Rantings of a Creole Princess

Dear You:

You said yourself...you forgave him once and here you are again. I didn't say much because well...I don't think you wanted me to say anything. So I just listened.

I just watched this video on VH1 Soul and the whole montage of Aretha's man taking the other woman and her kids out was just so jacked up...I thought of you.  The words were more powerful than anything I could have ever said to you.  So well...maybe give it a listen.  Or not.  Maybe you feel this way.  Or you don't.  Maybe you're tired.  Or you're not.

Maybe your heart knows you can't be happy in this situation but maybe you keep letting your brain add up pros which aren't really pros at all.

Maybe...just maybe everyone who knows already knows that you're not going to do anything to change anything so they just wish you the best.  In whatever way YOU think is best.

Stepping in Dog Shit

Have you ever stepped in dog shit wearing sneakers?  You have all of those grooves and whatnot to get the shit out of.  You're hopping on one foot, trying to figure out if you've smeared crap anywhere and well...the whole situation is just a mess.  You use a cleaning brush you're never going to be able to use again and some kinda something with a flat edge to scrape through the grooves to get all of the crap out of there and well...there are always STILL some bits of shit left it seems for a long, long time.

Now...what if you step in shit and then someone comes up behind you who stepped in some shit too?  Do you have time to help them clean up the shit from their shoe or do you have your hands full getting your own shit out of the grooves?

On Saturday I was hanging out with a girlfriend who is going through some pretty heavy ish.  Someone called them and dumped some of their ish on her.  She got off the phone wondering what she was going to do to help and gave me a brief rundown.

Me:  You need to worry about cleaning up the dog shit on your own shoe first before you can help someone clean the dog shit off their shoes.  And...the dog shit just might be too much for you to be worried about on someone else's shoe cuz you know...cleaning dog shit off your shoe...can get pretty darn hectic to get it all off.

I'm all for helping and being of service but when you have your own major stuff going on...FOCUS.  Let them folks clean up their own shit.

A boyfriend, at your age...is a GROWN AZZ MAN!

Sometimes it's infuriating listening to women talk about the men they are dating or were dating.  I listen in amazement wondering if they are describing something that happened with a boy when they were in middle school and not with a grown azz 40 some year old man.

Cuz what you just shared makes no damn sense.

A grown azz man knows better.

I refuse to believe that there are so many grown azz men who don't know better.

So...maybe they know better but search for BOO BOO THE FOOL so they don't have to DO better and dear...guess what?  You're the contestant on BOO BOO THE FOOL!

When someone does some ish like you're BOO BOO THE FOOL...why don't you call them out?  Point that ish out and keep it moving?  Acknowledge that you don't HAVE to be BOO BOO THE FOOL.  Acknowledge that you control how people treat you!   Acknowledge that your two feet work just fine and you can put one foot in front of the other and keep it the heck moving.

I was stood up for a date once and the guy didn't all.  When I tried to call him...he didn't answer.  I called that mofo ONCE thinking something had to be big time wrong.  He didn't answer.  Oh well...guess who ain't BOO BOO THE FOOL?  I was too old for that ish and perfectly fine with spending the weekend on my sofa watching television.  I never answered any of his calls after that and meant that ish.  When I saw him out and about months later he looked like he wanted to say something to me.  LOOKED LIKE...cuz that shithead didn't get an opportunity to come near me.  I was NOT having it.  My name is NOT BOO BOO THE FOOL and you're not going to treat me like ish and think I'm going to be skinning and grinning in your face afterwards.

NO.

HELL.NO.

I heard dude got married and then divorced within a year.  Sounds like he thought his wife was going to play BOO BOO THE FOOL for the long haul.  Good thing she figured that ish out because I can't think of anything worse than marrying a grown azz, rude fuck that periodically forgets the concept of respect.  Sounds like his azz needed to be alone.  

