Would you feel betrayed? Used? Angry?
Or would you simply be glad you didn't find out after you were married and had kids?
JASON COLLINS' EX-FIANCEE
I Had NO IDEA He Was Gay
Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2013/04/30/jason-collins-carolyn-moos-fiancee-gay/#ixzz2Rxl0QBbk
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The conversations can last more than an hour cuz really...we try and pack it all in.
A couple of years ago she dropped the bomb that this woman, who we always knew of as EXTREMELY smart, was dating a married man. It wasn't normal married mind you...it was a full separation. Dude had moved out, got a new place, was openly dating, etc.
All of two weeks.
She's pretty happy with the way things are going and thinks that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, they'd be happy together.
She told me of a situation which came up and he told her that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, that situation wouldn't go down like that.
She also shared that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, some other things about him would have to change.
Back when I was dating, I always felt weird when a new guy came out the gate talking about marriage all willy nilly. To me...marriage talk should only be held between two people who know each other MUCH better. I'd feel like a dude was using the marriage talk as a ploy. Some kinda bait. A piece of the game they were playing.
In my experience...you may have only discussed marriage lightly as in, "Do you see yourself married one day?" Or..."How long have your parents been married?"
Not as in..."If we get married...blah, blah, blah."
How do YOU feel about marriage talk early on like that? Are you FOR or AGAINST it? Does it weird you out a bit? Have you ever felt like a guy was using marriage as "bait?"
I've had my current cellphone number for probably 11 years I think. Before that...I'd had the same cellphone number for as long as I'd been with my previous carrier down South.
It's very odd to find people changing their cell numbers these days unless they make a major move. It's become commonplace to keep that same number for years and years and years.
A girlfriend and I were out and about recently and she got a text message out the blue from her ex-boyfriend. She looked down and laughed and texted him back. Turns out every few months or so...he texts her out the blue and she responds according to the mood she's in.
She then told me that she has a couple of exes who do this. She doesn't mind communicating with them via text sometimes. They were good guys...not just the guy for her.
Sitting around talking with girlfriends about dating can be kinda fun and funny.
And then there are times when it can turn sad and depressing when the reality of dating seems to be so depressing for many single women.
But it always leads you to wonder why certain women don't have someone and why certain women do.
And then...there are the conversations which come from sitting around talking with your guy friends and you realize...there is a SERIOUS disconnect in thought. Like...there is nothing similar in the thought processes of the two sexes AT.ALL.
Even if they are the same age and from similar economic backgrounds...it doesn't mesh.
I listened once as men were discussing the baddest women they have ever known in real life. Bad to them, of course, meant beautiful with an awesome body.
A 44 year old woman told me that she doesn't want to still be single by the time she's 45 years old.
I didn't say much because there kinda wasn't really much I could say right?
But I thought a lot about it.
She's been single for 44 years so there is a good chance that she'll still be single in a year right? It concerns me that she's actually setting this up as a goal because I think this being a goal might open the door for their to be some moves based on reaching the goal ONLY and not because she's met someone that is good to and for her.
And that concerns me because hell...yall know I love love and want everyone to have it.
What are YOUR thoughts?While looking for a picture for this post...I ran across this: Single At 45: What Lies Ahead?
She was getting her hair done up and was getting a mani and a pedi next.
Her phone rang and she took the call from her guy.
She laughed, they chatted, she laughed some more.
She got off the phone and apologized for the interruption.
She asked how long I'd been married and I told her.
She then shared that she'd been dating this guy for about 2 months now and that all was going smoothly so she's excited about the possibilities.
Yall know the kid loves love so I was like...that's awesome.sauce.
Her: Yeah...he gives me money every week to get my hair and nails done and takes me shopping. It's pretty great.
Me: *BLINK* Oh...cool...wow...that's very generous of him.
And then...I kinda faded her to radio silence as I picked up my phone and started reading Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, emails...ANYTHING to keep me looking busy.
I've never had this type of a relationship and always wonder how it even comes about. Does the man offer this up to the woman? Does the woman ask? Is it an assumption that he will handle these costs? Was her hair so jacked up and he saw the beauty beyond and was like...lemme handle this for you?
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
Have you ever DATED a man who paid for your personal maintenance? I'm not talking about spa gift certificates mind you. I'm talking WEEKLY.BEAUTY.MAINTENANCE.
