Rantings of a Creole Princess

Abuse and Cultural Norms

Stats:

Name:  Adrian Peterson

Age:  29

Kids:  7

Married:  Yes (One child with his wife.  Been with his wife since high school.  Just married her this summer.)

I'm a child of abuse.  Because of this, I think I'm very conscious of the difference between spankings and beatings (ABUSE).

Adrian Peterson is too.

When I see children being spanked by my framily, it's done very controlled.  The child knew what was going to happen and why.  It was spelled out.  The child was told that they were getting x amount of swats to the behind and the swats were counted down.  5 swats?  

SWAT!

One.

Calm down...you have 4 more to go.  

No windmilling.  No belt grabbing.  No being drug through the house.  Hold on to the bed post and clench your butt.

The person delivering the punishment is not angry normally because they know that anger can quickly make things get out of hand.  That same anger that fueled them to put the boontoon down needs to be calmed down and rationalized before the child is disciplined via corporal punishment.  ESPECIALLY if the child is little.

And probably never when the child was only 4.  Because normally all a 4 year old needs is a pop to the hand.

I have probably issued spankings to children I love and whose parents trust me to spank their child no more than a handful of times.  If that.  And I know for sure that you can't react when you're angry because, again...that could get out of hand real quick like.  #FurnitureMoving

I believe there are circumstances by which you might need to show up and show out.  When and if teenagers buck up to you that first time...I believe you need to deal with that then in whatever manner it's brought to you.  You do it once and well and you'll never have to do it again.  IN MY OPINION.  I've had a teenager test me directly ONCE and only once.  

But when they're 4?

Nah.  Pop to the hand is all that is needed.  Pop to the hand and an explanation of why you're disappointed in their behavior.  Some down time and redirection.  Oh...and checking yourself to see what, if anything, you may have missed that is causing them to continue to act out.

The most disturbing thing to me about Adrian Peterson is that he's already lost a child to child abuse so he knows the extreme of how that can go wrong real quick with anger as a factor.  I mean hey...even though he'd never met that poor baby, he received such a public pouring of sympathy for his loss, one would think that would have changed something in this thought process as it relates to spankings and beatings (ABUSE).

And how smart can you be if you're going to put marks on a child that you're sending back to their mother BEFORE the marks are gone?  Dude...you were asking for it.  And dude...HE WAS FLIPPING 4!!!!!!!!

Now as to the media reports that he beat the child with a branch...I guess you can call it that.  It branched off of a tree but it was a switch.  I've had that done before.  I've also had it done when I was naked and fresh out of the shower wet.  Stings better.  ABUSE.

I know child abuse firsthand.  When you know better...you should do better.  That excuse that you were beat and you turned out right is a fallacy.  You didn't turn out right if you think that the abuse you suffered is okay to pass along.  Sometimes cultural norms can be pretty fucked up practices we ignore all in the name of "MIND YA BUSINESS."

I didn't turn out right.  I turned out some brand of fugged up that I had to work hard at putting back together right.  Just think of what I could have accomplished if I hadn't had to put so much work into making sure I ended up right.  

#TruthDotCom

What are YOUR thoughts on spanking/beating with a switch on a 4 year old?  Discipline or child abuse?

 

Tell the truth and shame the DEVIL!

If you didn't know a good girlfriend was bisexual, would it change your relationship once you found out?  

Dating Marrieds

I was having a conversation with someone recently and they shared they are in a relationship that isn't traditional.  They constantly repeated that they were happy. The nature of the relationship/s made me cringe but hey...not my circus...not my monkeys.  Stay away from my damn husband and we won't end up on an episode of "Snapped."

I thought about it afterwards and wondered...why do we automatically assume that someone isn't happy if they are doing something we'd never do because we feel it is super wrong?

Take dating someone married for instance.  Now...yall know how I feel about that.  If folks are married...leave married folks the hell alone.  Married folks...if you're married...stay your azz out other folks' faces kee-keeing and shoe-shooing.  HOWEVER...I've heard a lot of people say they are happy in their relationship with a married person.  I know one person in particular who, upon learning that people who love them disapprove of their relationship, go all out to state that as long as she is happy why should anyone else care?  And hey...I guess she's right.

Right?

What about the woman who is about to marry a guy in jail?  She obviously loves him right?  Why can't we be happy for her?  Why would we sit there with our lips perched waiting on someone to ask our opinion?

So are there limits about caring for another person or friend?  Can you want them to be happy but only as YOU'D wish to be happy?  Can you wish that they are healthy without focusing on their spiritual health too?  Can you understand that even though you know it's DEAD.DAMN.WRONG to be sleeping with a man or woman who is CLEARLY married...that you can still want that person to be happy even if you don't personally condone their relationship?

Or...does caring about another person mean that you automatically want better for them so you're well within your boundaries to express disappointment in their choice?  Sure...it won't mean a thing will change but I'm not going to sit here and let you think I condone this crap.

Holla.

 

IS / ISIL / ISIS <--------- Same Thing

My brother asked me a question this morning.  I thought maybe you might be curious too.

1. IS:  Islamic State
2. ISIL:  Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (Levant - Eastern Mediterranean made up of Cyprus, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, and a part of southern Turkey.)
3. ISIS:  Islamic State in Iraq and Syria

First things first.  All of those are the same thing.  Whether it be IS, ISIL or ISIS...it's the same group.  Cool?  Cool.

