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October 28, 2008



This damn video oneblackman sent us today has got to be the funniest ish my sick azz has seen all year.  I laughed sooooooooo hard that I start laughing just THINKING about it.  This one minute thirty eight second video is the funniest thing in the WORLD to my crazy, sick, demented azz.  Yup...what yall already knew.  Monica Mingo IS crazy and always will be.  Yes indeed.

Now...we shouldn't have even STARTED watching once we saw the beginning shot of dude with the biggest damn bandaids we've ever seen on his face.  But click we did. 

"This ain't no regular night."

That was the second indication that we should'nt have watched.  When the name Martez rolled through...we should've collectively stopped the video and logged off of the COMPRUTER or put it away if you were on a LABTOP. Martez gave his entire interview with his bluetooth earpiece in.  Yerp.  Yet ANOTHER indication.

Martez:  Men tryna look like wymen.
Bandaider:  Drag queens.
Martez:  Drag queens.  Transeshua.  Whut dey were.

And things started getting a little strange.

Martez:  Dey come to da winda...tap, tap, tap...I'm still ignorin...talking noiz to em.  So I git deyr just pissed em off even worser.

Now at this point you know something strange went down with some gay guys dressed like women.  Cuz really...we don't know if they are transsexuals right?  I mean...I don't think anyone got nekkid...I guess we can call them Drag Queens...but let's move on shall we?

Cuz when old girl breaks in and says the following in her VERY proper and VERY idiomatically correct lingo AFTER listening to Martez?  This is when I FALL THE FUG OUT ON THE DAMN SOFA KEELING OVER LIKE I JUST CAN'T GO NO MO!

Reporter:  Three drag queens jumped out of the car, ran into the restaurant armed with a tire iron and started swinging at employees. But not before they disrobed.

OKAY...THAT RIGHT THERE?  THAT RIGHT THERE?  D.E.A.D. DAMMIT!  DEAD!  Kill me now!  I wonder how many times she had to do that damn voiceover?  I mean really!  I'd have to repeat that shit like fifty-lleven times to say it with a straight face and a solo alto voice.  SERIOUSLY!

Me trying to say it in a reporterish voice here: Download when_transvestites_attack.mp3

And what makes it even FUNNIER?  At 0:43 when you see a boot on the floor with two big azz hoop earrings lying next to the CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.

Dammit...somebody come get me please!  I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

Since I can't stop laughing I don't know what in the HELL the policeman is saying...but when we get back to Martez...I stifle my laugh cuz I just GOTTA hear what's next.  Why?  Cuz you just KNOW Martez bout to TELL IT!

Martez:  He swung.  Hit my manaja.  My manaja swung hit back.  So den win-whee star comin up.  So dey step back. Git to taking off dey shoes.  Boots. 

  Yall see how he ackin like he taking off shoes and boots?????  See how his shoulders dipping and shit?  Okay...that's all I wanna say right now.

Martez (continued): No-whu-I'm-sayin.  Wha-eva-else they had do doo to feel satisfied to fight. (I ain't gonna say nuttin here.  Imma just point out the satisfaction MUST have been reached cuz it started going DOWN!)

So lawd...then Po Albert get mauled.  That's not my words.  Those are the words of the reporter.  MAULED.  And baaaaaaby...old boy got the bandaids to prove it!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I.CAN'T.BREEEEEEEEEETTTTHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!

Albert get to damn near shadow boxing trying to tell his story.

Now...when the manager threw the hot FRENCH FRY grease at them I lost it A.GAIN!  I musta laughed for a good ten damn minutes the first time I watched this video.  I laughed so hard I missed the part about the manager being smashed in the head with a CAUTION WET FLOOR sign.

KILL.ME.NOW.  Please.  No...seriously.  Kill me.  Cuz my stomach is hurting so bad from laughing I cannot breathe.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Then the drag queens went back out...bashed in the drive thru window and rolled out.

