Do you remember your engagement date?
Do you remember your engagement date?
Your husband goes to a club.
He's enjoying himself people watching by the bar.
An attractive woman comes up and orders drinks.
Your husband jokingly looks at her wedding ring finger and asks her why she isn't married looking the way she looks.
She says something random about not having found the right one yet, etc. while looking at his wedding ring finger.
Your husband doesn't wear a ring.
He told you from the beginning of your relationship that he wasn't going to.
He buys the woman's drinks and gives her his card before he leaves.
The woman he gave his card to sends him an email thanking him for being a gentleman.
He responds back by saying she should text him because it's quicker for him to respond that way.
She's not the TEXTING A DUDE RIGHT OFF THE BAT TYPE so she responds via email and straight off the bat asks if he's married so she could get that out of the way.
Ain't nobody trying to be Mary Jane'd.
He responds by saying yes he's married blah, blah, blah.
The woman ceases all communication with him because, again, she ain't a Mary Jane.
Now...if YOU were the dude's wife...did he do anything wrong? Are you pissed if you find out about this? Or was he simply being a nice guy? Would you have a problem with your husband buying a woman YALL don't know and he's not trying to do some type of legitimate business with drinks?
Go read that article. I'll wait...
Okay...have you read it? Good. What are you thoughts? Do you give your daughters the type of advice Ms. Skiffer's parents gave her? Do you give your sons the type of advice Mr. Coote's parents gave him?
What do you think of the lesson she had to learn? Do you think her parents helped her stay in her own way? Or do you think she's a product of much more our society has turned girls into? Women who believe the only way they can succeed is to not let a man derail their education and career plans?
In your experience...do you ever truly know when you're in your own way?
I was talking to some framily the other day, catching up. As always, we were going back and forth catching up on all the important things which have happened in our lives since the last time we had a catch up conversation. The discussion turned to something about Christmas and their significant other walked into the room. They put me on speaker phone to ask my opinion about a disagreement they were having about Christmas. I listened feeling a bit nervous because suddenly...the light mood of the conversation changed.
Someone I know from FB was going to be on GMA this morning so I kept switching the channels so I could see the relationship advice he was going to give since he's one of the few advice giving men I don't roll my eyes clean out of my head behind.
The story he was giving advice on was about a woman who went on a 10 day meditation sebatical away from her family that helped her be a better wife and mother.
I can totally see that.
I then went and read her article and I saw it even more: http://www.babble.com/relationships/i-took-a-break-from-my-husband-then-i-fell-back-in-love/
I feel like this can happen all the time in smaller doses too. I know that when I'm traveling solo, I realize just how much I prefer being with my husband than with pretty much anyone else in the world. That's not to say that I don't enjoy myself...but I'm always hit with how much I'm missing him or how much he would have enjoyed something, yada, yada. I'ts kinda like why I always bring him something special back. I start missing him big time and appreciating him and I want to bring him a little something back. It's really odd because whenever we talk when one of us is traveling, he sounds all nonchalant and whatnot because he hates the phone, but when I get home...he's always done something really sweet that he knows I wanted him to do because he missed me and wanted to do something to make me smile too.
I like that.
What do yall think? Do you feel like small doses of being apart helps you remember how amazing your family is too? Sure...you might look forward to the quiet time or having the bed to yourself but honestly don't you feel better knowing it's temporary?
Those in marriages in which the wives calmed down quickly during an argument were found to be the happiest. What’s more, those same marriages were shown to be happiest in the long run too.
Fellas...keep your ack right on!
What say YOU?
I read this article last week and it made me smile. It was sweet and lovely and made me reach out and rub my husband's shoulders. The general gist of the article was that marriage is about making your spouse happy and in turn...your spouse will want to make you happy and yall will be happy together.
I agree with that. Marriage Isn't For You
I was watching an episode of "King of Queens" recently and Doug and Carrie had an argument. See...Doug was volunteering at the church to protect the Nativity scene from vandals and another husband was out there doing the same. The wife of the other husband noted it got colder and brought her husband a heavy coat and some hot soup. Doug was all like...um...yeah...well...my wife is probably on her way.