For the purposes of this post...I'm going to say ISIS because that's what I refer to them as when I talk about them.

Now...where did they come from?  Remember the big, bad al-Qaeda?  Well...same people.  Kinda.  What was left of them joined up with these folks and other Sunni insurgent groups.  They started wrecking havoc on all sorts of stuff and went too far and then hit a backlash from Muslims.  They laid low-key for a minute and then came back with a vengeance.  To ensure that the Muslims who were against them learned to not question them...they became horrifically violent and started off taking over small pockets of areas by rolling in, doing some horrific stuff to the stronger residents of the area and getting everyone to tow the line out of fear.  Because of how dirty they got down...the actual organization of al-Qaeda backed up off them earlier this year and was like...um...we good over here.  Yall doing too much.  Yes...you read that correctly.  al-Qaeda was like...um...no.  That's too far.  They broke all ties with them.

We can't play with yall no mo'.

Let that sink in.

ISIS proclaimed their group as a caliphate which means that their leader is a successor of Muhammad and that they have power over and therefore should control all Muslims.  Well...obviously all Muslims do NOT agree.

Now...there is some controversy surrounding how ISIS got started because the people in the Middle East who don't want to have anything to do with them say that ISIS was started right here in the United States.  Iran says they have proof that we created the group.  Iran says when we realized we were losing big time in Iraq, we created them so Iran didn't take advantage of the weak Iraqi government.  They haven't released said proof yet but hey...we all know we've given our big cousin from the other neighborhood a $20 and a stick to handle some playground ish before.  That's how things get handled if the law and the people in power seem to be helpless in the situation.  Well...we're going to handle it our way.

I mean...everybody knows that we funded the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan during the Reagan administration.  Well, they became "uncontrollable" and turned into al-Qaeda using our weapons and weapons we paid for.  We also supplied weapons to the Iraqi army and guess who took that?  Yup...ISIS.  They balling outta control swinging M16's around riding on our tanks and whatnot terrorizing people.  

So, this problem didn't just start in February.  This is an ongoing threat that keeps morphing in size, power and leadership.  President Obama didn't create it but I'm sure he feels something has to be done because ISIS is getting bigger, badder and more deadly.

How do they get their money?  Black market oil dealings.  They steal oil from refineries after they seize the refinery and sell the oil to anybody with money.  And they are undercutting everyone and still getting paid big time.  Then?  They pay their people a salary.  YOU GET A CAR!  YOU GET A CAR!  YOU GET A CAR!  And, if the person gets killed or captured?  Their family still gets paid their salary.  Now that's one heck of a deadly union-pension plan.  They pay their rent, bonuses for performance.  All of that.  

They also seized a chemical weapons plant in Iraq that has folks feeling some kinda way and is why the UN is like...hey...we need to handle this swiftly.  And they're right.

ISIS needs to be stopped but I'm confused as to how they are going to be stopped with the current plan.  I guess we just wait and see.  The biggest fear to me is that many members of ISIS have United States passports.  This means they do not have to apply for a Visa to get permission to come here.  All they have to do is buy a ticket and get on a plane.  Imma need them to be identified and not allowed back in the country and...I hope they are identifying those here who are members of ISIS too and deal with them.  How should they be dealt with you ask?  I don't know...and I'm happy I'm not in charge of figuring that out.

Okay...just wanted to clear up that all those group names are the same and that they didn't just crop up out of nowhere.  

Um...if you're new to my writing, I write like I speak so my apologies in advance.  LOL!

 

 

 

 

CreoleInDC Motto #427

I've had a lot of calls for my birthday of people wishing me well and it's been wonderful catching up with people I don't get a chance to talk to often since I'm truly not a phone person.  The other day I caught up with a friend who has a heart of gold.  Always has...always will.  A couple of years ago I had a come to Jesus with her about how much she gives to people in her family who are constantly in need.  She was depressed and stuck in a rut and when she called I was packing to go somewhere.  She said something along the lines of...I wish I could go on a trip and I was like...well...um...why can't you?

Do YOU ever have days like this?

Poor Service at the Spa

The other day a friend went to get a massage at a massage school for $25.  You don't get to pick who does your massage but you can ask for another masseuse if something puts you off.  She said the young man who came out for her looked like Lil' Wayne.  Tattoos and all.  She then asked me if I would have allowed him to give me a massage and I told her that if I would ever go to a massage school for a massage I wouldn't have turned him away based on his physical appearance because he's obviously in massage school trying to better his life.  So yeah...I'd give him a chance...IF I went to a massage school and couldn't choose my masseuse.

She then went on to tell me how unprofessional he was.  He used slang, had his phone in the room with them and answered it after the second time it rang (apparently he'd left his charger somewhere and had called and asked someone to bring it).  After he answered the phone call, she told him she didn't want to continue.  He had an obvious attitude and made a snarky remark and then left the room.  She got dressed and decided to leave a comment card that ended up being given directly to him.  She was very thorough in her description of the experience and why it wasn't a good one.  She also added suggestions for the young man.

And then she left. 

With half a massage and nothing near a relaxed state of mind.

I shared with her that I always see young men with their pants sagging and I say to them with a smile, "You're too handsome of a young man to have your pants all bunched up like that.  Pull up your pants and tighten your belt."  I have NEVER had a negative reaction from a young man I've said this to.  Most of them even look sheepish and say "Yes ma'am."

She said she tried to say something to him in the beginning in hopes that he'd straighten up and be more professional but it didn't work.