What are YOUR thoughts on this? This isn't the first I've heard of this...I'm just always confused as to how it happens when I do hear of it. And old girl was in her mid-to late 30s...she wasn't some young chippy.
You're meeting a guy for coffee for a first meet and greet on a Saturday afternoon.
You met him online.
He calls an hour before you are to meet to tell you he's running late.
He went to the gym and ended up running over and has to go home to shower and change.
He can meet you an hour after.
When he shows up, he's wearing sweats, a tank top, a flannel button down shirt that is open, sneakers and a baseball cap.
You good? Does his choice of outfit say anything to you?
Have you ever abruptly ended a date?
I'll be honest and say I have. First date with a dude who thought he was the boss of every.single.thing. He answered his phone and held a conversation. I excused myself, found my waiter, paid for the drinks and appetizers we'd already ordered, got in my car and rolled out.
He didn't notice I was gone until 15 minutes after I'd left and when he called me phone? IGNORE!
You have a date with a guy and have agreed to meet him at the restaurant.
You arrive, 10 minutes late, and he's already eating.
You look pointedly at his plate and he says, "I was hungry. I haven't eaten all day."
A man in his 30s lives with his sister.
He has a job, is going to graduate school part-time, is single, and has no kids.
He's been living with his sister for years and is perfectly comfortable there.
He doesn't like to live alone and neither does his sister.
Would you date him?
Do you think this indicates a problem? Is this a pebble?
I spent a couple of hours helping someone set up an online dating profile and looking through the profiles of people within their search results.
And I laughed my azz off.
The things I saw brought me levels of joy I never thought I'd have looking through online personals but they did and seriously...I'm still laughing.
I walked away thinking...people can't write anymore, nor do they have any clarity about what's an acceptable picture.
Folks posted pictures with head wraps on and regular clothes, pictures in their underwear in bed taken by themselves, standing in a dirty azz room, in swimwear with no coverups leaving less than little to the imagination, etc.
I quit once I saw the headline, "Tide of Games" from someone who stated they have a Master's degree cuz really? I mean...really.
Any of you been on an online dating site lately? What did YOU think of the pickings?
Any tips for my friend for online dating in 2013?
A. If a guy tells you that his mother doesn't want to meet you because she doesn't have teeth and she's trying to get some and a new wig...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
B. If you're on a dinner date and your date pulls his money out of his sock to pay the bill...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
C. If you're on a lunch date with a guy and he has to outrun the repo man while you're in the car...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
D. If a guy tells you that he doesn't go on any vacations other than the Tom Joyner Family Reunion cruise each year...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
E. If a guy has a love/hate relationship with his mother where he talks about her negatively to you but is always doing stuff for her...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
F. If a woman calls a man's phone 3 times in an hour but doesn't leave a message...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
G. If a guy has more pron in his home than books...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
I was talking to someone about dating and sharing that the most important part...IN MY OPINION...is taking your time to get to know the person just dating without trying to force anything. No jumping right into a relationship cuz you're single and they're single. See...I feel like you need to give the crazy pebbles a chance to surface so you know exactly what you're dealing with.
And then...it got kinda gray because I couldn't really explain exactly what I was trying to say.
See...you know I believe that God sends you pebbles before He hits you with a brick.
Crazy pebbles too.
The thing about crazy pebbles that's most important is how YOU are able to deal with them.
So I used a for example...
I remember bringing a guy I was in a relationship with who wasn't all that great conversationally. He was a smart dude...he was just socially awkward around certain types of people. Every.single.time he opened his mouth I struggled until I couldn't take it anymore, feigned a headache and we rolled out.
The next day he was mad because he felt like my co-workers were patronizing to him and it really made me look at him differently.
ESPECIALLY when he started going in on "all those White people."
I was like...dude...I've always been the only or one of the only Black people wherever I've worked. Hell...I spend more time with my co-workers than I do with you. Sure...they can be instrastin (and not because they're White) but seriously...you were giving them ammunition.
But I didn't say anything because I wanted him to feel comfortable and I was practicing picking my battles but baaaaaaaaaby...when I tell you it was a struggle...it was a STRUGGLE.
Gift giving around the holidays is pretty big. It's a pretty clear sign as to if a guy is thinking of you in a generous light. And no...I'm not talking spending big bucks. But I'm thinking THOUGHTFUL. If you're a runner and dude gives you a gift with that in mind, he's thinking of you as you are. He's not trying to do too much just in case, but enough that you know he's a FRIEND.
And you should always only date people who are friends to you.
