DO.NOT.READ.ANY.FURTHER.IF.YOU.PLAN.ON.GOING.SEE.THIS.MOVIE!
Or hell...maybe you should read it so you don't go and can hold on to the magic of what used to be.
*sigh*
Anthony and Stanford get married in the gayest wedding alive. Liza Minnelli performs the ceremony and THEN...she does something she shouldn't ever, ever do.
EVER.
She strutted around without pants on.
Um...ew.
You too old for that Liza.
She performed "Single Ladies" but I sure wished she'd done it while wearing pants. It was horrid to watch.
Seriously.
Liza. Pants. From now on. Thanks in advance.
Carrie and Big started acting all weird with her in a dungeons and dragons crown as the best man at Anthony and Stanford's wedding. Big kept calling the wedding gay and Carrie was wearing a tuxedo.
With a dungeons and dragons crown.
And it all went downhill from there with the jiggle of braless boobs on Charlotte's nanny.
*BLINK*
This movie was so bad. So very, very bad that it made the worst of the bad movies chuckle in anticipation that a franchise THIS BIG was joining their ranks.
The stereotypes were soooooo IN.YOUR.FACE. and you know what else was? The over the top luxury.
Why in the fug was Charlotte baking fugging cupcakes with a toddler and a small child wearing off-white vintage froo-froo? SERIOUSLY?????????????
I wanted to shake the shit outta Carrie's simple azz for picking stoopit azz fights with Big about going out. Big was basically like...I'M A GROWN AZZ MAN! HELL! YOU GO KICK IT! IMMA CHILL HERE! And yet...she MADE him go do ish he told her he didn't want to do. WHO DOES THAT? Her azz is way too old to be the old chick in the club and yet all she wants to do is go out and kick it.
*BLINK*
Miranda was the only one of them that didn't make me want to puke tonight so Imma leave her alone. But Samantha? YOU TOO DAMN OLD TO BE THAT HOT AND BOTHERED DOWN THERE HELL.
The Aidan shit was contrived and crazy. Telling Big was RI-DAMN-DICULOUS and the fact that she got a FAT.AZZ.BLACK.DIAMOND after she done kissed another dood just made me wanna reenact the scene from Rambo where he jumped up out the swamp with bullets flying.
This shit was HORRID!
I could dissect every.single.horrid.thing that happened in this movie that further tanked it but hell...I'm too damn tired and disgusted. They disrespected the HELL outta Abu Dhabi's customs and made this ish so campy and so DROLL that I can't believe they even had one marketing poster made after the studio execs saw this nonsense.
For the first time I thought of them as a bunch of rich, shallow bitches who were devoid of a cellular structure and in need of a GAP.
This shit sucked CHUNKS and I am MAD.ABOUT.IT!
My rating? F-