Rantings of a Creole Princess

Do you want a man or a mannequin?

A woman I know stopped talking to me after I was really blunt with her about something.  Like...there wasn't a fallout or anything...she just stopped talking to me.  She didn't call, didn't write, nothing.  Just radio silence.  

I understand radio silence.

Since I was so busy I wasn't even keeping up well with family and FRAMILY...I didn't really even notice she'd stopped talking to me.

She called me recently and I was driving so I answered the phone.  I was all like...heeeeeeey!  I've been meaning to check in with you!  How's it going?

And she was like...um...I wasn't talking to you.

And I was like...DA HELL?  Why weren't you talking to me?

And she was all like...cuz the last time we spoke...you hurt my feelings.

AAAAARRRRUUUUUUU?????

News to me.

Doghouse

My husband is in the doghouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Why you ask?

Because he accused me of lying and cheating on him...hypothetically.  

Take this Shovel...

I've been hit on my fair share as a woman and pretty much felt like I'd heard it all.  It doesn't bother me unless it was disrespectful and I usually keep it moving without a second thought.

I was hit on recently in a way that made me think about it...A LOT.

I was walking back to my truck through the parking lot at the Amish Market and a black 745 BMW rolled up slowly next to me.  Dude rolled down his window and said, "I thought me and you were going shopping today?"

I was so startled that my head jerked up and I looked him dead in the eye and, for once, I found myself speechless.  I mean...there wasn't a damn thing I could think of saying.  I mean...sure...I can think of a crap load of stuff NOW that I could have said to him but I was seriously startled that that was how he rolled up on me.

I kept it moving.

But that shit made me go...WOW.

I mean...it's obviously worked for him before right?  And that made me go...hmmmmmmmm...

I've discussed with several of my friends who all agree that yeah...old boy prolly gets much play leading with that one in this economy.  Hey...even The Robinator was like...

Robby:  You should have told him to meet you at Best Buy  and got us one of those SONOS CONNECT Wireless Music Streaming System and a new Bose system.

Me:  *SIDE.EYE.OF.DEATH!*

SIP:  Hey...he's got a good point.  Might as well use it till you lose it.

N.E.WAY!

So yeah...I thought about that A LOT!

Since people are so quick to call a woman a gold digger if the man has more money than the woman and showers her with gifts from the lifestyle he's accustomed to...what should we call the men who proffer up fruits from this lifestyle right from the get go?  I mean...this was bold as HELL!  There has got to be a word for this right?  

Has something like this happened RIGHT OFF THE BAT to any of yall?  How'd you handle?  Have you ever ended up dating someone who showered you with expensive gifts RIGHT OFF THE BAT and seriously grown to love them?

Have you EVER...taken the shovel they handed you?

Meet the Parents

When you met your S/O's parents...where was it?  Restaurant?  Their home?  Event?  Was it a big deal?  Did you bring a gift?

Scenario...

You're married.

Your husband wants a motorcycle.

He says he won't get one if you're against it.

Is he getting a motorcycle?

Question...

If you found out your S/O went to a Happy Hour they didn't tell you about...would you be pissed?

Question...

Do you know women like this?

Me:  Girl!  Have you heard about that book called "Shades of Grey?"

Woman:  No.  Is it good?  What's it about?

Me:  From what I've read...it's considered "mommy pron."

Woman:  What?  Like...nasty stuff?

Me:  Yup.  

Woman:  No...my husband would never allow that.

Me: Oh...okay.

 

Argue just to argue...

I know of some people who are probably going to get a divorce.

The main reason?

One of them likes to argue just to argue and the other one is tired of it.

I was confused.  

No cheating, no beating, no money problems, none of that.

Just sick of arguing about the simplest things all the time.

What say you?  Good enough reason to get a divorce IN YOUR OPINION?

Husband Posts Wife's Embarrassing Mile Per Hour Video

What say you?

Married Friends

You know how you have different "groups" of friends?  Like...you have your book club friends, your ladies who lunch friends, your college friends, etc?

Well...I have a group of friends who bring me JOY.  I'm talking...the kinda joy you can't make up if you tried.  They're younger than I am and none of them are married and they have some very interesting ideas of what they think married life is like.

And it always makes me laugh.

For instance...they think only old people are married so I have to remind them I was about their age when I knew my guy was the one.  They also think marriage is boring.  Like we sit around burping and farting all day saying nothing to each other.  Now...there is burping and farting mind you...but it's okay cuz ain't nobody trying to get air bubbles in their chest and stomach trying to pretend they don't have to burp or fart.

