Rantings of a Creole Princess

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Did you buy your wedding dress in a smaller size because you planned on dropping a few pounds for the wedding?

Friend of a Friend Scenario From My Inbox

A friend is visiting your home and brings a friend they are dating long distance.

Their date charges up their phone and leaves behind the charger.

They catch a plane back to their home and YOUR friend contacts you and asks that you send the friend their charger.

You do so the next day via regular mail.

Your friend calls and asks if you sent it and you tell them yes.

They are like...good...they should get it tomorrow then right?

You're like...um...no.  I didn't overnight it...I sent it via regular mail.

The friend is VERY surprised and asks why didn't you overnight it and you're like...well...you didn't ask me to you just said to send it and I wasn't about to spend $20 to overnight someone I don't even know like that a charger they could replace for $19.

The friend tells you that was very fugged up of you and that you know good and well people use their phone chargers every day and had you said something they would have just given you the money back.

The friend is pissed and gets off the phone highly upset with you.

What do YOU do?  Are you pissed?  Do you call the friend back?

50 Cent Loses Weight for Movie

BEFORE:

 

AFTER:

No.Words.

P.G. School Bus Driver Charged with Producing Child Porn

Question...

Do you think men are just as vain as women?

"You're too White."

The owner of a home is home

Two guys ring the door bell.

The owner answers the door.

The guys ask could they wash his cars.

The guy says no and that the covenant for our development states there is no solicitation.

One guy argues with him and says they signed up somewhere.

The owner tells them you can't sign up anywhere to solicit in their neighborhood and that if they don't leave he is going to call the police.

One of the guys is Asian...the other is African.

The Asian guy gets mad, stalks off and yells back, "YOU'RE TOO WHITE!"  The African guy follows him.

Do you think the owner called the police?  Do you think the owner got mad at the "YOU'RE TOO WHITE?"

What do you think The Robinator would have said?

Jesse James' Interview

I just finished watching Jesse James' interview when he started crying about the child abuse he suffered.

I watched it and walked away.

I thought about how disgusted I get when I see people who have done fugged up ish and then get on television and start crying for sympathy.

And then...

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever told your son to stop crying and be a big boy?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Would you date a man whose best friend is gay?

Liza Minelli: "Single Ladies"

Scenario...

You're substitute teaching.

The daughter of someone you know goes to the school and you are shocked at her appearance and behavior in school knowing that, from what you know of her parents, they don't get down with that type of behavior.

You haven't seen the young lady since she was really young so she doesn't remember you well enough to not act as she always does in school.

What do you do?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever looked at an email account that "weren't yern?"

Gabrielle Union's Fit: HotNESS or HotMESS? (SM)

Who Pays?

A woman gets pregnant by a famous athlete with gamillions of dollars.

She doesn't have medical insurance.

Should she be able to sue him to have him pay for her medical bills while she's pregnant?

They are not dating.

Page Six Story

Scenario...

You're dating an older guy.

He's quite the catch.

You've been dating him for a few months now.

On your last date things got kinda hot and heavy.

But yall didn't take it to the next level.

Tonight's the night you're thinking.

After a lovely date and some hot and heavy yall take it on in.

During pillow talk you find out that he'd taken a vi.ag.ra before picking you up in preparation.

Are you offended?  It's not like you told him tonight was going to be the night so are you offended that he was presumptuous? 

Dear Women:

Do you care when a man starts losing his hair?  Like...does it make him unattractive to you?  Do you think about it AT ALL?

From My Inbox:

My husband snores so bad that I don't get any sleep.  I get so tired that some nights I get up and go sleep in another room and this makes him mad but I just get desperate for some sleep.  I'd like to know if any of the Tribe have ever dealt with this and what ended up working?

Chenega Corporation is looking for an EBONICS Linguist in Atlanta?????

Damn Atlanta!  Chenega Corporation is looking for an EBONICS Linguist in order to figure out what the hell folks are saying down there?

Yall gonna sit still for this?