How would you have felt?

Would you have allowed him to give you the massage or would you have asked for another student?

Would you have attempted to redirect his lack of professionalism?

Would you have complained about him?

Would you have left a comment card knowing he'd get it?

Or would you just leave to never return?

Do you think people do certain things because they don't know they shouldn't?

 

Elder Speak

"You can get pissed off about it but what pisses me off more is when Raheem kills Tyrone and it's business as usual.  Twenty-three Black people got shot in Chicago this past weekend and five died.  Yet...everybody is focused on the White man who killed one over yonder in the Midwest.  That right there is the stuff that pisses me off.  They killing each other left and right down in New Orleans too.  You only know about it if you read the Picayune and, truth be told, you tend to start skipping over those stories because they are in the paper far too often.  Same old same old.  Black kid kills other Black kid or two or three of them.  'Cept they are not kids by that point.  They are hardened criminals who are just trying to figure out how to survive in the world they live in and are restricted to by economics and society.  And people, no matter what color they are, are going to steer clear of them and the section of the cities they are restricted to live in by economics and when they are seen in other areas, they stand out.  You know you see them and you know you steer clear.  Doesn't make it right per se...but hey...we're all just trying to survive.  I gave my children and my nieces and nephews some of the same warnings everyone else gives their children and told them who to stay away from and where to stay away from.  You can't make people value what you value.  People got their own way of being and you rarely know the rules unless you were raised that way too so yeah...Well, that's my take on it now let me go.  I have some work to do so get off my phone.  I Love you."

Is this something only an Elder can say in private?  Thoughts? 

Too.Much.Sadness.

There is just so much sadness in the news and, honestly, there always is.  I listened to the BBC international news broadcast last night and well...things sound pretty messed up over here.

How are YOU feeling?  Things going well?  Is it raining out by you?  Any good news to share?  Pics of cute kiddies?  Pics of fabulous shoes?  Promotions?  

Any good news we can get down with?

Homework for Grownups

Homework for Grown-ups: Everything You Learned at School and Promptly Forgot

Cool.  Found the gifts I'm giving for Christmas this year.  Go me!

Ebola!!!!!!!!

Are you good with the infected Americans returning home to receive medical care?  Do you believe it's an American right to get to come home to be treated by American doctors?  If it was YOUR family member, would you feel the same?

Manservants

Would YOU hire one or four?  http://manservants.co/

Working Out at HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are seriously the most challenging crunches for me.

Knees up.

Toes pointed.

Fingertips on edges of ears.

Pulse for 15.

Crunch for 15 without head touching floor.

Hold for 15.

Repeat 5 times.

No rest.

3 - 5 sets depending on how long Jaru lets me be on the floor without him.

Reach through side planks?  HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!  But hell...I do them do them do them.  Often.  UGH!

Weighted lunges and squats?  When I'm doing them I constantly think:

But I do them because I am vain.

I do the majority of my workouts before I get dressed in the mornings before I brush my teeth.  I have some hot water and lemon, eat a banana and then a cup of coffee.  Then...strength stuff.  Then...I drink as much of the water in my water bottle as possible.  Complaining.  I do them in the mirror so I can see myself and make sure my form is good because if I'm not doing them right...it doesn't work.  I fight with my brain every second and tell myself, "Self...this is some bullish!"  But I keep going cuz hell...I know I have to do it.

Then...second cup of coffee, bath, etc.

Then...breakfast.

And then...it's okay to speak to me.

Barely.

I'm not on any type of schedule per se.  After years of knowing what I need to do...I just do it.  I get bored quickly so I'm always looking for something new to do and sign up for different stuff all the time just to make sure I keep it mixed up enough for my random as heck brain.

I still don't like running so I still don't run.  Sometimes I'll do sprints during my walks or on the treadmill but I feel like that's not really running so I don't count it as running.  LOL!  Most of the time it's just to race Robby.  

I love hiking because it's not boring and we tend to do a quick clip pace when we hike to keep our heartrate up.  

And I weigh myself EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  I know the size I like to be and if I tip past that...I adjust.  DAILY.

I was just talking to someone who does the majority of her workouts at home too or out at the school near her home.  She was saying that she enjoys those workouts more than group classes or going to the gym even as she knows she has to go to the gym sometimes, especially when it gets cold.

What about you?

Do you do any of your workouts at home and outside or are you a gym person mostly?

Name One...

Me:  White sandwich bread.

Scenario from real life...

A teacher unlocks her phone to allow a student to use it to call his/her parents.

While the student has the phone, he/she goes through the teacher's phone and finds nude selfies of the teacher.

The student shows other students and they take pictures of the nude pictures and post them online.

A student eventually tells the teacher about it and the teacher tries to get to the bottom of it on her own.

The school ends up finding out about it and the teacher is fired for being irresponsible with her phone, etc.

You good?

From:  Terminated Savannah teacher speaks out about nude cellphone photos

 

SIP:  WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TAKING NUDE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES?????????????????????????

What would YOU do?

You know...once you checked your underwear.

Ageism at the DMV!

I will be 45 years old next month and I have to renew my Driver's License before then.  I got my reminder notice in the mail and went online to renew it so I didn't have to go to the DMV.  

I pulled out my Driver's License and smiled.  I like the picture and was happy I'd get to keep it.  GO ME!

I filled out the application and added my credit card information to pay my renewal fee and clicked submit.