Fill in the blank...

I knew he loved me when _______.

Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe on Marriage!

This was cute. She's a brave woman because I know I couldn't trust Robby to do this. LOL! I'd be so scared what that fool was gonna say! LOLOLOLOLOL! Whew! Seriously. Would you agree to do this with YOUR husband without a script?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

If you had to leave home for a month for work...would your husband (S/O) remember to change the sheets without you reminding him?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever been successful at scaling back a relationship?  Like...you'd already been doing sessy times and then decided yall moved too fast and needed to be friends without sessy times involved?

Scenario...

You feel strongly about something.

Your spouse feels strongly AGAINST it.

How do you handle?

Scenario...

You married the love of your life for all the right reasons.

It didn't work out.

You're friends and have a very good co-parenting relationship.

Your ex-husband wants to get engaged to the woman he loves.

He wants to give her an engagement ring.

He wants it to be the family heirloom ring he gave YOU. 

Wait...his MOTHER wants it to be the family heirloom ring he gave you.

His mother never really liked you all that much but she LURVES her grandchild to pieces.

He is willing to pay you for it because he's a good guy and feels weird asking.

What would YOU do?

Question...

Your spouse's favorite entertainer is coming to town.

You don't particularly care for the entertainer.

Your spouse mentions that they would like to go to the show.

What would YOU do?

Question about Nagging...

When does reminding and having expectations of your spouse become NAGGING?

Question...

What's the ideal height you'd like an S/O to be?

Stay-At-Home Mother Dream

If a woman really wants to be a stay-at-home mother...do you think this is something she should discuss with men she's dating?  Or do you think this is something which would push men away in 2012?

Scenario...Don't start none...won't be none...

Your husband goes to work and comes home.

He usually calls when he's on his way home.

The latest he's ever really been is around 7pm.

It's 7:00pm and you haven't heard from him.

You call...and he doesn't answer.

It's 7:30pm and you call again.

He doesn't answer.

How do you handle?

What say YOU?

Why You're Not Married

"If you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long."

Are relationships MUCH easier when...

I  have a chain of thought which is ongoing and makes me kinda uncomfortable...

See...I know someone who was dating someone who's ideas regarding everyday normal things were completely different from theirs.

For instance...the person they were dating was raised by the type of family who would say something really awkward like, "Yall act like White people." because YOUR family did normal things like...eat dinner at the table and go on family vacations.

So...during the course of the relationship, there would be things noticed that would make one really focus and work really hard to not make them feel as if something was wrong with the way they were raised or the choices they made.  EVEN though  one would be scratching their head like...WTF?????? But sitting there trying to pretend like you're not making judgements in your head cuz yeah...that's wrong.

Right?

I'll be right back...the phone is ringing...

OKAY...back.  I discussed this with the person who just called and they said I'm trying to be too politically correct here and that I should just say what we all know to be true which is...it's very rare when a woman who was raised in a middle class environment can have a successful relationship with a man who was raised for real poor.  Like...it would be different if the MAN was the one raised middle class and the woman was raised for real poor because then the man would be secure in his role as a "teacher" instead of the man holding on to all sorts of insecurities thinking the woman thinks she's "better than" him cuz then...he'd try and either A...pull the woman down to his level so he could feel like nothing was wrong with the way he was raised and lives or B...use her up while dealing with women on the side who were more on his level or below so he could have that "manly" feeling.

Hmmmmm...

I don't know if that's what I'm really trying to say, cuz again, I'm simply trying to work it all out in my head, but I guess that's headed in the direction.

This post has absolutely no point.  LOL!  My apologies for even putting it here for you to read.  I'm still very confused and...I suspect you are too.

The question I was thinking about (before I ran the wrong way with the ball) was:  Are relationships MUCH easier when you don't have major economic and societal differences in the way?  Is it fair to either person to be with someone they are always explaining things to because the other TRULY doesn't understand?????????????

 

 

Question about LURVE...

Do you believe someone who hurts you could truly love you too?

Question...

Do you and your S/O have a television in your bedroom?  Whose side is the remote usually on?

Response to someone in my inbox:

I responded to a message from one of my adopted little sisters and SIP thought this was something others needed to read too:

It's hard being a grown up and live life with boundaries and character. It's so easy to do what everyone else does because even though you know in your heart it isn't right...it feels good. Live life the way you would want your daughter to live her life. You would want the best for her right? RIGHT. Want the best for you too. Get your ducks right and the right one for you will show up. I never did the things the "cool" girls did and yet...I was still able to find happiness with a husband who cherishes me and whom I cherish and it's GOOD. VERY.GOOD. Don't let what happens in the lives of others make you do things differently. You're not a follower...you're a leader.