Women...PLEASE don't be walking around here being BOO BOO THE FOOL.  Be who your parents raised you to be.  Be who you see yourself as.  Don't be what a rude, disrespectful shithead reduces you azz.

RANT.OVER.

Do you know any BOO BOO THE FOOLS currently?

 

 

Online Dating in 2013

One of my FABULOUS girlfriends is single and dating online.  The other day she received a message from a guy who looked promising as it relates to his profile.  He asked could they skip all the formalities and go straight to email so she did.  He then told her he was only looking for sans ropas hookups and wanted to know if she was down.

I told her to go radio silence and block dude.

Simple.

She's since had two more propositions of this same kind and I'm worried that she's going to get discouraged and give up cuz honestly...that's a lot of bullshit to deal with.

Shit.

Yesterday in a post we had an interesting discourse in the comments:

"Too many women out there screwing for free."

Being from the South I've heard plenty of harsh advice.  A lot of times I was dipped down in a hallway somewhere listening in on grown folks conversation that I didn't have any business listening to.  Had I been caught...oh yeah...I would have been called a "fast tailed lil girl."

Which was the worst thing you could have been called in my world.  Nobody wanted to be fast tailed.  NOBODY!

I remember overhearing once that "too many women out there screwing for free."

Now...to a simple brain...that sounds like the woman speaking was advocating for women to be prostitutes.  To someone who knew her...they knew EXACTLY where she was with that.  Basically...she was saying that women need to understand the power they have and that there was no reason you should be with a man who can't do anything for you.  See...they were quick to peep the lil boys who were sniffing up behind you and, if they didn't have potential...they didn't have nainh problem letting you know this.

Straight up.

Many of these circumstances still exist but I think we've gotten too PC to say them out loud I think.  Sure...when you're with people you REALLY care for, you have no reason to not say these type of things because you're not trying to let your loved ones go out like that.  I've had this conversation with lil cousins fo' sho.  I was on the phone with one of my cousins recently and she reminded me of something I said to her over a decade ago.  I'd forgotten it, of course, but she said she always stuck to that simplistic and harsh as hell view when making decisions with matters of the heart and well...it works and worked for her.  YOU would probably be shocked to hear what it was I said to her because I'd never say it to anyone OTHER than someone who flat out knows that I love them unconditionally and would do anything for them.  PERIOD.  I doubt I'd EVER put in print what I told her but I meant it and told her because I love her.  

Same as my Elders have done with me.  They can say some offensive azz, ratchet azz sounding ish but you can't pretend they aren't right.  You might be hurt and mad cuz they DARED say some ish to you like that but trust...if you tried to go at them they'd be like...

"And who the hell are you that I have to watch my mouth before telling you something?  I'm YOUR Uncle/Aunt/Grandmother/Mother/Father/Sister/Brother/Cousin.  I want the best for you and don't give a damn how you feel if I know you're out there fucking up and you need to do better.  Sitcho' lil azz down somewhere and listen.  Bruised feelings ain't got shit on having a fucked up life cuz you thought you knew every damn thing.  Take stock is what you need to do.  Take stock and change some thangs cuz if you don't...shit is going to stay the same.  I don't want my blood to be struggling for dumb azz reasons.  Now go in there and bring me a cold glass of water and bet not be no Ceily shit floating in it either!"

And that's that.

Are we too PC with young adults and adults when it comes to checking their ish these days?  Do you often find yourself not getting involved and not saying anything because you don't want to say the wrong thing knowing they will focus on the wrong shit?  Or do you say it anyway not giving a damn?

So...what WOULD you walk out on?

Friday we discussed a dating scenario and many people said they wouldn't have left after the date was, in my opinion, disrespectful.  I disagreed because well...I have bad nerves and have a low-low tolerance for ridiculous.  My stance on dating, when I dated was that I would enjoy myself more at peace on my sofa with my remote rather than dealing with silly ish.

And I meant that.

