I was recently visiting one of my favorite websites for purchasing the lil' mamas' clothing and I saw this swimsuit advertised for toddlers and little girls. Is it just me (I tend to be conservative in the swimsuit department for our girls) or is this a bit much for a toddler swim suit? It looks more like lingerie to me. Why would someone make this? And why would someone by it? o_O
This is disturbing because it seems to me that these kids have an amazing amount of freedom to be themselves already and yet...he wants more freedom? At age 14? And ain't nobody abusing him or messing over his money?
Thoughts?
SIP: I hope this isn't true.
Do YOU know any bad parents?
Not necessarily parents who do things differently from how YOU parent but straight up, seriously bad parents?
The type who put themselves before their children? The type who just want things to be convenient for THEM no matter how it affects their children? Who let the kids raise themselves just so they don't have to deal with any crazy ish from them? Parents who are more interested in what is going on with their own personal life and could care less about their child's personal growth?
Or, are you like me, and try and stick to the belief that ALL parents want better for their children than they have/had and are simply working with what they have?
Pretty much all of the parents I know go above and beyond for their kids. I mean...they jump through HOOPS for their kids so it's really difficult for me to see the other side of this and not be confused as hell as to why all parents aren't that way.
So again...do you know any bad parents? Why do you think they are that way? Do you think it's something THEY experienced or they just seriously don't give a flying heck? OR...could it be that they tried and tried and then decided that since they weren't good at it...to just stop trying?
I'm at the pool with Coley and K.
When we checked in, a woman was trying to get the resident prices when her address on her driver's license didn't support her claim.
It's pretty cut and dried.
She was mad because it was almost double what she thought she'd pay.
But she paid.
She was then told that she had to be IN the pool with the 5 year old she had with her and that she couldn't wear street clothes on the pool deck. She had 3 kids with her.
She's currently on the pool deck with her feet in the hot tub. Her pants are pulled up so she doesn't get them wet.
The 5 year old is in the 5 ft. pool area with the other two kids and she's flipping through a magazine clear on the other side of the pool.
Here is my question to you...do you think it's important to follow the rules when you're with your kids? You know...if the rules were CLEARLY stated to you in front of the kids? Do you think that, should your kids see you breaking the rules...they will be more likely to break rules? Even YOUR rules?
Would you encourage your son to attend an all male college? Hampden-Sydney College
Last weekend I was in Houston to watch the newest member of my framily be dedicated to God and to become his Godmommy. After the church ceremony, we had a get together and had a blast.
We were sitting around after the main crowd of people left. We'd cleaned up pretty well and were pretty much just chilling. At one point we looked around the table and pretty much just started counting our blessings. You know...just grateful that we were all doing so well. Around this table were executives with entrepreneurial spirit. From the friend who is pretty high up the food chain in the oil industry and who boils crawfish on the side for parties, to the friends who were deep in corporate America and getting their own startup off the ground and to me...a filmmaker.
We talked about challenges we'd faced and continue to face and we bounced a lot of stuff off each other as well got advice from each other regarding taxes, investments, etc. We pondered if we ever thought, back in the day in the Quad, if we'd all still be together following our dreams, helping each other, being the village we all are as it relates to family and kids, etc.
The answer was pretty much...yeah...we knew. We all knew we had a pretty unshakable bond.
A couple of months ago Shelly Bean queried out loud that she was trying to figure out to do with Coley for Spring Break. She just started a new job so she couldn't take the week off to do stuff with him and neither could her parents. Spring Break camp was a possibility, of course, but honestly...that was gonna cost a grip for the week. I told her that if she couldn't find anything she wanted to do...she could send him here and I'd make sure he had a good time, of course, and she'd get a mommy break for a week.
Before I got off the phone good...his itinerary was in my inbox.
COLE'S COMING! LOL!
Yesterday was our Anniversary and Robby and I were sitting around talking about our blessings. Our village / tribe was certainly way up high on the list. We knew that should we need help with anything, we've surrounded ourselves with smart, resourceful, connected people and we've all grown together with love, respect and trust. I thought about the myriad of options all of these kids we have in our village / tribe have because of all of the connections their family and framily have and I recognize the possibilities are endless for them. I know for sure, if one of these kids say they want to be a filmmaker...they are going to start IMMEDIATELY growing in that area cuz their T-Monnie will put it right up in front of them. We discussed how cool it was that Shelly could send Coley here because she has options and is financially stable but...in the event she couldn't afford to send him and still needed help...we'd have done what was needed in order to make sure she still had options.
Cuz that's how we get down.
Shelly: How much money do I need to send with Cole?