And I waited.

And it thunk on it.

And thunk on it.

And then...it said, "Say bruh...you gotta come in.  You're over 40 now and your eyesight info has expired so bring your old azz up in here so we can handle this."

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Sheesh.

Color me NOT.HAPPY!

So, now I have to not have any wine or mojitos for a week, go get my brows done, make a hair appointment and  put on mascara early one morning and head down to the DMV to get a new license.

What?  Think I ain't?  

Do you like YOUR current DL pic?  How old is it?  You got hit with the over 40 no renew online thing yet?  Made ya feel old huh?  That's alright...from what I see in these 20 somethings...we still fly.  :)

If I Was Single: Black Enterprise Golf and Tennis Challenge

I met this woman in the airport recently when both of us decided the deal to give up our seats that Southwest was offering was  bit too good to pass up.  We had prime time direct flights but Southwest had oversold the flight.  They were offering $300 voucher + what you paid for the flight and you'd get on the next flight out.  The only thing that wasn't optimal was that the flight wasn't direct but hey...I didn't have anything going on and I was about to get some moooolaaaaaaaaaaa!  I'd paid $361 for that flight so I got a voucher for $631 and I still got home.

I mean...come on.  I couldn't pass that up.  Sometimes I'm like...nah...I wanna go home.  But when I did the math and realized that I'd only be getting home 2 hours later...NO.BRAINER.

So...the woman and I hung out.  I noticed that she had a bag for the Black Enterprise Golf and Tennis Challenge so I asked her about it.  Truth be told...they should hire her as PR because she RAVED at how wonderful it was.  She said it was a gathering of really awesome professional people and it's the one thing that she doesn't think she will ever miss attending again.

As she talked, I paid attention to her.  Beautiful woman.  Obviously from good stock.  Her legs were crossed properly.  Neat makeup.  Simple and elegant jewelry.  She spoke with her eyes and smile.  engaging.  I knew she was successful just from the way she connected while she communicated.

Boss chick.

So I started asking her lots of questions because I'm working on something that she would have been cast perfectly in as herself had she been an actress.  LOL!  

I'm so sorry...yes,  I use bits and pieces about people all the time.  LOL!

She told me about some other events throughout the year that she attends and I was impressed with just how much she does.  See...she is single and enjoying the hell out of her life.  She gets up and GOES.  I like that.  We exchanged numbers with a promise of keeping in touch because she's the type of woman you want to keep in touch with.  Genuine and cool.  A few weeks ago she sent me a text asking if I'd used my voucher yet because she was in the airport on her way to a conference or something in Vegas that weekend using hers.  GET.IT!

I liked her energy and thought to myself that if I was single, I'd keep a future plan to attend something awesome too.  Strategic  you know?  I'd be having fun in an environment where there were men I'd be interested in having fun too.  

What are some of the things you've heard about or attended that you think would be PERFECT for single professionals to put on their list of to-do's?  Maybe we should ask Nisa!  She would DEFINITELY KNOW!

Have you ever given up your seat for a good deal on a flight?  

In my own words: Israel and Palestine

Whenever my baby brother asks me something I can't confidently answer, I get a bit obsessed with finding the right answer for him.  I don't like sound bites and people telling me what the what.  I like to read up on some stuff.  He asked me about the conflict between Israel and Palestine and I only knew what I knew even as what I knew has always felt like an oversimplification of the details.  Being someone with friends whose only criteria is that they are good people...I, of course, have friends who are Jewish as well as friends who are Muslim so I reached out to them for some personal answers.

Truth be told...their answers were the type of which stem from true frustration with a situation that's long past gone too far.  And, as these friends live in the United States...maybe their history on the facts have been blurred a bit simply by living in an area they don't have to worry about the very real violence going down in their Mother country/ies.

And I just really wanted to understand what has been going down over there and why as much as I could. 

A friend told me about this book:  

A Peace to End All Peace: The Fall of the Ottoman Empire and the Creation of the Modern Middle East 7th (seventh) Impression Edition by Fromkin, David published by Holt Paperbacks (2001)

And then...I understood more.  MUCH.MORE.

Pour yourself a glass of water.  This is a long one.

Teenagers, Job Searching, Thots

All the teenagers I know have been pounding the pavement in our area looking for a summer job.  One of them found a job but it was back in March before other kids started looking.  It's at a dry cleaners and there is no air conditioning.  It gets super hot in there but, to her credit, she works hard and feels a sense of satisfaction when she gets paid.

Another of them works for his Uncle for a few hours per week.  His uncle makes and sells all natural, good for you, soap to Whole Foods and other local shops.  The teenager wraps the soaps and labels them.  When he talks about his job he's pretty blah but you can tell he feels good about working and making his own lil piece of money.

The other two are looking, one is too young but he's looking.  Unfortunately I think the ship has sailed for summer work...but it hasn't stopped them from looking and I'm really proud of them for not giving up.  They are still having a good summer even though they don't have their own money.  Still going to the movies, hanging with friends at the mall, going out for pizza and ice cream and kicking it at the pool.

And T-Monnie lays back in the cut and observes.  

Taking it all in.

Scenario from real life...

A mother works at McDonald's.

She brings her 9 year old child to work to sit in the restaurant and use the laptop with free WiFi.

The laptop is stolen during a home burglary.

After being bored at McDonald's, the child asked her mother could she go to the nearby park instead of to the restaurant.

