“I can even raise the child we'll make Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us I can teach him how to walk and stand But he needs you to help him be a man.”
Jill Scott... “The Fact is (I need you)"
These lyrics move me every time I hear this song. As a single mother raising a 2 year old boy I am VERY aware there are things I am not capable of teaching him. His father is basically a visitor every now and then, so my relatives pick up the slack. My dad, my brother, cousins, and uncles all show him daily what being a “good man” is.
He LOVES my father, and listens to him more than he listens to anyone. He loves to go over to my cousin’s house and play ball with her husband and their son. He comes to mommy for unconditional love and nurturing.
My son is ALL BOY! He's rough and TOUGH and has the lumps and scratches to prove it. But it’s a good rough. He loves to explore and experience new things even if it might be something that will scare the crap outta mommy. It’s my job to teach him when to not be so rough.
However I ask you all this...As a woman how do I really and truly know how to teach a boy how to be a “MAN”?
Yes my male relatives can help in that department, but the truth is he spends almost all of his time with me. His father lives across the country and his help is minimal. I discipline him, of course, but is the discipline he receives from me the same as the discipline he'd receive from his father?
I hate to admit this, but when I found out I was having a boy I was over the moon ecstatic. Why? Because little girls seem to be so much trouble.
I remember knock down drag out fights with my mom over clothes, hair, and boys. All I could think of was a little girl with my attitude…LAWD help us both. I never once thought did I really know what to teach a boy to help him be a loving, supportive, caring man who can contribute great things to society.
I KNOW what I would need to teach a daughter because I lived that life. But as a strong, overly independent, career oriented black woman I can admit I don’t know how to teach my son the things he needs in order to be that man most woman dream of marrying. So I’ll depend on my male family members and my very close male friends who are like my big brothers to teach him. And hopefully one day I’ll find a man to marry that has all of those qualities I want my son to have so that he can help me in this area.
I know where my heart is as far as my son is concerned. It's him. He's my life. He's smart, funny and absolutely beautiful and I want him to have the best life possible to include all of the lessons a boy needs to be a man.
I ask you again...what should single mothers focus on to teach their sons the art of being a GOOD man? Were you the product of a single mother? Are you a single mother? What lessons do you think are the most important?