SIP: *RADIO.SILENCE* *HARD.STARE*
I know someone who had to back up off a friend because the friend was single and dating. Well...the friend was a very attractive woman who attracted lots of male attention but, for whatever reason, the friend was never in a relationship. The friend always wished it would work out with Guy A or Guy B but it hadn't and the person I know got tired of the friend always bringing a new man around her children. She didn't know how to ask her friend to come to things alone and it ended up becoming an issue with her husband. In the end...her husband ended up telling her that he wasn't comfortable with his daughter seeing her with so many different men (and keep in mind...it may have only been 3 or 4 different guys per year) and it wasn't up for debate. Until she was dating someone she had a commitment with, he'd prefer her to not bring anyone over to their home.
And it didn't go over all that well.
I thought about that thinking to myself that hey...that's kinda unfair if she's single and dating and WANTS a relationship but then I guess I started looking at it from a parent's point of view and well...I guess I got it. He wanted to make sure his children's village was strong and that they saw the most positive images whenever possible. She's a good person and she is more than welcome to come over...she just can't bring over Chuck, Jack or Shawn.
I get that.
All this rambling is basically to say that I guess it's pretty important who's in your Tribe / Village and a lot of people recognize that. What do YOU think? Do you have a Tribe / Village or do you pretty much keep it immediate family only? Do you think YOU'D ever ask a friend to stop bringing casual dates around your children?
I met a 30 year old woman this morning with kids ages 18, 16 and 15.
Now you do the math as I did.
What's the youngest age you know of someone getting pregnant?
Are pregnant 12 year olds that common?
I'm working on something about "Soft Kids" in response to things I've seen and heard for a minute now especially here on the blog.
I don't know many teenagers who are together you know? Like...if they had to strike out and do some things on their own...they'd be azzed out because it seems their critical thinking skills just aren't all that great it seems. You know...like the stuff that is important to them doesn't help them develop these skills at all and well...they seem throwed the hell off more and more.
I've been around kids who can't even remember where the vehicle was parked that the just got out of 10 minutes ago. Like...they don't even remember what the vehicle looks like even if they've been in said vehicle a gamillion times before. How do you not notice what kinda car you ride in?
And the bullying. Yes...it's a big f'ing deal in lots of instances but kids can't seem to even be able to figure out how to flip the script. I said something to a friend recently about an instance where a girl was deciding that a random day was "IGNORE A CLASSMATE DAY" and she'd just pick someone and all of the kids would ignore that kid all day. My friend immediately said...the kids need to find out something about her life that would embarrass the shit outta her and tell the other kids. I mean sure...it's not an ideal solution but would it have worked? Probably. Did the kids think of this? No. Just no counter action AT.ALL. and let the chick rule the classroom being evil.
I know I get annoyed with E and he's a pretty smart kid. LIke...if I tell him to do something I have to tell him all of the steps to do it. I can't just say, E...take the garbage out. I have to say, E...take the garbage bag out of the can and tie it up, look under the sink and get another garbage bag and put it in making sure you tuck the top around the top of the can, close the lid, take the bag out to the outside garbage can on side of the house and put it in the can and then put the top back on it.
If I don't say it SPECIFICALLY like that...some bullshit is gonna go down that will make me question his sanity.
Having this conversation with my friends uncovered a whole gamut of things they are disappointed in with teenagers of today being soft. One friend feels like her friend isn't a fighter and she blames herself. She says that every problem he's ever had she's been able to throw money at it because she wanted to be a good parent and give her child the tools to succeed. If he was having trouble in class she hired him a private tutor or put him in an after school tutoring program for additional help. She says he's okay with just doing okay when she's competitive as hell and want him to be as well.
One friend shared the differences between her and her brother. How she has IT but her brother doesn't even though they were raised by the same mother.
And it goes on and on.
What, in your opinion, makes some kids SOFT and unable to figure ish out? How can the same kids be raised in the same environment yet one be SOFT and the other not? How can a kid who has a parent who has always excelled and whose parent has always focused on their CHILD excelling...end up being SOFT?
What do you think of the SOFT kids?
Some of the harshest things I've ever heard of said woman-to-woman have been from mothers to their adult daughters. From an outsider looking in, you can tell the mother didn't mean anything by it and that yes...she loves her daughter very, very much, but if you talk to the daughter later, you'll find that she was a bit cut by the remark.
I asked around about this recently and a lot of my friends agreed that their mother can say some cutting stuff to them often about their style, their hair, their size, their job, their relationships, their parenting, just...pretty much...all of their choices.
What about you? Does your mother say things to you that cuts? Things no one else would DARE say to you? Does it hurt you? Are you able to recognize that your mother loves you...those are just words in no particular order?
Do you keep this in mind when you're talking to YOUR children?
After posting a few questions on Facebook and asking people directly about what people perceive their childhood to have been, I've been receiving lots of emails and messages.
