Rantings of a Creole Princess

Doghouse

My husband is in the doghouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Why you ask?

Because he accused me of lying and cheating on him...hypothetically.  

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Anybody have on chipped polish right now?

How do YOU pronounce...

A.  Pee-can

B.  Puh-coan

C. Pee-cahn

Oh...and where are you ORIGINALLY from?

Airport Bano

I was in an airport bathroom last week and a woman had two small kids she was struggling with.  She had a stroller, a rolling suitcase, a big shoulder bag and a diaper bag under the stroller.

The baby was screaming bloody murder.

The woman looked like she was about to just give up and sit in the middle of the bathroom and rock herself to sleep.

I grabbed her stroller because she was trying to maneuver it towards a stall while holding her toddler's hand and balance her bags.

She looked at me startled and I told her that I'd push the stroller behind her so she could get the toddler in because she was trying to wrestle her hand out of her mother's hand and had become dead weight.

We got to the big stall and someone was in there so we had to wait.

All the while she was pleading with the toddler to stop.

Toddler wasn't having it and was wilding out big time.

The baby was SCREAMING.

I handed the toddler my phone and the toddler shut up.

The woman then unstrapped the baby and he almost immediately stopped crying.

She took my phone from her toddler and replaced it with her phone.

She handed my phone back to me.

The person in the stall came out and I told her to go in and handle her business and I'd watch their stuff.

She went in and changed both her kids.

I heard her finish up with the baby while talking to the toddler.

She opened the stall looking like she was, once again, in charge and confident.

She thanked me for my help in a gushing kinda way.

She pulled the stroller in halfway and strapped baby boy in, flipped her daughter up on that changing table thingy and got to work being mommy of the year.

I went to get in line to get a stall to handle my business.

The women in line waiting on stalls watching what we were doing insisted that I get in the front of the line for the next stall.

When I came out and was washing my hands...old girl was looking like a new woman.  She'd pulled her hair into a ponytail, splashed water on her face and was ready to take on the world.

Her:  Thank you again...can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Me:  No...can I buy YOU a cup of coffee?  With Bailey's?  Cuz you are seriously SUPERMOM of the day to me!

Turns out the poor thing had lost her mother and was headed to deal with all of that.  Her husband was meeting them at their destination airport because he was on business travel.  This was her first time traveling alone with her babies and, understandably...she was distraught about her mommy.

I was glad I could help.

And even glader toddler hadn't thrown my phone in the toilet.

Sometimes we can be helpful, IN MY OPINION, while keeping the person we're helping...AT EASE.

 

Scenario...

Your high school reunion is coming up this year.

You're in pretty good shape but could stand to lose a few pounds and tighten things up a bit.

Is your reunion a motivator for you to do so?

Did YOU lose weight for your reunion?

Do you plan on it?

Question...

Do you know any adults currently living with their parents?

With the issues our country has with the economy...would you think it off putting if someone you were interested in lived with their parents?

Trayvon Vs. Zimmerman

Does any of the new reports regarding Zimmerman's injuries make you feel differently about what happened?

George Zimmerman suffered injuries after alleged scuffle with Trayvon Martin: report

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-suffered-injuries-alleged-scuffle-trayvon-martin-report-article-1.1078882#ixzz1v2gBtHrg

I Hate My Job

Do you know anyone who hates their job?

Not just hate their job...but REALLY hate their job year-after-year-after-year?

They hate the job so much all they can talk about is how much they hate their job?

And yet...year-after-year-after-year...nothing changes?

No new job?

No active search for a new job?

No promotion at the job?

No...nothing?

In YOUR opinion...what does that say about them?

Convo at Target

One day last week I was in line at Target.  A lady in the other line was causing some kinda ruckus.  I didn't really hear it from the beginning so I didn't know what was going on but people were clutching their pearls.

She moved to our line just as I was being checked out and she stood right in the middle and announced, "I have a Target gift card that has $15 on it.  If anyone is paying cash...please let me pay for your purchase with my card and give me the cash.  Please."  She held out the Target gift card so we could all see.

People were looking at her like she was crazy.  

I wasn't paying with cash but I got $20 over and gave it to her.

Me:  Here...stop harassing people.

She holds out the card to me.

Me:  No thank you. 

Her:  I don't need free money...here take the card! 

Me:  You ain't gonna be yelling at me now.  I'm not taking the card...don't make me fight you up in here.

And I got my bags and walked off.

My girlfriend was in the other line and heard the ruckus woman say, once I'd walked off..."She is an angel that one..."

When she told me that when we got in the car I cut my eyes at her.

