A couple of months ago I was involved in a car accident. The whole thing was pure comedy. I barely tapped a woman in bumper to bumper traffic. There was not a SCRATCH on her BIG AZZ SUV and yet... she had to be taken away in an ambulance.
Yes. You read correctly.
The police and I were laughing at her performance because ya girl woulda shut down the Academy Awards. Severe-i-ously.
Moving on.
I learned something about my truck that day that I didn't know. Turns out that any front end collision flips some safety something and shuts it down until it is reset. I mean hey...I guess it's better to be safe than sorry you know? But on this night...I was NOT pleased.
So I had to get my truck towed to our mechanic. The police were really cool and waited with me after I shared with them my fear of fake cops and dark roads. Naw...if I was really serious I'd say they waited because we were having some really good conversation and laughing our butts off on side of the road.
Then the tow truck arrived.
Yall remember the movie "Deliverance?" Well the guy who was driving the truck looked like a cast member cept for one thing. He was Black.
Old boy had one right top toof and one bottom left toof and it made him no nevermind. He was smiling and cheesing something proper.
It was a warm night so the windows were down in his truck. I called Robby so he could head out to meet us. I got in with my head half sticking out the window because of the cigarette smell and he got in and pulled out his cigarettes.
Me: If you're going to need to smoke while you drive me, we're going to have to take my truck off so I can call someone else.
Him: Oh..you're one of THOSE.
Me: Sorry...but yes.
We got off on the wrong foot. LOL!
So after about 5 minutes of silence he started talking again and yall...the conversation was one that I will never, EVER forget. I couldn't believe he was actually saying some of the things he was saying! I needed a witness and the only person I could trust not bust me out was...drumroll please...SISSSSSSYYYYYYY!!!!!!
So I call Sissy while old boy was talking. I whispered listen and put the phone on speakerphone. Old boy talked. And talked. And talked.
I listened and said what I could. Did a lot of nodding and unh huh's-oh really's. Sissy, on the other hand, had her phone on mute and was over at her home HOWLING! No...really...HOWLING! That's just how funny crazy it was. He spoke about smoking, family, child rearing, drinking, wives, ex-wives, the economy, relationships...women...yup...ALL OF EVERYTHING-NOTHING.
So we get to our destination and I wonder out loud where the overnight key drop was. The place was well lit. Old boy started taking off my truck.
And then...THEN...old boy finally got me to laugh (because all the while I was sitting in there stunned mind ya even though I was being UBER polite). He yelled at me across the noise of the truck. "You don't need the drop box! There the Bossman go right there!" Jerking his head toward Robby who was standing by the door.
Yall...I got weak shaking my head slowly back and forth. I paid ya boy...tipped him well...put my key in the drop box and got in the truck with the "Bossman." *sigh*
And yes...Sissy tries to work it into conversation every chance she gets. Why? She's evil.