(NOTE: I'm working on something regarding so have just been asking general questions. Pretty surprised at how much people are opening up. It's as if they NEED to talk to someone about this.)
One message I received has really stood out to me and is leaning on me. I didn't know a lot of what was revealed in my questioning and was shocked because the person who said it is one of the most positive personalities I know. I sent the person a video of a Joel Osteen sermon which really speaks to me and their response is REALLY leaning on me. With their permission...I'm posting an altered version:
Thanks. This is just what I needed to hear today, for many reasons. I plan to listen to it again tomorrow. I used to write affirmations and post them on my bathroom mirror to read over and over again, until I believed them. There are some things in this sermon that I may need to write down or just listen to over and over again. I have worked so very hard to overcome so much... so much that no one really knows about. It's hard to keep it all in, so I have been sharing my story lately and trying to understand how these things have affected me.
I think that memories of my childhood are on my mind so much lately, because with my Mom becoming older, sicker and needing more help, the devil is as active as ever. He has been reminding me that I am extending myself so much for my Mom who told me that "she never wanted a 4th child, who moved out of the house when I was in the 5th grade, who stole money from me, who never gave me one red cent when I was in college, who...... it goes on and on. I have to rise above these experiences and memories and just do what I can and forgive. She is still my Mother and God has blessed me with the means to help, so I help. The issue is, I really don't have the means like I used to (not making the kind of money that I used to), so it's a struggle. This sermon helps me to remember that God has a plan for my life and the way that things are now are not what He planned for me. I have to believe that things will get better and I have to get my fire back. I put plans in place, but sometimes... most times I just get stuck. I will fight to get my fire back, work my plan and start to visualize myself where and how I want to be. There can't be faith without action.
This sermon is more timely than you could ever imagine!
You have to know this person to really understand why it is leaning on me so tough. See...the person is one of the most postive and encouraging people ever. Like...she can even be OVERLY encouraging if such a thing actually exists. To hear them say they are getting stuck and that the devil is messing with their progress is really not something I'd ever think would happen to them. I mean...I know of a lot of their story and what they've overcome but learning of this just made me even prouder of them even as I'm trying to figure out a way to respond so they understand how strong I think they are and how I know they won't allow this to stop them. Truth be told...there is a lot. So much so that it's overwhelming for me to even THINK about so knowing how much the person does and deals with proves how much of a HERO and a SURVIVOR they truly are.
That said...help me out here. Help the inboxer out. What would you say to someone who suffered from abuse as a child and is now the sole caretaker of the parent who abused them? Remember...abuse isn't just physical and emotional abuse can be just as and even moreso damaging in some cases.
Would YOUR parents be surprised at your perception of your childhood?
In YOUR opinion...what should you put first...your marriage or your children?
SIP: Is this a debate only rich people can have?
Your kids are 8 and 10 and you've decided to not have anymore children. Their cribs and baby clothes/toys are stored in your basement and taking up space you could use. What would YOU do with these things?
Shelly and Coley took some AMAZING pictures recently that just made me smile! Isn't this picture AWESOME.SAUCE????? LOL! THis is my FAVORITE one from the bunch cuz it's TOTALLY their personalities!
When's the last time YOU took family pictures? How'd you find your photographer? What did you do with your favorites from the session?
Did yall know that the free lunch at some schools differs from the regular lunch so the kids on the free lunch program are easily identified by other students?
How does one scare straight a suburban "cherished" kid who never, ever, ever sees what life can be like for those who are seriously struggling?
Do you have other mothers that you discuss raising children with? Do you consider it an important part of being a good parent?
You sacrifice a lot to be able to send your child to an exclusive private school.
A.LOT.
Your child is always invited to birthday parties of his/her classmates which are over the top as only people with major discretional income can have.
Each birthday party is seriously topping the next one and it blows your mind.
Your child's birthday is coming up.
You want to make sure your child has a good birthday, of course.
How do you handle? Would having a family only party be a good idea in YOUR opinion?
Are your kids SMART, are they really good students or both?
Which were/are you?
What study habits do they have which you think are awesome?
What Smart Students Know: Maximum Grades. Optimum Learning. Minimum Time.
When you were in college, if you didn't stay with your parents, how often did you speak to them?
Those of you with kids in college...how often do you speak with them?
I know someone who is trying to get their kid to be less of a slob and help out around the house.
The kid is 12.
I wondered about the types of chores the kid has had up to now and asked...
Her: Well...he's a kid so I really haven't made him do too much because he can't and he always does a horrible job so I just do it.
I just nodded my head.
SIP: Well...I side eyed the hell outta her and was like...GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!
When did YOU start implementing chores with your kids?
At what ages were they responsible for what?
How did/do you reward them IF you reward them for completing their chores?
How do you punish them for not doing their chores?
Do they still have chores if they're really involved in other activities like sports?
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