Do YOU this offensive?

Question? (From Oneblackman)

If you were getting married and you never met your S/O's best friend which happens to be a female,  would you have a problem with S/O having a female best friend if she looked like Precious or Color Purple Oprah?  Or does appearance not matter at all?  Would he really have to cut ties with her?

AND DONT YALL GIVE ME THAT USUAL POLITICAL CORRECT ANSWER CRAP!

Question...

How would you feel if you had a guest who RSVPd to your small, intimate wedding who didn't show up and didn't offer any apologies as to why?

From My Inbox:

Hey Monica,

I wanted to ask a question to your readers about a situation I'm in, feel free to condense as necessary:

My best friend of 12 years who lives in another state recently got married. I was invited and flew in for the wedding of course, but the bride who I never met before gave me the 3rd degree once we met. I felt pretty awkward, like I was some ex-girlfriend or homewrecker. Even most of the groomsmen gave remarks, things like "I dont have any friends that look like her," etc. I can't help the way I look, in fact when we met years ago I was 100 lbs heavier and I was like a little sister type relationship between us.

I have no interest in this man and he has never had any interest in me. We just talked about relationships and work and things going on in our lives. But after the wedding I felt pretty sad so I sent my friend an email telling him how I feel. He said his wife is leary of me and we cant be friends like before. Even when the wedding photos came out, I was left out of every one including specific pics I took with him and his mom, who did know of me. And he told me that was done on purpose. I know he has a wife now and I know we cant talk like before but am I wrong for feeling like crap cause I lost my best friend? Feels like I am getting an unfair boot just cause I am attractive and been friends with him for a while.

What say you?

"Bing Be" - Part 2

Authors Note:  Hell...yall were so good with her...might as well get some ideas on what yall think HE looks like.  Thanks in advance to all!  This is AWESOME!

My shift is from 12 - 8 today.

I'm thankful for my job but I'll be damned if I wear my work shirt and name tag when I'm not there.  That should explain to you why it is currently folded up in my backpack while I'm here at the library looking for a job before my shift starts.

Today.  8 hours on my feet smiling and shit ringing up and bagging people's groceries.

The library is right behind the grocery store where I work.  Well...across the street and down a piece but you get what I'm saying.  It's a nice day so I parked at my job and walked over to the library.  Three days a week my shift starts at 12 so three days a week I get here at 9 and look for a job.  A real job. 

I'm not looking for anything much special but I just want the basics.  I'm all out of dreaming so I'll take one of those good Federal jobs so I can shut it down.  Get me some benefits.  Get my kid some benefits.  Have more money to give his mother.  Help my mother out a bit more.  Basic shit you know?  Shit a man should be able to do.  Yeah...I know I went about it ass backwards but I did it.  I was in school for 4 years and didn't graduate and then got me a good job while I was still in school and then took some time off from education.  By the time I figured I needed to finish school, I'd already been divorced  with a child and back to living with my mama but you know what?  I went back and I finished and when I started looking for me that good job seems like everybody else was looking for that same good job too.  I thought I was doing something getting that degree finally and look...all it seems to be is some more paper trailing me around.

But I'm thankful for this lil piece of job I have because it's something and I see people.  People with baskets overflowing with expensive foods.  People who don't care if it's on sale or not.  People who don't use their reward card because they don't think about every cent they spend.  Imma be one of those people one day soon. 

Probably not though.  I'll always remember this feeling of not having enough and not feeling adequate.  Of having a job that defines me by my current circumstances.  I'll always be scared to be here again.  Of living with my mother as if she's my roommate but not really because she's my mother.

I look around me at the people at the other computer terminals and I know there is probably one or more of them applying for the same jobs I'm applying for and I size them up and see what others will see in the comparison.  Sometimes I'm good.  Sometimes I'm not.

"I'm poor, Black, I might even be ugly, but dear God, I'm here. I'm here"

I have to stop watching that movie with my mother.