Me:  No I'm not...I just wanted her to stop harassing people at the register.

The truth?

My heart went out to that woman because I couldn't imagine trying to do what she was trying to do.  Even though it was honorable...it was still kinda odd and I hated the way the other people were looking at her. It pissed me off even. The woman was neat and clean and she had desperation in her voice.  She wasn't trying to hurt anyone...she was seriously just trying to get $15 cash that she obviously needed really badly.

Shit...now I'm mad all over again at how those people were looking at that woman.  If you ain't got it to give or simply don't WANT to help that's one thing but hell...don't be looking at people like they're dirt. She wasn't doing anything wrong.  I mean...yeah...it was all kindsa different and odd...but she wasn't doing anything wrong PER SE.

Question...

Would you be for or against your mother-in-law buying the house across the street from your house?

Question...

If your husband was contacted by someone who says he's their father...would you have a problem if he didn't tell you about it until AFTER he'd taken a DNA test proving he is?

The child was born BEFORE you and he met and the mother of the child never told him.

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Is the inside of your vehicle clean?

What about the outside?

When's the last time you cleaned it?

 

Scenario...

Your husband has been working for the same company for 19 and a half years.

You're planning on having a big retirement party for him.

He comes home from work one day early and tells you he's been fired.

You ask why and he gives you some story about how he snapped and went off at the guy he always has a problem with.

A week later you run into someone who knows someone at the company and they ask how you're doing and if he's getting help.

You ask...help for what?

Apparently...your husband was fired and escorted off property for downloading so much pron...it shut down the company server.

How do you handle?

Winner, winner chicken dinner!

Have you ever won anything?

Scenario From Real Life...

A VERY wealthy man has a baby with a woman he's not married to.

The woman takes him to court for child support saying she needs $50,000 a month in child support payments.

The VERY wealthy man is like...hell no...that's too much money.

He claims the money is disguised as SPOUSAL support for a woman he was never married to.

What say you?  Does he have a point?

Scenario From Yesterday - Part 2

So you answer the phone figuring you might as well get this over with.

Your neighbor/friend starts off by thanking you for faxing the paperwork for her husband.

She then asks if everything is okay and wants to know if her husband has ever made you feel uncomfortable in any way because he told her that you were taken aback by his request and it made him weird and that he only asked because she's at work and she told him to ask you if he could fax the papers because she knows you have a fax machine.

Do you think this conversation ended well?  

Would it have with YOU?

Scenario...

You work from home and most of your neighbors know this.

You have lots of friends in your neighborhood.

Your husband is not home.

You have a neighbor/friend whose husband you don't really know but you've seen him coming and going.

Your doorbell rings and it's him.

You open the door and he's holding some papers.

He asks could he use your fax machine to send something off.

You tell him you'll fax it for him and bring it back down to him.

He looks at you strange but gives you the papers and walks off.

You fax the papers, not even paying attention to what they were and immediately walk them and the confirmation back to his house and ring the doorbell.

He's all cold acting when he opens the door.

You get home and within 5 minutes your phone rings.

It's your neighbor/friend.

Do you feel like answering since you know what's coming?

Do you think you did something wrong?

Question...

If you're currently not working out regularly...why?

Scenario...

Your mother is ready to downsize her life since she's an empty nester.

She's putting her house on the market and wants to purchase a much smaller home.

She comes over and notices a lovely house across the street from your house that is for sale.

It would be perfect for your mother and she asks your opinion on whether she should look at it.

What do you say?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

You're very open about sans ropas with your teenage daughter and always have been.

She's a VERY responsible girl.

She's 16 and will be 17 in a month.

She comes to you and tells you she's ready to take the step with her boyfriend.

You good?

 

 

SIP:  YOU AIN'T GOTSTA LIE CRAIG!

Scenario From Real Life...

You have a weekend guest whom you adore.

You get up and start breakfast.

Your guest comes downstairs and is crying.

You're startled and asks what's wrong.

The way your guest is crying...someone must have died.

Your guest takes you to the sofa they slept on.

Your guest has, apparently, had an EXTREMELY bad Midol Week.

Your guest has leaked clean through her clothes, the sheet and there is a large stain on one of the sofa cushions of your lovely $3,000 celadon green sofa.

Your guest shares that she's recently been diagnosed with fibroids and it's probably why she's had such a tough Midol Week.

How do you handle?

What would YOU do?

I woulda went got my baby too...

QUESTION: Yall think that baby woulda got boo'd in America?

What say YOU?

‘Plus-Sized’ College Student Claims Discrimination at Bar

 

Selectively Social

Malpractice

Do you know anyone who suffered from a doctor's mistake? Did you ever?