If he gives you a manicure kit that he bought at the register while he went to Rite Aid to purchase some condRoms. Well...you already know.
Women going all out for a guy they aren't in a committed relationship with are seriously hoping the generosity of their gift will buy them some more quality time and I say...to that...if you have to spend money to get someone to spend time with you well...you should rather want to be alone or with REAL friends and your family. Holiday time is precious. It just brings out all kinds of sentimental thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires. Spend that time with people who care enough to be generous enough with your thoughts.
Keep it small. Keep it simple. I always say that if it's something you'd want to snatch from or off him/her if you ever see them with another person...don't give it as a gift.
If you've been dating someone and their family is in the area and you don't meet any family members for the holidays well...please don't fool yourself okay? Please keep it real and know what that means. To that same turn...if you invite someone to meet YOUR family and they decline for any other reason than being with THEIR family.
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF.
I love the holidays and wish I had the type of holidays I always envisioned as a child. A house filled with noise and laughter from children, baking cookies and cakes, getting dinner ready, people in and out for a quick plate but alas...Christmas is usually pretty quiet for us at 13700. We've considered traveling before but I'd miss my home, my doggies and the laziness of being us. We've made Christmas the best of what our life offers us to allow it to be.
And that's what Christmas is really about...to me. Finding that sweet spot that brings you the most happiness and smiles. Anything else is simply not good enough.
Date responsibly this Christmas. Smile more often than not. Don't worry about acting silly cuz silly is where it's at. LOL!
Let's get Christmas 2012 started!
SIP: Ramble, ramble, ramble. What yall got to say? LOL!
You're on a first date having an awesome time at an EXCELLENT restaurant.
Yall have a great time, great meal, excellent bottle of wine.
Check comes and your date starts patting around in his jacket and pants pockets looking frantic and ish.
Him: OMG! I forgot my wallet! I am so sorry...can you pick up this one? I can't believe I did this!
You're digging a dude big time.
Yall have been talking on the phone, emailing and texting.
He asks you out on a date and you agree.
It's agreed yall will do dinner.
You're all happy and ish.
Put your date night fit on.
He picks you up and yall head out.
He takes you to Chipotle.
A couple years older than you.
Legitimate business owner of a VERY successful company.
Was in a long term relationship with a woman who decided she couldn't be with him any longer because, after all they'd been through...he wouldn't marry her.
He's kind of bitter because he said that he was working on things to fall into place so they could have a good life and if she would have just waited a little while longer they could have had it all but since she didn't...he's moved on.
You find out from a friend of a friend that he made the money to start his company by selling drugs over 10 years ago.
He no longer APPEARS to sell drugs from what you see and know of him.
Well...here is an update according to Ms Tee:
BRIAN OTIS WEDGEWORTH HAS BEEN CAUGHT!!!! He is currently in the Dekalb county jail on $200,000 CASH bond. If you or anyone you know are a victim of his please contact Detective - Cook -770-724-7789 or email @ firstname.lastname@example.org. If anyone know how to get in contact with the 22 year old young lady who killed herself behind this fool please give them this information. Also, here is an email address- email@example.com. Let's pull together and get this fool.
Please keep in mind this is according to a commenter. We don't know these people and we don't know what's fact or fiction. She's just been really diligent in making sure this information gets out there. As far as a young lady committing suicide...well...we certainly don't know if that's true and I'm pretty sure we can't get in touch with her if it is.
QUESTION: Did this scenario back in 2009 make you wary of dating? Did you learn anything from it?
I was talking to a framily member yesterday and she was going in on being annoyed with receiving texts from the gentleman she's casually dating. Her point was that it's annoying and she's DONE responding to texts. She says men love it because they don't like talking on the phone in the first place and that it helps them get away with ish they are doing on the low-low.
I listened and thunk on it some and I came to the conclusion that I am SO glad there wasn't texting when Robby and I started dating cuz seriously...we probably wouldn't have made it.
See...The Robinator HATES talking on the phone to anyone other than his mommy. Like...HATES. If you call 13700 and he answers...pass out cuz seriously...unless it's me or his mommy...he ain't answering. I could imagine he probably would have tried to text me more than talk to me back in the day and I could imagine that I'd do the same as my framily member is doing. NO.MORE.ANSWERING.TEXTS.
I wouldn't even look at the phone when it blinged.
I hear more and more about people getting to know each other but spend the majority of the time doing so via text. Um...no. You can't get to know someone that way. IN MY OPINION!