The mother gives the child a cellphone and agrees.

This becomes their routine.

The child would go to the McDonald's (located inside a Walmart) for lunch.

One day a woman asked the child about her mother and the child answered that she was at work.

The woman called the police.

The mother was arrested and the child taken into protective custody.

You good?

Scenario from real life...

You're in a strip mall parking lot.

You look over and see two small kids inside a hot vehicle.

The kids are sweltering.

No parent in sight.

The doors are locked.

What would YOU do?

Shoppers smash window to save 2 kids in hot car

Kindergarten Suspensions

What do you think about pre-school and kindergarten suspensions? A bill is being proposed to ban them with the thought that a child under age 5 can't possibly do anything to warrant being put out of school.  

What say you?

http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2014-07-09/news/bs-md-ci-suspension-changes-20140709_1_suspensions-principals-union-school-year

Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE smartphone

Job Hunting PISSED.ME.OFF!

The other day I got up really early and took T (my honorary Goddaughter) and E to the mall when they first opened.  They are looking for summer jobs and I thought it made sense for them to practice their approach while I was around to critique them knowing that they wouldn't be actually looking for a job in that particular mall.  It ended up being a really great thing because getting there super early meant they weren't busy and we met some REALLY great managers who were really awesome sports about the whole thing.  This one guy in particular at Lucky was SO AMAZING!  I mean...he gave them really good feedback.  Told them what to do and what not to do and told them what he honestly looks for.

Dude was AWESOME!  So much so that I'm going to write a letter to corporate and tell them just how amazing that was.

So the kids were feeling good and getting some really good practice in.  They did 5 stores each and got a good cadence down. 

Ask for the manager.

Shake their hand and introduce themselves.

Look them in the eye.

Don't cross their arms in front of them.

Be engaging.

Ask questions about the hiring process.

Say something about the products and the store.

Smile.

Smile.

SMILE CHILD HELL WHATCHU GOT TO BE GLOOMY ABOUT?

So it went really well and I was proud of them.  After two stores in each I hung way back out of their way. 

One guy in a store noticed us all come in.  It was E's turn so he was asking for the manager.  The other guy, an employee, came over to me and asked what we were doing.  I explained that the kids were practicing looking for a job for the first time and that we were just hoping to run into some store managers who were good sports.  Then...dude started staring at T.

Him:  She is so beautiful.  I mean look at her.  And her lashes are so perfect they look fake.  Man she's gorgeous.

Me:  She's a very SMART sixteen year old CHILD and if we don't make a big deal out of her beauty then a grown azz man shouldn't either.

SIP:  MF'WHAT??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He had the grace to look embarrassed and stopped staring at the child but BAAAAAAAAAAABY I WAS FLIPPING PISSED AND HIS SKANK AZZ KNEW IT!

And I started feeling some kinda way.  I mean...hell...she has to be out and about in the world without her Elders you know?  So she's got to deal with this shit already??????  AT AGE SIXTEEN?  

She might need a bodyguard and I am sooooooooooooo serious.

I was a late bloomer so I know nothing about this.  Hell...I'll be 45 this year and I'm still waiting to fill out a bit.  This was never my struggle so yeah...my thoughts are immediately of the violent nature because I haven't had to learn how to deal with it calmly.  I wanna jack folks up.

Were you harassed by grown men as a teenager?  Are your daughters?  How did/do you handle?

 

Contest Me Not

If you won a contest giving you $25,000 toward the purchase of a vehicle ONLY...what kinda vehicle would you buy?

Money Can Buy My Love

Would you have respect for a man who used a mail order bride service from another country or do you understand that they could simply be tired from the rat race of dating and want to be done with it?

Do YOU think this is cute and harmless?

Twentysomethingelse

How many early 20 somethings do you know who have their stuff together?  Who understand hard work and hustling smart?  Who recognize and act upon their responsibilities accordingly?  

Question...

Do you have any experience dealing with an angry teenager or young adult?  If so, what is your best advice?

Scenario from television...

You're hanging out with a group of friends and peers.  

One chick there clearly doesn't care for you.

After a discussion where you and she don't see eye-to-eye she grabs your purse and dumps the contents on the floor.

What do you do?

Shoot 'em up bang, bang...

Does hearing about school shootings upset you still or are you numb to it by now because it happens so frequently.  I mean...74 in the past 18 months.  *sigh*

Did your kids' school have any lockdowns this school year?  Any bomb threats?  Any evacuations?  

 

11 - 12 Hours of Sleep

When I was single, I used to look forward to 11 - 12 hour power sleeps on the weekend.  I would make my place cold, tuck under, shut off the ringers and SLEEP.  Don't let it rain and I could stay in that bed dozing on and off all day.

I can't do that anymore no matter how hard I try.  I pretty much automatically wake up completely after a certain amount of sleep unless I have to set the alarm to get up earlier.

I wondered about that yesterday when a friend shared with me that her son slept 12 hours that day.  I smiled, remembering when I used to be able to do that too.  I'm not even a bed lounger.  Pretty much when I get up, I leave my bedroom and don't return until it's time for bed.  

I used to take naps if I was tired back in the day.  Now?  I have to be SUPER, DOOPER, TRAVEL tired or sick to be able to sleep when it's still daylight.  I no longer sleep on planes unless it's a red eye and when I'm staying in a hotel, if I'm not sleeping, I'd rather be in the pool area or the lounge room.  I always need to be UP unless it's bedtime.  LOL!  There's just always something to do!