Good Question...

This question was asked on a list serve I'm a member of and it really intrigued me.

Who paid for your daughter's ticket to prom?

If your son was taking a girl...did he (you) buy his date's ticket?

Do you remember who paid for YOUR prom ticket?

I love you...but I don't like you right now...

So you ever feel like this with kids or your S/O?

Sans Ropas Toys

Good vibrations: Sex toys go mainstream

This article was on CNN the other day.  Basically it stated that sans ropas toy shops were being innundated with women who've read "Shades of Grey."

Really now?

Of course I went to look at the um...erra...product they mentioned in the article, the Standard Innovation We Vibe III.  I mean...hey...Mr. Google told me all I needed to know.

When I finished reading I was basically like...wow...that's expensive and then I cracked up laughing that it came with a travel case.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

People kill me.

Basically I walked away thinking how awesome it is that people can explore their own level of sans-ropa-ality in the comfort and privacy of their own homes but...I truly hoped they didn't get to the point where they continued to get bored with the "vanilla" and had to keep stepping outside of the box so far where they couldn't get any satisfaction unless they kept pushing the envelope outside the boundaries of their known levels of decency.

I wonder if that made sense.

If not...oh well...I'm old.

Forgive me.

Yall understand what I'm trying to say?

Scenario from real life...

Your phone rings on your way to work one morning.

Looking down at your caller ID...it's your best friend.

You answer.

It's NOT your best friend...it's your best friend's S/O.

They tell you they don't have much time to talk because your best friend is in the shower but would like to know if you could meet them for coffee sometime today in the city near your job.

They also ask you to not say anything to your best friend.

You good?

Scenario From Real Life...

Your best girlfriend is getting a divorce.

She needs a place to stay until it's finalized in two months.

You've offered to let her stay with you.

She's feeling quite liberated and fancy free so she goes out a lot.

You go with her once or twice but, truth be told, you can't kick it on school nights like you used to and still go to work.

She goes out one night and gets pissy drunk.

She comes home and tosses her cookies all over your guest bedroom.

Still drunk...she goes to sleep on the sofa in your living room.

Half dressed.

And drunk.

Your S/O finds her when he goes down the next morning for coffee.

She has a month left of staying with you.

You sill good?

Scenario from Real Life...

You're in an area where there is no smoking and it is clearly identified as a non-smoking area.

Someone lights up and is puffing away.

Would you say something to anyone regarding?

Or would you suffer through it?

Scenario - Part 2

You consider the request from the "grandmother" thoughtfully.

You call her back and tell her that you'd prefer meeting her for coffee alone first before you introduce her to your child.

Is this an unreasonable request?

Scenario...

Your child's father is not actively involved in her life.

Your phone rings and it's his mother.

Turns out she didn't know she had a grandchild.

She would really like to meet her.

You're like...cool.  

It's 6pm on a school night.

She is so excited she wants to come over NOW cuz she only lives 30 minutes away.

You good?

Scenario...

You go to your primary care doctor.

You have REALLY GOOD INSURANCE.

After your appointment you're checking out and they tell you that you have a balance of $97 that you need to pay.

You ask what's it for and you're told the system is down so they don't know why but it shows you have a balance on your account.

What do you do?

Meet the Parents

When you met your S/O's parents...where was it?  Restaurant?  Their home?  Event?  Was it a big deal?  Did you bring a gift?

Safe, Affordable Homes in the District

Does that sound like an attractive neighborhood you'd like to live in?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever used someone to try and get over someone else?

Did they ever find out?

How did they react?

Has someone ever used you to try to get over someone else and YOU found out?

Scenario...

A woman used to be a stripper back when she was in college.

She's no longer a stripper.

She's currently married, with children and works as a teacher.

She's, in fact, the best teacher your child has ever had.

You and she have become friends.

You're a lawyer.

She asks to meet you for coffee and tells you about her past.

She then tells you about a parent who is threatening to tell her husband and the school about her past unless she gives the parent money.

What would YOU advise her to do?

Question...

When you take your car to the dealership for repairs, do you stay and wait or take the car they offer you and return when it's complete?

Scenario From My Inbox...

A mother has her child on a pretty good schedule.

The child's father isn't the type to deal with schedules.

The child is going to stay with their father for the summer and the mother asks that the child be returned a week before school starts in order to get the child back on their schedule.

The father wants to keep the kid until the weekend before school starts and says that the mother being inflexible is going to make the child resent her.

What say you?

New Stuff

Last night I was in the airport and I saw a pretty strange sight.

About 30 women all dressed up like 1950's housewives.