What do YOU say? Those of you who have been with your significant other since BEFORE texting...are you glad too? Those of you dating now...does texting frustrate you?
What say YOU?
If you were dating now...what would YOUR personal stance on texting be?
VIDEO IS NSFW!
When dating it's important to know what's important. As you're sitting in your home, look around you and check out your surroundings. Then...I want you to think about how many of the things around you were paid for by great sans ropas. Now...I'm not clueless so I do know that some gifts are agreed upon at the moment of um...erra...ENJOYMENT during certain grown folks games, but there aren't many of us who can say they make a living out of getting their freak on. Some folks do...yes...but not most.
And not for everything.
You've JUST started going out with a guy.
You've gone out a few times and you always have a good time.
You're out of town and he calls to see if you want to get together that Sunday when you get back to watch your favorite football team at a sports bar.
You tell him that you will call him when you're on your way back that Sunday.
You call and leave a message letting him know what time you're arriving in town on the day of the game.
He doesn't return your call until Thursday.
How do YOU handle?
1 child with his ex who has since moved back to her home state with their child. (3 years ago)
In management with job security.
Is really nice.
Is a really good guy.
Is a great conversationalist.
Doesn't really care about things like the newest this or that and is a very practical person.
Is still married to his ex because she has a pre-existing condition and couldn't get insurance if she wasn't on his insurance.
On our first date, after meeting online, The Robinator and I met for dinner at a restaurant I frequented regularly. I was comfortable because everyone there knew me and, if he ended up being crazy...I knew Savino and David 'nem would snatch and grab his azz with the swiftness. LOL!
I wore a suit because I left the office and headed over in a cab. Afterwards, I let him walk me to the nearest Metro and we said goodbye. We saw each other the next day and every day that he was in town after that. It was nice. I remember smiling from ear-to-ear whenever I knew I was going to see him again. He wore jeans that were tapered at the ankle (on our second date) and it made me side eye him but he was a perfect gentleman, he was smart and we laughed a lot. It was nice from the very beginning even though I felt weird because he wasn't Black. LOL!
SIP: Hey...we're just keeping it real here okay?
Have YOU ever had a first date with someone you met online? Where'd you go? Did you let them pick you up from home? Did you meet at a restaurant you were familiar with? Did you let anyone know you were going? What security precautions did you take?
Father of two children with two different women.
Both children live out of state.
Underemployed because of the economy (his words).
Lives with a relative so he doesn't have to pay rent and so he can pay his child support.
You're getting ready to get ready with the guy you've been dating.
Dinner was great, yall holding hands and kissing...all signals are pointing to GO!
Yall are petting hot and heavy and clothes start coming off.
And he is wearing these:
You're on a first date to a guy.
When you met he was pretty cool.
When you show up he's at the bar and it seems as if he's in an extremely foul mood.
He's polite but not charming at all.
He's brooding, not engaging in conversation, etc.
You're beginning to feel like this was a bad idea and you're looking for an exit out of this date so you can get home in time to watch your favorite television show.
He excuses himself to go to the restroom and returns acting like a whole new person.
He's charming, fun, funny, engaging, etc.
Do you question this?
Or do you just go with the flow?
Do you wonder if he went to the bathroom and took something you'd be shocked to find out he took?
I had a conversation with a male friend at an event recently about stay-at-home wives.
Which, for the most part, I am.
He asked me if I always wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and I said I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and wife. I told him how we set up our life so that we could have all the pieces in place in order to raise a child or children the way we wanted to and, when that didn't happen, I went with my Plan B.
So...he asked if I'd told The Robinator that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom prior to our getting married and I told him absolutely. We'd discussed it from the very beginning when we talked about what we wanted out of life so yeah...he knew.
He then told me that if Robby had been a Black guy...we probably would have stopped dating immediately after making that known and, if most Black women who want to be a stay-at-home mom were smart...they'd keep that to themselves until after the wedding and she was good and pregnant.
I was deep into a dirty martini so I asked him a few questions a'la Ms. Smart to get him to continue to talk.
And talk he did.
Basically he stated that ain't no Black man looking to take care of a grown azz woman who is capable of working and that if the man has to go out and work...the woman has to as well cuz it ain't cheap living in the world we live in and unless the man was big time wealthy...it's not something he could even consider in 2012. He said Black men aren't wired for the possibility because life will always be more of a struggle in their minds.
