Rantings of a Creole Princess

Scenario from real life...

You have lots of male friends.

One is online dating.

You know he's a good dude who is really looking for his life partner.

He's smart, fun, funny, tall and in great shape.

You're catching up with him and he tells you that he's learned a few tips about online dating.

One in particular?

Don't talk to women who don't have a full body shot.

The conversation continues and he says he got caught slipping once and was on a date with a woman who was a big girl and well...he's not interested in dating overweight women no matter how smart, pretty, well dressed or successful they are.

You listen, because he's your boy, and then...you just kinda get off the phone.

But then...as these things go...you think about it in the quiet of the night and you wonder...

Is he wrong for feeling that way?  

Would you have said something other than...well good luck and happy dating!

Would knowing that single men like him have this preference make women focus on losing weight if this is an issue for them?

Could the fact that Americans are getting larger attribute to over half the population now being single?  

The US Is Becoming More European: Half Of Adult Americans Are Now Single

 

 

 

Dating Marrieds

I was having a conversation with someone recently and they shared they are in a relationship that isn't traditional.  They constantly repeated that they were happy. The nature of the relationship/s made me cringe but hey...not my circus...not my monkeys.  Stay away from my damn husband and we won't end up on an episode of "Snapped."

I thought about it afterwards and wondered...why do we automatically assume that someone isn't happy if they are doing something we'd never do because we feel it is super wrong?

Take dating someone married for instance.  Now...yall know how I feel about that.  If folks are married...leave married folks the hell alone.  Married folks...if you're married...stay your azz out other folks' faces kee-keeing and shoe-shooing.  HOWEVER...I've heard a lot of people say they are happy in their relationship with a married person.  I know one person in particular who, upon learning that people who love them disapprove of their relationship, go all out to state that as long as she is happy why should anyone else care?  And hey...I guess she's right.

Right?

What about the woman who is about to marry a guy in jail?  She obviously loves him right?  Why can't we be happy for her?  Why would we sit there with our lips perched waiting on someone to ask our opinion?

So are there limits about caring for another person or friend?  Can you want them to be happy but only as YOU'D wish to be happy?  Can you wish that they are healthy without focusing on their spiritual health too?  Can you understand that even though you know it's DEAD.DAMN.WRONG to be sleeping with a man or woman who is CLEARLY married...that you can still want that person to be happy even if you don't personally condone their relationship?

Or...does caring about another person mean that you automatically want better for them so you're well within your boundaries to express disappointment in their choice?  Sure...it won't mean a thing will change but I'm not going to sit here and let you think I condone this crap.

Holla.

 

The Penny Date

Would you do this?

Would YOU date him?

Tall.

Professional.

Average looking.

On your first date he's a perfect gentleman.

For your second date, he arranges for you to play tennis.

You're a good tennis player.

He reserves court, etc.

You drive separate cars and meet there since you're coming from opposite sides of the city.

While you're playing, you find that he's EXTREMELY competitive.

He talks MAJOR trash the entire time.

He's winning and his trash talk is getting worse and worse.

He asks did you bring some snacks.

You didn't.

There is a clubhouse where you can get snacks.

He's still talking trash.

Yall finish and you're annoyed as hell.

He, quite obviously, had THE.BEST.TIME beating you and smack talking.

He invites you to lunch.

Do you go?

Would you go out with him again?

Would you tell him that you thought he was a Class A jerk while yall played tennis?

 

Would YOU date him?

Tall.

Handsome.

Single.

Successful.

Funny.

Kind.

Is clearly in love with a woman who will never love him as anything other than a friend.

Would YOU date him?

A few years older than you.

Divorced.

One child with ex-wife.

Successful.

In the entertainment industry.

Is very close to his family.

Is smart, fun and funny.

His mother is deceased.

You look EXACTLY like his mother.

You good?

Stay With Me

I heard a new song the other day that was soothing.  I went to iTunes and bought the song and then really listened to the words.  

Basically the guy was having a one night stand but he was lonely.  He asked the woman he was with to hold his hand.  He didn't want her to leave and asked her to stay with him.

