We all have stuff we need with us when we're out and about. Men are no different. When The Robinator and I are somewhere, he generally asks me to carry whatever he needs in my purse. If it's just out to dinner or something...it's probably only his keys, his sunglass case and an extra pair of contact lenses just in case. (Note...I just keep an extra pair of his contacts in my bags always anyway.)
If we're out in the world somewhere, it could be a bit more. Sunscreen, Kindle, a towel (Why do men always need a towel?), a newspaper or magazine, a couple of bars/fruit, bottle of water, etc. So yeah...it can get heavy.
So I bought a small black backpack that he can carry too.
If the backpack looked like a purse in any way...dude would have a spasm. Seriously.
What about YOUR guy? Does he have something to carry his own stuff in? What is it? Do you generally just carry his stuff in your purse too? Does it ever annoy you?
Yall know I'm pretty liberal. I think people should be happy doing whatever they want to do in life as long as it's not breaking the law. Everything ain't for everybody and I don't need to be all up in the middle of something to know it's not for me and yet...still be cool if you choose it for YOU.
We all have our own life to live and we should focus on things which directly affect us as much as possible.
If a man wants to wear lingerie for men...ABSOLUTELY...go 'head on and get you some frilly stuff to wear in the comfort of your home. You couldn't be MY MAN mind you...but hell...you're still a man...so do you.
I couldn't imagine The Robinator's burly azz laid up with some lace and ribbons talking some, "Hey girl, come here." I don't WANT to imagine him posted up in lace and ribbons talking some, "Hey girl, come here." I don't want to imagine ANY man I know laid up like a pron star in some lace and ribbons talking some, "Hey girl" but if that's how they get down AT THEIR HOME...get it.
That ish just won't go down over here.
Everything ain't for everybody. Doesn't mean we condemn it if other's get down like that...we just ain't getting down like that.
What say you? How would YOU feel if YOUR guy started wearing men's lingerie laid up at home talking some...HEY GIRL...COME HERE!
SIP: Did you notice they have discreet international shipping?
"Are you willing to GIVE as much as you expect to RECEIVE?"
Recently I had an opportunity to do a lot of really awesome people watching. I was sitting in the lobby of this swanky spot watching beautiful people while I was dressed in camouflage shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops. Among beautiful people...the chick in camo shorts and ponytail is a NON-PERSON. LOL!
So yeah...EPIC people watching occurred.
As I was sitting there, this guy sat on the arm of the sofa I was sitting on. He wasn't in my space but he was close enough to talk to me without yelling and he said, "I'm not bothering you am I?"
To which I looked up and said..."Nope. It ain't my sofa."
And dude smiled brilliantly and started trying to chat me up.
I'm in Santa Monica, California at the American Film Market. We brought the first looks for our film, "The Coalition" here and we've been rocking and rolling the entire time.
We've had back-to-back meetings with people who buy and sell film. People who give you 15 minutes to convince them that you and your product are a good fit for their company. People who decide whether or not your film would make money.
This isn't a festival.
Ain't no kee-keeing and shoo-shooing going on.
This is the REAL.DEAL.
Yall know I pay attention to people. It's an occupational hazard. I watch people and am thoroughly entertained by simply watching.
I watched an EXTREMELY talented young man walk around dressed like a hobo. LIke...if he'd walked outside and pulled his grocery cart full of belongings out of an alley out back...I wouldn't have been surprised. I saw this and thought to myself...WHO IN THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS??????????
If Will Smith rolled up in there in sweats and a t-shirt...he's still get mad respect.
Denzel Washington? Same thing.
Clint Eastwood? He could show up in cowboy boots and boxers and folks would follow him around like ducklings.
These people have proved themselves in this industry so they get respect and can pretty much do whatever, whenever ya know?
Someone new to this however? You might need to show some respect to the process. Iron your damn clothes. Put on something presentable. Nobody is saying you gotta go Tom Ford on them mind you...but clean, pressed and appropriate should be a no-brainer.
At least to me.
I'm 42 years old and I still, as yall know, AGONIZE over what I'm going to wear when I need to show folks I respect the process and take my business seriously. These young folks on some other stuff. They're just so ARROGANT and are already so big, in their own head, that they feel like folks just need to hand ish to them.
