handle both. I would feel horrible about splitting them up and leaving one child to remain with strangers for foster parents.

My mind is going 90 MPH right now and I can't make heads or tails of the situation. I could use to advice from an objective party that wouldn't inflect prejudice expectation upon the situation. HELP!

From My Inbox:

Dear Monnie and Tribe,

My brother-in-law found out that his wife was cheating on him with a guy she met at her gym.  When he first found out, he came to us and stayed with us for a couple of weeks while he decided what he wanted to do and he was devastated.  My husband and I did everything we could to support him of course.    After he decided that he couldn't go back to her he rented an apartment and got really depressed.  Things got really badly for him and we were worried about him.  During this time my husband started asking me questions that he'd never asked me before about my day-to-day activities like why I decided to go to one grocery store instead of another one or asking me to be more specific about where I was going if I said I was going shopping.  I understood where this was coming from so I would simply answer him and tell him he didn't have to worry about me cheating on him like his sister-in-law did his brother.  The problem is he hasn't stopped doing this and it's been since February and it has gotten old.  It is the reason we argue so much more than ever before and I'm tired of answering questions about every single minute of my day.  He doesn't think anything is wrong with it and says that nothing is wrong with wanting to know where his wife is.  I get to the point where I don't answer and ignore him but then it just creates an entire evening or weekend of strain.  I want to stress that he was not this way before.  Any advice?

From My Inbox:

Good morning Monica!  Not sure if you've noticed, but I've been a fan of your site for a long time now and lurrvv it.

I'm currently in a bit of a pickle and wanted to see if you or your readers could give some good suggestions as to what I should do in this situation. 

I've been in a small chapter of a charitable organization for over 3 years now.  For the most part, we have used our own funds to pay for dues, donations to schools, charitable work, trips, uniforms, and so on.  In January of this year, when the members took notice of my photography, they suggested that we host a 'picture day' for the different chapters of the organization as a fund raiser.  The first event raised a lot of money and from there, things took off.  They've had me run photo booths on several occasions since then and 100% of the profits have went to the organization. 

For the past couple months, I have been working the photography business on my own.  I've taken the necessary steps to make this into a legitimate company and have invested a considerable amount of money in my equipment. 

So, the higher ups are asking for me to do another photography event.  From what I hear, they are still expecting 100% of the profits and seem to be offended that I would expect even a percentage of the funds that are generated from my work (and equipment). 

I understand that this is a charitable organization that I'm a part of.  I also understand that their encouragement got me to start taking photography seriously...BUT, the work that I've done for them has provided them with a lot of money for almost a year.   Am I being unreasonable in requesting a part of the profits for this work?  How should I approach them with my concerns?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  These women can get real snarky and I've gotta tread lightly on this one.

From My Inbox:

You're a successful fitness model.

Your fiance is successful internationally known plastic surgeon.

You have a beautiful 7000 sq.ft. home, a Bentley and a Maybach, and a jewelry collection not f*ck with.  All of your expensive items are heavily insured of course.

You also have a lovely, homey, down-to-earth housekeeper who is the absolute best and you are happy not to need a staff cause she does an amazing job all by herself. 
You pay her very well, and you have taken a personal liking to her.  The both of you are quite friendly with each other.

Your housekeeper-friend happens to run to attend to something on her way home for the night, and you catch a glimpse inside of her open handbag.

You see rolls of toilet paper, small food items, q-tips and a shit-load of other high-end toiletries.

Do you:

(a) chalk it up to "hard times" and not say anything to her b/c you "feel sorry for her"...  Hey it's just small stuff, right?

(b) let her know you know what's up, talk to her, give her a chance to explain, offer help if she's stuggling, but let her know that if you decide to keep her, you will be installing cameras throughout the home....

(c) cut the heffa so fast she ain't got time to bleed!  Hell, you pay her very well, and you thought y'all was friends.

My friend here, does not like confrontation, and doesn't know what to do....

Can the Tribe pls chime in?

Scenario...

You're a blogger.

NOT an infertility blogger.

But you do blog about infertility sometimes.