I can imagine it.  Dark room, bit of light coming from the moonlit night.  Blue lights rotating from where the music is coming from.  The aftermath of sans ropas.  Two people spent.  Strangers.  Seeking comfort.

Stay with me.

I wondered about the woman.  How would she feel being asked that.  Would she stay?  Would she take the risk?  Would she think it was a red flag that he asked her this when all she was seeking was a bit of release as well.

What do you think...on a scale of 1 - 10...what is the likelihood of a woman staying in this situation, knowing that she will probably end up getting hurt?

 

If I Was Single: Black Enterprise Golf and Tennis Challenge

I met this woman in the airport recently when both of us decided the deal to give up our seats that Southwest was offering was  bit too good to pass up.  We had prime time direct flights but Southwest had oversold the flight.  They were offering $300 voucher + what you paid for the flight and you'd get on the next flight out.  The only thing that wasn't optimal was that the flight wasn't direct but hey...I didn't have anything going on and I was about to get some moooolaaaaaaaaaaa!  I'd paid $361 for that flight so I got a voucher for $631 and I still got home.

I mean...come on.  I couldn't pass that up.  Sometimes I'm like...nah...I wanna go home.  But when I did the math and realized that I'd only be getting home 2 hours later...NO.BRAINER.

So...the woman and I hung out.  I noticed that she had a bag for the Black Enterprise Golf and Tennis Challenge so I asked her about it.  Truth be told...they should hire her as PR because she RAVED at how wonderful it was.  She said it was a gathering of really awesome professional people and it's the one thing that she doesn't think she will ever miss attending again.

As she talked, I paid attention to her.  Beautiful woman.  Obviously from good stock.  Her legs were crossed properly.  Neat makeup.  Simple and elegant jewelry.  She spoke with her eyes and smile.  engaging.  I knew she was successful just from the way she connected while she communicated.

Boss chick.

So I started asking her lots of questions because I'm working on something that she would have been cast perfectly in as herself had she been an actress.  LOL!  

I'm so sorry...yes,  I use bits and pieces about people all the time.  LOL!

She told me about some other events throughout the year that she attends and I was impressed with just how much she does.  See...she is single and enjoying the hell out of her life.  She gets up and GOES.  I like that.  We exchanged numbers with a promise of keeping in touch because she's the type of woman you want to keep in touch with.  Genuine and cool.  A few weeks ago she sent me a text asking if I'd used my voucher yet because she was in the airport on her way to a conference or something in Vegas that weekend using hers.  GET.IT!

I liked her energy and thought to myself that if I was single, I'd keep a future plan to attend something awesome too.  Strategic  you know?  I'd be having fun in an environment where there were men I'd be interested in having fun too.  

What are some of the things you've heard about or attended that you think would be PERFECT for single professionals to put on their list of to-do's?  Maybe we should ask Nisa!  She would DEFINITELY KNOW!

Have you ever given up your seat for a good deal on a flight?  

Real Men Don't Go Dutch

I've been binge watching "The Bernie Mac Show."  I'm telling you...that show was/is sooooooooo funny.  I loved me some Mr. Mac.

In an episode I recently watched, Jordan had a crush on a lil girl at school and they were going on their first "date" to the movies. He was all excited and told Uncle Bernie about it, who was OVER THE MOON with joy about his nephew's first "date."  He started giving Jordan all sorts of dating advice.  One of them being, "You pay for her ticket.  None of that Dutch crap.  Real men don't go Dutch."

I continued watching smiling because I agree with that.  None of that Dutch stuff.  Real men don't go Dutch and then...I kept it moving and didn't think about it again.

Then, I started thinking...at the time, Jordan was 12.  He didn't have any money.  Two tickets plus snacks at the movies is kind of expensive for adults with jobs these days so a 12 year old with a limited allowance would be hard pressed to take a girl out if he was required to pay.  Sure, Uncle Bernie could break him off some money, but Uncle Bernie was a rich celebrity.  Most kids don't have rich parents.

Very few kids have celebrity rich parents.

