We live in a world filled with takers. We all know this and we're all equipped with warnings from family, framily and friends to watch out for takers. I feel like people sometimes can get to the point where they've had enough giving and snap and decide to look out for me and mine only and take back what the world has taken from them.
And then I started thinking about timelines. How much time does it take a GIVER to turn into a TAKER?
How long does it take someone to stop caring about others and what happens to others and ONLY focus on what happens to them?
And is this healthy or does this stunt our spiritual growth as people?
I'm a giver by nature. I will give when my heart leads me to do so and, my heart leads me to doing so more often than not. I'll give a hand, some time, a safe haven, food, gifts, and even money when the situation calls for it. I never think about it really unless my spidey senses are going off and honestly...even then, if I still feel the need to give even if I think folks are trying to play me...I'll give because I know that at some level they need what I'm about to give and maybe...just maybe...a lesson will be learned and they will begin to be compelled to give as well.
I know who I am and I'm pretty good with that.
Last week I started thinking about this in context to a situation happening around me. A single woman without kids is the best friend to a married woman with kids. The single woman is a GIVER. And her best friend is her FRAMILY. The single woman buys birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, good grade gifts, etc. for her best friend's kids. She generally takes the best friend out for her birthday and gives her husband a funny card for his birthday. About three years ago...the best friend and her husband decided they were only going to give Christmas gifts to kids in their family ONLY since gift giving had gotten out of hand. So they haven't given a Christmas gift to the single girlfriend bestie in three years but she hasn't changed her gift giving pattern at all.
The single woman's birthday was recently and the best friend gave her a card with a $25 gift card to Sephora in it. The single woman LOVES Sephora and the married woman knows this.
The single woman accepted it graciously and then a week later...she got pissed.
She started tallying up the GIVING and she realized she'd been holding the short end of the stick for a while. When folks started discussing it they brought up her disposable income as a single woman and how she has MORE than most since she has a great job and no kids. The married couple are doing okay for themselves but hey...we all know kids cost.
And folks started thinking about FAIRNESS.
I will say that I've been stung about how things add up sometimes but I've always realized that when I start tallying things up...it has nothing to do with monetary value but with the value I believe the other person places on me and my contribution to their life. I have people I've given and given and given and they've never even treated me to a cup of coffee and I've started to feel some kinda way about it so I started holding them at arm's length. I have other people I've given and given to and I never think about it because they show me in other ways that they appreciate my existence in their life.
When I thought about that...my advice on the situation was that if you've gotten to the point where you're tallying things up...it has far less to do with money and much more to do with the relationship because if all was well...the last thing you'd be doing is counting money and putting more value on that than on the friendship and love.
For me...this is a litmus. If I label someone as a user, I stay away from them. If I know someone is just going through a tough time...I never think twice about the giving part. I wonder if that's the way it is for everyone.
What do YOU think of the situation? What would you say to the single woman? If you're single...is this something you've ever dealt with? Giving multiple gifts within a family when they collectively give you just one? Did it change your giving pattern? Did it bother you in any way? Do you keep TRACK?
The thing I know for SURE? Once a giver is done...they are DONE. I know this firsthand.
