I overheard a conversation with some men who were talking about a young man, age 23, who was REALLY into his girlfriend.
The men were all successful, responsible professionals.
The general consensus was to advise the 23 year old to not even THINK about getting married until he was 30.
They all damn near fell over each other dapping each other up over how smarty pantsy they were.
All three of the men were married.
All three of them were married to women who'd had fertility issues.
At the time...only one of the wives had been successful in having a baby after significant invasive fertility treatments.
SIDE.EYE.OF.DEATH!
I had a reporter recently ask me if my doctors were candid with me in my early 20s about how much fertility in a woman actually decreases in her 20s. I shared that they would ask me the normal questions regarding safe sans ropas and usually start off by asking was I in a monogamous relationship so they could help me make decisions regarding preventing STDs and a pregnancy. Why?
Because they had been my doctors for a while and knew me so they knew I wanted to be married before I had children.
Simple.
So I guess they never stressed the information to me and, had they, I probably would have snapped. Why? What in the world was I going to do with that information if I wasn't married and didn't want to be a single mother?
You're damned if you do...damned if you don't.
If you have a baby when your fertility is optimal but you're not married, and you're young and struggling financially...you're an irresponsible single mother statistic according to society.
If you wait until you get married, you know...once the man has decided HE'S old enough for marriage, and you're financially stable...then you're an infertility statistic wearing the mantle of feminism according to society.
It seriously annoys the pig crap outta me.
But you know what annoys me even more?
It's an unfair burden on women because there is nothing we can do about this. NOTHING! Men are waiting later and later in life before they even THINK about marriage and this is egged on by other men in their circle. It's not like they sit around and discuss fertility ya know? They sit around and talk about football or stock or the latest and greatest cars or apps or...azz.
They're not talking about fertility.
I always wonder how these things would change up, for society at large, if men WERE thinking about it. Would it have made their opinion regarding how the young man should continue his relationship status? Had those three men started discussing their issues with infertility at their age...would it have clicked?
Probably not cuz these fools didn't even think about it until I went in there and broke it down for them and then you could hear a pin drop once it dawned on them that I was right and them giving a young man advice about waiting before he even THINKS about starting a family was irresponsible cuz seriously...did they want another couple to go through what they were going through or had gone through with THEIR wives??????????????????????????????????????????????
My husband is a pretty smart guy. He's responsible and always does the right thing. He didn't know a THING about fertility until we realized that HOUSTON...WE HAVE A PROBLEM. I remember being in Dr. Sacks' office with my husband and listening to the questions he was asking in amazement at the options available to us at our age. Basic questions. Questions which proved he'd never even thought about fertility issues in his entire life.
*sigh*
As long as men are being told to wait...women are going to have problems because our bodies DON'T wait.
Why is it that this is a burden that women are taught to bear alone? Why can't the connection with men NOT knowing be made by people who are supposedly informing the masses? When a man is in HIS 20s...are his doctors discussing fertility with them? Are they telling them that if they keep sowing their oats and find they want to settle down and get married with a woman from their age peer group...then there is a MAJOR chance that he might not be a father without spending a lot of money and heartache and that, in some cases, it might not happen at all????????
Are doctors telling men that the years of messing around with random women will pale in comparison to the years they spend raising their children?
IS ANYBODY TELLING MEN ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT FERTILITY UNTIL THEY ARE SITTING IN THE ROOM WITH THEIR WIFE AND DOCTOR BEING GIVEN THE STARK REALITY OF A BAD NEWS BEARS SITUATION?
Yeah right.
The solution?
Good luck with that.
*sigh*
