Me: How much do those sneakers cost?
Male Framily: $225
Me: Wow. That's a lot for sneakers.
Male Framily: How much did those shoes cost that you wore with that brown dress the other day?
Me: So what you say the weather is going to be today?
SIP: Bow down.
If I don't suggest that you back away from that burger/sandwich/Olive Garden platter and eat a lettuce leaf, don't you DARE suggest I eat a sandwich.
You're good with your size? Cool. Act like it without projecting because I'm darn good with my size and now I know where your major insecurity lies. You want everyone to be YOUR size so we can all be twinsies. Well...guess what? No thank you.
...someone does something to you that hurts you to your CORE and you go for years without any communication from them and then...all of a sudden...OUT THE FLIPPING BLUE...they are in your inbox telling you about something they did or overcame so you can pat them on the back when they STILL haven't apologized for how they treated you?
People are a trip.
Looka here. I know your face still cracked and I know your heart is all broken up and ish but girl...seriously? I coulda told you this is how it was gonna go down. He's married AND he's the President. And hell...in this world you being Black and him being White all out in public like that wasn't ever gonna be able to be out there like that cuz again...HE'S THE PRESIDENT!!!!! Child...yall would have to be like Tina and move to another country and live on side of a hill or something.
SERIOUSLY. PRACTICE YOUR ACCENT GIRL!
Now how 'bout we talk about the LEVEL of ho you are. I mean...who hos around and be skinning and grinning up in the wife's face like that? That level of whipping dog just ain't heard of by regular folk. Everybody know that the mistress isn't trying to get up in the wife's face. Decent hos know at least to steer clear of the wife and stay out them people business!
And you all up in the business.
And where yo mama 'et? And your girlfriends? The only "friend" you seem to have is Cyrus and BAAAAAAABY...I'd keep Huck on him if I wuz you cuz Cyrus was 'bout to turn on his husband so you know good and damn well he will have your azz hung upside down in a cedar lined bucket of water with your weave braids coming undone with the swiftness.
Now Mellie? She ain't to be trifled with you know? That chick rolls HARD. If you didn't know before...you 'bout to know. I'd be surprised if your name isn't on the BANNED list at the White House after this went down. Yall done changed the heart of the cheating azz President so much that he can KILL. Seriously. A murderous President. It just doesn't get any worser off than that. Dude is the leader of the country, hoing around with you before, during and after his wife's pregnancy...is a killer AND has knowledge that he won the election because yall STOLE IT?
Girl...you need to go sit DOWN-T somewhere. You talking all that noise about painful love. Child that's really called abuse. Mental abuse. And heck...physical abuse too if you keep talking that noise to Cyrus. LOL! Oh...and I if wuz you...I'd WANT to steer clear of Fitz's azz. You know he had a bullet in his brain and he killing folks now. Dude is gonna end up going rogue like Harvey Dent!
WATCH YO BACK HO-LIVIA!
SIP: She doesn't have a Cool Aunt huh?
SIP: I NEED PEOPLE TO GIVE A DAMN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!
I was out and about in the world surrounded by framily, friends and colleagues on set last summer. I rounded the corner and saw someone I love looking VERY distressed and on the phone. I knew they'd recently had a difficult breakup which was taking a toll on their spirit and I made sure they saw me see them.
I crooked my finger.
When the person got off the phone they sought me out and I asked was everything okay.
Framily: That was _____, my ex.
Apparently, the ex had sent my friend a text basically stating they wished the CURRENT person the ex was dating...was like my friend.
So I'm standing there with my lips perched.
SIP: And then they called you?
Framily: No...I called them.
And while standing there...my friend's phone rang and they looked down to see it was the ex calling back. My friend was looking so defeated and I told them to send the call to voicemail.
Then...I held out my hand and asked for the phone.
The friend gave it to me and I put it on silent and then put it in my pocket.
SIP: That was a shitty thing for _____ to do. It's pretty gotdamn fugged up actually. Good people don't do ish like that and you shouldn't deal with a piece of shit azz person.
And we kept working.
When we were finished that long, long day...I gave the friend back their phone.
We never spoke of it again.
We were somewhere else recently and the framily member was back in stride. We were sitting with two other framily/friends and the friend brought up the time I took their phone from them and why. Said it saved them from making a stoopit, stoopit mistake that night and that they were able to focus and get genuinely mad at the ex for trying to go there with them. I was very surprised that the friend brought it up around other people and I smiled thinking the friend had healed well from that tragic shit and I was glad I was able to help in such a small way.