 

Dear Women:

Here are a few things you should keep in mind:

1.  If he'll cheat on her with you...he'll cheat on you with NEW BOOTY.

2.  You should know a man's full name before you sleep with him.  If a dude won't tell you his middle name...he's not thinking anywhere next to near long term with you.

3.  If every time you ask a question, a man tries to shut you up with a kiss.  He doesn't give a damn what your concerns are.

4.  If you can't ever get him on the phone when you call him...he has a woman and you're not her.

5.  If he doesn't want to meet your friends...he's not into you.

GTFOOHWTBS!

I've been annoyed with a man I know since Thanksgiving.  He did something that I VEHEMENTLY disagreed with and didn't show any remorse at all.  Like...he totally felt like he was perfectly within his rights to do what he did.

AFTER Thanksgiving I got PISSED with another man I know.  Like...so mad...I was standing a foot away from him and clenched my teeth together so that I said as little as possible because I knew...based on how ANGRY I was regarding what he'd done and what he CONTINUED to express with his actions and body language...I would have picked up something and started beating the crap out of him.

And based on his reaction when I walked up...he knew it too.

Scenario...

Your awesome guy asks you to marry him.

You panic and tell him no.

Overnight you figure out that you're just scared and stupid.

You rush over to his place the next morning and tell him that you were simply scared and that YES you'll marry him.

He looks at you coldly and says:  I didn't ask you.

You:  Yes you did.  Last night.

Him:  And you said no.  And today I've had a change of heart.

What do you do?

Scenario...

You're on vacation with your guy.

You're having a really amazing time.

You go for a moonlit walk on the beach and it's just so amazingly PERFECT.

Like...some movie ish.

In the moment he looks at you and tells you he'd like to spend the rest of his life making you happy and asks you to marry him.

It wasn't planned.

It was completely spontaneous and oh, so romantic.

You love him.

He loves you.

He has all the values and qualities you are looking for in a forever life mate.

Because it was spontaneous...he didn't have a ring.

No biggie.

He's going to get you one.

You return home and tell everyone you're engaged.

Still no ring.

A month goes by.

Still no ring.

Two months go by.

Still no ring.

Three months and counting...no ring...no mention of a ring.

You good?

Guy Talk

A dude rolled up on me last night.

He was dressed really nice and was very well groomed.

Looked like someone took GOOD care of his azz.

I was hanging out laughing and he joined in on the conversation because we knew several people in common.

Dude ended up standing next to me for the rest of the time as people moved around and we were talking.

He saw my wedding jewelry and was like..."How long have you been married?"

And I groaned inwardly thinking this was going to be one of those ridiculous situations where dude was about to try and holla and I was going to have to tag his azz and keep it moving even though I had a REALLY great spot and was comfortable.

Me:  Going on 7 years.

Him:  We've been married for 5 years!  Don't you love being married?

And he was all grin-T up!

Me:  Yes!  I truly do.  My husband is all kinds of awesome.

Him:  My wife too.  She couldn't come because the babysitter got sick so I'm sending her lots of pictures.

Me:  And I'm sitting here texting my husband with a play-by-play too.  LOL! 

And then...we just had a straight up cool conversation about being married and our spouses and just...being happy.

I was so pleasantly surprised. 

That's hot and totally the way it's SUPPOSED to be!

I LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question...

Your S/O is the type who HATES to shop.

Since the day yall met he only goes to the mall UNDER SEVERE DURESS.

You do all the shopping.

He comes home from work one day with a bag of new shirts and cologne saying he was bored at work and went shopping.

You good?

Underwear Beware

Who buys your S/O's underwear?

Would you have a problem if his mother did knowing she ALWAYS buys him underwear (t-shirts, boxer briefs and socks) every year for Christmas sincce he was a kid?

Getcho Hand Outta My Pocket!

Someone recently told me that I should let Robby do something that Robby knows good and well I'm not about to let him do.

I blinked at the person and then smiled slowly and let them know that hey...we're good but thank you for your concern.

And I was sooooooooooooooo sarcastic in my delivery cuz I'm thinking in my head...B'WHAT?????  AS.IF!!!!!!

Now...let's break down "LETTING" Robby do something.