It was pretty darn cool.

I asked one of them were they in a theater troupe and she said no...they were on a vintage clothing shopping tour.

I was like...cool!

She then told me they all met at charm school.

And I was like...now that is the most delightfully refreshing thing I've heard in a long, long time.

And it's true.

So...I asked Mr. Google about it and yup...this is much bigger than I'd ever imagined and seriously...I never even knew that something like this even goes on.  It really made me appreciate just how much new stuff is out there in the world that I know nothing of yet.  I mean...the possibilities are simply ENDLESS!  I guess that's why I always look at people like they're crazy when they say they're bored or have nothing to do.  

Why?

Because there is sooooooooooooo much to do...you're just missing out.

Stop missing out.

Have YOU ever heard of a vintage clothing shopping tour?  Is it something you think YOU'D like to do?  

 

Losers Weepers

If you found someone's wallet today...how would you handle?

Has anyone ever returned a wallet you lost?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever loaned or given money to someone without your spouse knowing?

Scenario from Real Life...

Your husband's sister has never liked you.

No biggie.

You never really cared for her either.

You're looking through your account and you notice a withdrawal of $500 and ask your husband about it.

He tells you his sister need to borrow $500.

You ask him why didn't he hell you about it and he says because his sister asked him not to.

You good?

Scenario...

You're on an early morning flight.

The guy next to you is snoring.

LOUDLY.

Would you wake him?

Question...

Do you snore?

Weird Sleep

For years Robby has tried to get me to believe that, sometimes when I'm asleep, I'll put my hand over my mouth and nose and end up sounding like Darth Vader breathing.  He says it scares him and it always makes him nudge me or something so I can change positions.

I've never believed him cuz really...who DOES that?

I was sleeping recently getting it IN!  I'm talking that level of REM sleep where when you wake...you get instantly too hot under the covers cuz the temp in the room changed drastically but you were too knocked out to notice. 

I hear a loud SNAPCLICK and a bright light flashed and then...ya girl jumped up swinging.  

"WHAT DA HELL????!!!!!!!!!!!"

And a sheepish Robby was like...I'm sorry, I'm sorry...you were doing the Darth Vader thing again and I wanted to prove it to you.

Me:  BY SCARING ME TO DEATH???????

LAWD my heart was racing so fast I couldn't even calm down but, I eventually did, and went back to sleep.

When I woke up I asked to see the picture.  Dude starts laughing his azz off and shows it to me.  Well...when the camera clicked and flashed, you really did jump up swinging so I got out the way and the picture looks like this...

And he shows me a blur of me windmilling.

I can't stand that dude man.

We laughed at that picture for days.

Do YOU have any weird sleep thingys?

Easter 2012!

I love mother-daughter pictures.  Especially when they are color coordinated!

This is my dear, dear, friend.  She's been through so much recently and this profile shows her strength.  Seriously.  

Jaru is surveying the Easter egg decorating center.

The very thought of an Easter BASKET when you're 13 made E shudder so he got an Easter JAR.  LOLOLOLOL!

A 13700 Easter basket!

Play clothes!  LOL!  #OldSkoolMama

Of course he wouldn't let me take a REAL pic of him.

My Bella.  Isn't she perfect?

Another of my "Huxtable family" friends.  LOL!  SO PERFECT!

Don't be fooled.  She has no use for flowers.  LOL!

Looking like her daddy with hair.  LOL!

I love her.

He loves her too.

My Becca brought me a Georgetown Cupcake.  Red Velvet!  Okay...so she brought enough for all.  I just wanted to be special!

A tabletop terrarium!  This is lavender!

Sage!  I searched high and low for small pots and couldn't find any.  These are sugar containers I found for $2.99 at HomeGoods.  I removed the lids and VOILA!  A small pot!

Speckled eggs!

I only got to take pics of those who arrived super early and I'm soooooooo sorry.  Everyone looked stunning in their Easter finery and I really wish you guys could see it.  I didn't post mine cuz seriously...I'll be wearing it again soon.  ROFL!  

The food was delicious and we had a REALLY good time hanging and laughing.  Truly hope you guys had the same!

HAPPY EASTER FROM 13700!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question...

How old was your son the first time you became aware that he liked a girl?

Scenario...

Your mother-in-law comes to visit and brings gifts for everyone in your household, INCLUDING the dogs, except you.

You've always had a really awesome relationship with her.

She's very "cool" in her interaction with you although she's "best grandmommy in the world" to the children and "mommy of the year" to you.

You ask your spouse what's up and they say nothing...you're imagining things...don't start anything PLEASE.

You good?