Organized Household Tips

I'm pretty happy with the level of organization I have going on at home.  I do little things daily to make sure that it never gets completely out of hand and looks like a mess.  Other than the seemingly constant laundry going on here...it's always surface clean.

If My Mommy Was Alive

If my mommy was alive I'd probably have picked her up from the airport 'round 'bout Tuesday.  She'd be all excited and jittery about coming and she'd be in new stuff from head-to-toe in that simple, country folk way she had about her.  See...when she was going somewhere she considered "big time" she believed in wearing all new stuff.  If it was just jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt I bet it was brand spanking new right down to her sneakers cuz baaaaaaaby...coming to visit her only baby girl and son-in-law all the way up in the DC area on a plane was BIG.TIME.

Leaning on a Nurturer Too Much is a Trap of Your OWN MAKING!

We have different people in our lives for different reasons.  Life is pretty awesome that way.  There is pretty much room for everyone if you make room within your family, framily and friends.

We have the fun people in our life and the serious people who give us good advice.  We have career minded acquaintances and we have the health conscious friends.  We have the sports friends and we have the industry people we use as resources when we need help.  We have inspiring friends and we have friends who will run up on someone for you with a bat and a flashlight if need be.  We have the gossiping friends.  We have the fashion and beauty friends.

And...we have the nurturing family, framily and friends.

Stankin' Azz

Every chance I get, I go out of my way to embarrass the Godson.  Why?  Because I believe there is value in learning to not give two flying figs about what other people think about what you choose to do when you're not breaking the law or being ignorant.  I will break out in a hot boogie in the middle of Trader Joe's (they play some good Motown in there) or hit the chorus and have everyone else in line joining in.  LOLOLOLOL!

I've done it so much that now he just looks at me, shakes his head and says...Why?  LOL!

The other day Shelly Bean did the same to Coley Pole.  She was dropping him off to school and he was being special about something.  She turned the music up in the truck, jumped out and started doing the snake in front of EVERYBODY!

HE.ABOUT.DIED!

I laughed my butt off cuz really...that was awesome.  I know Coley well so I know he was MORTIFIED and yeah...that was something his lil behind needed.

My parents used to embarrass the hell outta me.  We got laughed at or talked about for so much I became immune to it and seriously stopped caring one iota about someone picking fun of or having an opinion of me and mine without really knowing us and having that trust level where I know you have my best interests at heart when you share an opinion about me doing me like I want to do me.

And that is all a part of not being an un-evolved monkey.

Some of the nastiest, meanest people I've run into simply place too much stock into what other people think.  

Now...I'm not talking about illegal ish or having proper manners mind you cuz um...yeah...

I saw a chick recently who was head-to-toe the opposite of me.  In every way possible.  Nails super long and pointy, platform open toe sandals with fuchsia and purple tights, sweater dress fitting super tight, a little extra around the middle, hair wild and free, bright fuchsia lipstick, spider lashes, aqua blue-green eye makeup, tattoo on her hand and faux hazel contacts.  She was STEPPING!  Chick's stride was so STANK you couldn't even catch up with her to say ish to her.  And she was smiling.  No music...no phone conversation...just walking and smiling knowing exactly who she is.  She looked like a tropical bird on the streets of downtown DC while the rest of us were in puffy jackets and cold weather boots.  

That shit was so hot with her stankin' azz.  LOL!

That said...how much do YOU truly care about what other people think, be it about your drinking Moscato, choosing to have 6 kids, eating Velveeta Shells and Cheese, etc.?  Do you REALLY care?  

If you do...is it an area you think you need to work on?

GO TO THE DAMN DOCTOR HELL!

Someone was telling me about a single mother diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Cancer recently.

I *BLINKED* and got upset.

That didn't have to happen.

Stage 4?  Come on now...to get to that stage you had to know something was outta whack right?  Why not go to the doctor?  If no insurance...they do screenings at Planned Parenthood.  Now she has babies who will be without their mother soon.

