Rantings of a Creole Princess

The Robinator's Current Favorite Commercial

WARNING! BEFORE YOU START READING THIS...Monica Mingo IS Crazy!

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM CRAZIER THAN A DAMN BESSIE BUG AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS WILL BE!

This damn video oneblackman sent us today has got to be the funniest ish my sick azz has seen all year.  I laughed sooooooooo hard that I start laughing just THINKING about it.  This one minute thirty eight second video is the funniest thing in the WORLD to my crazy, sick, demented azz.  Yup...what yall already knew.  Monica Mingo IS crazy and always will be.  Yes indeed.

Now...we shouldn't have even STARTED watching once we saw the beginning shot of dude with the biggest damn bandaids we've ever seen on his face.  But click we did. 

"This ain't no regular night."

That was the second indication that we should'nt have watched.  When the name Martez rolled through...we should've collectively stopped the video and logged off of the COMPRUTER or put it away if you were on a LABTOP. Martez gave his entire interview with his bluetooth earpiece in.  Yerp.  Yet ANOTHER indication.

Martez:  Men tryna look like wymen.
Bandaider:  Drag queens.
Martez:  Drag queens.  Transeshua.  Whut dey were.

And things started getting a little strange.

Martez:  Dey come to da winda...tap, tap, tap...I'm still ignorin...talking noiz to em.  So I git deyr just pissed em off even worser.

Now at this point you know something strange went down with some gay guys dressed like women.  Cuz really...we don't know if they are transsexuals right?  I mean...I don't think anyone got nekkid...I guess we can call them Drag Queens...but let's move on shall we?

Cuz when old girl breaks in and says the following in her VERY proper and VERY idiomatically correct lingo AFTER listening to Martez?  This is when I FALL THE FUG OUT ON THE DAMN SOFA KEELING OVER LIKE I JUST CAN'T GO NO MO!

Reporter:  Three drag queens jumped out of the car, ran into the restaurant armed with a tire iron and started swinging at employees. But not before they disrobed.

OKAY...THAT RIGHT THERE?  THAT RIGHT THERE?  D.E.A.D. DAMMIT!  DEAD!  Kill me now!  I wonder how many times she had to do that damn voiceover?  I mean really!  I'd have to repeat that shit like fifty-lleven times to say it with a straight face and a solo alto voice.  SERIOUSLY!

Me trying to say it in a reporterish voice here: Download when_transvestites_attack.mp3

And what makes it even FUNNIER?  At 0:43 when you see a boot on the floor with two big azz hoop earrings lying next to the CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.

Dammit...somebody come get me please!  I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

Since I can't stop laughing I don't know what in the HELL the policeman is saying...but when we get back to Martez...I stifle my laugh cuz I just GOTTA hear what's next.  Why?  Cuz you just KNOW Martez bout to TELL IT!

Martez:  He swung.  Hit my manaja.  My manaja swung hit back.  So den win-whee star comin up.  So dey step back. Git to taking off dey shoes.  Boots. 

***INSERT SIP COMMENTATION HERE***  Yall see how he ackin like he taking off shoes and boots?????  See how his shoulders dipping and shit?  Okay...that's all I wanna say right now.

Martez (continued): No-whu-I'm-sayin.  Wha-eva-else they had do doo to feel satisfied to fight. (I ain't gonna say nuttin here.  Imma just point out the satisfaction MUST have been reached cuz it started going DOWN!)

So lawd...then Po Albert get mauled.  That's not my words.  Those are the words of the reporter.  MAULED.  And baaaaaaby...old boy got the bandaids to prove it!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I.CAN'T.BREEEEEEEEEETTTTHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!

Albert get to damn near shadow boxing trying to tell his story.

Now...when the manager threw the hot FRENCH FRY grease at them I lost it A.GAIN!  I musta laughed for a good ten damn minutes the first time I watched this video.  I laughed so hard I missed the part about the manager being smashed in the head with a CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.

KILL.ME.NOW.  Please.  No...seriously.  Kill me.  Cuz my stomach is hurting so bad from laughing I cannot breathe.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Then the drag queens went back out...bashed in the drive thru window and rolled out.

