Rantings of a Creole Princess

Kellogg's Fiber Plus Antioxidants Bars: WARNING! Fart Bars

The inhabitants of 13700 have fallen victim to these delicious, chewy fiber bars which cause farts, farts and more farts.  UNBELIEVABLE farts. 

WARNING...only eat these bars when you're not leaving your home for the rest of the day.  If you eat one while at work you will FART, FART, FART and alienate all of your coworkers.  You will fart so much it will be COMICAL!  We can play the drum section of the Southern University marching band after eating two bars each.

"We bad...we bad..."

A feeling comes over you when you have on new boots and skinny leg jeans that fit you just so.  You walk with your head held high and a smirk on your face knowing you look good.  If it's cold outside...you put on a hat and, if you're like me, you have something new and fun in your closet that you've had for a while but haven't had an opportunity to wear yet.

And it matches PERFECTLY.

And you look good and you feel good and you have on fun, FABULOUS earrings and you're listening to Jay Z on your iPod and you're walking feeling like...whoa...the shit.  The big, boss, shit. Headed to the big, bad city.

Big pimping...small steps.

I LOVE William Shatner!

From Lisa:

Okay...warning...this is bad.  It's funny...but it's bad.  ROFL!

Kids are Fun-tay!

Caption this...

Lou Draws

Question...

What word does your Grand mess up royally and makes you laugh?  I'm on the phone with FRAMILY and said I was waiting to watch Offrey Winfrey as my Grandmother calls her and this fool says her Grandmother calls her Okra Winfrey.  HOLLERING!

oneblackman's Facebook Status

"Yo October... Imma let you finish but August had some of the best weather of all time!"

NO SKATEBOARDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The poor kids in my neighborhood are all being mindful of the new no skateboarding policy. You will be happy to note their parents are making sure they tow the line and that no one is on skateboards. Damn shame that kids over a certain age have to figure out other ways to exert energy in their own.damn.neighborhood.

From Stan:

"In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to get lost on my way to work, kill whoever is there and take up residence."

He has us over here HOWLING with laughter!  LOL!

From My Inbox: People are Fun-tay!

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
 =============

 Dear Dr. Laura:
 
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.
 
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
 
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
 
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
 
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
 
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
 
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
 
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
 
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?
 
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
 
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
 
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
 
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
 
Your adoring fan.
 
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus Dept. of Curriculum
Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
 

Caption this...

From CaliGirl:

The Shake Weight

I'm sure none of you would be surprised to know that after The Robinator saw this commercial he fell OFF the sofa and onto the floor HOWLING with laughter.

Men can be pigs.

LOL!

Ben Bailey

Will Ferrell Rocks

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

From Shelly:

From 1969:

People Are FUN-TAY!

From Shelly:

Little Zachary was doing quite badly in math. His parents had tried everything. tutors, mentors, flash cards, Special learning Centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. 'Well, then,' she replied, 'Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?' Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

"I want my daddy records!" I want my twodollarsandninetytwocents!

People Are FUN-TAY!

People Are FUN-TAY!

People Are FUN-TAY!

From Shelly to Anonymous Male Friend

Dear Ted:

Chris Brown on "Larry King" Spoof...

From Shelly:

From Shelly: Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an

envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

I'M IN TEARS!

Shit My Dad Says

From My Inbox: The No Money Boys - "I Ain't Got No Money"

From Kristin:

ROFL!  MY GIRL!  LOL!

CreoleInDC Contest!

I shall award the person whose explanation of the following makes me laugh the hardest with an eGift certificate to Amazon for $20.  If you can't find a book for $20 on Amazon...oh well...you're outta luck.  :)  Please make sure you put an email addy you actually use in the email spot.

Richard Simmons on "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

From Mokumegane

Facebook Break-ups

Okay...this is HILARIOUS!

I.LOVE.THIS.CHICK!

I love my Grandmother!

 Me:  A dove made it's nest above our front door!

Grandmother:  That means God recognizes your home is filled with goodness and love.  A blessing is gonna come for sure.

Me:  What if the dove has babies and the babies fall out and we accidentally step on one?

Grandmother:  Yeah...that could go bad real quick.  Be careful.

Me:  *BLINK*

I STILL need new friends!

oneblackman has left you a comment:
 
Does Captain Crunch know you have his jacket?

Louis C.K. - Why

Garden Snakes are DANGEROUS!

Upon doing my research on our new snake friend I ran across this:

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.

Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
Here's why.........

Robin Harris...MISS.HIM.SO!

From oneblackman:

Menfolk crying week. LOL!

Need a good laugh?

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Better Know a Lobby - Acorn
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

*BLINK*

I canNOT stop laughing at this! I GUARANTEE that fish yelled out...WHAT THE HELL? I bet he's the laughing stock of all his fish family and friends cuz none of them believed him when he told them what happened to him.

This is soooooo funny to me!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fish 1: Here comes Mr. a-man-jumped-out-sky and grabbed me.

Fish 2: Dude stop...he might hear you.

Fish 1: I don't EVEN care if he hears me. Dude needs to stop all that lying hell.

Fish 2: Yeah...he ain't got that to do.

Fish 1: You ain't gotsta lie Craig!

SIP: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Facebook Pimping: "I am happy marriage man..."

Why Sarah Palin Resigned!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

GENIUS!

Lil Magic :)