I was laughing at myself when I saw Thursday Morning walk in.  I call her Thursday Morning because Thursday is the only early morning shift I have and she's in there every Thursday morning.  I watch her because I can.  She won't recognize me because I'm invisible to people unless I'm at my register with my shirt and name tag on but...I have a feeling she doesn't recognize many.  She's got that look.  Like she don't want no trouble so she's gonna keep to herself.  I see how she balls into herself and has a faded look in her eyes all the time. Like there's a film cross her eyes. 

You know how when your car runs outta window cleaner stuff and you flick the thing to get rid of bug juice and now it's all dried up and hazy?  That's what I imagine her vision is like.  She's never in a hurry but she doesn't linger either.  I bet she has somewhere to be and stays tight up on a schedule.  Ain't nothing wrong with sticking to schedule.  I'm the same way.  Hell...it's Tuesday and I'm at the library right?  Right.  It's what I do on Tuesdays. 

I like knowing there is someplace else I go that she goes to as well.  Seems that somebody with a schedule being where I am makes it seem not all that bad.  I wish I could see her smile because I've never seen her smile.  I bet if I told her some corny ass shit like "You should smile" or "Pretty ladies like you shouldn't frown all the time" she probably look clean through me and toss me an old fake ass smile like I've seen my mother do in church with Elder Morse who is always trying to holla at her on the sly.

Oh well.  She has a nice ass anyway.

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever flown somewhere for a party?  Not a wedding or family thingy...just a PARTY.

True or False?

"Sometimes you have to let small snakes bite you to build your tolerance to venom."

Tween / Early Teen Music

Any suggestions?

Dear Single People:

Do you feel lonely or are you good?

"Bing Be"

Author's note:  This is a character I've been working on.  This is what she was thinking and doing before action was called on the set.  Her life is about to change today but I'd like to know if you can SEE her.  If so...what does she look like?  TO YOU.

It's been about two years now I suppose.   Maybe more because I can't even remember what today is.  Wait...I saw "24" last night so that was Monday so today must be Tuesday and it's May.  Late May.  I know that much because Memorial Day sales commercials be coming on the tv.

Be coming.

Lawd my daddy would have skinned me alive if he'd heard me talking that way.  Why do I always sound like some old Negro character actor in my head?

I'm currently sitting outside enjoying a cup of coffee.  Coffee is the one thing I haven't cut back on.  I mean sure...I don't waste any like I used to mind you but I still get the good stuff.  Oily, dark roasted fresh beans.  I store them in that airtight canister I searched high and low for forever ago and make my coffee in my fancy coffee maker every morning.  Fresh ground.  If I have any left over, I put it in the fridge and reheat it the next day.  I can't be wasting no coffee man and day old coffee gets a bad rap by the masses.

Be wasting.

I gotta get up and out of here today so I can fax these distribution papers in.  My unemployment ran out, of course...hey...it's been bout two years now.  I take out a bit every 6 months.  Enough to cover my mortgage and car insurance. Household bills and whatnot. Thank God I didn't buy that new car when I was thinking on it back when I had a work home that I'd gone to faithfully everyday for 12 years right out of grad school.

I've been watching "Ellen" because she makes me laugh big old belly laughs although  I've started to have issues lately because of all the people she's been helping out recently and I wonder if I'd tell her all my business so she could give me a car or pay off my mortgage or something.  But mostly I just be laughing cuz Ellen is funny as hell.

Be laughing.

I never lived big.  I always had enough by simply not needing much.  My home is simple out in a quiet area and I live a quiet life.  My phone doesn't ring.  Not my home phone because I shut that off when I shut off the cable.  I didn't really need either of them.  I have a computer and internet so I can watch movies and tv shows online.  My cell phone is the basic plan with the minimum minutes because nobody calls me anyway.  People don't know how to be there for you when you're going through tough economic times cuz money is just so hard to talk about I guess.  My friends invite me someplace and I can't go even though I'd love to and after so many I can'ts...they stopped giving me the opportunity.  I didn't go to the wedding of my line sister and they thought it was because I was jealous because she was getting married.  The truth of the matter is that I couldn't afford the flight, hotel, food and gift.  Her wedding added up to a month of living for me.  But they think it's cuz I be hatin because I don't have a man or children or the life they have chased down until they are thread bare.