My husband is a grown azz man.  He's reasonable, responsible and well...pretty darn awesome in my opinion.  He outweighs me by a pretty big margin so if we're honest about things...I can't MAKE him do a thing he doesn't want to do.  He has keys to his truck, a debit card, a credit card, two feet and his own mouthpiece.  Dude can do what he WANTS to do.

So that brings me back to LETTING.

Married Whereabouts

Do you think it's a husband's RIGHT to know where his wife is at all times?

Do you think it's a wife's RIGHT to know where her husband is at all times?

If your spouse ever answer the question, "Where are you?" with silence or by saying..."I don't have to tell you where I am."...

What would you think, say and/or feel?

Does your opinion change if you're dating exclusively and NOT married?

Separated at Birth

It's no secret I'm a simple girl with extremely simple views on marriage.  The simplest one being...married people can't date.  Married people can only have affairs.

Why?  Because as long as someone is married...they are NOT divorced.

Now, of course there are grey areas as far as this is concerned but...for the most part.

That's how I feel.

ONEFROMPHILLY IS ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'M SO, SO HAPPY! AND YES!  I'M CLAIMING THE WEDDING PLANNER POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Unless I'm shooting...cuz seriously...that comes first.  LOL!)

ET Phone Home

When you're traveling without your S/O...how often do you speak on the phone?

Ring Ding

Should the 72 day bride give the ring back?

What about the gifts?

Designated Driver

Do you and your S/O have a system in place so one can be the designated driver this time and the the other...next time?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

You ever had a "holiday" romance?

Did yall try and keep in touch after the vacation?

Scenario...

Your husband isn't the type who likes to go out.

You are.

You force him to attend an event with you.

He hates it.

Is it unfair that you're pissed?

Get Away!

Recently I was visiting the home of friends.  They're a lovely couple with lovely jobs, a lovely home and a lovely child.

They'd recently returned from a lovely vacation away together.   Prior to them heading out...they couldn't remember the last time they'd traveled without their child. 

As I sat there looking from one to the other and back again while they told me how lovely the country was they'd visited...I couldn't stop grinning.  They finished each other's sentences.  Laughed at private jokes.  Their eyes glazed over as they were remembering the places they'd visited together.

They were the perfect example of a couple in LOVE.

Not that they weren't before mind you...but they just seemed recharged in THEM.

I love that ish man!

When's the last time you and your S/O traveled together away from it all?  Did you get that recharge too?  Do you have a trip planned?  Is it something you CAN make time for?  Is it something you could afford?

Passion...from a Cancer Survivor

• Passion:  a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept

I have a passion for life.  A zest if you will.  The kind of drive that makes it so that nothing less than the right way is the only way.  I don't have time for silly ish, hood ish, crazy ish or petty ish.  I'm simply trying to make dreams a reality. 

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  A lot of you new people don't know I'm a cancer survivor because I'm not one of those survivors who wear my cancer as a badge.  In fact...unless you read this blog or are someone I consider framily...you don't know this about me.  I don't use it as a crutch.  I don't expect folks to give me a pass because of.  I don't need no favors nor do I need some type of acknowledgment that you know and respect my journey as a survivor.  Sure...it comes up more these days than ever because one of the characters in "sisters." drops the cancer bomb and folks always ask about that but to be real with it...it's not who I am.

At all.

But...it's why I am the WAY that I am.

See...when a doctor  you respect rolls in and tells you that you have cancer...some ish that could KILL you it takes your breath away.  I know you can't understand this unless you're a survivor but it  truly breaks you down into the most minute part of who you are.  You're like a particle. An atom.  A simple azz molecule.

You know how in the movies sometimes a cinematographer can handle the camera so you feel all the air has been taken out of the frame and all the main character has is their breath in short and yet long, painful gusts?  That's how you feel.  You feel as if the room you were previously in, which was full of oxygen and light, is suddenly devoid of both.  You listen but don't hear because all you heard was CANCER.

I got the big "K" mama...CANCER.

You don't know much at the time...but you know cancer can fuggin KILL you.

And let's be honest.  A person who loves life as much as I do?  Death.Is.Scary.

When I was told I had cancer I was alone.  I was in a dark place and my mommy was dead.  I felt devoid of anything I believed I'd need in order to beat it except I was arrogant enough to still want to compete.

Yeah...with CANCER.

My left boobie is fake.  They cut it off and out and made me a new one.  I've since had to have work done to the old "new" one because it ruptured and hell...truth be told...that coulda killed me too. But it didn't.  Cancer didn't...nor did silicon flowing freely through my body.  So you see...not much scares me and there is not much that will ever deter me from doing exactly as I see fit either.