THIS HURT MY HEART SO BADLY!  IT DIDN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS!  EARLY DETECTION IS KEY TO SURVIVAL!!!!!!!!!  GO TO THE DAMN DOCTOR HELL!

I know someone who was showing clear signs of having had a stroke.

But kept refusing to go to the doctor.

YOU CAN'T EVEN WALK UPRIGHT!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR LIP?

YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR ARM?

GO TO THE DAMN DOCTOR HELL!!!!!!!!!

I know someone who had been in AGONIZING PAIN but didn't tell anybody asking Mr. Google and whatnot.

They have GOOD insurance.

They were in pain for WEEKS before they said something to somebody.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

YOU CAN'T EVEN HOLD UP YOUR DANG HEAD!

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL!

THAT MUCH PAIN MEANS SOMETHING IS WRONG.

THE HELL YOU CRYING FOR?

GO TO THE DAMN DOCTOR HELL!

This kinda ish frustrates the pig ish outta me.  If something is wrong with me...I'm going to the doctor and I'm going to continue going to the doctor until they find out what's wrong with me no matter how frustrated we all get.  Doctors exist for a reason.

USE THEM!

And stop doing things you know good and well are going to have you crooked the hell over as you get older.  That's selfish.  Someone else is going to have to take care of your azz for years behind you CHOOSING to do unhealthy crap now.  That's some selfish ish right there.  You wanna smoke...then keep smoking hell.  Mess around and get tossed in a state run old folks home cuz can't nobody stay at home to take care of you.

Do YOU know anyone like this?  They know good and damn well something ain't right and yet they won't go to the damn doctor?  UGH!

NOTICE!

I'm pretty sick of people tossing around the word LOVE and using it the wrong way.  People running around not knowing what in the hell love actually is make my teeth itch.  All them hurt feelings and tears?  Unless you have a disorder of sorts...what you're feeling is not love.  Stop wishing someone would do right by you.  DON'T DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO RIGHT BY YOU!  Where is this coming from?  Why don't people know what love is and how to do it?

AND ANOTHER THING!

If you show up to a restaurant for a dinner date with a guy who is already eating his dinner...you do know that shit is disrespectful right?  You do know that's a sign that his azz is only always about him right?  Right.  That's some selfish ish right there and you can ignore that big azz boulder if you want to but you will pay later.  This is going to be the type of dude who makes 6 figures while you make 40K and expects you to pay half the mortgage while yall keep all of your money separate.  This is the kinda dude who is going to expect you to cook dinner the day you come home from the hospital after delivering a baby via c-section.  This is NOT a good, nurturning dude.  This is a dude who has issues better dealt with by someone who is equally jacked up.

Seriously.  LEAVE THAT KINDA DUDE 'LONE!

Cool Aunt has spoken...

Button Up Your Blouse Hell!

I worked with a woman once who didn't like me because I was the only person in her chain of command that she couldn't flirt with to get her way because I was the only WOMAN in her chain of command at the time.

She'd be seen in the company of all men so they could pat her on the head or shoulder while staring at her boobs in her low cut blouse.  She'd dress extremely sexy and goodness knows she was a victim SO OFTEN that men started doing things like going for a walk with her to  offer her support because the poor dear was so misunderstood.

All while looking at her boobs or her azz.

The other women who worked with her couldn't stand her azz either and she told everyone it was because they were jealous of or were hating on her.

Cuz that's what all women do.

o_0

Eventually the men in her chain of command got sick of her azz too so she started doing the same thing with men NOT in her chain of command.  She'd become desperate for attention by then so she started peppering her conversations with sexual innuendos or just vulgar nonsense that shouldn't be in the work place.

The shit got old and more and more women started getting promoted over her so more and more women were in her chain of command.  And she didn't know how to function working with more women.  She was so used to men being in charge and being able to get over by having her blouse cut low that she never learned a thing about actually doing her damn job.