I know a woman who did not give the ring back.
It's in her jewelry box and she never, ever thinks about it.
The ex asked for it back a couple of times.
She ignored him and kept it moving.
There was no money spent on deposits, etc.
It was a joint decision.
Should she have given the ring back?
A Black woman told me that White people get married for the first time in their 20s and Black people don't get married until their 30s and beyond. She said it started being this way after our parents' generation.
Blanket statement I know.
She'd annoyed me earlier so I was being argumentative with her.
I've thought about it since then and discussed it with some of my family and framily.
Their opinion varied.
What do YOU think? Do you think for the most part it's true? Think about the Black and White married couples you know. Did they get married in their 20s, 30s or beyond?
If all couples knew that five years after they marry they will be having discussions regarding the first five years of their marriage, it may encourage both to be a little more patient, more understanding, love more and argue less.
Should there be a more radical change of the marriage vows, should they be more realistic?
Helen Goltz believes so, and because of her belief she has written a discussion paper on the current marriage license laws in Australia and on Fixed Term Marriage Contracts.
This discussion paper in based on the future of marriage licenses in Australia and also the abolition of such licenses in place of a fixed-term marriage contract of five and ten years with an option after this period of time. If both parties agree, and upon a successful ten-year marriage term, the couple can elect to have an ‘eternity’ contract.
Helen Goltz goes into greater detail of explaining exactly why this is essential and how the fixed-term marriage contract will be integrated within our lives. The details can be found on the internet under Fixed Term Marriage Contracts, if you wish to read it in its entirety, and it’s definitely a ‘must read.’
It makes perfect sense and little did I know when this idea dawned on me years ago that someone somewhere was actually doing something about it and started the ball rolling by doing this study and writing this discussion paper.
What say YOU?
Last week, a young lady described my blog as a place for happily married women and their single friends with sense.
That made me smile because that pretty much sums it up over here.
The young lady is in a relationship and hoping it leads to marriage. She says it probably will. I told her that as long as things were going well...don't worry about the pace. If they are good to EACH OTHER...it will progress naturally. That sounds simple to some folks looking for a formula but that's what I believe.
Then...she shared with me that he has never really seen a successful marriage and she worries about that.
My question to you...do you think that's a factor?
I put myself into this situation and thunk on it. My parents? Um...yeah...they shouldn't have been together from jump. Seriously. I saw (what I thought back then) successful marriages but I've since been privy to adult information that made me think I wouldn't have put up with that ish either.
I know women who have amazing husbands who are the products of single mothers and I know men who have amazing wives who are the products of single mothers too. Hell...I know people from complete foster childhoods who are awesomely amazing mates.
I know I knew what I wanted and what I couldn't deal with for a lifetime. I hated my father's BECAUSE-I-SAID-SO approach to life as a family man and well...yall know about the other stuff where I WISH A FOOL WOULD!
The most important feature I think is a factor in having a successful marriage is respect. If a man, or woman, understands respect...they pretty much have it, in my opinion.
What about you? Do you think never seeing a successful marriage is a factor?
SIP: They didn't have tv? They didn't watch Clair and Cliff like the rest of us?
I found this article long and annoying but couldn't put my finger on exactly why. Then...I read the comments and they gave me LIFE! LOL!
What say YOU?
I know plenty of women who are single and honestly...there is no rhyme or reason about it. They are smart, successful, good people, kind hearted, lovely, loving.
They know how to cook and keep house. They are fashionable. They are God-fearing.
They belong to clubs, sororities and civic organizations.
They run, swim, bike, compete in marathons, triathlons, half marathons, 10k's, 5k's, etc.
They are well read, know their politics, are excellent mothers, aunts and Godmothers.
They mentor and volunteer.
They can go to the White House or to a barbecue and represent excellently.
They are good daughters, sisters, friends.
There is no reason they aren't married but other women are. No reason at all.