What say you?  Have your sleep patterns changed in any way?  Can you still sleep 11+ hours like you used to in your teens and 20's?  Do you take naps?

Meet the kids...

In YOUR opinion is 6 months of dating too soon to meet the kids?  

Are you a feminist?

I had a 20 year old young lady ask me recently if I was a feminist and for the first time in my life, I hesitated before I answered yes.  

Later, I thought about why I hesitated and honestly...I think it's because so many people have changed the definition of the word feminism.  Then I thought to myself...well that's ridiculous and kept it moving.

I thought about this conversation with myself last night as, on a gander, I looked up the definition of the world feminism online and found one thing in common with all of the dictionary references online.  They were all different.  If the following definitions are still the case...then yes, I am:

So...I'm a feminist.  *THROWS CONFETTI*

During a casual conversation with my Godson, it came out that he felt both men and women should take out the trash, remove snow from vehicles, clear the sidewalks, and take out the trash.  I told him that he can believe whatever he wants to believe and he should think about it further on his way out the door to take out the trash.  I decided to revisit it later and told him that Unca Robby does those things because he doesn't want me to have to.

E:  Would you do it if he didn't want to do it?

Me:  He'd never not want to do it if the alternative is me doing it.

E:  But what if he couldn't?

Me:  Then I'd do it.  I'm perfectly capable of doing it, it's just not something I'd want to be responsible for.  Same as Unca Robby not wanting to be responsible for cooking dinner or grocery shopping or dealing with a lot of stuff he doesn't want to deal with so I deal with and vice versa.  Each of us have our own roles that, over time, we slid into naturally.

E:  My wife is going to take out the trash and do all of that stuff too.

Me:  If she doesn't have a problem doing those things...then she will.  But if she has a problem with it because she was raised in a home where her father and brother did those things...she probably won't so make sure you're not trying to hand down ultimatums because the only women who are going to deal with your ultimatums are women who don't feel worthy of having choices and well...a whole set of extra problems comes along with a woman who is unsure of herself.

He started walking off...

E:  Okay.

So...in your opinion...do you think the definition of feminism has changed from what you've always known it to be?  Can you be a feminist if you want equal rights across the board for women yet expect the man to take out the trash?

Am I a feminist?  Are you?

From Humans of New York

I follow Humans of New York on every social media platform they show up on.  I love, love, LOVE the pictures and captions.  Humans of New York

On Stephen A. Smith...Thoughts?

Cajun Name Generator

I get it from my mama!

I hate to be ashy.  HATE.IT.  My skin has a tendency to be on the dry side so as soon as I got out of the shower or bath, I pat myself dry keeping my skin a bit damp and moisturize immediately.  I'm pretty anal about it and buy a new container of lotion when the current one starts feeling a bit light.  I REFUSE to run out.  I keep hand lotion in my purse, in the door of my truck, in the glove compartment, etc.  There is hand lotion near pretty much every sink in our home so I can keep my hands moisturized properly.

Yesterday, Shelly asked me for some lotion for her hands.  She was digging around in another bag of mine and pulled something out that she could have used.

Me:  No...I have the good stuff in my purse.  Hold on.

I know she was looking at me like I was crazy because she was about to use some Aquaphor and well...that stuff is super good too.

But it wasn't as good as the good stuff I keep in my purse just for hands.

I have issues about lotion yall.

I thought about that and where it stems from and I realized...I get it from my mama.  NOTHING was worse to her than ashy knees, elbows, ankles, etc.  She was the type of mommy who would lick her thumb to wipe some ash off your face before I started running screaming from her when I saw that thumb headed my way cuz really...that's kinda gross.  Lady...you just wiped spit on me.  NO.  LOL!

She kept a lil container of Vaseline in her purse and had no problem having a wax on/wax off moment no matter where we were.  You'd close your eyes and she'd paint you shiny right there, ear lobes et al.  We were a NO.ASH family.  My brother will be with me somewhere and look over and say..."I know you have lotion in your bag, huh Monnie?  Answer?  Yup.  Sure do.

Today I find that this body moisturizer is my fave: CeraVe Moisturizing Cream

Do you have anything that you KNOW you get from your mama?  Anything you simply won't compromise on?  Super fluffy towels?  Chocolate hidden in a basket?  Peeling an orange a certain way?  LOL!

Tell the truth and shame the devil!

You're cleaning out a purse.

Inside there is a bag with a receipt dating waaaaaaaay back.

I'm talking YEEEEEAAAARRRRRRRSSSSSSS ago.

Also inside the bag, there are three Jolly Ranchers.  

A watermelon one.

A blue raspberry one.

And a green apple one.

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New Shit

Many of us are fortunate enough that we live a life only responsible for our own day-to-day maintenence.  We come and go as we please and are able to live a pretty good life knowing that the money that comes into our home is earmarked just for us.  Anytime money is going out...it's for our own benefit.

Many of us are on the exact opposite spectrum of that and have family members we have to help supplement or they won't have the basics in life that we know we need to have in order to live in a non-desperate kind of way.  You know...things we want our loved ones to have.  It could be as basic as electricity or water because for some...those basics can get too costly from time-to-time depending on what's going on.