That ain't how it works.
You have to get folks to WANT to work with you and/or help you and seriously...who wants to work with someone who couldn't even put in minor effort on their appearance?
Show up people. Show up and get in the game. Don't make it so hard on yourself.
Put your damn cleats on.
Who is teaching these kids how to handle business? Are you ever surprised at how some folks decide to show up looking during career related meetings?
I saw my neighbor putting out the trash this morning holding her baby on her hip. Her husband lives there. I have seen her put out the trash on several occasions and it makes me go...Hmmmmmmm. I know these people and know that her husband is an azzhole so I wasn't surprised.
Robby puts out the garbage at 13700. He puts out the recycling too. He feeds the dogs, walks them and does the "outside" stuff. He's a neat freak so his man-cave is never dirty. When he comes home from the office he takes off his suit and hangs it up properly. He puts his shirt in the drycleaning basket and puts away his shoes after he has inserted the cedar trees to absorb the excess moisture.
In our house...I'm the messy one. If you see a pile of something stacked up...it's mine. LOL! I ain't gonna EVEN front.
We don't get to spend very much time together during the week because of our schedules so we have adopted certain things to make sure we have the max time to hang.
I cook dinner, he puts away the leftovers. The dishes are rinsed but he doesn't put them in the dishwasher til morning because he gets up before goodness and I get up waaaaaaaaaaaaay after goodness. :)
He does his fair share in other words and I wish I would have to put out some dang garbage while he's home. Humph.
So...to you menfolk who are reading this...I need you to take your azz home and...if you're NOT already...figure out how to get in the process. For Thanksgiving Imma need you to research wines that will compliment the menu and go to the store and buy it. Imma need yall to make sure you have the proper glasses you're going to need for the drinks you're going to serve and Imma need yall to be the bartender when folks are in your home. Imma need you to keep checking the garbage can and empty it whenever it's full because when we are cooking BIG meals...the trash gets full QUICKLY. AND...Imma need you to stay out the way. When you come into the kitchen Imma need you to make yourself as small as possible. No sudden movements and please...baby steps.
If you are cooking something...please ask when is the best time for your oven or stove usage. I can't have you in the kitchen turning the oven down to 300 when it's at 350 for a reason (my father used to do this and drive my mother NUTS!) and whenever you're in the kitchen during the cooking...if you see something in the sink that could be rinsed and put in the dishwasher...hit it okay? Once it's full...start it. Once it's finished...empty it.
A couple of hours before the guests arrive...take it upon yourself to vacuum and light a few candles. Sweep in front of the front door to the house and make sure there is extra toilet paper in the guest powder room. You know...finishing touches that we would do IF WE WEREN'T COOKING!!!!!!
When you see the timer counting down on the stove for the turkey...make yourself available. No woman should have to ask you to take a big azz hot turkey out of the oven for her. You needsta be right there when that sucker starts beeping. But DON'T remove it until she's said it's done.
When the doorbell rings? Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu guessed it! That's all on you. Answer the door and be glad about it. Welcome the guests and put away their coats.
Yall always asking how you can help and yet end up downstairs on the sofa watching the game the entire time.
Last but not least...please...PLEASE put on something that shows we take care of your azzes. Do NOT come schelping downstairs looking like you live in a college dorm. That is NOT.CUTE. and will get your azzes cut by the right woman.
If a condom doesn't fit the chance of it coming off and a pregnancy or transmission of an STD occuring is pretty high so it's important that men aren't just buying Magnums because they think they are cool to have.
SIP: I can't believe you just typed that.
Me: I can't believe I just read that men buy the big brands trying to flex knowing their azzes can't "fit" them.
SIP: I can't WAIT to see what TIH and Erica B. say about this.
Me: Erica is gonna start laughing. TIH is gonna say something along the lines of..."I'm just saying..."
I dress The Robinator pretty okay. I know fabrics and enjoy seeing him in a well cut suit. I think I have a flair for awesome shirt and tie combinations and I do believe his business wardrobe reflects that.
But at our age...it was time to step us his game.