I.DO.WHAT.I.WANT!

Because I've had cancer I live my life to the fullest.  I dream big and work hard and fast.  I play hard too.  I don't think there is ANYTHING I can't do because hell...I beat cancer.

MAJOR.

I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me because I know that, most likely, no one has ever told them they  might die SOON.   I'm a good person and I have a good heart.  I am one of the most charitable people I know and I would do anything for anybody I consider family, framily or friend who is trying to do the right thing.

It's important to me what God thinks of me and that's about it.  I figure if I'm doing things the way He wants...nobody else can complain.  I love my husband and my doggies and my people.  I love my people man.

October means a lot to different people.  To me it's a reminder that I BEAT cancer.  It's a reminder to everyone around me why I don't suffer fools.  I don't have time hell.  I recognized that life is for the living.  It's not for catty, petty shit.  It's not to doubt yourself.  It's not to wonder if you have what it takes.  It's for making your dreams come true.  It's for loving hard and strong.  It's for laughing out loud and letting those you love know you love them.  It's for giving a pass to someone you love with all your heart who is going through a bad patch.  It's for teaching what you know to folks who seem to give a damn.

Life...is for living and BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY...Imma get it in.  I have a PASSION for it.

If it's one thing you can learn from me...it's that you can do whatever it is you want to do with YOUR life...and I hope you choose to live it FABULOUSLY.

You better get you some of this.  Seriously.

Love,

Monnie

P.S.  It's also why I love Halloween.  Why?  October.  Simple reasons for a woman who truly lives an extremely simple life.

Honey Do List!

*PUT IN OVEN ON TOP OF COOKIE SHEET FOR 1 HOUR!!  LOVE, MONNIE*

I'll be gone all day tomorrow and we usually have really big Sunday dinners, as yall know.

Tonight...I took the time to prep a pan of Spinach Lasagna for The Robinator to put in the oven tomorrow.  He should probably put it in the oven at 5:30pm for 6:30pm dinner right?

I bet he puts it in around 11:30am for 12:30pm lunch.

Whatchall wanna bet?

Does YOUR S/O follow directions well when it comes to food you've already prepped to cook? 

Bachelorette Party

Did you have one?

What was it like?

Did you have an awesome time?

Who threw it?

Are you still tight with that person?

What would be YOUR ideal bachelorette party?

Question...

Did you have strippers at your bachelorette/bachelor party?

Would you?

Did your spouse have them at their bachelorette/bachelor party?

Would you have a problem with it if they did?

Unrequited Love

As an adult...have you ever been in love with someone but they didn't love you back?  Were you in a relationship with them?  Were they in love with you initially and then fell out of love with you?

What advice would you have for someone who was just told that hteir S/O didn't love them anymore knowing they still loved their S/O?

Your S/O's Phone...

I can't even tell you how many times I've actually had to pick up The Robinator's phone.

He gets home...and puts the phone on a counter somewhere near.

Sometimes it rings.

Most time it doesn't.

I never, ever, EVER think about his phone like that.

My phone is hardly ever that far from me because it's my "business" line unless, of course, I'm sick of phones and am taking a break. 

If it rings and Robby is near it he looks, tells me who it is and, if I want to talk...I'll ask him to bring it to me.

No biggie.

He hardly ever, ever, EVER thinks of my phone either.

Should there ever be a time when I NEVER see his phone anymore and I start NOTICING I don't see his phone anymore however?????

Oh...IT WILL BECOME AN ISSUE THAT WILL BE RESOLVED WITH THE SWIFTNESS.

IT SHALL BE PLAINLY SPOKEN.  NO GAMES...JUST...WHERE THE FUG IS YOUR PHONE?  WHY IS IT THERE?  GET IT.  TURN THE VOLUME ON.  THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.

And we gon' sit up in this mofo playing "Let's wait till this gotdamn phone rings."

Simple.

Dear YOU:

You already...

know...

the answer to this. 

It ain't rocket science.

~SIP

How would YOU handle your S/O's phone suddenly becoming "invisible?"

 

 

Married People Fights

I was talking to a friend yesterday about arguing over snacks.

She shared that same thing happens at her home too.

We started comparing notes to the snack fights and had to laugh our azzes off at how heated it gets.

Her:  Married people have the BEST fights!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That ish had me rolling cuz seriously?  Married people DO have the best fights.  LOL!

What say you?  Do you and YOUR spouse get it in from time-to-time too or are yall one of those perfect couples who smile all the time giving each other butterfly kisses?