So...I then started wondering what I would do if a pre-teen, teenage girl I loved was going on her first "date."  Would I tell her to expect the boy to pay?  Would I tell her that "real men don't go Dutch?"  In these economic times when teenagers can't find jobs because adults are now filling those positions, is it irresponsible of me to have her thinking the boy should pay?  what if that became her non-negotiable?  Would that make her less datable in the eyes of boys/men everywhere?  

Is this part of expected chivalry dead?  Can we honestly hold on to this one without crippling dating among teens during the times they should be learning to court properly so it's not an anomaly once they become adults?  Are we perpetuating the "hook up" generation by holding on to old traditions?

Meet the kids...

In YOUR opinion is 6 months of dating too soon to meet the kids?  

Dear Online Daters:

How often do you/did you find that people didn't look like their pictures?  Did you say something?  Would you be offended by a profile which asked for full body shots as well as a close up face shot?  

Mr. May / Ms. December Romance

A while ago I was traveling and saw a May / December romance.  We're kinda used to these, but normally, the December is the man.  Well, this time it was Ms. December and her Mr. May.

Mr. May was handsome with a nice body.  He was dressed in nice, new clothes with a faux pas or two.  He had on very stylish jeans with super expensive sneakers, a nice shirt, a puffy, belt and suspenders.

You read that right.

His haircut was neat and he was very well groomed.  He was rocking a pair of Beats and loving every minute of the beginning of his journey.  

Ms. December was on point.  Head-to-toe on point.  Casual but stylish travel wear.  She was doing a bit of work but paying attention to her love as well.  They looked like a couple in love.

When they were boarding the plane they passed by me and I overheard Mr. May say, "I thought we were sitting up front?  My ticket said B-13.  Ms. December didn't say anything really and they continued on to the find two seats together.

I was talking to a friend about this and asking her if she'd ever be able to be in a relationship with someone where she was the more enlightened in the um..."living well" department and whether or not she thinks she'd do well in a relationship where she had to teach a young man about life.  She was of the mind that she probably couldn't because, "That shit would get tiresome quickly."

I reiterated that old boy was quite the looker and that old girl seemed pretty happy with her youngin and the friend said that it would be fun for a while but that yeah...it would get old.  She'd feel like she was raising him and that all men like that end up feeling some kinda way because you were doing better than them and are quick to forget what all you've enlightened them on and go find some younger woman to pass along that knowledge to so that they can finally feel like a real man.

Instrastin.

What do YOU think?  If you were older and more established, would you be able to have a relationship with someone young and considerably less established?  

 

 

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

You're dating a nice guy. 

The first time you go to his house, you see this:

Would YOU date him?

Your age.

Tall.

Amazing smile.

VERY well groomed.  (The dude who always smells good and has the perfect 5 o'clock shadow come 5 o'clock without even trying it seems.)

Divorced.

Two children with previous wife ages 10 and 12.

Moved to the area when his ex-wife did so he could still co-parent with her.

Is actively involved with his church and sings in the men's choir.

Is successful in a mid level management kinda way.

Shows up to your first date dressed like this:

Question...

Have you ever dated someone you knew used to date someone you know?

Scenario...

The man you know was the love of your life broke your heart by cheating on you.

Yall didn't have any problems before you found out about the infidelity.

You left him and never looked back, moving to another state.

Years later you run into him when you're visiting your parents and yall end up talking.

He says the biggest mistake he's ever made was hurting you and making you hate hm.  

He tells you that he's never gotten over you and probably wno't ever.

He'd love it if you would give him another chance.

All of the feelings you felt for him before come rushing back and your remember how much you loved him.  How much he loved you.  How GOOD it was until he cheated on you.

You return home still thinking about it and the man you've been dating for 18 months is there.  Steady as always.  

You go to the restaurant for dinner where you had your first date.

He's acting weird and...before he starts...you KNOW he's about to propose.

What do you do?

Do you try and stop him before he does?

Do you let him and say yes?

Do you let him and tell him you have to think about it?

 

 

I've Been Single For My Entire Life

I've Been Single For My Entire Life

I found this article very, very interesting.  What do YOU think?  