I've decided it's basically the luck of the draw. If a woman is lucky, she will meet a man when he's ready for marriage. If she's smart...she'll live a good, fulfilled happy life and she won't base her not being in the right place at the right time on nothing more than dumb luck. She'll realize she hasn't done a thing wrong. It's simply the luck of the draw.
You can run across plenty of good men but if he's not ready...well...it's just like you never met him at all.
And it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. It's honestly, more increasingly, simply...the luck of the draw.
I have had a lot of conversations about "Being Mary Jane" since it aired. Well...not about the actual movie per se (even though that's how the conversations started) but about how women saw themselves in the situations Mary Jane presented.
ONe of the main conversations was about the married woman part. I was having lunch with two married women and one single woman. The movie came up and the inevitable question was raised.
"What would you do if a woman told you she was sleeping with your husband and you knew she was telling the truth?"
One married woman slapped the table and crossed her leg while saying, "I ain't never leaving that man!" And I blinked. We all looked at her like...WHOA and the questions started pouring out:
I'm on my way to the airport to pick up my husband who has been gone since Thursday golfing with his father for Father's Day.
It should come as no surprise that I've missed him like crazy and always find myself appreciating him in his absence even more than normal. It's like...I don't even realize how much I require him to be close enough to know I'll see him at the end of the day until one of us is traveling.
My anticipation at seeing his face has me grinning from ear-to-ear already. I combed my hair and put on something cute even though it's Monday, my off day, and I'm not going anywhere nor am I even getting out of the car other than to move to the passenger seat. I'm not putting on lipgloss because when I kiss him...I don't want to leave any on him because I know he hates that. LOL!
There is something about this level of security and cherishing I wish everyone knew and I look forward to the day when more of the people I love have found someone to love as much as I love him and he loves me. I have many family, framily and friends blessed with this same type of love and I'm so happy that, in my world, it's not an anomaly to see good men BEING good men. Good sons, good brothers, good husbands, good fathers, good friends, good employers and employees.
So many in my life have lead by example and I'm so blessed my expectations matched up with my reality.
I wish you love and I hope those of you who have it recognize your blessing and focus on reciprocating and creating a happy, loving home. Now bye...I'm going get my BOOSCHNICKA CUZ I MISSED HIM SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday we discussed a dating scenario and many people said they wouldn't have left after the date was, in my opinion, disrespectful. I disagreed because well...I have bad nerves and have a low-low tolerance for ridiculous. My stance on dating, when I dated was that I would enjoy myself more at peace on my sofa with my remote rather than dealing with silly ish.
And I meant that.
If someone is no longer attracted to their spouse...is it THEIR fault...or the fault of the spouse?
She started cooking healthier, working out and generally making better choices. She cooked the same foods for her husband, but he chose to eat outside of the home because he didn't like all that "healthy crap." She started getting up at 4:30am to workout at home because they have children and each have full time jobs.
She feels like if she can do it...then so should he have been able to.
Years later...she's no longer attracted to him.
Is it her fault?
Or is it his?
What...IN YOUR OPINION...could a couple like this do in order to get back on the good foot with each other. Does she have to lower HER standards or does he have to raise HIS standards for himself?
Would you feel differently if the situation was swapped and HE was the one no longer attracted to her for the same reasons?
What do you think about THIS advice? Relationship Problems: I'm Not Attracted to My Husband
An older woman meets a younger man.
They start dating.
He has not so great credit so he doesn't have a car but lives in a city where that isn't a problem.
She decides he should have a car and buys one IN HER NAME and gives him the keys.
It's a modest car. Nothing fancy...but it's nice.
A multi-millionaire dates a woman and they get engaged.
He buys her an engagement ring worth $785k.
They are engaged for less than a year.
He says SHE broke off the engagement.
She says THEY mutually broke off the engagement.
He wants his ring back.
What's YOUR opinion of who should get the ring when an engagement is broken?
Would you feel betrayed? Used? Angry?
Or would you simply be glad you didn't find out after you were married and had kids?