How do you step up such a game you ask?
Off to Mr. Bryn Keith we went for the best service and saavy this side of the Mason Dixie line.
We had an appointment and Bryn stepped out of his spot to greet us like old family. Bryn's height makes you think of an athlete and makes you wonder just what this man knows about the art of gentlemen wares but baaaaaaaby...you soon recognize dude knows his stuff.
He welcomed us into his office and simply sat and talked to us for a bit. Just got comfy ya know? He asked Robby (me) a lot of questions about his wardrobe and what he was looking for and Robby (I) answered. Sitting there talking to him was cool because dude is really quite knowledgeable about it all.
While talking to Bryn we realized he had some MAJOR fancy clients so we were waiting for him to realize we were frauds at any minute. LOL! The funniest part to me? The Robinator looking at swatches! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I NEVER, EVER, EVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY! LOL!
Dude has a clear thing for the color blue when left to his own devices so I had to intervene. When he argued about the differences in the color blue I pointed out the hypocrisy of said argument after the argument over the color I want to paint the main level of our home. ROFL!
After we picked out some colors, cuts, styles, pleats, cuffs, monograms, collars, etc...Robby got measured up good.
And then we rolled out feeling good, feeling great, how are you! I'm thinking custom is going to be The Robinator's one, two from here on out and Bryn Keith is definitely going to be our place to go. With Robby's measurements on file as well as a wish list...he can get new duds with a phone call.
Check out Bryn Keith on Facebook and on Twitter too! He has all sorts of classes for men regarding style and fashion and I know a WHOLE LOTTA men folk who need their biz wardrobe stepped up several notches! GO YOU!
Oh...and you KNOW he does clothing for women too! Um...yall know I'm a sucker for that hot, fiyah! :) If you go...tell him The Robinator sent you as Robby thinks he's an expert now. o_0
When was the last time YOU had something custom made? (Erica Bunker may not answer this question. LOL!)
Look...we like men to come around and give their opinion but sometimes those of you who feel comfy around a bunch of women seem to come across as know-it-alls who show up to teach us how to think.
We like to learn from men just as we enjoy showing men a different perspective too. Kinda reminds me of a bit of CATCH UP HELL!
Now...I try and accommodate most folks around here and I go for a long, long time before I start tapping someone on their shoulders unless they jump out the gate crazy. We have men on here all the time who have differing opinions and, since we trust them, we're cool.
The key word here? TRUST.
Imma need yall to build up some trust. Oh...and Imma need Rooted On Clouds to tuck a whole lot of his weird ish in or his mic is going to be cut off.
And stay out my damn inbox with crazy ish. I check that account once a week and if 9/10s of the emails in there are from you...that is BAT.SHAT.CRAZY.
Stop doing crazy ish.
So again...welcome and ish. Just because we're mostly a bunch of women does not mean we were sitting around all weak and whatnot waiting on Captain Save-A-Ho to rescue us from the murky depths of failure. As a Black woman I've noted that mainstream media is doing a good job in that position.
Be helpful and recognize the responsibility of your "VOICE."
Thank you in advance cuz I AIN'T gonna tell yall one 'mo 'gin.
What say you about Slim's comment on the "Married to be Married" post?
Slim has left you a comment:
I really believe women are at fault here. More women rush into marriages than men. Women sometimes put lots of pressure on men to marry and in some cases don't even think about what's going on. Once a women hits 30, it an all out race against the clock. It's sad, but true. I am somewhat rambling here. But when you think about it, the moment a women is engaged, there is no longer a focus on the relationship because all the foucs has to now be on planning a silly wedding. People need to shack up before getting married. You really don't know someone until you live with them. Many people, who have not shacked, have told me they almost did not make it throught that first year, because they had no idea.
Two years ago Morehouse (a private university) decided a dress code was needed because students of the prestigious university had lost their ever-loving-minds. Seems the menfolk were wearing sagging pants, pajamas bottoms with t-shirts and flip flops to class. The new administration got annoyed when some of them walked around and saw their version of the talented tenth looking more like they were scattered around a crack house waiting on Pookie to bring them their fix.
I was cool with that.