Now...I wanna pernt sumptin out to you.  Martez.  Po Albert got mauled.  Bandaids all over his lil face and ish.  The manager got tooken (yes...I said tooken) to the hospital and Martez?  NOT A DAMN SCRATCH!  Half his collar a bit popped...but that's all.  Po Albert already said he was trying to protect him from the drag queens and all this AFTER...it sounded like MARTEZ'S AZZ was the one who initially started fuggin with the drag queens.  I mean...he was at the window right?  And that's where it started right?


Martez done started some ish and got his Mickey Deez crew jumped, mauled and smacked around that damn wet floor...and his azz still has his bluetooth headset on.

What have we learned here boys and girls?  MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT!  YEAH I SAID IT!  MARTEZ AIN'T SHIT!  Oh...and I know there is a drag queen in Memphis mad as HELL bout their jacket and boot.  One boot.  Oh...and hoop earrings.

From now on...when I'm bout to start some ish with someone...Imma start off by saying..."TAP, TAP, TAP."  That is all.




I can not (literally) stop laughing. This is crazy. Either the "manaja" or "one o' dem in dur" is "on the low". That BIg Mac attack was certainly not random. You know it's 'bout business when the disrobing starts!

Have you ever laughed so hard that your ears started hurting? That's how I feel right now.

I wasn't able to view this at work but uhm, yeah, hilarious. I bet they were real excited that they were going to be on TV. But then I bet all their friends clowned them for getting punked by trannies! Dude isn't fooling anybody. He probably had one scratch! Drama.

I had to come out of my lurkdom on this one.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because your commentary is HEEEEEEEEElarious!

I'm afraid to watch the video because of this:

"And what makes it even FUNNIER? At 0:43 when you see a boot on the floor with two big azz hoop earrings lying next to the CAUTION WET FLOOR sign."

See, this here reenact-a-ment is worser than the first one.

LMAO!! You are certifiable!!! I didn't watch this yesterday but had to after reading your play by play. Bwaahahahah!!!

lawd begeesus.. My stomach hurt.. I already shared the dang video yesterday cause I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING.. I was like I'm going straight to hell with that one cause I can't stop laughing.. but yo commentary???? you trying to say that line with a straight face???? DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!!!

Yeah this is my entertainment for the ENTIRE day.. yessir..

Why did I read and listen to your reporter commentary before yoga class...Imma be bustin out laughin every damn minute just thinking about it. W.R.O.N.G & D.E.A.D...

But I'm still sharing this will all my friends when I get home...guess I'm wrong too. *wiping tears from eyes*

Oh my goodness..I'm laughing out loud..

You are so crazy! Your commentary made it so much funnier.

ROFL...and your transcript made it even funnier. I couldn't stop laughing.


STOP da MADNESS! It was funny in the video, but for you to break this down and do a transcript and shyt. ahhhhh hell!!!!!!!!!!!! You have me in tears here people think something is wrong with me!

Dey rollz hard in Memphis.

Remember, it's hard out der fa a p.imp. (not sure which person gets the pimp award in this scenario though. LOL

Monica M. you are too much. LOL

********Why? Cuz you just KNOW Martez bout to TELL IT!******

Martez is a damn SNITCH! LMAO. I can't stand this.

OMG! I am laughing SO hard at you that I can hardly catch my breaf! OMG! That was so funny!

My question is....did the manager get sent away in the ambulance for getting smacked in the head with a plastic "wet floor" sign????!!! Tell me I didn't hear that right. After all, the manager through the french fry grease on transie!!! Right?

You should be ashamed for sharing this with us. And I should be ashamed for forwarding it to all my friends. Everybody all jacked up but Martez.

@bella: Tomorrow...Imma be a better person. Promise. :)

I'm mad at the reporter too! Maybe the Transeshuas weren't angry before Martez started Fuggin with them. They coulda been in a good mood just wanting some fries!


I can't stop!

And for that you are no longer my innernet big sis.

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