Be hatin.

Ain't none of their business no how.

But no...I don't have nobody to take care of me when I get old.  Don't have nobody or nothing and no...I can't buy you a baby shower gift or a house warming gift or give your kid a First Communion card with cash.

I should have adopted that puppy but they gotta eat too and have shots and all kinds of stuff that costs money.

I'm living now as if I have nothing to look forward to except this cup of coffee in the morning sitting outside on the patio of my comfortable, adequate home because I don't.  I stopped looking for a job months ago.  I leave my home on Thursday to buy my food for the week.  I don't need much.  Two packs of chicken do me fine and I've been growing stuff I can eat too.  Frozen veggies are always on sale and I simply eat what goes on sale come Wednesday.  Right now my life costs me about $1,200 hard cash a month to live.  After I take out this distribution today, I'll have about $92,000 left in my 401k.  Good thing I always put in the max all those years for all my years left over.  I do the math all the time cuz I be thinking.  But this is all I can do right now.  Live small and quiet and wake up every day.  All that thinking will make a person feel desperate.  I have lots of time for desperate when I stop avoiding the mirrors.

Be thinking.

Well...that was my last swallow of coffee and I'm not in the mood for another cup today.  The enjoyment it brings me makes me think everything was normal again even as I know that's a dream but I be wishing.  I be wishing.  I be wishing.  I be wishing.    I read they don't start harassing you really until you've missed 3 months of mortgage payments so I can always tack that time on at the end.

Be wishing.

Lord...please give me the strength to repair my broken will.  Please.  Please make it harder for me to accept my life as it is now.  Please make me want to re-join the pulse before I'm far too content with the quiet.

I be praying.

http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2010/05/24/4347469-man-allegedly-sets-blaze-because-of-late-dinner

By the way...

As long as I'm being honest tonight I might as well tell yall that I HATED THE MOVIE "CLAUDINE" WITH EVERY.SINGLE.PORE.OF.MY.BODY and I thought the lead roles were disrespectful to the FABULOUS actors playing the roles.

Oh...and I also thought WELFARE was the main character.

Fugishpieceofnothings!

Movie Making

The thing about movie making is this:

When YOU...the audience, finally sees a movie...the filmmaker is probably already doing another movie and getting the ducks in a row for the NEXT one.

Kinda leaves things on the table to not be addressed cuz we are simply past caring about the older thing.

I don't have time to answer questions nor do I have time to take pictures. 

Hell...I can't even remember what it is you're commenting on unless I go watch it because I haven't watched it in MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS because I got sick of watching it during the editing process.  Not that it wasn't good mind you...but because I've seen them too much and know them too intimately.

I just don't like people all that much ya know?

Yeah...you know.

On to the next one.

Overweight Actresses

I have a problem with casting overweight actresses.  I know how I want a character to "look" and yet...when I go to put out a casting call regarding...my words just sound so awful and I find myself hesitant to put it out there.

How do you say, "mid-20s to early 30s, overweight, Black female with natural hair for lead role" without it sounding bad?

I mean...it's not bad but those words strung together just sound bad put together.  Sure it's a lead role.  Sure it's a thoughtful, smart and FABULOUS character but those words seem to be so demonized these days that I just don't want them out there with my name attached to them.

Why is that?  Why do you think I have SUCH a problem with that character description when it's what "she" really is even as I KNOW who she is because I brought her to life with my words and KNOW how fuggin awesome she is?

Where are my "despites" coming from?

I don't like shit like this.  I wish I could just go to a  place where actresses are and just pick her out without verbalizing a description.

Make sense?

Check it out!