I'm the type of adult that will tell a young man to pull up his pants in public. I always make sure I tell him in a way that doesn't embarrass him in front of others but yeah...I tell him.
And they pull up their pants.
So yeah...I was cool with that. It's Morehouse ya know? MOREHOUSE. Respect the legacy.
Last week Morehouse found themselves needing to CLARIFY the dress code a bit by adding the following rules:
Bryn Keith is holding a workshop to help you keep your stride STANK in a recession by showing you 6 looks from 1 suit! If you're not familiar with Mr. Keith you should be. Custom HotNESS is his specialty and he makes it look effortless. Women...let your menfolk know!
If any of you go anywhere with my boy E or my nephew Myles...you will see them break their neck trying to get to the door before a woman to open it. Why? Because their family makes sure they know what a man is sposed to do in order to command RESPECT as a man.
Folks walking around here with all that false bravado and say bruh...we usually don't need that. Take me for instance. I'm sweet and sour. I came pretty close to training to compete in kickboxing so I'm okay. And besides that...I have running on LOCK! ("When I Move You Move").
Men...there are little things women expect you to handle and if you're a man...you will handle it without preamble knowing we shouldn't have to TELL you what you sposed to be doing.
Now I know some people didn't have the type of parents who enforced this way of thinking...but that's no excuse. Why? Because if you're a grown azz man you can use Mr. Google and I'm certain you've been exposed to SOMEONE who is doing it right.
Can I get an Amen? Amen.
Aiight. A few of my pet peeves and I'm sure the Divas will help school you on a few things as well.
1. When you are walking along a street with a woman...you need to be on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Now if a car splashes water on yall...the damsel won't get wet. Before you get to balking...when is the last time a car has splashed water on you? Exactly. Shut up and walk on the right side.
2. Always...ALWAYS open the car door. Now I know this has gotten kinda laxed and these days it's perfectly fine to not open the door upon exiting the car unless you're on side of a busy street or there is water or snow and she'll need your hand to help steady her...but always...ALWAYS do it upon getting IN the car. Cool?
3. Always open doors, step to the side and let her enter. If other folks are coming out...she will step to the side and wait on you while you let them out. (Too many folks trying to come out while you're holding the door and you have SIP's permission to cut the fool. Not MY permission mind ya...but SIP's.)
4. When a woman goes shopping and hits the front door...you need to make your way outside and get the rest of the packages.
5. Never, EVER let a woman carry something heavy. Matter-of-fact...if you aren't carrying anything and she is (besides her purse) um...Imma need you to handle up on that hotboy.
6. Take out the trash.
7. A woman should never have to wash her own car unless she wants to.
8. Outside stuff if your job playa. What man wants his woman to have callluses on her hands? Um...can you say NOT cute?
9. Snow shoveling? No comment. You ALREADY know.
10. It snowed last night right? Get up and clean off the cars if you don't have a garage or a teenage boy. BOTH cars.
11. Call and let folks know when you get somewhere when traveling. We don't need to worry whether or not you got there safe.
12. When you're at a nice dinner and she has to get up...GET YO AZZ UP HELL! At least push your chair back and put your napkin on the table like you were GONNA! Sheesh!
13. At a nice dinner...pull her chair out for her when being seated. And don't sit your azz down until ALL women have been seated. (Don't start eating until everyone has been served either...but I know yall KNOW this right? The only time it's acceptable is when something has delayed the meal of one person and everyone's food is hot. Do.NOT.make.me.cut.you.)
14. Keep yo dang nails clean please. Thank you.
15. If it's cold and she's cold...offer her your jacket. MAN UP! Hell. She prolly won't take it. BUT...you NEED to offer it.
16. Don't curse around women you're trying to date seriously.
17. Be respectful of her parents.
18. Do NOT act a donkey's butt if you go to visit her parent's home and you can't sleep in the same room with her if yall ain't married. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. DO.NOT.MAKE.ME.CUT.YOU.
19. When you visit a woman's parents for the first time...TAKE GIFTS. Flowers for the mother...wine for the father.
20. Help out...as much as possible...whenever possible...doing what the hell ever.
A chick I know gets her hair shaped up at the barber shop. She was offended by a conversation that was going on while she was there and asked my opinion. I was like...hey...what do you expect? It's the barber shop. Pretty much it's the place men go to gossip with each other without them thinking it's actually gossiping. ROFL!
