I ran into someone I hadn't seen in about 4 years the other day. I knew her to be a mother of 4. She's had two babies since then.
We caught up and I walked away as I had to go somewhere and be "on."
I'd already put on some mascara and was ready. I was just pacing my steps when the ugliest thought popped up in my head.
"Why does she get to have 6 and I couldn't get even 1?"
And hot crocodile tears started pouring.
I got home and Robby looked up at me and jumped up thinking something was wrong. I told him and we just stood there. Me trying to control my sobs and he at a loss.
I swear I've never been that person who bedgrudged someone else's blessings like that. Sure, I've wondered how teen mothers without money get to be parents and not me but I've never felt that way about a regular mother. This ish was so odd to me.
I hope I don't get hit by a wave of some ish like that ever again.
It wasn't a good feeling then.
It's not a good feeling now.
Odd huh? Why would I get like this NOW?