Just learned about this.  I haven't watched it yet so don't take this as an endorsement of any kinda but it has made my DVR so I may check it out:  "A Good Day to be Black and Sexy"

CreoleInDC: Feeling some kinda way...

I was reading something where two very smart people were arguing that Queen Latifah's movie didn't make enough money because she is ALLEGEDLY gay and Halle Berry's movies don't make money because she is a sellout without personality.  I started feeling some kinda way because of the day I've had and, because I'm far gone on my second glass of wine.

I chose to respond.

Yall may ridicule me if you wish but hell...I'm hurt and upset and, apparently, not nearly controversial enough in thought.

No worries...I'll learn.

My response:

I thought “Just Wright” was a cute movie. I like cute movies. Especially since there are never cute movies around with Black people like me in them. Seems to me the only time Black movies are celebrated are if there is some major unspeakable dysfunction going on in them. Incest, rape, abuse. Yeah…all of that.

If those things are prevalent…then yes…it’s celebrated and we have a hit and awards are given because that’s what Black life is really all about and it’s the truth right?

Right.

In movie land.

Far be it for some of us to be well adjusted, law abiding people with mortgages.

I watch movies all the time. Romantic comedies mostly. Predictable based on the genre alone and cute. Women dressed nicely. Men with with good jobs who want to get married. Nobody…carrying a gun. And yet…this seems to be only acceptable behavior if it’s NOT a Black movie.

Because Black movies seem to need a coon or two. They need to have some legal issues or violence in order to be considered REAL. We can’t have romantic comedies. It has to be dark in order to properly depict US.

Or…it has to be foolishness.

Yeah…I know the formula and even as Mr. Tyler Perry’s movies insult my intelligence I crave his movies. Why? Because I enjoy watching people that look like me on the big screen and, more often than not, they are my only options.

Halle Berry a sellout? I wouldn’t say that. I’d say she was a hustler. She knows the deal. I can’t knock her hustle as she’s gotta live just as I do. Hell…I know I can’t do poor and I know that faced with the option of “selling out” versus making money…I’D MAKE.THAT.MONEY.

Queen Latifah? I love me some her and always will. Did I feel she and Common had chemistry? The short answer is…I didn’t care. I’m a girly girl and it was a girly movie. I’m going see “Sex and the City 2″ with my girls and we all know Cynthia Nixon is gay and yet…she’s an ACTRESS and we respect that so…why can’t the same be extended to THE QUEEN if she is gay.

Which none of us know for sure because NONE of us have been in her bedroom with her. And again…she’s an ACTRESS.

Gay actors play straight all the time. Same as straight actors play gay.

IT’S ACTING.

Neither of them should be torn a new azz simply because we’re mad we don’t have other options available. It’s not their fault. It’s OURS.

I’m struggling with myself right now because I’m a 40 year old filmmaker who didn’t start film school until I was 37 and I recently completed my first short and am in pre-production for my second. I know what I’d like to see but I also know what sells because I’m well read and no dummy. I struggle with the fact that what I want to see won’t make money because it’s not as “JUICY” as other over-dramatized pictures would be and I struggle with the fact that my story lines simply may be over the heads of the Black person who is the normal Black movie go’er according to VERY.REAL.STATISTICS.

Where does that leave me?

In a very REALISTIC place. I want to entertain people like myself but I don’t want my bottom line to be zilch. Because of that…I have to be smart. Savvy. When I write I need to keep in mind the audience, which may not be MY audience, that actually attends movies. I might have to step and fetch. I might have to make my hero, Mr. Spike Lee, turn up his nose at my work.

Why?

Because I’m 40 years old and I can’t and WON’T do poor. We can turn our noses up at what sells all we want to and ain’t ish gonna happen. Why? Because it sells.

Numbers don’t lie when translated into cash.

Sooner or later we’re going to have to realize that the good stuff ain’t selling but hey…the crazy ish does.

