E's best friend K is another kid who brings me JOY! Seriously...JOY!
K: Ms. Monica? Did I ever tell you about the time I was burned and stabbed while making pizza?
SIP: DA HELL?
Me: Um...no. Please share.
K: I was taking the pizza out of the oven and my hand was too short so I was holding it awkward and it burned me. My mom heard me scream and came running with a knife in her hand and accidentally stabbed me.
SIP: DA HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL???????????????
Me: OH MY GOODNESS! WERE YOU OKAY?
K: Yes. But it's why a chill goes down my spine whenever I'm confronted with pizza.
SIP: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SLAIN IN THE SIP SPIRIT!
So I normally pick E and his bestie, K, up after cross country practice.
Practice is over at 4:30 so I generally leave the house at 4:30 since they have to go inside and get their backpacks from the locker room. By the time I get there...they are just walking out.
It's Homecoming Week this week and they have dress up days all week and the school is trying to keep it as light as possible on the kids so they can have fun.
Well...yesterday I had a conference call scheduled for 4:00 and I was in my office waiting on the call doing a bit of prep work when E calls at 3:50 to say they got out of practice early and they were ready to be picked up.
So I get in the truck and initiate my conference call while driving.
I'm on the call when I pull up to the school and...no E or K where they should be.
So I circle the parking lot, still on the conference call and come back around.
They aren't there.
I'm on the call.
I do this three more times.
I recognize other kids from their team but yeah...no E or K.
So I park right up front facing the gym.
I see K walk up to the front and look out into the parking lot and I honk the horn.
Dude looks right over me.
He beep-bops off.
I'm on the call still and...I'm dressed as I would only be dressed if I planned on seeing no one in the world besides people in my own home. Orange and black shirt, red and black plaid loungy pants and rain boots which were by the door on my way running out of the house.
In other words...I wasn't trying to get out of my truck.
The time now says 4:15.
And I'm annoyed.
I put the call on mute, get out of my truck and go inside.
I don't see E or K but I do see Coach.
Me: Coach...have you seen E and K?
Coach: Yeah...they were just right here.
He looks around.
They aren't there.
And then we see both of them coming from ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way down the hallway.
KEE-KEEING AND SHOO-SHOOING...
I'm still on the call.
They see me, run to grab their stuff and follow me out.
We head out.
I'm still on the call and now I can participate.
They know to keep quiet because I have my "business" voice on.
I pull up to the house as I'm ending my call.
Me: Both of yall get out of the truck, drop and give me 50.
E and K: Yes ma'am.
When they finish their 50 pushups I ask:
Me: Do you know why you had to do 50 pushups?
K: Yes. Because we weren't where we were supposed to be.
Me: Exactly. I don't work as your personal driver so I shouldn't be waiting on you. If you call and say you're ready to be picked up...I should be able to drive through the pickup line and you should be ready. Don't do that again. I mean really...do you see how I'm dressed? I was NOT prepared to have to get outta my truck.
K: Yeah...it's a good thing it's Wacky Day Ms. Monica. You kinda looked like you were one of the kids from school picking us up.
And I burst out laughing and couldn't stop cuz really...that kid is just as funny as E. We all laughed.
SIP: I bet your azz makes sure you're not wacky dressed from now on huh?
Does it annoy you when you pick up your kids and they aren't where they are supposed to be?
Aunt: I don't think you've found it yet. Keep looking. In fact...I think you should go to New York and find something there.
Me: New York?
Aunt: Absolutely. In fact...maybe I should meet you there.
Me: In New York?
Aunt: Yes...why are you repeating everything I say?
Me: Um...sorry. But you want to meet me in New York to help me find an outfit when you know I've purchased 4 dresses, 2 jumpsuits, a suit, a couple of blouses and 3 pair of shoes so far to choose from.
Aunt: Exactly. I don't think you've found it yet. When should we go? And don't side eye me over this phone. I know how you and SIP get down.