You get an email from a chick dealing with infertility.

She's the type who is very private and no one other than she and her husband know about the treatments she's undergoing.

You answer her VERY.LONG email because you made a commitment to yourself long ago that you'd help as many people as possible deal with infertility.

The chick "friends" you on Facebook and you put her on your "Infertility" list that doesn't have total access to you.

The chick starts emailing you daily.

You're not a daily emailing type of person.  Sometimes you answer...sometimes you don't.

The chick sends you her phone number.

You missed that email.

She then sends it via Facebook.

You can't imagine why she wants you to call her so you ask via the messenger thingy..."What's up?"

The chick keeps insisting that you call her.

Um...no.

Now she's emailing your new email address daily asking that you call her because she can tell you'd be "such great friends" because you have so much in common.

What would YOU do? 

Would YOU write a "Scenario" post on your blog that shows just how creepy this behavior could come across as when you've tried your darnedest to communicate with the person in a way you feel comfortable with?

Would you get to the point where you invite other opinions on this behavior so that it doesn't seem to be JUST YOU that thinks this would be off putting?

What would YOU do?

From My Inbox:

Hello Ms. Mingo,

I hope you're doing well.

I've written and asked for advice in the past, so I'm hoping you and
the Tribe can help me once again.  Also, I want to say that I read
your site EVERYDAY.  You are my blogging "she-ro".

I need some help with my 15-year-old nephew, "Jason".  My sister,
"Tasha", was married for 11 years and recently got divorced in April.
Her ex-husband adopted Jason when he married my sister (Jason was 4 at
the time).  Jason's biological father has never been around, so my
sister's ex-husband, "Mark", was the only father figure for Jason.  In
fact, Jason and Mark developed a bond early on and were virtually
inseparable for the duration of the marriage.

In April, Tasha called me to tell me that Mark had an affair and they
were divorcing.  She also told me that this was just one of many
indiscretions on Mark's part.  The divorce was finalized and my sister
got married again this past weekend....in AUGUST.  You do the math.
Her new husband is a man she's known since high school, and apparently
they've reconnected around the same time my sister discovered Mark's
latest affair.

Well, Jason is not very happy with this whole situation.  He does not
like the new husband and has been acting very moody lately, getting
smart with his mom and not wanting to be around the new guy.  To be
fair, the new husband has tried to reach out, but Jason is not having
it.  I'm concerned because my nephew is a GREAT kid.  He's a
straight-A student and recently won a scholarship to a prestigious
private high school, he plays the sax and the drums, plays football,
has impeccable manners and gets along with all types of people.  More
than anything, he's just a sweetie pie.  I know he's moving into that
"teenage angst" phase, but I think these latest outbursts have more to
do with his mom's situation.  Right after the wedding he texted me and
said "Auntie, this all seems so rushed and there's just something
about him that I don't like".

How do I keep my nephew from going off the deep end?  My sister is no
help, because she seems to be all about her new man.  She even went as
far as telling Jason that "it's not my fault we broke up.  Your daddy
shouldn't have cheated.  Take it out on him, not me."  I'm not saying
my sister can't live her life, but I also want to tell her to pay
attention to her child.  I also want to tell her not to bad mouth
Mark, because at the end of the day, that's Jason's father.  Is there
anything I can say to her?  And how can I say it tactfully without
feeling my sister's wrath?  I don't care what my sister does, but I
also want my nephew to be happy.

Thank you.

From My Inbox:

Um...yeah.

Okay...so...

Yall know we try to keep it clean around these here parts and even though the inboxer tried her BEST to keep it clean...it wasn't as clean as I'd like it so I'm going to break her issue/question down for yall.

Mmmmkay?

From My Inbox:

I can dig everything you be saying, I been on ur site a long time & always wondered how to contact you. I like what you got going: Maybe you can help me out & give me a lil advice,
 
I've been dating this guy now for 2 yrs at first everything was going good at first then he had to leave to go to Iraq so before he left he decided to get back with the baby mama so he moved her up from I don't where but he still wants to stay with me. I've been there with him & stuck by him still, even though we don't spend time together since she moved up here. I used to spend nights with him & now that's even out, he comes over every now & then. Now he has moved to Hattiesburg just temporary though because of the military job. There's a lot more but don't want to burden you with my problems just a little advice from someone I consider a great person & friend even though I don't know you personally Monnie.
 