The craziest part of this was that the woman was VERY attractive and was never without male attention and yet...she never had a boyfriend for long.  This was noted by the women first because she was the type to talk to anyone around about what her man did or bought for her thinking that other women would be GREEN.WITH.ENVY.  You know...grown responsible women who were married with children and a damn life.  I remember hearing about an office pool tallying up how many men she'd gushed about within a calendar year and I started feeling a bit sorry for her but then she did something stoopit so yeah...I stopped feeling sorry for her.

Eventually her services were no longer needed and when it was time for her to find another job...she realized that the people who were in a position to give her a reference weren't fans.   She tried to go over their heads to the head MAN in charge and he never once returned her call.

The company didn't burn bridges with her.  They hired a contractor to come in and CAREFULLY DECONSTRUCT the bridge quietly because really...there was no need to bring the fire department in to put out that fire.

She never grew.

She was always the victim.

And every.single.professional woman she comes in contact with wants to tell her to "BUTTON UP  YOUR BLOUSE."

I was recently reminded of her as an EXTREMELY professional woman, "Sally", was telling me pretty much the exact same scenario about a young lady, "Chrissy", in her office who attempted to go over her head to her male boss, "Jim", to get her way.  Jim called Sally in and basically told her that he knows Chrissy's type and has decided Chrissy should be moved to another department until they could get rid of her because he didn't like the way Chrissy went over Sally's head to come to him with her boobs dangling.

Bye bye Chrissy.  

Oh...and Chrissy's story is that she got a lateral promotion because Sally was hating on her and threatened by her.

#GIRL.BYE.

Please just go to work and do your job.  Leave all that "extra" for reality shows.  Unless you're a Playboy Bunny or a Hooters girl...keep 'em under wraps properly mmmkay?

Love,

Your Cool Aunt, T-Monnie

Have YOU ever worked with a Chrissy?  

 

 

 

Shouldas, Couldas...CURRENTS

Sometimes I get really sad but I always reckon that's the way it is for a lot of people who've been through difficult times in life.  Something hits you in a certain way you know?  Like...a song comes on and that chord is stuck again and yeah...you're stuck in that moment, transported by your memories and it washes over you.

Sometimes I get really sad.

I guess my dog being on her last legs was the beginning of it this time for me.  Then...we had death in the family and well...death in the family brings along a complete other set of pain for me and then...I'm stuck.  

I'm stuck. 

I start focusing too hard on internal scars from external scars which have since healed.  I stare too long at the scar on my left breast.  I sense the scar from my myomectomy even while fully clothed knowing exactly how long it is end to end and knowing what it cost me/us or...what I believe it cost me/us.

I tear up at pictures of babies.  I choke on deep breaths watching adult daughters with their mothers.  I focus too much on being far up North away from everyone and everything that has truly mattered for a lifetime.

And I get really sad.

I dwell too long on the one negative thing on a call instead of focusing on the fifty positive things.  I get stuck.  I worry about things out of my control.  Things which could affect the long term.  Things I couldn't do a thing about if I tried.

Not good enough.

UPDATE on the Brian Wedgeworth Scenario / Saga!

Remember this?

Scenario...What if Brian Wedgeworth, Brian Lapsley, Brainard Bell, Brian Wedgeworth, Otis Washington or Brian Jones did this really?

Well...here is an update according to Ms Tee:

BRIAN OTIS WEDGEWORTH HAS BEEN CAUGHT!!!! He is currently in the Dekalb county jail on $200,000 CASH bond. If you or anyone you know are a victim of his please contact Detective - Cook -770-724-7789 or email @ [email protected]. If anyone know how to get in contact with the 22 year old young lady who killed herself behind this fool please give them this information. Also, here is an email address- [email protected]. Let's pull together and get this fool.

Please keep in mind this is according to a commenter.  We don't know these people and we don't know what's fact or fiction.  She's just been really diligent in making sure this information gets out there.  As far as a young lady committing suicide...well...we certainly don't know if that's true and I'm pretty sure we can't get in touch with her if it is.