SIP can be right sometimes. LOL!
Have YOU ever had to take unorthodox methods to help someone not make a stoopit mistake? Did it work?
Two Black women talking...
Woman 1: White girls have more fun.
Woman 2: You can say that again. They can do anything and stil marry a real prince if they wanted to.
What say YOU?
I was just described as an extremely nice person whose tolerance level is just set at the lowest possible setting.
What say you? Is this accurate?
SIP: I guess that low setting was a dig at me huh? Whatever.
By posting this article for me to see:
SIP: I cannot STAND people! What in the flim flam are they supposed to wear to a damn black tie event????????
UPDATED ***I GOT MY 40,000 POINTS AS I KNEW I WOULD. IT WAS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.***
Night before last the fire alarm went off at 4:58am.
The kid jumped up, put on my wedding jewelry and pajama bottoms,grabbed my phone, purse and computer and rolled out.
I was SHOOK!
Like...that kinda jolt out of your sleep just messes you all up.
Last night at 4:58am the fire alarm went off.
The kid jumped up, put on my wedding jewelry and pajama bottoms, grabbed my phone and computer and called downstairs.
"Sorry Ms. Mingo, something is wrong with the alarm."
And the poor dear on the other end of the phone met SIP. A snarling, pissed to the point of leakage from overstrained veins SIP.
I expect 40,000 points in my HHonors account once I finish with them.
What would be YOUR expectations?
I gave someone in my neighborhood a ride recently and she sent her son to my home to rake leaves.
Last week I helped someone out with something I thought was pretty minor in the grand scheme of things and a GI-NOR-MOUS floral arrangement was delivered to my home.
My next door neighbor borrowed a camera to take pictures of their family during a celebration and they thanked me by bringing my favorite chocolates when they returned the camera.
My other next door neighbor gave me half a case of REALLY.GOOD wine recently saying simply "For all that you do..."
These things point out to me that I'm a blessed woman.
They also point out to me those who don't thank me.
Those who seem to take me for granted.
Yesterday I had every intention of staying home all day but then...E ended up having half a day of school. Since we hadn't kicked it in a minute...he and I decided to go forth into the world and plot world domination.
Why world domination you ask?
Cuz his lil' cheeky azz has finally decided (after watching the NFL show) that I'm really making movies so he needed to give me all of his movie ideas that he's working on.
SIP: Seriously though...out of over 150 ideas he constantly rambled...one was really pretty good. GO E!
So...Monnie was at this thingamadoozie.
She was being Monnie.
You know...talking to everybody, being funny as hell...charming.
You know...all Southern Belle-ish and whatnot with a bit of Mr. Bernie Mac thrown in.
She was talking to this one chick who was as cool as the other side of the pillow.
They started "hanging" while there.
When Monnie got up to get a drink, she asked the chick did she want one and vice versa.
Just nice ish.
It's been a minute since I've been pissed off on the blog.
Lemme rectify that right quick...
In the past month I've known three people who have been flat out fired from their jobs for showing their azz.
I haven't been able to give any of them any words of encouragement.
See...I just don't get it.
Getting laid off is one thing. Getting fired?
This ain't the climate to be showing your azz at work when you know damn good and well you need your job. Folks ain't juggling multiple offers like talking 'bout anymore. Folks ain't putting out 20 new job ads a day. Folks ain't trying to deal with bullshit from an employee knowing good and well they can hire someone OVERQUALIFIED to do the same job you're doing for the same money.
I don't get this shit.
You're supposed to be to work at 8:00? GET YOUR AZZ THERE AT 7:45 AND GET SETTLED HELL!
You're supposed to have Project A done by Friday? TURN THAT SHIT IN TO YOUR BOSS ON THURSDAY MORNING SO YOU CAN GET SOME MENTORING AND FEEDBACK!
Too much work for you to complete before 5:00? SOUNDS LIKE YOUR AZZ NEEDS TO BE THERE TILL 6:30 SOME EVENINGS!
You're supposed to answer the phone when the receptionist goes out to lunch twice a week? YOU'D BETTER GET UP THERE AND GET YOUR SWITCHBOARD SKILLS RIGHT!
The world we know is resetting. Bullshit ain't flying anymore because employers know good and damn well they have the upper hand. Sure...a lot of employers are still on some bullshit but until you have another job lined up...you're going to have to learn to DEAL.
And those of you who think you're irreplaceable? YOU'RE NEVER IRREPLACEABLE.
Shit...I'd fire your azz first just to send a message throughout the ranks that bullshit will NOT be tolerated on ANY level.