The best thing about US as Black people is that we are so diverse in our interests, experiences and life choices. The worst thing? We’re the minority and the majority still only connects what they believe as “the norm” with us. The majority of Whites. The majority of Hispanics. The majority of Asians…hell…the majority of BLACKS.

We won’t ever be fluid and yes…I suppose it’s a good thing unless you’re trying to make money encapsulating the MAJORITY of our MINORITY.

Does it make me sad? Yes. Does it make me want to continue on with my life of being a housewife and finally put to bed my dream of being a REAL filmmaker? Sometimes. But most times…no. I WANT to make movies. I NEED to make movies.

And I will…as long as they let me and the money doesn’t run out.

I promise.

*sigh*

Bose Customer Service

EVERY.SINGLE.THING.

Seriously...they should teach a course on how to keep customers happy and loyal.  LOVE.ME.SOME.THEM!

Natasha Bedingfield "Touch" - HotNESS or HotMESS? (SM)

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Are you going to watch "The Bachelorette" tonight?

Hmmmmm...

A teacher is doing a lesson with her advanced placement students about the negative effects of racism.

It was being filmed.

Four of the students were wearing traditional K.lan costumes for the shoot.

The teacher has been placed on administrative leave because of the K.lan costumes.

The school is outspoken regarding this being a poor decision made by the teacher.

What say you?  Justified?  Much ado about nothing?  How would you feel if YOU were a parent of one of her students?  Do you think that this reaction is one of the types that lead people to believe folks are trying to write history is such a way that it seems as if it was always warm and fuzzy?

Students Wear K.KK Uniforms to School

16 Year Old Twins Arrested in Mother's Murder

Teen Twins Arrested in Mother's Murder

Scenario...

You have a cat.

You ask your neighbor to feed the cat while you're gone because your cat eats the fancy food which comes in the can.

You call home to check your voicemail around the time you asked your neighbor to feed the cat (you didn't call on purpose at that time...you just did it) and your neighbor answers your phone.

They say they're standing at the sink cleaning the cat's bowl when they saw your number and answered the phone automatically as they do when you call them at their home.

The neighbor laughs it off saying they can't believe how confused they got.

What say you?

When you have to BAN chicken costumes from the polling place...

Things have gone way, way wrong.

I.CAN'T.STOP.LAUGHING!

"Chicken Costumes Banned At Polling Places"

Gosh I'm bummed...

The big important day has been postponed.

*sigh*

Tell me something funny.  Please.

Would YOU do this?

The Public Humiliation Diet

Sometimes I "MISSPEAK"

Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, Democrat, is running for the Senate. 

Seems dude has told folks on several occasions that he fought in Vietnam.

Dude wasn't in Vietnam.

Dude didn't fight in Vietnam.

Dude lied through his teefuses.

Now dude says he simply "MISSPOKE."

He MISSPOKE for years mind ya...

He has issued an apology and now believes all should be well and he should continue on with his bid for Senate.

What say you?  Is lying misspeaking about your background during your political career grounds for folks to lose faith in you?  What do you say to the folks that say we all fudge our backgrounds a bit to get a job?  Would YOU vote for this guy after this?

Please don't have an affair with a BLOGGER...

Will Folks, SC Blogger:  I Had an Affair With Nikki Haley, Republican Candidate for Governor

Whatchu know 'bout? JESSE OWENS

Jesse Owens

Your FAVORITE photo!

Describe your FAVORITE photo of yourself!  What are you wearing?  Who is in the pic with you?  Where was the pic taken?  Who took the pic?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Have you ever packed your lunch and then decided you didn't want to eat what you packed so you got something else?

What say you?

Teaser

sisters. Coming Soon! from mvm shorts on Vimeo.

What say you? Do you want to see more? Based on this teaser...are you intrigued? What do you think about the production quality? The music? The fashion? Does it seem like something I would do? Do you FEEL.ME?

I thank you in advance for your support.  Yall know YALL's opinion means the world to me.

****Only had it up for an hour as I wanted to get some opinions.  Thanks to those of you who watched and shared with me what you thought.