Then she had the nerve to get mad at me!
What say you? CAN you get offended and expect something different at the barber shop than their business as usual? Or do you need to just bring a book, tune up your ipod and zone out till it's your turn? Doesn't everyone know the barber shop is MAN ZONE?
I woke up this morning after having a medicinal induced sleep. I broke down at the last minute and took something for my back so I could sleep better and called it a night.
It's cold and raining here and even the yellow walls of my bedroom, which usually make me smile, didn't warm my spirits after I checked my email.
Skater sent me an email from an addy I'm sure he/she just made up and put me in a foul azz mood. Was it because of what was said? No because I know Skater doesn't know or "know" me and therefore nothing he/she says about me would ever hurt me. It was HOW he/she said it.
Skater's email was so hard to read because of the use of language and grammar. It was so hard to read that I kinda COULDN'T get the meaning of what he/she was even TRYING to say.
I used to have a friend that would email me issues they were having at work trying to get promoted. Now I can read typo very well. Hell...we all make mistakes in spelling...but her ish was all OVER the place and I'm thinking to myself...that's your problem right there. The written word is powerful and really is a very good gauge of your level of intelligence. Sentence structure is basic and if you don't have the basics down...you're pretty doomed for the rest of your life in your writing because the person reading it will assume you're not too bright.
I remember a friend who was a teacher once showing me a letter a parent wrote to her regarding her child. After reading the letter...there was no wonder why the child was falling so behind in school when the parent seemed to be one of those parents who was involved with their child's education. Basically...how can YOU teach your child the proper use of words if you don't know it yourself?
The written word is powerful bruh.
I know I think faster than I type and sometimes I re-read something I've wrote and find typos out the wazoo...but the difference is...I RECOGNIZE my mistakes and if I'm dealing with something or someone and want to get my point across...I double check my work before I click SEND.
If you're having issues in this department, you should google adult business writing classes in your area. That, coupled with REAL reading and a style manual is going to be the only thing that would help you.
From Skater's email I have determined that he/she is EXTREMELY challenged in this area and it's sad because he/she claimed to have graduated from college. Just goes to show to me that the education system is failing certain people and it's probably because these certain people are going along through life NOT HAVING BETTER EXPECTATIONS FOR THEMSELVES AND ACCEPT MEDIOCRE WITHOUT SPEAKING UP FOR THEMSELVES. And this is where we come full circle.
Skater was upset because we listed things that we feel a man should know to do. Let me point out that Lord Hannibal seemed to have an issue with this too. Prior to that comment by LH...I had one opinion of him...that opinion has changed and now I'm looking at his OBVIOUSLY INTELLIGENT azz side-eyed. Why? Because based on his writing I would assume he would know better and that that list was redundant to him because it was how he carried himself...you know...as a GENTLEMAN.
Why has being a gentleman become something bad? You're a PUNK because you cherish ("How to be CHERISHED") your woman? Nah playa...in my book that makes you a MAN.
The difference with Skater and LH is that I know I can have an intelligent debate with LH. With Skater...it's not something I'm willing to try because I know all he/she would focus on is the negative...and not to the message involved. And we ALL know how much I HATE STOOPIT PEOPLE.
I'm up now because I slept so long and I am NOT in a good mood. SIP is prolly gonna take over the site now and I feel for anyone playing games or saying stoopit ish.
LH...I'm ready to dance with you. I've been waiting ever since you said what you said about what you would tell an overweight woman. You choose. You know I'm pretty damn fit so I can salsa, mamba, cha-cha...whatever. Let's dance. Today it's gonna be all about you. Why? Because you're smart enough to know that if I didn't care I wouldn't say ish and you know that the debate will be a learning experience for all involved.
I'm going to ask two simple questions to get us started.
1. Why did you have a problem with my list?
2. Why do YOU think you're not married yet?
P.S. Skater, I simply wish you enlightenment and the next time you visit a site I suggest you poke around a bit and read before getting in on the mix. Smooches.