Do you ever KNOW when you're in your own way?

RACHEL SKIFFER AND MARVIN COOTE:  A Reluctant Bride Conquers Her Fears

Go read that article.  I'll wait...

 

Doody...doody...do...

Dum...dum...dee...dum...

Okay...have you read it?  Good.  What are you thoughts?  Do you give your daughters the type of advice Ms. Skiffer's parents gave her?  Do you give your sons the type of advice Mr. Coote's parents gave him?

What do you think of the lesson she had to learn?  Do you think her parents helped her stay in her own way?  Or do you think she's a product of much more our society has turned girls into?  Women who believe the only way they can succeed is to not let a man derail their education and career plans?

In your experience...do you ever truly know when you're in your own way?

 

Would YOU date him?

Is handsome.

Doesn't have any children.

Successful.

Comes from a good family.

Well educated.

Tells you that his father had another woman in the same town and his mother, who was married to his father, didn't concern herself with it and that he's decided that he wants that type of marriage as well because he doesn't think men can be monogamous.

Would YOU date him?

Tall.

Handsome.

Financially stable.

Your boss' client.

Your boss is a divorce attorney.

Dude is in the final stages of his divorce.

Would YOU date him?

A couple years older than you.

Handsome to you.

An executive with a stable career.

What say YOU?

Local woman to launch ad campaign … to find a husband

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Would you date someone who was celibate?

Scenario from real life: Domestic Abuse in 2013

It's 2013.

You're a responsible adult living on your own.

You're dating a guy and he gets mad and shakes you, grabs you wrong, or hits you.

How do you handle?

Would YOU date him?

You're divorced with grown kids.

He's divorced with grown kids.

You're both pretty financially independent.

You're being set up by mutual friends.

You arrive and meet him.

He's had plastic surgery and looks "pulled."

Too pulled.

You good?

Parental Guidance Necessary?

I was with a group of friends recently and we were discussing teenagers dating.  We were a mixed group of women.  All ages and skin colors.

I listened as some of the women spoke about how their first boyfriend was when they were 13 years old.  One woman said her boyfriend would come over and study or watch television with her and have dinner with her family.  She would go to his house sometimes too, but not as much.

They were never alone.

Sandwiches and Shit

A woman made a blog about the sandwiches she makes for her boyfriend.

Seems that one day, while eating and appreciating a sandwich she made for him, he told her she was 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring.

She took it and ran with it and turned it into a pretty cool blog about sandwiches. 300sandwiches.com

Well...turns out she was a reporter for Page Six so, instead of it quietly flying under the radar forever...it made the Page Six news.  ‘I’m 124 sandwiches away from an engagement ring’

And then the normal chain reaction went down from there.  HuffPo, Mashable, Jezebel, ABC, NBC, etc.

I side eyed it because when I visited her blog she wasn't making a sandwich per day so at the rate she was going...it was going to take her over a year.  I was thinking...his azz woulda been having sammiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Period.

He'd have been so sick of sammiches he would have proposed early just so he could get some soup or a salad.  LOL!

Robby and I visited her sandwich blog and dude was straight DROOLING over the sandwiches.  

Robby:  She takes beautiful pictures of sandwiches.

And we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Her sandwiches look good as hell.  OH YEAH!

Then, of course, the angry people started in on her sandwiches and the reason for her sandwiches. 

Someone I know said something interesting on Facebook...they said had she been making 300 sandwiches for a Black man...they wouldn't have had problem numero uno and they would have been using her to teach Black women how to ack right.  They were like...a pretty Black woman in a pretty floral dress in the kitchen...making SAMMICHES?  Oh yeah...she was church lady proper.  BLACK LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

Instrastin.

Making sammiches about race.

I want a custom house and The Robinator told me what we'd need for me to get that.  I'm still blinking.  LOL!

What did YOU think about the sammiches?  Honestly?  Thumbs up or thumbs down?  Cute or KNOCKING WOMEN BACK BY 50 YEARS?  