Now...I wanna pernt sumptin out to you.  Martez.  Po Albert got mauled.  Bandaids all over his lil face and ish.  The manager got tooken (yes...I said tooken) to the hospital and Martez?  NOT A DAMN SCRATCH!  Half his collar a bit popped...but that's all.  Po Albert already said he was trying to protect him from the drag queens and all this AFTER...it sounded like MARTEZ'S AZZ was the one who initially started fuggin with the drag queens.  I mean...he was at the window right?  And that's where it started right?

Right.

Martez done started some ish and got his Mickey Deez crew jumped, mauled and smacked around that damn wet floor...and his azz still has his bluetooth headset on.

What have we learned here boys and girls?  MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT!  YEAH I SAID IT!  MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT!  Oh...and I know there is a drag queen in Memphis mad as HELL bout their jacket and boot.  One boot.  Oh...and hoop earrings.

From now on...when I'm bout to start some ish with someone...Imma start off by saying..."TAP, TAP, TAP."  That is all.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Dear Shelly:

HILARIOUS!

"Hello my baby, hello my dahlin...hello my ragtime girl!"

ShellyDee has me DYING laughing over here!

She said this reminded  her of Jaru and Lucy.  She couldn't decide which one.  LOL!  What do YOU think?  Which of my dog owners would this be?  ROFL!

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Funny Honey

The Robinator is a SCREAM! Is your S/O funny?

This is the world of foolishness I live in...

When I woke this morning...this is what I was greeted with via instant messenger:

Scenario From Real Life...

You and your best friend IM pretty much throughout the day at work.

You're both VERY conservative at the office but yall cut the fool outside of work.

When you get to the office you see your best friend has already logged on and you send a message as one would only send to their best friend.

They don't respond for hours but no biggie...that's how yall get down.

You go into your meeting where you're giving a presentation to your department.

Your computer is hooked to the projector.

In the middle of your presentation your best friend responds to your IM from earlier which you'd X'd out of but forgot to LOG out of.

Don't make me fuck you up.

How do you handle?

I am going to FIGHT Tiffany In Houston's husband!

Cuz he had me cracking up over some of these:

Ghetto Translations 101 :

1. Sh*t just got real. = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness and is no longer a laughing matter. 

2. We cousins.  = We grew up together...but we're not related. 

3. You wasn't wit me shootin in the gym! = You did not contribute to my current success in any way, shape, or form.

4. Imma rapper. = I'm unemployed. I live at home.

5. You got me? = Are you willing to take the chance in life to let me use a couple of dollars that you will NEVER see again?

6. You talk white. = You speak with proper annunciation and grammar. 

7. I'm chillin tonight bruh. =  My current financial situation will not allow me to partake in the festivities tonight. 

8. You gotta boyfriend? = Regardless of your answer I will STILL attempt to obain your number and talk to you. 

9. I'm around da corner. = I'm 45 minutes away. 

10. Boy Bye. = Your stupidity has resulted in my irritation with you therefore I'm dismissing you from my presence.

I even added a few myself.  ROFL!

"Huh?" - I heard you...I'm just not ready to answer that yet so I'm trying to stall.

"I need to talk to you 'bout something important." - I need to borrow some money.

"Man them people at work tripping." - They have figured out I'm more of a problem than an asset and are putting things in place with HR to fire me.

‎"You done forgot where you came from." - Your success reminds me that I haven't done shit with my life so I'm going to try and make you feel guilty about it somehow.

I can't stop laughing at this!

I'm sorry...but I'd be buttering his azz up in the roaster rack come Sunday.

People Are Fun-TAY!

From SIP: People are FUN-TAY!

Book Club Fight Club!

I say we start one.  What should be our first book? 

 

 

 

SIP:  If anybody says "The Help" we gonna fight for real.

What would YOU do?

You're sitting somewhere minding your own business.

A man walks up to you and asks, "Hey...are you an assassin?"

What would you do? 

What would you say?

Could you stop yourself from bursting out laughing so hard and loudly that he stomped off mad mumbling to himself? 

SIP:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Geico "Ew. Seriously. So Gross"

This brought me JOY!

I am DYING laughing!

From Shelly: Miracle in the Alcohol Aisle!

PRAISE THE LORD!

