Rantings of a Creole Princess

Pat Robinson: "...he cheated on you...well he's a man..."

Crazy Pebbles?

A.  If a guy tells you that his mother doesn't want to meet you because she doesn't have teeth and she's trying to get some and a new wig...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

B.  If you're on a dinner date and your date pulls his money out of his sock to pay the bill...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

C.  If you're on a lunch date with a guy and he has to outrun the repo man while you're in the car...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

D.  If a guy tells you that he doesn't go on any vacations other than the Tom Joyner Family Reunion cruise each year...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

E.  If a guy has a love/hate relationship with his mother where he talks about her negatively to you but is always doing stuff for her...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

F.  If a woman calls a man's phone 3 times in an hour but doesn't leave a message...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

G.  If a guy has more pron in his home than books...would you consider that a crazy pebble?

Dating 101: Beware the Crazy Pebbles

I was talking to someone about dating and sharing that the most important part...IN MY OPINION...is taking your time to get to know the person just dating without trying to force anything.  No jumping right into a relationship cuz you're single and they're single.  See...I feel like you need to give the crazy pebbles a chance to surface so you know exactly what you're dealing with.

And then...it got kinda gray because I couldn't really explain exactly what I was trying to say.

See...you know I believe that God sends you pebbles before He hits you with a brick.

Crazy pebbles too.

The thing about crazy pebbles that's most important is how YOU are able to deal with them.

So I used a for example...

What say YOU?

You got YOUR ticket?

Dear Women:

Here are a few things you should keep in mind:

1.  If he'll cheat on her with you...he'll cheat on you with NEW BOOTY.

2.  You should know a man's full name before you sleep with him.  If a dude won't tell you his middle name...he's not thinking anywhere next to near long term with you.

3.  If every time you ask a question, a man tries to shut you up with a kiss.  He doesn't give a damn what your concerns are.

4.  If you can't ever get him on the phone when you call him...he has a woman and you're not her.

5.  If he doesn't want to meet your friends...he's not into you.

Chapter Two - "Somebody in yo family had nappy hair befoe!"

Women...lemme tell yall why none of yall have men? (Yes...I know that was a question mark,)

Cuz you don't keep yourself up.  Listen.  When you go to the gym you need to have on your push up bra with glitter betwix your breastasus and get you some of them sneakers with heels on them.  When you go to sleep at night...comb your hair and put on makeup.  Men shouldn't have to see you bare faced with your hair tied up.  Just NO!

Sitting around the house in lounging pajamas?  NO!  BALL GOWNS DAMMIT!  BALL GOWNS!

Men shouldn't have to do anything.  You should go to work, keep a perfect house, keep the chirrens clean and quiet and then be ready to make a sans ropas tape after!

While you're at it...CHANGE THE OIL IN THE VEHICLES TOO!

Damn yall with all this compromising and helping fantasies.  MEN.ARE.KING!  THEY.KNOW.EVERY.SINGLE.THING!

Scenario from real life...

You and your husband struggle financially for years while trying to get his career as a comedian/actor off the ground.

Money was so tight yall were sometimes homeless.

You stuck in there with him.

Even while his fonky azz was allegedly cheating with women who had no problem telling folks who they were cheating with.

16 years later...he decides he doesn't want to be married to you anymore.

And then he marries one of his jump offs.

Dude is now making MILLIONS of dollars telling women how to ack as a RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!  He has targeted women and have a whole lot of them thinking he is the hottest shit walking and they should listen to him because he's soooooooooo clean cut and good and only wants to HELP them.

Your money is waaaay funny now.

Would YOU do something to make some of those millions by exposing who your ex-husband TRULY is?

Or would you leave it alone and let karma deal with him and figure out another way to make some money?

Chapter One - "If you won't fold his laundry who will?"

On Saturday night I decided that I was going to be a RELATIONSHIP EXPERT.

Hate if you want to.  Once I get this book deal and my tour and appearances all book'd up...you'll see!

Here is my idea for the basics surrounding Chapter One:

All single women are jealous of you because you are married and you need to guard your husband at all times!  If you leave him alone with a single woman LORD KNOWS she will seduce him because all they want is another woman's husband!  DON'T LET THEM CHICKS IN YOUR HOUSE CHILD!  Husbands just ain't strong enough to be able to fend them off!  MENZ AND WOMENZ CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITHOUT CHAPERONES!  SOMEBODY IS GONNA SLIP UP AND MAKE A BABY!

JUST WATCH AND SEE!

You single women that THINK you're not after someone's husband...just you wait till you're around someone's huZbun.  You will feel an irresistible urge to strip nekid and lay up like pron star!  So yeah...yall need to stay from 'round wymenz huZbuns.

GONE NOW!

Whatchu think?  What should Chapter Two be about?  Any snappy titles you can think of?

 

 

Dr. Monica Mingo, SIPh.D - Relationship Expert

I've decided to become a Relationship Expert.

To make me more official-er...I'm also going to call myself a Dr. as in my first name.  Monica shall be my middle name.  Mingo...last.  SIPh.D are the initials behind my name that I'm going to use officially.

The title of my first book shall be called...

"Keep Ya Titty In Ya Bra...and other words of wisdom."

Send me money.

Buy my product.

Coming soon.

I mean cuz really...the only criteria it seems you need in order to call yourself a RELATIONSHIP EXPERT...is just to call yourself one right?

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

o_0