JASON COLLINS' EX-FIANCEE
I Had NO IDEA He Was Gay
Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2013/04/30/jason-collins-carolyn-moos-fiancee-gay/#ixzz2Rxl0QBbk
Visit the TMZ Store: http://tmzstore.com
As a caboose on the train of thought on the 'separated boyfriend' post:
The conversations can last more than an hour cuz really...we try and pack it all in.
A couple of years ago she dropped the bomb that this woman, who we always knew of as EXTREMELY smart, was dating a married man. It wasn't normal married mind you...it was a full separation. Dude had moved out, got a new place, was openly dating, etc.
All of two weeks.
She's pretty happy with the way things are going and thinks that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, they'd be happy together.
She told me of a situation which came up and he told her that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, that situation wouldn't go down like that.
She also shared that, SHOULD THEY GET MARRIED, some other things about him would have to change.
Back when I was dating, I always felt weird when a new guy came out the gate talking about marriage all willy nilly. To me...marriage talk should only be held between two people who know each other MUCH better. I'd feel like a dude was using the marriage talk as a ploy. Some kinda bait. A piece of the game they were playing.
In my experience...you may have only discussed marriage lightly as in, "Do you see yourself married one day?" Or..."How long have your parents been married?"
Not as in..."If we get married...blah, blah, blah."
How do YOU feel about marriage talk early on like that? Are you FOR or AGAINST it? Does it weird you out a bit? Have you ever felt like a guy was using marriage as "bait?"
I've had my current cellphone number for probably 11 years I think. Before that...I'd had the same cellphone number for as long as I'd been with my previous carrier down South.
It's very odd to find people changing their cell numbers these days unless they make a major move. It's become commonplace to keep that same number for years and years and years.
A girlfriend and I were out and about recently and she got a text message out the blue from her ex-boyfriend. She looked down and laughed and texted him back. Turns out every few months or so...he texts her out the blue and she responds according to the mood she's in.
She then told me that she has a couple of exes who do this. She doesn't mind communicating with them via text sometimes. They were good guys...not just the guy for her.
A 44 year old woman told me that she doesn't want to still be single by the time she's 45 years old.
I didn't say much because there kinda wasn't really much I could say right?
But I thought a lot about it.
She's been single for 44 years so there is a good chance that she'll still be single in a year right? It concerns me that she's actually setting this up as a goal because I think this being a goal might open the door for their to be some moves based on reaching the goal ONLY and not because she's met someone that is good to and for her.
And that concerns me because hell...yall know I love love and want everyone to have it.
What are YOUR thoughts?While looking for a picture for this post...I ran across this: Single At 45: What Lies Ahead?
I was just asked this question:
Do you think a marriage will survive if the career go-getter in the marriage is the woman and the man is lazy but arrogant?
You and your husband have decided to eat takeout for dinner.
He picks it up on his way home from work.
You have the table set ready for the food.
He puts the food on the table and goes to wash his hands.
You start pulling the food out and notice that your order isn't in the bag.
His order is.
You tell him and he's like...dammit...I can't believe they didn't put all the stuff in the bag.
He then sits down like he's about to eat.
You're like...say bruh...
He's like...I wanna eat mine before it gets cold and then I'll go get yours.
How would this end at YOUR house?
Do you workout with your S/O?
Why or why not?
"Girl...I've been married for 25 years so you should listen to me. Sometimes men are just gonna be men and you gotta pray cuz the devil is a LIE! You gotta pray that your husband takes the car he bought for that 19 year old stripper back and he comes back home for good instead of just coming over for dinner and to check the mail! God will cover you in fortitude so the next time he tries to hit you you will be protected in the ALMIGHTY! Girl...Imma pray for yall that you are able to accept his new baby with the other woman and yall can heal as a family! PRAISE JESUS! PRAISE HIM! THE DEVIL IS A LIE! A TWO-PRONGE-TONGUE LIE! AMEN! Signed, Mrs. T.J. Graham, happily married...25 years and counting! PRAISE JESUS!"
Last night we went to see "This Is 40." It was a bit longer than we thought it should be but that's that style of movies this crew does where they just ramble and talk like we do in real life so it's cool if you like that in a movie.
