I have a friend who is extremely good at refinishing furniture. Her home is a showplace filled with unique and solid pieces. Large, stunning cabinets and armoirs which she found in a state of total chaos and she loads them up on her old truck she uses for this purpose, takes it home, removes all of the hardware, strips the paint, sands it down, repair damages to the wood, and stain, stain, and stain some more until she gets that stunning hue she's looking for.
And then...she puts it in the perfect place in her home and it blows you away just how stunning the piece is knowing it's original state.
She takes pride in how well she does this and she should...it's an AMAZING talent to have.
I'm a firm believer in the nurturing nature of women. We are automatic protectors and go out of our way to make sure those we love know, in one way or the other, that we are here for them. We protect children who are not our own, we love love our family, framily and friends.
I believe most women would rather be with someone they are familiar with who knows them, loves them and cherishes them.
I believe most women would rather lay it all down for one than to always have to start over with someone new.
But a lot of the women don't have that immediate option and, when it's cold, they can get lonely and...when the human spirit gets lonely...the mind starts playing tricks.
You meet someone and they say they are single and you're single as well. You go out on a date and return home...alone. They call, you call...two days later they are in your home for dinner even though you've seen report after report of women being harmed by someone they know in their home.
Because you believe.
Two weeks later, the woman is calling him "Baby" and planning things for them to do together. They roll their eyes at the people in their life who side eye the hell outta them after they hear that "Baby" crap.
Friend: How long have you known him?
Woman: We met a couple of weeks ago.
And the conversation stops there because seriously...you've been here with her before.
So many stops and starts.
You've stopped remembering their names because really? Why?
Women can often swap stories of dog azz men because everyone has at least one but what we can't ever fail to forget is that men can't do anything to us we don't allow them to do. That we gave them ACCESS to do.
We can't forget our own culpability in allowing ourselves to be played because we were allowing our minds to play tricks on us and ignored all of the signs because we were in the process of refinishing him in our minds to fit in that perfect spot next to us in our bed, in our home, in our life. We were too busy planning and we started chipping away at our own defenses by lowering them until he had crossed the moat to our heart and once we realized he was a Trojan horse...it was too late. He was in there.
He was in there.
I know someone who starts and stops many times a year. How could she not? She's attractive and smart. Men are drawn to her and she's drawn to that idea in her heart that makes it easy to forget the other starts and stops that year so far.
Cuz this one is the one.
And I feel sorry for her, not because I think she's foolish but because I know her heart's desire and I know she's just trying to find it out there for her. Can we blame her? Can we blame the innate desire to nurture on the inability to find something that sticks? Can we really be upset with a woman who simply wants to love and be loved?
Increasingly...I believe no. Increasingly I listen and don't say much. Not because I don't care but because I, too, want for them what I know they are looking for and yes...every.single.time they start new...I hope, wish and pray right along with them that this time it sticks.
And, increasingly...I don't have any answers.
Do you? When you listen...when you notice and know in your heart what the outcome is going to be and yet...you are hopeful...what do YOU say? Do you just allow them to continue to attempt to refinish him? To make him fit in that space?