E is standing near me talking about some Godzilla movie.
Robby passes by him and pushes him.
E stumbles a bit looking at him odd.
E: (laughing) Um...why?
Unca Robby: You need to always be alert. Be ready. Anything could happen and you need to be aware. You're at the age where you need to be pushed sometimes for no reason. That will teach you to stay on guard.
E: Where is Sundance again? Me: Park City, Utah. E: Utah is not a real state in my book. Me: Um...why? E: Cuz it's got a stoopit name. Me: Well what about Maryland? E: Apparently it's a terrible place to live. Me: Da hell? E: I was watching a television show and they threatened to send the guy to Maryland and he started having nightmares.
Unca Robby: I'm going to start calling you Malcolm.
E didn't really respond.
Unca Robby: Wait...do you even know who Malcolm is?
E: Some guy.
Unca Robby: SOME GUY? MALCOLM X! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO MALCOLM X IS?
E: Yeah...some guy who did some important stuff.
Unca Robby: WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING YOU AT THAT SCHOOL THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO MALCOLM X IS? I'm going find our copy of "The Autobiography of Malcolm X." I think it's on the shelf with "Notes of a Native Son."
Unca Robby (to me): What is Spike Lee's movie rated?
SIP: The irony of this conversation is mind boggling.
Me: Times like these I wish I had built in cameras always running.
SIP: E seems a bit confused.
Me: Hey...the kid knows the definition of 'IRONIC.' It was on his vocabularly list years ago.
During the school week, E comes to 13700 after school since his mother doesn't get off until 5:00pm. E gets here, does his homework, has his snack and gets to do whatever he wants after that. Usually...it's hang out with his friends.
He has a new friend who rides his bus but doesn't live in our development. The kid has visited before since the school year started and he's a nice kid...but just a bit...um...erra...AMUSING to observe.
The Robinator is all about baseball. He played in college and after college and grad school it seems he was always on a league team. He LURVES baseball.
Not so much.
Last night I was trying to think of something special to do for him to thank him for being so awesome and I turned on the television and found the channel on a baseball game and DING, DING, DING...I went online to purchase baseball tickets so he can go see the Nationals play ball!
I'm going to be there right next to him and enjoy watching him enjoy himself.
Sure...I don't like baseball but I love and appreciate him more than anyone and anything else in this world.
I woke up this morning to find him grinning at me with this big cheese eating grin. LOL!
Him: Thank you for getting tickets so we can go to a game!
Me: Ugh! Moooooooove! Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he gave me munchy kisses until I giggled so hard I was gasping.
Robby is working from home today. I'm sitting on the sofa deep conditioning my hair and he starts teasing me about the duct tape on my bonnet part. I told him that EVERY woman who has owned a bonnet dryer like this has had duct tape on their bonnet part.
Then I notice him switch out his work laptop for his personal laptop and I look over and his evil azz is cackling. I don't ask why cuz I'm sure he's up to something evil.
I get an email from him a minute later with these pictures:
*sigh* The subject of the email? "Star Trek Big Head"
It's gonna be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day.
Yall know the kid is squeamish. Squeamish indeedly! I didn't THINK we had a rodent...but apparently we do. I mean...we've had signs that something was tipping around our food while one of us wasn't looking...but seriously? You never, ever, EVER think that you actually COULD have a rodent and that it could get at food on top of our tables!
Well...I went to bed last night with the bark covered.
When I got up this morning to start breaking it up and packaging it...THIS is what I found when I uncovered it:
Upon closer inspection:
So I'm over here aghast! AGHAST I TELL YOU! AGHAST!
Jaru was like...Oooooooooh...I know you're pissed!
Lucy was like...Damn! I didn't even SEE the rodent this time!
Robby was like...Must be a sneaky, low down dirty rat.
So now I'm over here researching rodent poisoning for a 200 lb rodent. Cuz he's in here and he must be stopped.