QUESTION:  Did this scenario back in 2009 make you wary of dating?  Did you learn anything from it?  

Cool Aunt Advice

Don't let a man without a car drive YOUR car while you're at work.  

Seriously.

That hoodtastic "Baby Boy" stuff is REAL for some people and, to quote a line from "When Beautiful People Do Ugly Things" some people "...have that HOOD.SHIT so deep..."

 

Cool Aunt Advice

A man who doesn't spend time with his children and who doesn't make his children a priority is not a good dude.  

If you end up having a child with this man and you're upset at the lack of involvement he has with your child I will SIDE.EYE.THE.HELL outta you cuz  you had pebbles before you were hit with that brick.

Oh...and calling his child once a week doesn't cut it.  Da hell a phone call gonna do?  Go see that kid.  Pick them up and take them somewhere.  Help them with their homework.  Hit up parent teacher conferences. Play basketball, baseball, whateverball. 

Children require far more than just money to be raised.

Oh...and if you over there laid up like a pron star with some dude all the time knowing he hasn't seen his kids but you see him all the time...guess what?  You ain't shit either.

 

Great Sans Ropas Ain't Worth a Plug Nickel At the Bank!

VIDEO IS NSFW!

When dating it's important to know what's important.  As you're sitting in your home, look around you and check out your surroundings.  Then...I want you to think about how many of the things around you were paid for by great sans ropas.  Now...I'm not clueless so I do know that some gifts are agreed upon at the moment of um...erra...ENJOYMENT during certain grown folks games, but there aren't many of us who can say they make a living out of getting their freak on.  Some folks do...yes...but not most.

And not for everything.

Cool Aunt Advice

Growing up I had a cool Aunt.  You probably did too.  She gave it to you straight, no chaser the way your mother wouldn't.  See...your mother could only see you as the precious baby she protected and raised.  Your cool Aunt straight up knew who you were and that you weren't slick.

Seems a lot of folks don't have a cool Aunt cuz if they did...they wouldn't fall for a lot of shit that seems to be shoveled out these days.  At age 43 I'm too young to be your mother...but I'll be that cool Aunt fo' sho.

You can call me T-Monnie and Imma tell you like it is or like I see it.  If you don't like it...oh well.  It don't make me no nevermind if you listen or not cuz seriously...you'll learn.

The hard way.

Now...here's some cool Aunt advice right up off the bat.  Consider this your introduction to me.  What would T-Monnie do?  I'm about to tell you.

IF A GROWN AZZ MAN ASKS YOU FOR MONEY YOU LOOK HIS AZZ IN THE EYE AND LIE.  TELL HIM YOU AIN'T GOT IT.  SIMPLE.  TELL HIM A BIG AZZ WHOPPER IF NEED BE.  THE GOVERNMENT GARNISHED YOUR CHECK CUZ YOU OWE TAXES OR SOME SIMPLE SHIT LIKE THAT.  AND THEN...YOU FADE HIS AZZ TO BLACK CUZ SERIOUSLY...IF A GROWN AZZ MAN IS GOOD WITH ASKING YOU FOR MONEY WITHOUT IT BEING EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO DO...HE AIN'T WORTH THE LOTION HE SMEARED ON THAT MORNING.

HELL.

NO.

BUYING SHIT FOR A GROWN AZZ MAN?  HELL.NO!  If it ain't his birthday or Christmas...Imma need him to buy his own outfits and sneakers.  Being nice turns into being a damn doormat swiftly.  Don't be that fool.  DON'T.BE.THAT.FOOL.

And...further to that...if you're a woman and in need and he knows and ain't offer up any assistance AT.ALL...Imma need you to leave his azz solo.  YOU CAN DO BAD BY YOUR DAMN SELF!

That sounds contradictory I know.  Cool Aunts don't always dish out fair advice.  We're too busy being the Cool Aunt.

PAH-DOW!