Season's Beatings

I am DYING laughing at this picture!  Awkward Holiday Photos

Laugh Out Loud!

"...sometimes your words just hypnotize me..."

Inner Peace

From T-Rhonda:

I'm passing this on because it  worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner  peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use  more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd  started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a  bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of  Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I  feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i  luvum...

 

SIP:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I LOVE THAT WOMAN SO!  LOL!

 

This is the funniest thing I've seen in DECADES!

Herman Cain’s Campaign Promises with Mike Tyson

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

GIVER.OF.JOY!!!!!!!!!

My sweet, sweet, adorable beyond reason cousin sent me this video with the subject line, "You're Welcome."

I knew it would bring me joy the second I saw the subject line. You might not get it because you are probably not throwed the hell off like we are...but if you do...you're welcome too. LOL!

My response back?

Dear Cousin:

Thank you so very much.  You don't have to give me a gift for anything pertinent for the next 6 years because of this.  Your existence in my life is being compared, currently, to the uncomparable.

I, sniff, sniff, love you.

Sincerely,

Monnie

People Are Fun-TAY!

Yall know I don't know much about football but TIH's husband posted this on Facebook and I straight HOWLED with laughter!!!!!!! 

SIP:  This is seriously NOT RIGHT!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

From CaliGirl! LOL!

I can't stop laughing at this!

GIVER.OF.JOY!

Please wait until 01:20...

GIVER.OF.JOY!

 

This would freak out E! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

GIVERS.OF.JOY!

I LOVE Qwiki!

Qwiki

 

From Hundewanderer:

Gotta keep the keys outta Jaru's reach now...

People are FUN-TAY!

Shady Vans

I love people man.  LOL!

ALL I DO IS WIN!

Bad Dates

I was sharing my best bad date on a forum and seriously...I think I won.  Whatchall think?

I bet I got yall beat. This guy kept trying to get me to go out with him but he was kinda ugly so I kept saying no even though he was a really nice guy. Well a friend of mine called me shallow so I decided the next time he asked I would go because my friend was right...you shouldn't judge a person by their appearance. Well I decided to let him take me to lunch since that's quick and I have time contraints of getting back to the office. He picked me up in a pretty nice car (I'd never seen his vehicle before.) and it was a gorgeous day so we had the window down. Well...(I have since forgotten his name) we were driving and talking when the car next to us kept calling his name and waving at him. He ignored them. Even though there were two very big, very loud white guys in the car. Well it just seemed odd so I was like...uh...those people are talking to you. And he said he didn't know them. BUT THEY WERE YELLING HIS NAME! So he slows down and says, "What's up?" and they were like...man we been trying to get in touch with you. What's your new address? You're not on "blah blah" street anymore. Well ya boy was like...Imma call you and took off. Well he starts bobbing and weaving in traffic and the car is trying to keep up with him. We jump in the turning lane and the driver of the other car yells: YOU AIN'T PAID THE CAR NOTE IN FIVE MONTHS! WE'RE GONNA GET THAT CAR BACK YOU (*&&^&**! Now. Those of you who know me know that I am STOOPIT! No really. STOOPIT! So I started STRAIGHT HOWLING IN THIS DUDES CAR! I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING. THIS WAS JUST SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY TO ME. Well he got mad and I was like...you know...if you don't mind...I'm running out of time...so let's call it a day and take me back to my office. He couldn't get me there fast enough cause I just COULDN'T stop laughing. Needless to say...I never saw him again. But MAN! Do I remember that day like it was yesterday! ROFL!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Still funny!

Every.single.time I watch this I do so 5 times and laugh my butt off each time. ROFL!

FUNNY.AS.HELL!

Funny Auto Corrects

ROFL!

C'mon...post your and your sweetie's "NAME!"

Pet Names for Lovers Generator

I love this commercial!

Janay: You make my head numb.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Funny!

I was looking for the dinner scene in this movie when old boy asks Angela "Why you so damn EVIL?" so I could post it for Erica B. when I found this. ROFL! Now I'm wondering what happened between this conversation and the way the next movie started. Cuz she didn't stick to any of his "rules" did she?

I love people soooooooooooooo much!

iQuit!

Robbery with a Giant Stick Is Way Funnier Than It Should Be