 

Online Dating in 2013

One of my FABULOUS girlfriends is single and dating online.  The other day she received a message from a guy who looked promising as it relates to his profile.  He asked could they skip all the formalities and go straight to email so she did.  He then told her he was only looking for sans ropas hookups and wanted to know if she was down.

I told her to go radio silence and block dude.

Simple.

She's since had two more propositions of this same kind and I'm worried that she's going to get discouraged and give up cuz honestly...that's a lot of bullshit to deal with.

Shit.

Yesterday in a post we had an interesting discourse in the comments:

Scenario from real life...

A friend just posted a picture with her new boyfriend on FB.

You comment on the picture saying something generic like they make a nice couple.

A friend of yours follows your comment and sees the picture of the guy.

She picks up the phone and calls you.

YEARS ago, she was being stalked by this crazy dude she ended up having to get a restraining order on.

You never knew old dude.

Turns out...old dude is the new boyfriend of your other friend.

The friend who called says to warn the other friend that he started off really nice and jumped snap crazy within a couple of months.  Says when she filed for her restraining order...turns out other women had complained about him in the past as well.

How do you handle?

 

Old School Lovin'

You go out on a date with a man who has been a perfect gentleman.

The date is over and he returns you to your home.  

He walks to the door with you and  you pull out your keys.

He reaches for your keys when you get to the door and says, "Let me get that for you."

You good?

The Things That Keep a Woman Single - WHAT SAY YOU?

*********Before you click on the article link...please know there is one of those annoying autoplay ads which popup. 

The Things That Keep A Woman Single

 Here is the cut and pasted article by Evan Moore:

Would YOU date him?

Handsome.

Attractive.

Well dressed.

Business owner.

Only dates overweight women.

At what point does something become a fetish that you have to keep an eye on?

Dear Ladies:

Have you ever dated a man you believed was jealous of you?  Not jealous of men trying to holla...but jealous of your life, parents, career, etc.  How did it end?

Would YOU date him?

You're 37.

He's 63.

That is all.

Would YOU date him?

Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

What advice would you give to someone who recently broke up with their S/O as to how to heal their broken heart?  Any advice as to what NOT to do when you're newly single?  Any advice as to how to not allow this to change your opinion on dating?

Knowing what you know now...

...and at your age, how long would YOU date someone without a marriage proposal?

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

Did you ever date someone with um...erra...UNFORTUNATE features?  

Question...

What was the nail in the coffin FOR YOU, the last time you broke up with someone? You know...the last darn straw that told you it was over and you needed to accept that it was over.

How long do you date without marriage?

What's the longest you dated someone without getting married to them?  How old were you when you started dating them?

ExDate

If something happened and you and your CURRENT S/O were no longer together.  Would you consider going on a date with your last ex?

More Convos about "Being Mary Jane"

I know plenty of women who are single and honestly...there is no rhyme or reason about it.  They are smart, successful, good people, kind hearted, lovely, loving.

They know how to cook and keep house.  They are fashionable.  They are God-fearing.

They belong to clubs, sororities and civic organizations.

They run, swim, bike, compete in marathons, triathlons, half marathons, 10k's, 5k's, etc.

They are well read, know their politics, are excellent mothers, aunts and Godmothers.

They mentor and volunteer.

They can go to the White House or to a barbecue and represent excellently.

They are good daughters, sisters, friends.

There is no reason they aren't married but other women are.  No reason at all.

I've decided it's basically the luck of the draw.  If a woman is lucky, she will meet a man when he's ready for marriage.  If she's smart...she'll live a good, fulfilled happy life and she won't base her not being in the right place at the right time on nothing more than dumb luck.  She'll realize she hasn't done a thing wrong.  It's simply the luck of the draw.

You can run across plenty of good men but if he's not ready...well...it's just like  you never met him at all.  

And it's not your fault.  You didn't do anything wrong.  It's honestly, more increasingly, simply...the luck of the draw.  

Be encouraged.

"Being Mary Jane" - Black and Single

Did you watch?  

What did you think?  

Was it an accurate portrayal of being Black and single in 2013?  

If you're married...was it close to how things were when YOU were single?

 

oneblackman Has Issues!