From My Inbox:

My husband and I have been going through a difficult period for almost a year and a half and we've only been married for 5 years.  It got so bad that I left him and stayed with my mother for a couple of months while he decided if he wanted to change.  He started being consistent in the areas we were having problems in and he convinced me that he was fully committed to working on us.  We were supposed to start counseling to learn how to communicate better with each other and because he agreed to go I returned back home.  It's been about 4 months now and when I bring up counseling he always has an excuse and since he got laid off a couple of months ago I haven't wanted to push the issue.  The problems are getting worse because now he can't seem to find a job.  I don't want to leave again because I don't want to seem like I don't support him now when he feels he is at his lowest but on the other hand I feel like he went back on his word to work on us and then losing his job made it even worse.  I don't know what to do and get tired of feeling like this.  My mom says she can't help me with this but that I can always come back home but I don't want to keep running back to my mom when all I want is for him to keep his promise of getting counseling so we can communicate better.

From My Inbox:

NOTE:  Dear Inboxer...I had to re-write this because I was confused as to what you were saying.  Please email me at  CreoleInDC@mac.com [that Comcast email is going to be dead in another week] if you believe I got it wrong because I was confucious and hadn't had my bath, breakfast or coffee yet when I read it.  My apologies in advance.

_____________________________________________________________________________

HI.  I have two children.  My daughter is 10 and my son is 8.  My daughter's father (my ex-husband) is very active in her life and is a very good father.  He is the kind of man who participates fully in his daughter's life.

My son's father is  not in his life at all.  He doesn't visit him (even though we live in the same city) or call and barely pays his child support.

My ex-husband takes him with he and my daughter sometimes to do things but not all the time.  It was very hard in the beginning explaining to my son that sometimes his sister would get to do things with her father that he wouldn't get to do (like flying to California for my ex-husband's family reunion).

I try and balance out the times when he and I are alone by doing extra fun stuff just for him but he doesn't seem to enjoy it.  At age 8, my son is beginning to show signs of having a mean streak and I believe it is because of this situation.  This past weekend, my ex-husband came to pick both of them up to take them to the movies and he said he didn't want to go.  When my ex-husband asked him why he yelled "Because you're not my daddy, that's why."

So now, I'm worried and wondering if I should get him some type of therapy even as I'm wondering whether there even is therapy for something like this.  I've reached out to his father several times out of desperation but he just isn't the type of man who will do the right thing by his child.  I'm at my wits end because my son is not treating his sister badly and he barely talks to me.  He's starting to do poorly in school and I don't know what to do.

Any advice?

Question From My Inbox...

Would you consider it cheating if your S/O took someone out to lunch that they just recently met and is a member of the opposite sex they don't have a business affiliation with?

Hmmmm...

If someone came over to your home for dinner and brought a bottle of wine for dinner that you didn't get around to opening because you already had a good bottle breathing...how would you feel if they took the bottle they brought with them when they left?

From My Inbox:

This weekend my husband went out with a group of his fraternity brothers who he hasn't been out with for a couple of years.  He got in around three in the morning and when he got up on yesterday I asked him what they did and if he had a good time.  He told me that they didn't do much but get some drinks and talk while catching up at a club.  I asked him what club they went to and he just said some club in the city and that is all.  I took the kids to the pool and saw the sister of the wife of one of my husband's friends.  She told me that D was in the doghouse with his wife because they went to a strip club.  When I got home I asked my husband if they went to a strip club and he got mad saying that I was tripping because he told me they went to a club in the city when I asked him.  I got mad because I felt like he lied to me by keeping something away from and he got mad and stopped talking to me.  I feel like something is wrong because he shouldn't have reacted so negatively from me just asking him if he went to a strip club and I'd like your opinion if I'm wrong.