I know a lot of people who have family members who depend on them and it doesn't really seam fair sometimes but I can't imagine that person NOT doing what needs to be done so their family member can have the basics.  It's always a conversation I have with one ear to the ground because I LISTEN seriously as I've had experiences both from being the person needing and being the person giving.  There is a connection there that you just can't cut sometimes and yes...you might start feeling taken advantage of but even if you do...they are probably not taking advantage of you.  

You are probably their only option.

Could you live with EXTRA creature comforts knowing that a loved one was going without a basic necessity? 

Could you buy that new bag knowing the amount would pay the rent of a relative who was behind on rent?  

When do we get to the point where knowing they are in need doesn't affect our feelings as far as thinking we work hard for what we have so we shouldn't feel guilty about A, B or C even knowing that a family member is about to be evicted or they are living without electricity or water?

How would you feel if you found out that a family member was living without a basic necessity because they didn't want to ask you?  And it was a dangerous situation like...they were elderly with medical issues or there was a small child in the home?  Would you still find the same enjoyment in having all that you want to have knowing they were in dire need?

Is life really more rewarding when we take our lagniappe and do for our family instead of stealing moments of material joy solely for ourselves?

Who buys the boutonniere for prom?

This guy got pretty pissed when his son called him to tell him what he needed to go to prom.

Not because he didn't want his son to go to prom...but because of what the son told him  he'd need.

A suit or tux.

New shoes.

A corsage.

A boutonniere.

Father:  Wait...what?  A boutonniere?  Why are you buying a boutonniere?

Son:  Because she told me that I have to get the flowers.

Father:  But you just get the corsage thing for her wrist.  You don't get your own flowers too son.

Son:  But she told me to get it.

Father:  I don't give a damn what she told you.  She's supposed to get the boutonniere.  Did you tell your mother this?

Son:  Yes.

Father:  What did she say?

Son:  She said to call and tell you what I need.

Father:  Oh really.

Then...the father went IN!  

"I'm sick of this lil girl.  I don't like her.  She wants too much.  My son doesn't have a job hell.  His job is school.  Know who pays for their dates?  Me!  I pay!  They go to Chipotle.  Her azz always wants guacamole.  She too damn high class.  She needs to be trying to work with him.  Ask yo mama for some movie money sometimes hell.  Always want snacks and shit.  Know who pays for that $75 movie date?  Me!  I pay for that shit!  When my wife and I were dating, she used to sneak in the snacks.  Good snacks too.  Like...she made an effort to help out somehow even if she wasn't paying for the tickets at the time.  This lil girl here?  Man...no.  I ain't for all of this shit behind her high saddity azz.  She wants a limo.  Um...if that car I bought for him doesn't get yall there...I guess yall walking.  I sick of her!  Then they got the nerve to want everyone to show up wearing something nice to take parent pictures and shit before the prom.  What kinda shit is that?  I ain't going to prom!  Watch...it's going to be a situation behind this damn prom shit hell."

Um...him mad.  The boutonniere tipped him over the edge.  

Dude has been pissed off royally since his son called about prom.  He's decided that the girl is too high maintenance and his son is a fool for dating her.  He doesn't have a good relationship with his son's mother so he can't talk to her about it and his wife told him to let it go and just buy the damn boutonniere cuz she's sick of hearing about it.  BUT HE'S PISSED!  The boutonniere is only going to cost him like $10 but he's mad about that $10.  I listened.  It was puzzling to me too that the young lady wasn't buying the boutonniere.  

Did YOUR daughter buy the boutonniere?  Did you?  If you're a guy...did the girl you took to prom buy you a boutonniere?

Scenario adapted from real life...

Your about to be 10 year old child wants to have a birthday party.

You plan one.

He gives out invitations to his "friends" at school.

The day of the party arrives and he's super excited.

Nobody shows up.

How do you handle?

Do you think this would mess a kid up big time?

 

The whacks heard around the world...

Well, by now you've seen or heard about Solange swinging on Jay Z in the elevator of the Standard hotel in New York.  The video was obviously a recording of the security camera footage as it played on the monitor either during the altercation or afterwards while they watched it.  Someone made themselves a bit of money and I'm sure there are some jobs available over there this week.  Hotels like that pride themselves on privacy so yeah...allowing this to happen to the biggest celebrity couple on the planet right now is probably going to be problematic for a business which caters to clients who can afford their business.

Yup.

No more major events there I'm sure.

N.E.WAY...

Folks have been speculating on why it went down like it did.  Mrs. Carter didn't really get involved and I'm wondering if it's simply because she had security there and expected security to do his job and neutralize the situation.  She's been in the public eye her entire life and knows the ends and outs of camera placement in elevators I'm sure.  She'd know they were being watched because, even if there aren't cameras they are ALWAYS being watched because people want to touch them, see them, be seen with them.  Mrs. Carter is seen talking to her husband calmly while security is holding her sister back.  He is responding.  Then...Solange goes off again seemingly because he didn't say the right thing.  

After the initial shock of seeing this go down, I was impressed that Mr. Carter didn't pop her back after she kept coming for him because I think it's a natural reaction to defend yourself and when you don't there are generally a few good reasons.

1.  You love and respect the person hitting you and you wouldn't hurt them no matter what.

2.  You've been taught, as a man, all your life to NOT.HIT.WOMEN. 

3.  You know you were dead damn wrong about some ish and felt you deserved what was going down.

4.  You are used to this and it's just par for the course.

At least...in my opinion.  

Now, my husband would NEVER hit a woman, let alone my sister so if my sister was swinging on my husband, knowing he'd never hit her back...I would stop her from hitting him.  UNLESS...