I don't get mofos walking around doing what the hell THEY want to do and thinking they should still be employed.
You're a responsible flipping adult.
Go up to them people job and do what the hell they hired you to do.
Oh...and please know I'm the LAST person you need to turn to for sympathy in this situation.
Do YOU know anyone who's been fired recently for some bullshit?
SIP: Why you steal boxes? You building a clubhouse?
It was about 11:45pm.
Damn near midnight.
Dark as hell outside.
And her azz was going running alone.
I was listening to the news the other day and a woman was walking home from her bus stop after work and was sexually assaulted. I thought to myself...wow. I mean...that poor woman HAD to get off that bus and walk home ya know? In my mind...she had no other choice and was probably well aware of the dangers but had to do what she had to do.
I felt so sorry for her.
Back to this lil heffa from last night though...
Nobody HAS to go for a run. I'm sorry...no.
You hear about folks being assaulted and snatched all the time. Hell...they raping men these days so you think your lil narrow azz is safe going out for a run? REALLY????? Mayberry got you that confused?
She had to be from around here somewhere so I know good and well that had she come up missing...I'd hear about it and trust me when I say...I'd be that chick on the news giving her the business cuz seriously? That's not smart!
To quote onefromphilly, "You got to be vigilant out here in these streets!"
Don't do stoopit ish like this. Please. I know I have a lot of friends who run but I swear fo' goodness if I heard of one of them doing some ish like this I'd take a bat to their knee so their running days would be OVER.
Please tell me you've never done this? Hell...I wouldn't even jog WITH someone that time of night. They only gotta catch up with one of you ya know? What? You think your new sneakers are going to make you go "jet fuel fast" like you did in grade school?
Don't do this shit.
Nerd Girl calls and says she's going to see "The Help" while wearing a romper.
What should I tell her?
Larry David and Leon.
Yall have no idea the level of foolishness.
Monnie is being Monnie.
Yall know...all friendly talking and ish.
A dude rolls up and thinks Monnie being Monnie is because she has decided he is the most FABULOUS thing walking.
You know...in the FIVE MINUTES Monnie has been around him.
Dude tries to holla.
All cheezy and whatnot.
But he hollas nevertheless.
Monnie pays attention to him IN THAT WAY and notices that dude is a handsome guy.
Dude is sitting there smiling waiting on a response.
How do YOU think Monnie handles?
Keep in mind...this shit happens to her ALL.THE.TIME.
When's the last time you had to rely on YOUR SIP?
So yeah...I got a new truck last week complete with every bell and whistle offered on my particular kinda truck. Like...all kinda stuff that I know nothing about...except the basics.
We got in it on Saturday night to go have dinner and the saw this:
I am wearing natural deodorant today.
It was in a swag bag I received somewhere.
I am wearing it because I forgot I was out of deodorant.
I have been sitting outside writing and I am about to take a shower because I smell like curry.
And I don't even own any curry.
That is all.
Have YOU ever used natural deodorant? Would you?
I get tired of us busting our azzes making sure stuff is RIGHT only to find out that mediocre quarter (NOT EVEN HALF) azz attempts would be accepted as good enough.
Now lookie here. Yall know I'm crazy. I make no bones about the fact that I am truly BAT.SHAT.CRAZY. I know how to CONTROL my crazy, however, and much of what I do extra crazy doesn't really affect others so yeah...I'm good.
SIP: Somebody needs to poll The Robinator.
See? Crazy. SIP is PROOF!
My kinda crazy is...air drying my brand of tangle-ey hair without ANY product in it. Crazy. Just don't make no kinda sense crazy. Just crazy.
But let me tell yall about something I do all the time that takes the cake.
If you slap the crap outta yourself to kill a mosquito you'd think that the LEAST the Universe could promise you is that you don't welt up ON YOUR DANG FACE FROM THE MOSQUITO BITE!
The other day I spoke to two dear friends.
The first one told me: Say bruh...you inspire me.
The second one told me: I've learned from watching you that I don't work hard enough.
THAT KINDA PRESSHA AIN'T CUTE! LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE AND DON'T BE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD HELL!
Robby: They meant it in a GOOD way doofus.
SIP: WHATEVER! WE DON'T NEED THE PRESSHA HELL! HUMPH!
I don't agree with that.
See...the type of person who is more worried about what you're doing with YOUR life than what they are doing with THEIR life needs prayer. Seriously. Them folks need a group hug and maybe...medication. Why would you be motivated by crazy folks?