This weekend we were discussing dating.  One scenario in particular was about a 40something woman dating a 26 year old young man.  My stance was hey...if he made her happy, they both grown.  Fug the police.  LOL!

oneblackman had a different take on it.

oneblackman:  Monnie...in the jungle, what's worse than a cougar?

Me:  Huh?

oneblackman:  You know...like the baddest cat in the jungle.

Me:  *THINKING*  Hmmm...

oneblackman:  I got it!  A saber-tooth tiger!  That's what she is.  A saber-tooth tiger!  Cuz she's mighty long in the tooth!

Me:  *sigh*

So...what WOULD you walk out on?

Friday we discussed a dating scenario and many people said they wouldn't have left after the date was, in my opinion, disrespectful.  I disagreed because well...I have bad nerves and have a low-low tolerance for ridiculous.  My stance on dating, when I dated was that I would enjoy myself more at peace on my sofa with my remote rather than dealing with silly ish.

And I meant that.

Overreaction?

Someone I love has been dating online.  She has run into some good guys who didn't fit her idea of a mate and she's run into some bad guys who didn't fit her idea of a mate.

One guy in particular was all good on paper and had excellent communication skills.  He was smart and funny.  She agreed to meet him for coffee.

They were down South and it was a hot day so she wore a maxi dress.  Loose and flowing.  Pretty colors.  She paired her sundress with strappy sandals and had a cardigan in her bag in case she got cold inside.  

She walked in the designated meeting place (a coffee house) and he was already there.  

She went over and they met face-to-face and she gave him a quick hug.  One you'd give a stranger.

She then walked up to the counter to order her drink.  When she got in line, she saw that he was watching her with a soft smile on his face.

She walked back to their table and sat down.  She smiled, he smiled.  They discussed how they'd had no trouble getting to the coffee house and that he never really spent that much time in the area.  Small talk.  Chit chat.  

He then asked her if he looked like his picture and she said yes.  They laughed at how that can go dangerously wrong sometimes and she asked the same.  He agreed she looked like her picture and then he said, "You look like you REALLY enjoy sans ropas."

The smile dropped from her face and, being who she is, she snapped and said, "That's about the rudest, most disrespectful thing you could say to a woman you just met."

Then she rolled the hell out MAD.AS.FUG!

She called me and told me about it and I couldn't close my mouth.  She was PISSED!  Dude was a professional and had all the makings of being someone worth dating but hell...that didn't materialize AT.ALL.

He sent her a text a couple of days later asking if she realized she'd overreacted yet.  She didn't respond, of course, and blocked his number.

Do YOU think she overreacted?  Do you think there are SOME guys who think that if a woman is dating online then she's desperate and that's why they go there?  Do you think this same dude would be different with a woman he met in a traditional way?

What has been YOUR online dating experience?  Do you have a favorable view of it?

 

Mustaches on Women

Would you think a man is shallow if he doesn't want to date a woman, even casually, because she has a slight mustache?

If he met a woman and she was great and he asked her would she mind regularly waxing...would he be wrong?

 

Dear Single People:

When you're on a date...where is your phone?

Would YOU date him?

A year older than you.

Taller than you.

In great shape.

Has gorgeous skin and teeth.

Divorced.

One child from a previous relationship (not his ex-wife).

Has very good taste from what you can tell.

Is a successful professional.

Tells you, on your first date, that he's a "sexaholic" with a cheesy grin on his face.

Who Keeps the Car?

An older woman meets a younger man.

They start dating.

He has not so great credit so he doesn't have a car but lives in a city where that isn't a problem.

She decides he should have a car and buys one IN HER NAME and gives him the keys.

It's a modest car.  Nothing fancy...but it's nice.

Who Keeps the Ring?

A multi-millionaire dates a woman and they get engaged.

He buys her an engagement ring worth $785k.

They are engaged for less than a year.

He says SHE broke off the engagement.

She says THEY mutually broke off the engagement.

He wants his ring back.

What's YOUR opinion of who should get the ring when an engagement is broken?

Mario Williams Signs $100M Football Contract, but Sues Over $785K Engagement Ring