I shut him down, of course, because I know more than a few stay-at-home moms. I conceded that for certain men PERIOD...this may be true but not to loop all Black men into this way of thinking. I also let him know that I'd dated Black men exclusively prior to Robby and all the guys I dated knew this and it wasn't a deal breaker.
This conversation came up again recently with a couple of female friends and they, surprisingly, agreed with my male friend. Someone even said, "Bring that up on a date and rest assured...it will be your last date or a big azz argument for sure."
It was also stated that a black man wouldn't automatically think this way if the woman they were dating was White because they have this Madonna image of White women which doesn't extend to Black women.
SIP: Are you going to tell them that you stopped talking after that tidbit?
Me: They probably already know.
So yeah...what do YOU think? Have YOU ever had this conversation with a man? What did/do they say? Do YOU think you should keep this kind of information to yourself?
Those of you who are stay-at-home moms and wives...was it a conversation prior to your getting married or did it just happen organically?
Would you invite someone you were dating along on a 5-day family reunion cruise where they would be meeting your entire family for the first time?
Would YOUR family have a problem if you did this or would they welcome them with open arms?
If someone YOU were dating invited you...would you go or do you think that would be too much for the first time meeting?
A couple years younger than you.
Has one child from a previous relationship.
Is gainfully employed.
Is funny and charming.
Yall are on your first date and he asks if you have a tattoo.
You tell him no and ask does he have one.
He pulls up his shirt and shows you a tattoo of an arrow on his torso pointing down yonder.
I totally hate when I hear women justifying men cheating by saying ignant ish like..."A man is going to be a man. All men cheat. Real women know this."
When I hear that I feel SO.DAMN.SORRY for the poor woman saying it because it's obvious she's convinced herself this is the norm for all so she doesn't have to focus on what SHE'S doing wrong in her relationships if every man she's been with cheated on her. And no...I'm not saying it's her fault he cheated but it IS her fault that she didn't recognize signs early on which would have given her an indication that this dude doesn't want the same things she wants out of a relationship.
I mean...it's a CHOICE right? You can CHOOSE if you will accept this kind of behavior or not right? And...if you accept men cheating as a part of the reality YOU have to put up with...sure...it will always make you a real woman (cuz ya azz ain't a fake woman...o_0) just as it makes me "keeping it real" in my world when I know good and damn well I will NOT be dealing with some ish like that.
Trust me...if my husband cheats on me it's going to go DOWN-T! It will take a mad minute before we could work that shit out. Yes...I'd probably agree to going to counseling, etc. in order to see if we can work past it...but I know me...and I know that shit won't be easy.
I KNOW ME...AND I KNOW THAT SHIT WON'T BE EASY cuz in my world...my expectations are that he'd be FAITHFUL to our vows. I am NOT going to be over here convincing myself he's probably going to cheat in order to lessen the damn blow if he does. When you believe that way...you have no idea how many silent signals you're giving out that you'd put up with that shit. It starts with PRETENDING to turn a blind eye on little things. I say pretending cuz you know damn good and well you saw that ish and you CHOSE to ignore it just as I would CHOOSE to swinging a damn 9 iron in this camp.
SIP: "I luvs Harpo...God knows I do..."
A woman I know stopped talking to me after I was really blunt with her about something. Like...there wasn't a fallout or anything...she just stopped talking to me. She didn't call, didn't write, nothing. Just radio silence.
I understand radio silence.
Since I was so busy I wasn't even keeping up well with family and FRAMILY...I didn't really even notice she'd stopped talking to me.
She called me recently and I was driving so I answered the phone. I was all like...heeeeeeey! I've been meaning to check in with you! How's it going?
And she was like...um...I wasn't talking to you.
And I was like...DA HELL? Why weren't you talking to me?
And she was all like...cuz the last time we spoke...you hurt my feelings.
News to me.
You and your guy have been dating for about a year.
You decide to go on your first vacation together.
To the beach.
You get to your destination and yall decide to go hit the beach up right quick as soon as you get there.
Yall change into your bathing suits.
You come out of the bathroom and your guy, who is kinda teddy bear-ish in shape is wearing this:
50 years old.
Lives in a really nice house.
Drives a $100,000 car.
Always wears the hottest ish ever.
You haven't the slightest idea WHAT he does for a living and when asked directly he's very vague.
Has 6 kids with 3 different women and 3 grandchildren.
Says he's ready to settle down but doesn't want more children.