The way you should deal with your haters in life is to ignore their behavior and pray for them. Pray they recognize the energy they use to focus on you can be better utilized by using that SAME energy to focus on their.own.dear.selves.
Hi yall...this is me, SIP. Yall know Monnie hasn't really let me out to play much because she's trying to be all nice and whatnot. (Trust me...it's killing her but she won't admit it to anyone but I know cuz I KNOW.)
Well...recently Monnie was discussing infertility with a group of women because one woman brought it up and was wondering about her options. Monnie, being Monnie, was extremely candid with the woman in question about the process. Yall know she made a commitment she firmly believes in to be there for as many women dealing with infertility as possible.
One woman was there and shared that she'd had her child via IVF and everyone was bonding and whatnot. Yall know how women do.
WHAT? YALL KNOW HELL!
So then one chick asked Monnie what she did to lose the weight that the infertility drugs put on and Monnie said that she just did as she always does with eating right and working out and it came off. The chick then was like...I don't know what to do. I just can't lose this weight that the baby put on me. So old girl asked Monnie what EXACTLY does she do to stay in shape. Monnie was like...well keep in mind that you've had a baby and it's going to take a while I'm sure but if you just keep eating right and working out, yada, yada.....don't worry...you'll get there.
And the chick was like...okay...Imma try it.
Now...Monnie was chilling with these women at the time and didn't have anywhere pressing she had to be at that moment so she was all leaned back relaxed and enjoying a good conversation with real women. So yeah...she got all chatty and whatnot and asked the woman...
Monnie: So how old is the baby?
Someone else was like...months? She was like...no...years.
Monnie felt me about to fall out laughing so Monnie made a swift exit left cuz seriously...that ish was funny.
Now...Monnie thinks that I'm all evil and stuff for wanting to burst out laughing and I'm trying to get her to understand that NAW PLAYA...that was a normal reaction. No need to try and stifle me. She would have gotten a swift GIRL BYE from me and I bet yall FIFTY-LLEVEN CENTS that some of yall feel the exact same way.
Am I a bad imaginary person or am I pretty normal as it relates to YOUR imaginary person?
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I ain't say nuttin. ~ SIP
I absolutely ADORE my Pinterest pins! They are seriously ME, ME, ME!
I got so annoyed that I called her and when she didn't answer...called her back again.
She answered and told me she was in a meeting.
So I didn't get to say what I wanted to say and I'm mad. Seriously...I'm mad.
Look...and this goes for all of yall...
I never, ever, ever understand when folks take to heart something some ASSHOLE says to or about them instead of focusing on the MILLIONS of things people who love them and have their best interests at heart have said to them. Like...seriously. Don't do that ish. Becca is one of my personal framily Sheros and that's not something I take lightly. Doing triathlons make her happy and proves to me what I already know...she fuggin ROCKS!
Man...I'm PISSED and I ain't got ish nice to say. Yall go over there and be motivating.
Imma stay mad for a few more minutes.
SIP: We should get dude's information and visit the next time we have free time.
Last night I checked into my hotel around 8:30pm. I got in my room and called Robby, sat on the bed and talked to him while I put my stuff the way I like it to be. See...I'm weird so I put my suitcase on the luggage rack inside the closet and I leave all of my things in there except for my electronic bag which I sit on the ottoman next to the bed.
After our conversation I went to the bathroom and noticed the floor was dirty. Like...really dirty. So I called down and asked could someone come up and clean the bathroom floor. Well...as I'm waiting on the answer, my hand is on the desk and I feel crumbs and that was too much for my little brain to register. I requested another room.
Once I SEE the dirt I can't deal.
So the young man came up and met me and let me in the room next door. I walked into the room and went straight to the bathroom. Before I could say anything, the young man noticed that the floor was dirty. He apologized and asked me to wait in the lounge while they cleaned the room.
I sit in the lounge with my stuff and have a glass of wine. There were some drunk folks in there being loud and annoying so after about 20 minutes I went out and waited outside the room they were cleaning for me. I noticed that two people I'm familiar with (this is the hotel I stay in every time I'm here and the hotel I'm currently working on a contract to house our cast and crew) in the room.
I overhear the housekeeper saying to the two people in the room: "There, it's clean. If she complains this time it's cause she's one of those trying not to pay."
Now...it's late as HELL. I'm tired as HELL. I ALWAYS pay and I'm a VERY.GOOD.TIPPER. Also...I'm in talks to house crew and cast at this hotel for an entire month and have a meeting to sign the contract this morning at 9:00am.
I'm curious as to what YOU would have done when they walked out of that room and realized you were RIGHT THERE.