1.  He was dead damn wrong about some ish and I felt he deserved what was going down.

2.  You are used to this and it's just par for the course.

3.  I expected the security that I pay to neutralize the situation without my physical involvement.

When they exited the event and got in the cars, the swift convo between security and Jay Z which directed Jay Z to another car...had to either have been expressed during the walk from the elevator by Mrs. Carter or security just KNEW and didn't want to take any chances that Solange wouldn't start kicking him in the car for all the world to see.  He couldn't hit the emergency lock button as he did in the elevator.  So yeah...now that I think on it, dude was just probably doing his job to keep things under control and they trust him so they don't question his split second decisions.  Kinda like my father telling us that if he says to hit the ground no matter where we are, we'd better hit the damn ground because it might save our life one day.

I'm more interested, however, in how it's going to go down at the Standard.  I mean...this is BADDDDDDDDDD in celebrity world.  Heads are going to straight up roll and I wonder if they are going to survive all of this.  I mean can you IMAGINE some of the stuff that's gone down in those elevators before now?  Can you imagine the amount of calls from lawyers they've received since this broke yesterday?

And TMZ...folks are always up in arms about Big Brother this and Big Brother that when TMZ is doing stuff like this.  I guess it's okay if the Big Brother takes on the form of entertainment and exposes celebrity ish huh?  It's just REGULAR people they shouldn't be watching right?  

Instrastin...

I know I've had a few of those family moments  in private/public that I'm glad isn't being blasted and I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been directed by an elder as in, "You'd better fix your face..." before someone noticed something was amiss within your family circle.

Oh well...it happened.  We'll never know why I'm sure.  Mrs. Carter keeps it all on lock.  That's why she deserved that "Time" magazine cover and deserved to wear whatever the hell she WANTED to wear on it.  She provides her narrative and, for the most part...it works.

Just for the record, I'm the Solange in my immediate family.  Folks try to keep ish from me so I don't go smooth off.  I can't even sit here and tell you that I haven't been involved in a situation pretty much almost exactly like this before (except I was held back and couldn't connect).  I mean...there's just certain ish you might need to be dealt with behind you know?

Yeah...you know...

What were YOUR thoughts?

Radio Play

What radio station/s do you listen to in your car?

Childhood Phone Number

Do you still remember your childhood phone number?

Scenario from Real Life

You are a gamillionare.

Your parents are married.

You are VERY close to your mother.

Your father cheats on your mother.

The other woman gets pregnant.

Your mother divorces your father.

Your father is ordered to pay child support.

He doesn't even though he should be able to afford to.

The mother isn't working.

She can't pay her bills.

She's being evicted.

She's on welfare.

The child of the affair is your half-sibling.

You are still VERY close to your mother.

What do you feel is YOUR obligation to your half-sibling and his/her mother?

Scenario from real life...

You're a gamillionare.

Your father marries a 52 year old woman who is an assistant principal.

She owns a house outright.

You buy a house for your father and his wife to live in.

Custom built.  They picked out every.single.tile.

After 12 years of marriage, your father does something stupid and he and his wife split up.

He leaves the house.

During the marriage, his wife mortgaged her paid for house to put money into his business.

You pay off THAT mortgage and offer her the original house back.

She doesn't want to live in that house anymore.  

She wants to stay in her mansion and anyway...her daughter and kids now live in her old home.

Divorce is over.

It's been 2 years since your father left.

YOU own the mansion she's living in.

You've purchased your father a NEW home.

What do you do about the house that you own that his ex-wife is still living in?

ConverSATE Odd Man Out

Recently I was around a group of people who were in party mode.  The age range of the group varied but the maturity level of most of them were pretty much the same.  The conversation turned to relationships and finding a good mate and how that is extremely difficult to do.  One man went on and on about how he wants a traditional woman but can't find one.  Says he wants a woman who cooks and cleans and keeps a nice house.  You know...keeps herself up right.

One woman went on and on about how grandparents stayed together no matter what and that people don't have staying power anymore because men ain't men and one man said women don't know how to let a man be a man anymore and that women aren't real women anymore.  See...back in the day grandad used to have another woman and kids down the street and grandma kept a blind eye to it cuz he came home every night and brought her his check on Friday.

Someone else went on about how they don't like a woman to cuss or be boring.  Says he needs some excitement in his life and another woman said she couldn't deal with a soft azz man.  How does she know he really cares if he doesn't snatch her up sometimes?  

You might be wondering at my contribution in all of this as it swirled around me for hours.  I just sat there...and soaked it all in.  There is nothing I can add to that conversation.  One woman, more in keeping in lines of how I think, tried to defend traditional roles done the right way and shared that grandpa was an azz if that's how he got down but she got drowned out in a sea of "real shit."

I just watched, and listened, and took notes using my handy and trusty Galaxy Note 3 pen.  You'll see these people soon enough.

I promise.

 

What do you call...

...the makeup she's applying to her face?  Where did you grow up?

Fuzipop!

So...you're a parent now and you miss the night life club scene.

Your kid is under age 13.

This place is for parents and kids your age.

Do you check it out and get your dance party on with your kid?

Is this a bad idea in YOUR opinion?

Kids Under 12 Now Party At New York's Hottest Nightclubs — And No, We're Not Kidding

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/fuzipop-lets-children-party-in-nyc-2014-4#ixzz2z9RLeVFK