There were some major gut busting laughs...especially during the weekend getaway scenes.
There is one part in the movie where a couple was apologizing to each other for a stupid fight they'd had. The woman said something along the lines of wanting to be with her husband forever and the husband was like...you're already with me forever...da hell you talking about?
And that made me smile cuz that's how Robby and I view marriage. Hell...we're together forever so yeah...be mad...and get over that shit cuz ain't nobody going nowhere and we don't want to be miserable so we need to sit down and deal with this shit as it is and make it better.
See...we respect and love each other so we take things the other says seriously when we have a problem. Now...please don't think that means we've mastered communicating effectively all the time cuz it doesn't. Sometimes I don't wanna hear shit right then and sometimes he doesn't wanna hear shit right then.
But we always circle back around to it and deal with it. We don't walk or run away when we're fighting. I wish Robby would walk off and out of my house like somebody stole his damn bike. That shit is disrespectful. You'd better take your mad azz to the basement until you can use your words hell.
And that's vice versa.
I used to be the type who needed to get as far away as possible from an S/O who'd pissed me off but honestly...that was just me being immature or maybe it was just me with someone who wasn't Robby...the love of my life. I can be mad at Robby and be right up under him because I know whatever thing I'm mad about isn't who he is completely.
We both have things the other does which irks the hell out of us but we realize we're being irrational that it irks us so we try not to say anything about it because seriously...it's just dumb and thank goodness we have enough sense to understand that too.
The thing we do right more than anything, in my opinion, is laugh. It's always comedy at 13700. ALWAYS. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
The best thing about the movie is that it will probably make you talk about and think about your marriage. We drove home laughing and talking and then got home pretty happy and secure with what we have. The second we walked into our home I looked at Robby and said..."And this is 43."
And it is.
Ain't nobody going nowhere. That should be the mindset of marriage.
SIP: Unless there is cheating and beating.
What say YOU?
My husband doesn't like going out on a school night.
He never has.
It used to be a source of contention but I figured out it tastes like chicken and just went without him. Simple.
Increasingly I find that I don't like going anywhere without him. Especially since my plus 1 of choice moved away from the area.
It's free shrimp season I know. WE know. But we're old and ornery and like to do what WE want to do.
Last night...instead of going have free shrimp, we bowed out of something and went to see "Silver Linings Playbook."
On a school night.
It was all Robby's idea.
I was all shocked and whatnot but I just got movie cute dressed and we rolled out. The movie was sooooooooooooooo good and we had an awesome time just going to the movies on a Wednesday night in our little sleepy area.
One the way home...
Robby: Were you surprised that I suggested we go somewhere on a school night?
Me: Well...yeah...now that you mentioned it. What's that all about?
Robby: I just want to be better. It was nice to do something different and we didn't have to get dressed up. And besides...I'm trying to get in all my votes before the end of the year so I can be HUSBAND OF THE YEAR this year.
Me: It was really nice. Thank you for taking me to the movies but now that I know it was all a ploy to influence the judges...
And we laughed all the way home discussing the end of the year/world/etc.
And we drove home sleepy, took the doggies out and went to bed.
Different kind of pebbles.
Monnie & Robby against the world.
Do something nice and out of the ordinary for your guy/girl/babies/mom/dad/doggie. You'll love it.
A. If a guy tells you that his mother doesn't want to meet you because she doesn't have teeth and she's trying to get some and a new wig...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
B. If you're on a dinner date and your date pulls his money out of his sock to pay the bill...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
C. If you're on a lunch date with a guy and he has to outrun the repo man while you're in the car...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
D. If a guy tells you that he doesn't go on any vacations other than the Tom Joyner Family Reunion cruise each year...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
E. If a guy has a love/hate relationship with his mother where he talks about her negatively to you but is always doing stuff for her...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
F. If a woman calls a man's phone 3 times in an hour but doesn't leave a message...would you consider that a crazy pebble?
G. If a guy has more pron in his home than books...would you consider that a crazy pebble?