Grown azz men who think and act like ignorant children ESPECIALLY as it relates to relationships. A damn bafoon. The kinda men who refer to women as "females" and who aren't in the medical field.
Use it wisely.
The other day I was on a plane watching "Tangled" because my brain was tired and, even though I had a lot of work to do, my brain was simply too dang tired to do it. There was a very young kid next to me who, apparently, had seen her movie a gamillion times but had never seen "Tangled" and would LIKE to see "Tangled."
The kid kept leaning in on my screen.
MONNIE would have popped out the DVD and given it to the kid's mom and let the kid watch it and then...do some work or entertain herself with the thousands of movies, videos, books, music, etc. that her iPad and laptop provides. OR...she would have just surfed the innernets.
Me however? HELL.NO. I turned up the volume so I didn't have to hear the kid bawling to her mother about how she wants to watch "Tangled." I really wanted to watch the movie and I am soooooo NOT sharing my headphones.
I can't stand bad azz kids and that one had a runny nose so I needed her to back the hell up off of leaning into me to see my screen mo'betta.
Yes...I'm evil. It is who I am. SIP...THE EVIL ONE.
What would YOU have done?
Hopefully you know this already, but if not, remember:
cans are what you find in a six pack.
Khan is the bad guy in the second Star Trek movie (fellow Aussies, take note!).
can is a city in the south of France, famous for its film festival.
Cannes is pronounced can as in "can of beer".
If I'm adamant about something like this it's only because I know it for SURE. I don't purport to know everything and if I didn't know for sure I'd simply shut the hell up and ask Mr. Google later cuz I don't think YOU know everything either. Mr. Google however? He's usually never wrong.
Have YOU ever had someone try to argue you DOWN-T about something you knew for sure? Did it irk you? How did you handle?
A woman was in there who was having dinner alone as well. I didn't notice her until I heard her and she was NOT happy.
I guess I should add that we were being waited on by the same young man. The young man was very nice to me and had an extremely pleasant attitude. He was helpful, fast, everything you want in a waiter.
But he was doing something old girl didn't like cuz Baaaaaby...she complained about every.single.thing!
When he left one time she got on the phone and she started complaining to someone on the phone about her entire day. She was traveling and the airline people sucked. Her hotel sucked. The staff was awful. The people she was meeting with were unorganized. The hotel person who suggested the hotel was rude. The shuttle driver person was rude and yeah...this restaurant sucked.
Seems like she was having a bad day.
The waiter returned with some ridiculousness she wanted (like a replacement bread basket) and she stayed on the phone.
"Is this salted butter? Do you have unsalted butter? Do you have any warm bread?"
Yada, yada, yada...
I watched this guy display the most amazing amount of patience and humility I've ever seen another human being display and I thought to myself..."Wow...that's hot."
And it was. That kind of control totally blew me away and I straight up admired the hell outta him.
I finished my meal and when he brought my check I asked him to bring the manager to me. He had a surprised look in his eye because my meal was pleasant from the moment I sat down. I gave him an EXCELLENT tip and waited for the manager to come. He returned with the manager.
I told the manager that I was highly impressed with my waiter because he was professional, poised, courteous and the absolute most pleasant young man. I explained to him that I'd watched the woman at the table over treat him like shit because she was a shitty person and that he was nothing but the polite to her. I thanked them for my experience.
The manager beamed with pride and thanked me. The young man exhaled and broke out into a major grin.
The shitty azz woman heard me call her a shitty person and her mouth was open. I would have loved for her to say something because I was the only person in that situation who could tag her azz properly and I was ready for it.
But she said nothing cuz she knows she's a shitty person.
The next morning I walked into the hotel restaurant for breakfast and guess who's there? Yup...shitty chick.
SIP: Good morning. Are you having a better day?
Her: *BLANK STARE*
DON'T BE A SHITTY PERSON.
Do NOT...under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES roll up on somebody via Facebook like this and follow it with a friend request. Your azz will get SHUT.DOWN-T. QUICKLY.
I don't know ANYBODY who can say they got started on something BIG after reaching out to someone like this. I swear to goodness he'd NEVER do this ish if I wasn't a woman.
SIP: She's back. Yall ready?
I'm seriously going to have to put people I work with on a separate Facebook list. Why you ask?
Friend/Colleague: Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
SIP: I can't digest all that right now. I'm still in the bed.
Friend/Colleague: Oh...I saw you say something on FB so I figured you were up.
Friend/Colleague: Well...sounds like you're up now. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.